Is it me or does it all seem pointless?

[Loz]

If you don't want the doctor/antidepressant route, nip to Sainsburys and pick up some St John's Wort - they do an own brand version for a couple of quid (specialist brands are much more expensive). Everyone is different in how they respond to these things, but they helped me massively.

[indiepanda]

I agree with Loz, I found St John's Wort did the trick for me - and was signed off with stress and near suicidal at the point I started taking it.

I would definitely get some financial advice, it's not in your mortgage company's interest for you to end up defaulting, and the stress of doing multiple jobs while not eating properly could make you ill and unable to work at all and doing just that. Much better for them to get a bit less from you each month but have more chance of getting it longer term. Much easier for you to have that conversation while you are still managing to pay the mortgage than wait until you get into trouble - negotiating from a position of strength is always preferable.

I do hope life gets easier soon.

[nonpretentious]

Thanks to all who are offering practical and emotional support.

Am now looking into renting a room as as suggested. Didn't go for this before as have 3 small to average sized bedrooms and a child of each sex at that awkward prepubescent age. My daughter will just have to share with me.

Still resisting going to the docs as every time I have filled in an application form under medical information, it asks if the applicant has a history of depression or mental illness.

Are doctors allowed to give this information to employees?

Thanks SB, Hugeu, TT DJKQ, Cassius, Loz & Indi, and all others who have had the courage to admit they too have been through something similar. The feeling of total isolation is fast dissipating. I guess I walk around ED imagining everybody else has a really sorted life.

I'll def look for other advice re mortgage. So KK will pm you re the mortgage advisor you recommended. Does anybody else know of a free impartial, trustworthy advisor?

Thanks again all x

[Gardeners world]

Wow! What a wonderful post. And so wonderful to see so many people contributing with their experiences & advice. A problem shared is very appropriate.

I also came to a very dark time about 10 years ago, and had a bit of an epiphany!

I discovered by accident ( coincidence, I could design & build gardens. So I gave up my job & trained under a master Japanese gardener, I now love what I do, which makes me & the people I work for very happy. I believe the money will follow if you do what you live. I did 2 years counselling to come to terms with my many issues & I took up a thing called practical philosophy. The meaning of philosophy is love of wisdom & has given me reason in my life. It is based on eastern philosophies & uses meditation which allows me to see the movement of my mind & get to choose what I think. I no longer worry about anything, I have saved my relationship with my son, who now works with me. I have learned to deal with depression without drugs & am happy within myself. I am now opening up a holistic centre in Kefalonia using wonderful local therapists to teach yoga, Pilates meditation & healing. We live in a very material outward looking world & I came to the conclusion there are many people out there that have gifts & talents to help us, if we choose to ask. There is reason behind everything. Thankyou again for opening up this subject, I'm sure it will be of use to many

[DJKillaQueen]

'Are doctors allowed to give this information to employees?'

In short NO. Employers can not request any information from your doctor without your written consent and even then, there must be a valid reason for doing so. Similiarly, any agency helping you is also bound by the law regarding confidentiality. You are not required to disclose medical details on application forms unless it has relevance to the job you are applying for, but in those cases the form would ask for consent to consult with your GP. In fact if you are being asked on application forms about mental health and depression, I'd be interested to know what kinds of employers these are? MIND would also I think have a view on such questions as part of an application.

And thank you for bringing your situation into the public domain, and allowing others to come forward and speak publically about their own experiences. One of the hardest things with depression is communication. Depression causes a shut down internally and it's hard for those who don't suffer from it to understand sometimes how stressful just asking for help can be (even from friends and those closest to them). But there are also plenty of people out there who do understand and once you find them, you can find the support you need.

[nonpretentious]

Thanks again.

I applied for a classroom assistant post in an academy. I understand that this sort of information is standard when working around children and vulnerable adults, I think it is part of a CRB check.

I did not get the job, even though I know I would be an asset in that field, or many others I applied for. I know this is the same as many people, but it just feeds in to the feeling of worthlessness, inadequacy to provide. It has become a downward spiral...

[Otta]

An employer won't look for any medical report until after they've offered you the job, and as DJKQ says, your GP can't send a medical report to Occupational Health until you sign a consent form.

Half the people I know are on anti depressants, it's the wise thing to do, and there is no taboo around it anymore.

[Salsaboy]

What Otta said. There is no stigma or taboo attached to any form of anti-depressant taking these days.

[Twirly]

There is some great advice on this thread.

You sound as if you're on a bit of a treadmill, and can't find a way to get off it. You will though, eventually. You also sound as if you need more of a support network. Do you have any friends whom you can open up to a bit? Break through the isolation? You may find that their lives are not quite as rosy as you thought. As a quote I saw recently said "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlights reel." So don't feel as though everyone else is doing better than you, appearances can be deceptive. Don't let your pride separate you from others.

In terms of your mortgage, although it's not a permanent solution, would your mortgage provider consider letting you go onto interest only for a period of time? Or extending the period of the mortgage? You'll end up paying more in the long run, but it may reduce your monthly payments so you can cope more easily. Definitely talk to them, as it's not in their interests that you default. As others have said, it really sounds as if you need some good advice on this issue.

If you don't feel able to go to the doctor about what does sound like depression, then try contacting MIND. http://www.mind.org.uk/help Years ago my GP referred me to them for counselling, which I did have to pay for, but which was reduced as I wasn't earning very much at the time (I think it was ?10 per session, but that is over 15 years ago). Even getting information might help, make you feel more in control of things.

It's great that you've reached out on here and got a discussion going that might help others too. So many of us have suffered with depression, some have it for a short time, others have recurring bouts. But it's so rarely talked about.

[KidKruger]

nonpret - I received a call from my mortgage advisor today, I mentioned your situation and, while not promising anything (i don't know the specifics anyway), he said he'd be happy for me to pass on his details to you. PM me and I'll return with the contact info.

Regards,

KK

[nonpretentious]

Thanks, will do.

Really gaining strength from all advice given. Situation does not seem as bleak as it did Sunday evening, but please keep it coming, especially if you have found a way through yourself.

[The Scorpion]

Hi :) I have PM'd you.

I have been through similar (but won't be exactly the same) and happily survived, despite some (hard) bumps! Full disclosure in further chats if you would like? ;)

Lovely to see so much support - that's one of the good things about the internet :D

Sue

(not such a stinger - just a front ;) MOSTLY lol)

[PaulK]

Yes it is pointless. Life is shit and then you die.

[KidKruger]

Succinct and yet to the point eh Paul !?

[Miss HMG]

Hey There Non P,

Hope you are having a good day... I just felt compelled to comment on this feed, as I was loving EVERYONE'S comments... I love East Dulwich at the best of times, but this just made me happy to live here.

You are all so lovely and supportive.

I just wanted to put it out there that I found myself in a bad place 3 years ago when I couldn't get work in my trained profession, and was really struggling surviving financialy in London. I was lucky enough to have some great friends who helped me start my own business, and i've found that working on that over the past 3 years has totally given me a focus and a drive and most importantly HOPE! Most people I meet these days seem in a simialr position, so knowing that I think makes you feel less alone doesn't it and I have learnt so much doing this business it has totally helped.

Importnat things to do are:

Make sure you are eating well! It's so key.

Get out the house and go on walks, excercise actually releases happy hormmones to make you feel better.

Read positive books, if you feed your brain with good information it always makes me feel better.

Feel the fear and do it anyway is a good one by susan jeffers or the slight Edge by Jeff Olsen.

And on the financial front, have you heard of the book Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kioyosaki...

It's a great book to help you see how to get out of the rat race :-)

I sometimes go to LWL in Dulwich and there is a lady there who teaches about finiancial know how,

It's free to go to and she might have some words of wisdom.

Plus it is nice to surround yourself with other woman focusing on the future.

PM if you want to ask any more questions,

And I heard a great quote the other day.

'It will be alright in the end, and if it's not alright... well then it's not end'

Everthing will come good.

Much Love

xxx