Sleep-deprived mothers of two under 3 years

[Lula]

How do you juggle two kids? In my case a demanding newborn who doesn't like to be put down and a cheerful but exhausting toddler.

Top tips needed!

I'll start the ball rolling:

I shower in the evenings - one less thing to do in the morning

Sleep if by some miracle both are asleep at the same time

Arrange play dates so when Monday rolls around you are not staring at a blank diary although not one every day

[spanners45]

I prep for any activities the night before. Swimming bag, refill nappy/wipes bag, spare clothes for puky baby, etc. Sometimes, I even put the bags/stuff in the car too so I won't forget it in the morning.

I also always have a bottle of water and a snack box in the car. There is something about being in the car that makes my toddler say 'snack/water' repeatedly!

Shower/bath at night is also a must (although it means I have crazy hair every day for lack of energy to do my hair 'pretty').

Playdates/outings morning and afternoon to make sure toddler gets plenty of opportunity to use up his energy.

I have a food plan for the week (sometimes even for 2 weeks so I use up everything) including lunch and dinners. I've taken this a step further and acquired a second hand chest freezer so I can cook a few things and freeze them up.

[Lula]

Spanners45 - I have crazy hair too!

I also do online shops so I don't have to brave the supermarket with kids - if hubby goes and he does quite like to, it's no good for me as he doesn't think about lunches throughout the week for us and the snacks.

Lots of chocolate and coffee to keep awake throughout the day.

[etta166]

My top tops would be to leave out some toddler toys (my hsband used to hide plastic dinosaurs around the house) and I also set up a train track before going to bed every night. That way when you get up there is instant entertainment for when you need to focus on the newborn.

The other thing that was great was a soft sling (Hugabub in my case) so I had both hands free.

Also, the TV is your friend. Get some DVDs or use iPlayer when you are otherwise at the end of your tether.

[Princess]

However bad the night before has been, I get up at 6am before everyone else, shower, get dressed, lay out kids clothes nappies etc, make sure their bags are stocked with snacks, water, nappies, wipes and changes of clothes, put our breakfast in bowls ready to just have milk poured on, take out and hang up the washing I did overnight and put another load in, get the buggy out of garage ready for morning outing and then I will wake/get the kids up at 7am. Whilst husband gets them dressed, I strip beds, put bins out or whatever needs doing on that specific day.

We never physically visit the supermarket unless it's for 'bits'. We meal plan to within an inch of our lives so I know what I'm cooking for whom and when. I would be hugely lost without Amazon Prime who can get me pretty much anything I need the next day!

I know it sounds hideously organised but it's just habit now and makes life ultimately a lot easier for us although my husband just doesn't get it!

[Saila]

I'm not a mum of two yet (7 mnths gone) but as a fulltime working mum and a dad who's often away, I've taken to having a shower in the mornings with my toddler son.

Kills two birds with one stone and is much less tiring than doing full blown bathtime in evenings, when all I wanna do is collapse on sofa

[verds]

You lot are amazing.

Please can you come and organise me?

I have a 3.5 year old and a baby who's 8 months. It's still chaos. I bought a freezer with good intentions, but it just contains Frubes. Bread and butter counts as a baby meal. And I lock myself in the.bathroom every.morning to slap on BB cream. Any spare time that I could use to get organised is spent having a disco or making the baby laugh. And my house is a mess. So really just to say don't worry if you're finding it hard - you're not alone!

[Helen GV]

About once every two weeks I start the day organised! It's fab but I just can't manage it every day, yet...

[Pickle]

I've found with the arrival of every baby I get slightly more organised :)

I get up before the kids to shower, so at least when I do the school run I look partly decent, but when each baby was tiny and unreliable I used to shower at night. Washing is put on at night on timer to finish in the morning, breakfast stuff laid out the night before, as are school uniforms, book bags, PE kit etc (those of you without school age kids, enjoy it while you can, my brain hurts sometimes trying to work out which child has their book day, PE, library visits...)

While baby Pickle (8 months) eats her lunch I sit her highchair in the kitchen and do the prep for dinner, as trying to get dinner made once I've picked the older two up is near on impossible - after school ballet/music, homework, and scratchy baby at 5pm aren't a good combination!

[ClareC]

My eldest is just over 2 1/2, the younger one 16 months. I am in awe of the organised and relieved I'm not the only one that struggles!

Being organised is def the key, I just don't manage it all the time! Getting clothes etc and bags sorted the night before makes a huge difference. Entertainment also key! We recently purchased a trampoline that is super safe and like a giant playpen, both kids love it and it allows me to hang out washing / mow lawn / feed animals etc.

Just need an indoor one now ;)

[veryseriousgirl]

I have a nearly 3 year old and a 7 month old - my key to sanity is "calm, quiet time". When the baby naps after lunch, my daughter plays quietly in her room with the door closed for an hour so I can clean up lunch mess, set up afternoon activities (I tend to get her to do something sensory / arty while I feed the baby) and hopefully get a power nap in myself.

[ClareC]

I second quiet time! If you can get them both to nap at the same time it makes a world of difference!

[Lula]

Yes, totally in awe of Etta, Princess and Pickle. I am in that unpredictable stage with a newborn (7 weeks) so may be able to achieve more as she gets older. Although I have just laid out toddler's clothes, breakfast bowls on table ready to go, restocked change table with nappies/wipes and planned tomorrow's dinner. Thanks everyone - I am also glad I'm not the only one who finds being a fulltime mum a challenge.

[Fuschia]

God how did I manage when I had 2 year old twins and a newborn with a severe tongue tie

I must have blocked it out

So no tips from

Me

Except wine

A big calendar

Don't forget to eat

And spend time with other mums

Oh and babies don't need bathing very bottom

Keep swim stuff

Ballet stuff etc

Ready packed in different coloured draw string bags

[Fuschia]

Very often

Not very bottom

Something Freudian there

[Belle]

I am def of the muddle through ilk...though my mum reckons I'm organised so I guess there's a spectrum! The only things I really do are ensure the changing bag/toddler's rucksack are stocked with spare clothes, and wipes. I do snacks/cups/baby's bottle before we leave to go anywhere. I was way more organised with my first child - always had a clean muslin or 2 tucked away and TWO sets of spare baby clothes, nappy creams, calpol sachets - the lot! Second child I am winging it much more.

with number 2 at 7 weeks you sound like you're doing brilliantly! totally agree babies don't need bathed every night (or even toddlers come to that) - and I basically tried to break things down to what was really necessary. Which was food for the toddler, and sleep/milk for the baby. So my absolute essentials, as i was bottle feeding from quite early, were to ensure I had some powder and bottles on me. Everything else could be improvised really. And even at that, I never went so far afield I was stuck anyway - def found I had much smaller radius of activity than with #1!

If your oldest isn't at preschool, it's good to have a kind of timetable of regular activities where you know they'll be reasonably safe if you have to feed the baby etc. E.g. Tumble at the Albrighton Centre on Tuesdays (10-2, ?2) is great, really safe, lots of soft play type things for the toddlers to exhaust themselves on plus cartons of milk, and safe little corners for the babies. When the baby is older there's a ball pit too. The stage you mention of the baby wanting to be held all the time will pass...i used a sling a lot, and I also invested in a trip trapp (a bit late in the day - got one without baby kit) so that my previously encarcerated in a high chair son could get himself up & down from the table, one less thing to do when I had my hands full with the baby. I unashamedly used (still do!!) loads of telly. And an NCT friend advised me at the start (having had her 2nd some time earlier): just do one thing each day. i.e. don't set hugely high standards for trips to science museum and all sorts, just aim to get them out to the park or something once a day. Anything else is a bonus. Another very good friend advised me to avoid comparisons, and again that is such good advice: there's always going to be mums who are ostensibly doing so well etc, but everyone has good and bad days, celebrate the good and dont' dwell on the bad!

edited apols for rambling & bad grammar...

[Mutrik]

And try to ignore the state of the house (easier said than done sometimes). Don't beat yourself up for not cooking Nigella type dinners - Fish fingers does the trick. But when you do cook, make a massive batch so it's enough for the whole family for a couple of days.

[Fmm]

My main advice would be to remember that it does get easier! When my new one was a newborn (now 7 mths) my 3 yr old was still having a long daytime sleep and it was bliss. But the good thing about her dropping it is that she goes to bed earlier and is out like a light, giving me longer downtime in the evening (once i've showered, put breakfast stuff out, put clothes out etc etc!) even if i still go to bed at 9.30pm. Also agree re doing online shops, having quiet time once the daytime sleep is dropped ('mummy's cooking time' when I make everyone's dinner and tidy up), using the TV for toddler when necessary, getting clothes out the night before, bag with wipes/ snacks/ spare undies (for toddler not me)/ nappies always ready and replenished after trips out. We also try to have a playdate/ playground or park trip/ outting - even if it's just to get baby weighed, where by the way we make a big fuss of getting toddler measured too - planned for most days, but only one thing per day!

[Fmm]

Also try and get a cleaner that does ironing and if you can get any days 'off' when older child is at nursery or pre-school, relish them - i feel like I have a holiday once a week when toddler is at nursery, plus you get to enjoy new baby on your own, and sleep when he/she sleeps!

[spanners45]

Ladies, I am truly in awe of your organisational skills (I CANNOT, even if I really want to get up at 6am) so I try to make up for that by leaving things ready in the evening.

I do have a cleaner who is a godsend AND a huge luxury. She will help me with the folding, ironing and of course cleaning. It makes a world of difference but I am very aware that it really is a luxury.

Toddler boy is insanely active so I have to plan two activities per day. I like the idea of the sling, a lot! I definitely have moments where I could do with an extra pair of hands. On a positive note, he still has a good nap after lunch (can't imagine what I'll do when that stops) and most often than not, I manage to get the baby down at the same time so I get a little respite half way through the day.

Fuschia, I am with you re baths. Baths every other day is just as good. I tend to bath them together but sometimes I bath the baby during the day if the toddler is at nursery (which is also a marvelous, if expensive, invention).

I try to engage toddler with something arty after breakfast if I feel that I need some time to tidy up do extra prep.

The one bit that is most unpredictable for me is bedtime. For the most part, it is fine and things go as smoothly as I can possibly imagine but sometimes it is the time my toddler decides to be 'jealous' of the baby for getting my attention when I put him to sleep, even though baby's bedtime is waaaaaayyyyy quicker than the toddler's ever was when he was a baby but I guess that is the nature of being the 2nd one. I usually let my toddler to play with the ipad or watch a kiddy film on tv but if he is in 'that' kind of mood, he will walk up the stairs and creep into the room where I am settling in the baby, which means it takes longer. Working on that one for now. Ah well, practice makes perfect, right??!!

[amydown]

Oh, the joys of bed and bath time with two (or more!).. I started a thread on this a while back when baby was little. Spent many many evenings with toddler in baby's room, me "quietly shouting" (who'd have thought that's possible!?!) to toddler to be quiet in baby's room, lots of tears (all three of us). It was so incredibly tough in the early days but things got easier.

Also, at some point, I put my foot down and insisted that my husband gets home for bed and bath time every evening and that me having to do it on my own has to be on an exceptional basis rather than the norm. This has helped enormously!!! I think sometimes, husbands forget that them leaving work 30mins early to help us can make a world of difference for us during this witching hour.

[mrs f]

I live in fear of my life come march, I'm not even half this organised with one!

[ClareC]

Help with bath and bed time makes all the difference. I am extremely fortunate in that my partner works from so is pretty much always there. If doing alone I find putting the baby down first (whilst toddler is entertained with a DVD) works really well. I then sit with toddler for a bit and then put her to bed.

I bought the mr Ben collection, Mr Men (80's version) and pink panther (80's version) and she loves them! We still have Peppa Pig, Fireman Sam and Bob the Builder on occasion too.

[Pickle]

I too used to dread bed and bath time, especially when I just had two children. These days the kids love it if Daddy isn't home as once the big ones are in their pjs I let them sit in bed playing games on the iPad while I sit with baby Pickle doing her bedtime feed. Technology is a wonderful thing!

[Belle]

oh yes with the quiet shouting!

mrs f - i know it seems daunting but just as with number 1, you do adjust. I know with 1 you tend to think 'how will I cope with this X2' but it's not really like that - somehow you do get through and an enormous advantage is that the time just flies by, because it is so busy. A bit like when it's a hectic day at work, but you do somehow get loads done, whereas on quiet days you aren't so productive...