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Married to a transsexual... can it work? On Radio 4

Victoria C

By Victoria C
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Victoria C

Victoria C

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Thank you for reading and your kind comments.


That is the most complete single document history I have written out. I suppose I was hoping writing it all out would unlock something for me.


I know I struggle with being labeled a 'trans woman'. I don't feel that I am but at the same time I keep on opening up to the general public as one... at work... through the radio interview. It's as if I'm trying to offer an excuse for myself to whoever I'm face-to-face with and yet at the same time I also don't feel ashamed of what I am. I'm just not proud of it - I only understand up to a point the concept of "trans pride" or even "gay pride" for that matter. If anything I suppose I feel most like a 'woman with a mixed gender history' (because my social gender history really is unavoidable - I can't pretend it doesn't exist) but really even more than that I just feel that I'm a woman going about her business and that's what I'd prefer to be.


I'm glad, having typed it out that I've got it as a history even if there are still holes that I didn't include. I'm not sure how things like, my at times hellish relationship with my father, shaped all of this? There are debates that still rage over nature verses nurture.


In terms of unlocking something, I did realise today that I spent years living with fear and shame of being aware that I was different. It was that shame and fear that stopped me being completely hones with Emma when we met. I only gave her a half truth and then as soon as she said I was ok and she wasn't going to reject me, I tried to hold onto that love and I found I painted myself into a corner.


Funny, writing this account and sharing it, I feel as if I've put a big weight down on the ground. And hopefully I won't feel like I have to pick it up again.

  • 2 weeks later...

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