Does it really matter if you only have 1 child?!

[SBot]

Hi all,

We are blessed with a beautiful daughter, aged 2yrs.

Have been trying for number 2 for 18 months now with no joy. It only took 3 months to get pregnant before.

I did have an emergency c section and I am now worrying that some possible internal damage was caused or I have scar tissue maybe causing problems etc.

I don't want to seek medical intervention as I have always accepted what will be will be but I'd rather know now if I can't conceive again. I get my hopes up each month and then get so disappointed when I'm not pregnant. Is there such a thing as having an ultrasound to check everything out?

Or do I just be eternally grateful with my daughter?

[Ruth_Baldock]

Absolutely you can ask for a scan/minor investigations to see whats up, and it

may also be useful to request your maternity/labour notes from Kings, which is done via PALS and costs ?25.

I'm sorry it's taking longer than you thought to concieve. I tried for two years with an ex, had several losses and gave up. Tried for 9mo with my now husband, had another loss, and then gave up, which of course meant I fell pregnant immediately. We weren't actively trying really for baby 2, I had a loss (again again) when baby 1 was 6mo, then 8mo old, and then became pregnant when he was 9mo old. It's been a tough road, and although we haven't prevented baby 3 from arriving, no joy there at the moment, for various reasons.

Scuse the essay, you're not alone in finding it hard was the gist.

Rx

[dulwichgirl2]

Sbot, congrats on your daughter. An u/s will check inside the uterus and can pick up eg fibroids and maybe scar tissue as well. You could additionally buy cheap luteinising hormone sticks (lh) which will give you a guide to ovulation times. You could also have some tests done by the Gp but he or she will only do these if you are over a certain age and have been trying for x months. (timings vary.)

All, for anyone suffering the pain of a mc, be aware that even the nhs will test for recurrent ones. (I think at 3 and maye fewer if the woman is young.) Recurrent mc can be linked to the immune system being too active or to clotting and there are some simple remedies for each of these plus some highly complex ones only available privately. But be aware that the NHS will investigate further if you would like. No-one should suffer this heartache when things can be fixed. X

[The Nappy Lady]

Yes, NHS will investigate after third miscarriage although huge majority (over 80% IIRC) of recurrent miscarriages remain undiagnosed. That's hard to accept too - if they find a problem there is hope of fixing it....but no diagnosed problem can also mean there's always hope....

Anyway, I digress...re fertility there is also a dye test they can do to check your tubes etc are clear. I don't know how much the NHS will do vs going privately, but certainly worth asking, & the longer you've been trying the batter in terms of getting help.

Having 1 child is fine, when we were struggling to have a second I held on to the knowledge that so many couples are so desperate to have a baby, we were already so blessed. But also it means that you know you can get pregnant & carry a baby which the doctors always told me was more than half the battle.

Good luck & try (ha ha, I know), not to worry about it as that in itself is a major factor in falling pregnant.

Xxxx

[Smiler]

The test for scarring is called a hysterosalpingogram (HSG?) or something!), it's dye and x-ray. I had it at St Mary's m/c clinic: King's m/c clinic didn't provide it (I suspect on cost grounds). Ultrasound can't pick it up (kings dr said it could, st mary's said not). Symptoms include pain and / or lighter periods.

Dulwichgirl, sadly there are not "simple remedies" for blood clotting / immune problems. It is actually better news in terms of future chances of a baby if no reason for mcs is found.

sounds like the OP's problem is conception, so general fertility tests for both partners might be most appropriate?

Secondary infertility is hard, but there are a fair few of us on here with happy eventual outcomes!

[Smiler]

Also, it is not ungrateful to wish for a second child, or to seek medical advice on secondary infertility: of course there is nothing wrong at all with just one child, or just waiting to see if you feel OK doing that, but if not and you would really like another and are unhappy then medical advice might be useful. It isn't a straight choice between relying on "nature" and full-on intervention like IVF, there are many options in between.

[dulwichgirl2]

Smiler, Please don't discourage the OP or anyone else by posting incorrect statements. There are, as I said, some simple remedies for some clotting and immune issues. There are also some more complex ones (not available on the nhs owing to not having passed the testing criteria). I have various friends who have had mcs, had blood test diagnosis, had a simple remedy and then conceived ASAP thereafter.

There are many generalisations in your post.

Anyone trying to conceive, after a while, please ask the GP for a referral. While waiting, get basic clotting profiles and day 3 LH, Fsh oestrogen tests. Also, do a progesterone test for 7 days post ovulation. Try to get Anti mullerian hormone (day 3, unlikely on nhs).

These will give you an idea of the basic position before seeing the consultant.

[midivydale]

If the waiting times are very long at kings and it is an option you may find that going privately would provide you with answers quicker. A thorough investigation would include blood tests, internal examinations, ultrasound and dyetest. We went down the private route to start things off and i would really recommend it if that is an option.

Best of luck, and it is so hard not to worry.

I was an only child until i was 13 as it took so long for my parents to conceive again. To be honest, i loved being an only child. Having my relatives undivided attention was great.

There is this perception in society that only children are lonely i dont agree.

Best of luck!

[Saffron]

Hi SBot, you can always be 'eteranally grateful' for your daughter whether or not you ever have anymore children. :) Also, I agree with midivydale, regarding perceptions of singleton children. Only children aren't lonely or spoiled or any other negative stereotypes in comparison to multiples.

We have one child, and I'm happy with that. Husband would like more children, but we can't afford it. In the past we've had a lot of successful playdates/playgroups for singleton children through the Forum. I found that people's reasons for only having one child were hugely varied, and the children were all lovely and completely normal. Perhaps we should get the playgroup organised again?

[Smiler]

Dulwichgirl, we won't agree so won't get into a debate on here.

recommend prof lesley regan's book on recurrent miscarriage and her clinic at st mary's to anyone going through it.

[Ramble66]

Something interesting I read this week was the link between vit D deficiency and infertility, IVF success and recurrent miscarriage.

Vit D deficiency is scarily common.

Also OP it may be worth your husband having a sperm analysis. Or getting him to take zinc and antioxidants.

[Yak]

I would definitely go to see the GP (as a couple) to get things checked out. It doesn't mean that you are committed to medical intervention if that's not what you want. We took 3 years to concieve and our GP was very understanding of where we wanted to draw the line in terms of intervention. You might find that a diagnosis of definitively never being able to concieve is pretty rare, so you still might end up dealing with unknowns and probabilities. But there is a lot that can be done with diet, vitamins, etc - the first step is seeing if there is a cause in the first place. Good luck with it all. x x

[oimissus]

Have you tried acupunture? No scientific evidence, but plenty of anecdotal evidence that it can help with conception. This obviously in the absence of any medical reason for lack of conception.

It is very hard getting to the point of acceptance that your family will be smaller than you intended, but as midivydale said, it doesn't have to mean they will be lonely - children in larger families can be lonely, just as only children can not - it doesn't have to mean anything.

Good luck!

[reren]

Really strongly recommend getting some standard blood tests for fertility done - I had trouble conceiving with first baby and didn't think I had any symptoms of anything wrong only to discover I had a thyroid condition - once treated I got pregnant right away. You need to rule out it being something like this that is easy treat and important to fix for your long term health - even if you didn't want to conceive.