Breaking the night feed- tips?

[Clare11]

My son is 13 months and although he goes to bed easily, he still wakes at night and the only thing that will settle him is a boob. He won't accept a bottle and I don't actually think he's hungry, but the comfort of a breastfeed is the only thing to guarantee us a night's peace. He usually falls asleep fairly promptly, and can be put back in his cot, but it's the broken sleep that's starting to grate.

I'm very happy to keep breastfeeding for as long as he needs it generally. I'm hoping it to end organically when he grows out of it, BUT coaxing him back to sleep at night with it is starting to turn me into a complete zombie.

We have tried leaving him when he wakes, he just cries until he is inconsolable.

We've tried offering him water as a bland option, and he doesn't want that.

I've tried hiding under the covers!

Or my husband takes him and sleeps on the lounge, which does settle him, but obviously isn't a practical option for my poor husband.

I'm just wondering if there are any tricks I don't know about.

He usually has a feed at bedtime, and is still awake when he's put down, so he's not being fed to sleep, but the 3am feed is something I'd like to drop. He usually ends up in with us after 5am anyway, so is happy to be in our bed generally, which I don't think helps.

He does sleep in our room, but we don't have an option on that at the moment...

Id appreciate any help, ideas and or to hear if this isn't that unusual.

[Pickle]

Have you tried giving him a dream feed instead? As you're going to bed lift him and give him a quick top up and see if that makes a difference? That's what I have done with all 3 of my children and it means we are guaranteed a peaceful night.

[jennyh]

Similarly to Pickle we always did a dream feed rather than waited for ours to wake. I would set my alarm and go in and feed her whilst still asleep which broke the waking habit she had developed and then when I was feeling brave after a few weeks I didnt set my alarm and miraculously she didn't wake. Makes it sound so easy and I know it isn't easy at all but it did work for us. The only thing is that it was a bottle so potentially easier to do...although I do know lots of people who have successfully breastfed a dream feed.

[cornelia]

If you are wanting to night wean, have you tried something in between just leaving him and giving a feed?

We night-weaned at 10 months - same reason as you - and the first night it took a long time to settle him. I didn't want to pick him up because then he would expect a feed, so I sat next to the cot and patted and reassured him. For three hours. But the next night it was one hour, and since then he's been sleeping through (ish - 7.30 to 5.30, on average).

They're all different, but sometimes it just takes a couple of days for the pattern to change. And I do think some can be fairly resistant to change! You will get there in the end...

[KateW]

I'd second Cornelia's suggestion. We did spaced soothing at 9 months when DD was waking up earlier and earlier (4.30am) but not needing a feed. I went in to her (but didn't pick her up, just stroked her face and reassured her with my voice) first after one minute, then 2,3,4, 5 then 10 minute intervals until she stopped crying and went to sleep. First night was awful and it took 1hr 45mins, but second night she slept through, third night took 10 minutes then she never woke again. My husband was fully supportive and gave me hugs and reassurance as I was doing it. She woke happy and smiley the next day! I wouldn't hesitate to do it with number 2 if needed, as it worked so well. I'm also glad we did it whilst she was young and couldn't stand up in her cot crying 'Mummy', as I would have found that heart breaking.

Just a small warning; my friend still does gives her son a breast feed when he wakes in the night and then he demands to go in their bed. He's 2 and a half. She also thought he would have naturally grown out of it by now but he shows no sign of wanting to stop.

Best of luck with it x

[Clare11]

Thank you all for your suggestions!

I do try and give him a dream feed, but I think the waking is more habit for him than anything else, and annoyingly it doesn't happen every night, but probably 5 out of 7 each week, depending on how knackered he is.

I will try and make it daily routine though and see if it really does work a 'dream'!

With the soothing method, he is in our room and so can see us easily from his cot. I have tried the method of patting him etc, but he just cries so woefully that I can't stand it, hence my husband escorting him out of the room.

It is literally out of sight, out of mind.

We did leave him one night and just came in and out from the other room to soothe him but he cried for almost 3 hours and then was in such a state, he vomited everywhere. The soothing effect had worn off for all of us by then.

KateW - Yes, I was told by the health visitor it could go on for a few years, but I don't mind that so much in terms of breastfeeding, it's just the 3am feed that's the killer. Especially as I'm back working full time!

[cornelia]

Totally agree that this is much harder if you're sharing a room. We moved the baby out at six months when he got too big for his bedside cot. Could you move the cot (even temporarily) and then once he's used to the new location, try again to night-wean, then move him back in once sleeping through?

Not based on my experience, just an idea...

[KateW]

Yes, totally agree that it is really tricky if you're all sharing a room. Nothing to suggest I'm afraid, just sending hugs xx

[mima08]

Hiya, we were still feeding at 4am every night until very recently and it was a habit -he was 16months, and sleeping in another room. One thing that really helped was letting him have lots of toys (cuddly, cars, little hardbacked books - you name it). I stopped feeding him and pointed out that his toys were there all waiting for him to come to sleep, plus lots of "shshshsh" and "snuggle downs" with soothing pats etc - and amazingly enough it worked! (I was totally surprised, believe me, he was never a good sleeper...)So now he sometimes wakes, I can hear him playing in his cot with his toys, then goes back to sleep. It seems to make no difference to tiredness in the morning. Of course, some babies get overexcited by having toys and want to get up to play - it really depends on your LO.

Best of luck, hope you get good sleep soon!

mx

[Mens]

I fed my second child until she was 2 and a half. What I noticed though was that if I went out for the evening she would fall asleep without a feed and then stay asleep until the morning. She seemed to understand that I had gone out even when she was about 15mths old. She was in our bed and even when I came back and laid next to her she didnt stir.

I'm going to try the same tactics with this one once this next tooth is through.

My sister always says that mums "teach" babies what is normal and I think that we somehow have let them think that breastfeeding to fall asleep when you stir at night is normal.

[Smiler]

We used Dr jay gordon (online, american) to cut out milk in the night at 12 months, it is about co-sleeping without night breastfeeing but might have a couple of tips for babies in cots. It took five hellish nights for us, but she stopped having milk at night and was able to carry on b-feeding in the day and co-sleeping.

[crystal7]

I have a friend who stopped night feeding her 1 year old using Dr Jay Gordon's tips and continued to breastfeed in the day or another year too.