Breast feeding vs formula feeding

[canela]

I think the real issue is lack of support for those who want to breastfeed but find it difficult. i respect any woman's choice not to breastfeed - as a previous post said we are just lucky to live somewhere we know our children will be fed one way or another - but i do think it is sad when a woman wants to but has little help and encouragement. After 3 days of searing pain i was about to abandon ship when by chance hubby saw a leaflet for breastfeeding support group, i went to the lady's house that night and got the advice and care i needed. which meant i got to enjoy what for me was something i really wanted to do.

and whilst the "breast is best" might have got a bit extreme here, it is just as horrible the other way around in some places. a friend of mine at the breastfeeding group i ended up at in spain once was made to leave a plane and catch the next one because passengers complained she was breastfeeding her baby!

[Fmm]

I'll confess I have only skim-read this thread. However, I have a query: do people think it is easier for the dad to be 'involved' with the baby if he can bottle feed it, and therefore bond better with the baby? I ask because my sister, currently pregnant with her 3rd child, feels guilty about bottle feeding 1 and 2 (let's not go there on that) and would like to try breast feeding no. 3. However, she is concerned that her husband, who is keen to be very involved (this being his first and to be only child), will be unable to help with a big part of the baby's early months ie feeding. In addition, she asks how she is supposed to put her feet up and recover (!) and/or tidy, cook, give attention to her other children etc etc if she is constantly feeding the baby. I did say her partner could do the tidying, cooking and of course nappy changing etc but she actually wants to do the house stuff (so that it's done properly as she finds it depressing to live in mess) and also she wants her partner to feel really involved with the baby.

I couldn't really answer this one as despite having exclusively breast fed mine for the first 6 months with no problems after the first painful month or so, I kind of agree that the dad gets shut out a bit. To the extent that I would consider mix feeding if I were to have another. I felt that it was very difficult to give attention to my older child and found being tied down by the feeding (no-one else able to do it) difficult. Of course you can express and then you or someone else can feed the baby, but this is in effect adding an extra feed time (while you express) so not saving time or energy or allowing someone else to look after the baby. I really feel that while the early months with child no.2 were a special time for me and baby (not that I particularly appreciated it as I had a difficult recovery period), and my older child and husband really bonded during that time, my husband did not bond with the baby at all, barely saw it, and 9 months in is still trying to connect with him.

Sorry if this is off- subject.

[jollybaby]

Fmm - in a way yes. I had a rather rocky start with breast feeding and so introduced the odd bottle of formula at around 2 weeks. Mr JB used to do the evening shift from 7pm to midnight so I could get some sleep and she'd have a bottle or two during this period. I think he really enjoyed his time alone with our daughter and having some input into her feeding schedule. It gave him the confidence to look after her alone from an early age.

At one point though, I did find that he was almost undermining my efforts to reestablish breast feeding. He kept wanting 'to top her up'. No grasp of the supply and demand aspect of breast feeding. I wanted him to say 'keep going you're doing really well' not 'do you think she needs a bottle'. It didn't help that the first time we gave her a bottle she fell asleep and didn't stir for 3 hours (which seemed like eternity at that time).

[Saffron]

Medically and ethically, I personally find it a bit of a slippery slope that any mother would feel pressured to change her bfing relationship with an infant by adding formula or expressing milk (some women are not brilliant at expressing milk; it's not as easy as it sounds for everyone!) just to accomodate the father.

Seriously, there's a heap of other stuff that dads can help with to be included and bond with the baby. Possibly one of the most important things that a dad can do, IMHO, is fully to support the mum when Baby is very small. How about making tea/meal for the mother while she feeds the baby? Feed the mother to feed the baby. Also, burping, rocking, strolling with the pram, changing nappies, washing Baby's clothes, cleaning soothers and toys, making Baby's bed, and playing games with Baby. Check out Jackie Silberg's lovely book, "Games to Play with Babies" http://www.amazon.com/Games-Play-Babies-Jackie-Silberg/dp/0876592558 . I think I still have a copy of this, if anyone would like to buy/borrow it. xx

[oimissus]

I don't think I would have bf'd beyond a couple of weeks without the complete and total support of Mr Oi, he was essential to making it work. Every day before he left for work he made sure there was a sandwich in the fridge for my lunch, that the house was pretty clean and tidy (he's much better at housework than me!), that I had water and snacks to hand - basically I didn't have to do anything other than feed my baby and sleep when she slept. He made the dinner, did the shopping - everything. I did express and he tried bottle feeding but it wasn't a beautiful father-and-daughter bonding moment, she just gazed vacantly around! So he wasn't bothered, which in retrospect was a mistake, I was able to express fine but we left it too late and by the time I was ready to go out by myself and leave her with him she refused to take a bottle. So, if your sister is able to express I would recommend that. I think the fact that he was breastfed himself, and that's what his sister and most of his friends (all female), meant that it didn't really occur to him that I wouldn't give bfing a go (though if I had decided to stop he would have been fine with that too, I hasten to add).

Basically, he can be as involved as he wants to be, feeding is just one part of it.

[Saila]

i think someone mentioned this before - but having the dad do the 'dream feed' ie at 11pm with expressed milk/formula is a real godsend for many mums. That way they can hit the sack early and catch up on sleep

Also a great way to introduce the baby to the dad and maybe others, freeing up the mum to go out if she wanted to at a later date.

for me it's about freedom and also gently introducing the baby to the dad and other people, so they are not wholly dependent on you. Esp if you plan to go back to work etc.

that may not appeal to many mums... but it did me!

[Fuschia]

When ds1 was born I held him skin to skin and he bf. shortly after he dud his first poo and the midwife handed him to mr f saying 'the mum is responsible for what goes in and you're responsible for what comes out'

4 children on, inc twins, and that approach has always done us just fine, I would rank our parenting as 50:50

[Pickle]

Yes, our approach has also been I feed, Mr P changes. Baby #1 sometimes had a bottle of expressed milk which hubby gave him, but #2 wouldn't take a bottle, and with #3 I can't be bothered expressing so all her milk is directly from me. My kids are all very close to their Dad, I don't think it really makes a difference.

[Fuschia]

I would always choose the head end and share the other end, if given the chance!!

[crystal7]

Ha ha, we've always had that input/output arrangement! Seriously though in my experience there are loads of things dad can do f the period of time in which they're exclusively breastfed is so short anyway. I can relate to fmm's experience with baby 2 though. Dad isoften too busy dealing with older child to do all the winding/changing etc. I used to get my OH to take baby 2 out in the sling for a n hour or 2 so I could spend time with my daughter but he did end up not doing as much for him than he did for our daughter. Made no difference long term though, at 13 months he adores daddy, they both do!

Oimissus I think you're spot on about how important a partner's support is, especially in the early days.

[Cyberia]

Haven't been on here in a while, but just saw -

Otta Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Personally I have ... no issue with a mother

> ... being forced to take that

> path for whatever reason.

Are you seriously serious? Fine to be forced down that path for whatever reason? What about incompetent advice and misleading information from health professionals (which forced me down that path... and I am not alone)?

I very much have an issue with that. I know I edited your post to take out the bits about the third world, but if I'm misunderstanding your point here, let me know, because otherwise it looks even more depressing out there than I already thought... (given no one else seems to disagree)

[Saffron]

Yes, Cyberia, when you put it like that, it sounds a bit glum. Personally, I was interpreting Otta's context as meaning mothers that have no choice but to formula feed because breast feeding has not worked out for a legitimate reason, whatever that reason may be (not including incompetent advice and misleading information).

[LondonMix]

I think you are twisting Otta's intention beyond all recognition. I think he means he's okay if a woman doesn't want to or finds that she can't breastfeed (for medical reasons, not working for her family, etc).

I can't see how one can take from his statement that he's happy with women getting poor support and advice. I'm sorry you had such terrible support, and perhaps that's influencing you a bit.