Trick or Treating

[susyp]

I hate trick or treating. Our house is always in darkness on halloween night. Bah humbug and all that.

Have a dilemma this year - my daughter's best friend is having a halloween party and going trick or treating- they live over the road. Obviously if I say we won't go because I hate it it will offend her mum. Should I just let her go and keep stum? Am I alone in hating this tradition?!

susypx

[Growlybear]

I don't see why it should offend the other child's mother if you decide not to let your daughter go. I suppose it would be impractical to let her go to the party but not go trick or treating? I do agree with you in hating trick or treating, and it's one of the few things that I always refused to let my daughter do.

[Fly]

I don't like it either but think you should let her go.

[susyp]

at present i am thinking that i won't let her go. I wouldn't be offended if someone said to me very nicely they didn't like it , i think this particular mum will be offended as she is only being sociable and trying to foster a community spirit - but i really don't think it's ok for children to be taught it's ok to knock on strangers' doors and ask for sweets.

just can't think of the best way to put it.... shall i just say i am a bit bah humbug about it all but hope they all have a nice time?!

susypx

[oimissus]

you're definitely not alone - look on Mumsnet for threads galore about parents who hate it. Glorified begging and all that. What I can't bear is kids who stick on a Scream mask and expect something for it - make an effort! And older kids - if you're old enough to be out at night without an adult, you're too old for treat or treating full stop, in my book. We get a lot of teenagers with aforementioned mask and I can't stand it, especially when they don't seem to get the whole 'no pumpkin, no treat or treaters' thing.

Not that any of this helps you with your dilemma - I think all you can do is let her go but explain why you're not keen to her? Or is she a bit little? Is it trick or treating or Hallowe'en in general you don't like?

[oimissus]

oops, x post. Are there likely to be other parents not keen?

[susyp]

It's trick or treating I don't like. She's been invited to another party where they are going to just dress up and play party games. But if I go to that instead I really will offend this mum so probably best just to keep away from both!! She's only 4. I am just not convinced it sends any sort of good message to kids and quite possibly the wrong one. Equally can hardly say that!!

susypx

[oimissus]

well - I don't actually think trick or treating, if done properly, does teach kids that this is fine any day of the week. As long as they stick to houses where there's a lit pumpkin on display (i.e. those households which are happy to hand out goodies) I think there's no real harm - though I do see why you don't like it.

Equally, if she's been invited to a party more in keeping with what you want it seems ludicrous you can't go to that for fear of 'offending' some over-sensitive type. Can you say she had a previous invite?

[susyp]

Said friend was invited too to the other party so she knows it wasn't previous. And no doubt we would return from it all dressed up to encounter them trick or treating (as they only live a few doors down) so I think it's probably better we all sit in darkness in the back of the house for a couple of hours!!

susypx

[Saffron]

Why not just talk (yes, actually talk!) to the other parent about it? And definitely don't lie by saying you had a "previous invite" if you didn't. Cripes, what kind of message does that send?!?

Maybe your daughter could go to the party, but leave before (or arrive after) they've done the trick or treating, if you simply explain that it's custom you don't share?

Just sitting in the back of a darkened house for hours seems like teaching a child to hide from problems.

As for knocking on strangers' doors, well they're always going to be strangers if you never knock on their doors to get to know them.

;-)

xx

[redjam]

Quite agree, Saffron! And susyp, don't knock it till you've tried it - I was always a bit lukewarm about the idea of trick or treating as we never did it as a child, but I've done it the last few years with my kids and it's been really fun. Half the street is out, all dressed up, lots of little kids having fun, a real party atmosphere with neighbours talking to each other - and of course we only go to houses with lit pumpkins (as oimissus says above, it's basically an invitation that this house wants to join in so you're not knocking on random doors).

Not so fond of great hulking teenagers in Scream masks knocking on our door at 9.30 when our pumpkin has been put away, but that's a different matter... (And even then, if I'm honest, they've always been polite!)

[susyp]

Agree with all you say about neighbours - that is our friend's reason for doing it , the community feel - but i still have a problem with my daughter knocking on doors to beg sweets from strangers.

If I decide not to go I will call her and explain - totally agree I have to tell her why or she really will get offended!

I suppose we could go this year and then I can arrange something else for the next years so that we don't have to do it again!!

arg. so undecided. It's so easy to stand up for my principles when it's just me, but I also know my daughter would enjoy it.

Susypx

[Mrs TP]

Can I suggest something radical and say you let her go and go along with them. I used to hate the whole thing too (esp as you say begging from strangers) but quite look forward to it now. I managed to put our brood off when they were little but cracked to pressure a few years ago. We tend to only go to those houses we know or where there are obvious willing participants i.e. they put a pumpkin out and decorate their windows / gardens and we leave Mr TP at home handing out sweets too. All good fun and great to see everyone dressed up, having fun etc.

[susyp]

Yes, I have come to the conclusion that I have procrastinated about this too long now and the amount of offence I would cause by pulling out would be greater than the amount of discomfort I will feel about taking part! Sigh. Am already plotting my excuse for next year though!!

Again I bow to the collective wisdom of forumites! thank you

Susypx

[The Nappy Lady]

Susy can I also suggest you put a sign on your door saying "no Trick or Treats please". I'm sure then

You will not be hassled.

So many people 'do' Halloween now with pumpkins out etc there is no need to bother people who don't want to join in.

I have to say that we are big Halloweeners - grown ups & kids all dress up & the houses we call at are all fellow school friends & the whole thing has a lovely community feel to it.

It is difficult for you if you don't want to do it, but I fear if you let your daughter go this year you may be opening a whole can of worms (ha, good spooky analogy). It may be better to do something else with her as a treat and explain as best you can that you don't celebrate Halloween. Otherwise she's always going to ask why she was allowed this year & then not the next.

That said, secretly I hope you will go, and maybe feel differently about the whole thing afterwards!

[gwod]

Quite right Nappy Lady, go with an open mind and see if you enjoy it, if you hate it as much as you thought you would youve got the perfect excuse for next year. I think everyone feels like this about Halloween as we read so much bad press about it, but actually the community carnival feel on the streets is fantastic and Im pretty sure youll both have a lovely time - let us know how you get on...

[NorthcrossJo]

I'm new to the forum, so apologies for jumping into this conversation.

I don't have children, but I'm really looking forward to Halloween, mainly because of the Trick or Treaters. We had several last year, all wonderfully dressed up, and have a great stash of candy to give out this year (and a pumpkin in the window, of course).

My husband works long hours and I have a serious illness and don't get out of the house much, so we haven't managed to meet many people locally in the two years that we've been in ED. Having children and their parents knock on the door makes me feel that I am a part of this community, however small!

Jo

[Chillaxed]

Good enough reason for me to drop my usual grinchy attitude to trick and treating. Have a great night!

And don't apologise for jumping in; that's what the forum is all about!

NorthcrossJo Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I'm new to the forum, so apologies for jumping

> into this conversation.

>

> I don't have children, but I'm really looking

> forward to Halloween, mainly because of the Trick

> or Treaters. We had several last year, all

> wonderfully dressed up, and have a great stash of

> candy to give out this year (and a pumpkin in the

> window, of course).

>

> My husband works long hours and I have a serious

> illness and don't get out of the house much, so we

> haven't managed to meet many people locally in the

> two years that we've been in ED. Having children

> and their parents knock on the door makes me feel

> that I am a part of this community, however

> small!

>

> Jo

[NorthcrossJo]

Thanks Chillaxed!

I hope that you enjoy the Trick or Treaters and the family/community atmosphere, despite your initial reluctance. You never know - you might just make someone's night!

[Otta]

I think it's okay if people organise a route between a group of school friends and the parents are signed up to it.

I don't like the knocking on stranger's doors bit. Yes you can argue that they will always be strangers if you never knock, but you don't know who is behind each door. You don't know if it's an elderly person for whom getting to the door to open it is a bit of an effort.

You could say they should put a sign up. Why the hell should they have to!?

I do buy sweets and give them to knockers up to about 8pm, but I will very much be hoping that I can avoid my kids going when they are older. I'll tell them why, and I'll buy them treats, but I don't want them running around bothering people, and I don't want to be out doing it with them quite frankly.

And I don't think that is "Bah humbug", I think it's an opinion to which one is entitled.

[Otta]

Just to add that NorthcrossJo's attitude is lovely, and I am glad it is nice for you, but I suspect other people in a similar situation would not find it so lovely.

[katgod]

I find that once I take my decorations down and bring the pumpkin in, no one knocks. My children don't knock on doors that do not have a pumpkin or decorations up. Simple rules, no problem. And rhey are always accompanied.

[Saffron]

Otta Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I don't like the knocking on stranger's doors bit.

> Yes you can argue that they will always be

> strangers if you never knock, but you don't know

> who is behind each door. You don't know if it's an

> elderly person for whom getting to the door to

> open it is a bit of an effort.

>

You knock before Halloween, of course. That's how you get to know your neighbours. You can also try waving to them in the street, making small talk over the gate, or taking them in for a cuppa when they're locked out as has happened to 2 of our neighbours in the last year.

In context, the point is, we know our neighbours because we make an effort to get to know them. That's what community is about. If you never make an effort you will never know them.

And if you do know your neighbours, then Halloween is a time when we can especially enjoy the community spirit of those neighbours who we know enjoy this event.

Don't knock doors you don't know. If you only knock on, for example, two doors this Halloween, then maybe you should try a little harder over the next 364 days of the year to get to know your neighbours.

>

>

>You could say they should put a sign up. Why the hell should they have to!?

>

>

Well, an easy community minded solution to this would be to find out who your elderly, disabled, or disinclined neighbours are. Then you could ask them if they need any assistance on Halloween. You could --shocker!-- ask them over to your own house for the evening. Even if neither of you then participate in Halloween, you'll both have an opportunity for some neighbourly good will.

With a little thought and positivity, this is an event that everyone can enjoy, and it need not cause distress.

[Otta]

You could equally accept that it's not everyone's bag, and that not everyone wants friendly neighbours knocking on their doors. Some people just want to be left the Hell alone, and that is up to them..

And for the record, we know most of the people on our street (and regularly do things for the elderly people either side of us), but how far should I go with my random door knocking in the next 364 days? The block? The post code?

We don't tend to invite even our best friends round to our house though, as it is a health hazard with toys taking up every inch of floor space.

[LondonMix]

I love Halloween (but I?m American so you?d expect me too)! I think having childhood memories of the whole experience changes your perspective. As children it was a combination of everything we loved- being scared, dressing up, doing something totally out of the ordinary, and candy! The carnival atmosphere is unlike any other holiday and I?m happy it?s catching on in this country so much now. I think if you participate, your reservations about it might soften. All traditions that weren?t part of someone?s upbringing can seem odd if not tawdry until they get in the spirit of it. I agree with Molly that you might have a hard time with your daughter next year if you let her go this once.