Giving up breastfeeding

[bishop]

I'm a regular, but I'm using a different screen name because I know anything BOOB RELATED is a hot topic.

My baby is 16 months old and loves to breastfeed, morning, noon, night. I have had enough. She is fine when she's away from me, but at this age I feel it's ridiculous that I have to express every 2-3hrs or risk getting awfully engorged and lumpy boobs.

She also wakes at least 3 times at night to nurse and I am so tired. I know breastfeeding is recommended till 2 years, and i am extremely pro-bf and always said I would let her decide to wean...but I just can't do this anymore. It's the twiddling and demanded to have access to both sides so she can swap back and forth between...argh!

How do I do this? What do I do about the inevitable engorgement? I've had mastisis twice this year and have no desire to revist it :(

[midivydale]

Hi, i am sorry that i dont have any wisdom to share i just wanted to send a big cyberhug and say that i think you have done a fantastic job! Amazing.

I am sure that some of the other regular posters have some advice to share.

Cx

[oimissus]

I think you need to do it gradually, so maybe set yourself a timetable as to when you want to definitely have stopped. Then start cutting out feeds and replace with cows milk - if she's never taken cows milk from a cup or bottle you may have to try a few kinds before she settles on one she likes. For the nighttime I think you're going to have to decide how you want to play it as she'll need to find another way to settle, and for this I have no advice as Miss Oi stopped night feeds pretty early. But whatever you do, both you and your partner need to be on board - it might come as a bit of a shock to him to get involved with nights as you've been doing them so far, but he needs to be there.

Well done for bfing for so long, there is no way I would have done it for that long (stopped on her 1st birthday when the teeth scraping got too much, but had stopped at night way before that)!

[shaunag]

Hi bishop. I have looked into this a bit as I have a 22 month old boob addict.i had to cut out daytime feeds at 11 months in preparation for going back to work. The options are cold turkey or gradual withdrawal. My mum breastfed my brother until he was 2, and cut it out because like you she was exhausted. She went away for the weekend and left my dad to deal with my brother. You will need to bring a pump for this option. Sage reduces milk production apparently. Or you can cut one feed out at a time for several days or a week, or reduce one feed at a time ( by 2 mins at a time) until you eventually cut it out. The reducing in time hasn't worked for me, so I will cold turkey eventually for the night feeds(although I'm trying to refuse and get away with it in the night). Don't offer, don't refuse works for some, but again not for me ( think your and my lo a bit too old for this one). Lots of distraction worked for cutting out day feeds for me, but again, every child is different. I have seen use of lemon juice on nipples so it tastes gross used on Internet forums, but personally I don't think I approve! At 16 months your lo will get enough from diet but I think it's all about comfort at this stage. You could try introducing a dummy, or comforter while feeding, then when you remove boob the comforter might be associated with comfort. Not very scientific but some ideas in there. There is loads of advice online and in books.you have done brilliantly to feed this long so try not to feel guilty. Bf'ing in itself is exhausting and you will have so much more energy when you stop (I found I did in any case even just cutting out day feeds). Best of luck.

[Ellie78]

Seriously? Is bfing recommended until 2!

I hadn't heard that before? Thought it was 6 months? Ill be lucky to get to that. I salute you.

[bishop]

http://www.who.int/topics/breastfeeding/en/

See last paragraph, innit.

[Pickle]

I fed my daughter until about 16 months, at that stage it felt right to wean, and it was quite straightforward thankfully. I'm assuming she is well and truly on 3 meals and snacks a day alongside her milk? In which case really all she should need milk-wise is a morning and evening feed. Can you drop one feed every week or so, maybe starting with any mid morning or mid afternoon that she has? Distract her with food and a sippy cup of water, take her to a playgroup, but try not to feed her for comfort.

All babies are different, but it might be worth a try as a starting point. You shouldn't need to express if you're gradually cutting down. My 10 month old feeds 4 times a day (7, 10ish, 2ish and bedtime) and I'm about to try dropping the mid morning feed using similar techniques.

Good luck x

[KatDew]

I gave up at 15 months both with my singleton and the twins (suddenly like you it got too much) Cut down a feed at a time. We found the mid day one was easiest, followed by the bedtime one then the morning weirdly was the hardest. I wasn't feeding at night at that point though so no advice there.

Good Luck and well done for doing such an amazing job

[WorkingMummy]

Just after I went back to work after no 3 (with my breast pump) I had the most awful cough and naughtily took a Beechams cold and flu drink to get some relief. It had the unwanted side-effect of drying up my milk. I expresed at lunchtime and got 1oz instead of usual 4-6. I googled it and read that decongestants reduce milk volume greatly. In the states midwives recommend it when women stop nursing. It may help with the engorgement.

As for how you do it, I had to force weaning onto my first at 22 months. I did cold turkey. I thought dragging it out and reducing the number of feeds per day gradually would be too complicated and not really reduce the amount of upset and outrage my LO would immediately feel. Cold turkey worked very well. But I did get myself ready with a lot of things to distract her with right after I said "no" for about the first week. And I called in all the favours I could to get her out and about without me for they period. I also sent her to my sisters for the first night to break the habit of feeding off to sleep.

Good luck.

[gillandjoe]

My 14 month old is boob addict too so I'm interested in all tips so far and to come. I am starting to feel like the wierd mum in the cafe with my rather large toddler still begging for breast often.

My baby will go hours without milk if he's not with me but as soon as he sees me he begs for it.

However, my breasts do not get any kind of engorged anymore even if I'm gone for 5 or 6 hours. Does this mean my supply is reducing on its own? Hmmm... a mystery.

Good luck, Bishop and well done for having such amazin stamina!

[JulieP]

I don't know if this helps but these are my experiences.

My 1st one day decided to stop when she was 11 months old so no problems there. However my second two (both boys!) went on for much longer.

Interestingly I remember both of them going through a stage about 14-16 months when they would not leave me alone - but were both fine when at nursery for long days 3 days a week. I honestly thought we would end up like the little britain sketch! It seemed to be a phase as very shortly after that they very quickly and naturally cut down on feeding in the day without much effort from me (except obviously not offering it, using distraction if they started fiddling with my clothes, making sure they were getting plenty of other fluids and food and the occasional "no not now"). All of this seemed to happen quite naturally and as it was slow, there was no engorgement.

Night time feeds took a couple of months more - but less waking once daytime feeds had stopped. When they did wake in the night, I would gently say no, give comfort - did try to offer water if they were genuinely thirsty which did not go down well but I think got the message through. Last feed to go was the bed time feed. Weaned off this by lying with them and cuddling (everything the same except not feeding).

All children are different and when I was at the stage you are at now, felt like it had been going on for ever and was really physically drained. If it's worth saying, its like the rest of being a parent, this stage will not last forever.

[canela]

i had 2 boob addicts - one still going at 3. tips are to offer your child food and snacks they really really love - for mine was yoghurt and juice - at regular intervals. and then offer a bottle. lots of kids will take a bottle but you may well find he becomes a bottle addict instead. that's fine - just don't expect him to want to give up suckling altogether - boob, bottle or dummy.

[sanity girl]

Try and do it gradually. With my almost 2 year old son I cut out feeds during the day first, then stopped night time feeds so we were down to morning and evening only, then just bedtime, then stopped all together. It was a slow gradual process. Did it more suddenly with my first and it was painful - I wouldn't recommend! My son didn't embrace the bottle until I had stopped breastfeeding completely. Now he consumes unbelievable quantities of cows milk. He does still have to fiddle with my nipples to get to sleep though!

[AnnaWoodhouseField]

Congratulations on having got this far. Sympathy for your current problem. No easy solution. Be sure that you've reconciled yourself with the decision to stop breast feeding. Being tired and having had enough of it is one thing but adjusting to the change and acknowledging that your baby is growing up - this is emotionally challenging. If you have a partner, other relative or willing friend, get them on board for a week...Much less distressing if you have the practical and moral support of a non milk bearing person on the scene. Commit this person to all feeding and sleep tasks - expect to need to do this for up to a week. Wear a sports bra top or similar very tight fitting clothing and plenty of clothes without zips or buttons over that. The tight top might sound uncomfortable but it does usually help with preventing engorgement and it puts temptation out of LO's sight/mind. If you can feel yourself filling up with milk, apply a warm compress and hand express until you feel comfortable again. Focus on the positive aspects of what you're doing - you will feel less tired, so better for your lo by day; s/he will gain new skills and grow in independence. It will be a very rewarding experience for any friend or relative who helps you. Whatever you decide to do, it will be the right thing for you and your LO at the time - ignore any advice (well intentioned or otherwise) that suggests any differently. Best of luck.

[bishop]

Thanks to everyone for your input and advice.

AnnaWF, your post really resonated with me. When I really think about it, I think I would be quite distressed if I totally stopped feeding Little Bishop. She may be a cheeky and sturdy toddler, but she is still very much my baby. It has made me really think about what I am, and am not, happy to do. I really think the time has come to nightwean, and luckily my OH has some time off coming up, so we can tackle it head (or boob) on. If I can get that, and the terrible engorgement when away from Little Bishop, under control, then I think I'll be much happier to continue to breastfeed her in the day. (As I've been typing this, she's been sitting underneath the computer desk requesting 'plss, the boob?'. Hmm.)

[esme]

As above I would say try and do it gradually - so go down to say morning and night feeds only with bottles during day then cut out one of those and then completely. Kings have excellent advisors on breastfeeding who I am sure could help if you wanted more advice re stopping breastfeeding. Good luck!

[bishop]

Bit of an update; Little Bishop seems to have dropped one or two feeds of her own accord, and when apart from her, I'm not getting anywhere near as engorged as I used to. Still chomping away at night though, really want to get this sorted. When I divert her attention in the day (EG, she'll point at me and ask 'Boob for me? Boob there?' and I'll say 'you can have some at naptime...') she throws huge tantrums but these are short lived and she generally gets over it in a few minutes. I have decided I will no longer be feeding her in public anymore, and diverted her attention away from feeding in a waiting room yesterday. This is a real milestone for both of us!

Esme; she won't take a bottle, never has, and over the past few weeks has refused her 'sippie' cup and will only drink from a proper cup with no lid. Absolute nightmare if we were to offer milk/water in one of these overnight. She doesn't like cows milk, goats milk, rice milk, soy, or oatly either. Tricky baba! We'll get there.

[shaunag]

Well done bishop, sounds like you are making progress,and gradually which is (I think) best for all concerned. We were down to feeding all night. We went cold-turkey Friday before last. It was absolutely horrendous-both of us in floods of tears, as she is just gone 23 months she was begging me 'please mummy milk' and sobbing uncontrollably. I almost broke but called in daddy (I ended up begging him too for me to give in to her-he said nothing (wise man) but just gave cuddles. She eventually settled at 10:30, then awake from 3:30 to 7, (at which point she declared she was hungry:took her down for some breakfast then she went back to sleep for a few hours-then up for the day at 10. The following night was much better, she went down by 10, woke at 5 looking for milk-none given so she announced she was hungry. Then following night she fell asleep while i was readig a story and a few grumbles in the night. She is ok now,doesn't ask for milk going down but does have occasional little cries in the night for milk. I have to say we couldn't have timed it worse, as she broke out in chicken pox on the Monday (I had put all the daytime misery down to boob withdrawal)-was selfishly relieved when we discovered something else had been going on).i give her some biscuits and oat milk before bed and that has stopped the 5am hunger awakenings (though she does still announce she is hungry every morning. I'm still a bit sad about it but it needed to be done, and gradual weaning wasn't working for the night feeds. We did talk about it lots in the run up to it. I have had engorgement and antibiotics but that's another story. I hope u don't have to go down this route,but if you do be prepared for a very tough first night (some people have no problem with this route though). Good luck.