Night Nanny - good idea?

[Strawbs]

Ellie - your day sounds exactly like mine used to when my son was very small - if you need to catch up for a coffee let me know x

[gillandjoe]

Good luck Ellie, you will find your way of coping with it and the main thing is that you sound like you really care about doing whats best for you and your baby.

The best advice I was given from a mother of four was to 'go with the flow'.

I thought it was a bit silly and didn't understand what she meant until I'd driven myself half crazy comparing my baby to other's and expecting him to nap/eat etc when I thought he should.

Finally, it clicked! - It doesn't matter what happens when or how as long as you and your baby are having a loving time with each other. I am so much happier now that I don't expect certain things from him or for it all to magically get easier.

Just have faith that your body and mind will adjust to its new requirements. It took me to about 7 months before I started to cope with the exhaustion - but I have finally adjusted.

Sorry if this is all useless information! All the best xx

[midivydale]

Ellie i totally understand what you mean re exhaustion vs pnd. It is so hard to know what is what. I would speak to your gp about it or call your healthvisitor as they may be able to assist with what is what (they successfully did so in my case). Exhaustion is lethal it really is horrible.

I so wish that i had asked for more help in the early days and if there is ever another little ivydale i most def will! Please do take us up on the offer to help out. I mean it sincerely and know the rest of the ladies do as well.

Also to reasure you, it will end! I was in your shoes from march-may and i just couldnt see the light at the end of the tunnel. I met with strawbs, belle and gooders79 from this foru

and it was a godsend! In a few months you will be at home typing a reasuring response to another new mum! Until then again- please let me know if you want a hand, caffeine,a walk or just someone that understands.

C x

[Fuschia]

If he only slept 2 hours from 5am -5pm then took 5 hours to settle, I think at 4 weeks that's pretty unusual.

I can't help thinking silent reflux or a tOngue tie Or sOmething is going on

Sorry if I missed the answers - am

On

Phone

Is he bf or ff? Yellow poo? Gaining weight?

[DVnewbie]

Hi Ellie,

How's it going? Are things getting any better??

I wouldn't normally post on something like this as people have such different ideas of how to deal (or not) with tiny babies who don't sleep well and I think you need to do whatever works for you and your baby. But.... I just wanted to say that things will feel so much easier if you get just one decent night's sleep. Long term serious sleep deprivation is torture that shouldn't be a trial that new mothers feel they have to endure without any help. It doesn't matter whether your DH/mum/friend or a night nanny takes the night shift - as long as you are comfortable with whoever is doing it and trust them. A night nanny might be easiest - it's their job so there is less guilt about asking favours (although, really, most people who offer do mean it and you should take any offers up!!). If you can get a couple of blocks of 3 hours' sleep a night, for a few nights in a row, things will feel better. And if they don't - and you've had significantly more sleep - then think about going to the GP or Health Visitor to ask about PND. (Had that and it's horrid - but easily remedied in my case thanks to my brilliant GP.)

My first baby had tongue tie (diagnosed late, despite my asking three doctors in the hospital when he was born to double check he didn't because I do...grrr...) and reflux and that was very tough. He didn't sleep well until he was 3 and I think it's because he had such a tough first year and didn't get used to sleeping properly. Second baby was a dream though and slept through from 4 weeks.... (No reflux or tongue tie.)

Yes - what's weight gain like? Does he curl up and cry a lot immediately after feeding? Is he restless and uncomfortable when he is feeding? An experienced maternity nurse/night nanny might be able to help "diagnose" any issues if there are any - if you do get one, maybe go for one who is qualified as a midwife (seem to remember there are a few of those around).

Good luck Ellie! Really hope things are getting a little bit easier.

I found things improved at 6 weeks and then again at about 3 months. But I think it just depends on you/your baby!

xx

[Ellie78]

I just wanted to say a big thanks to everyone who posted with sympathy, offers of help and suggestions.

I'm feeling a bit more 'together' now and feel like a quick update might interest people...then again it might not!

After asking the GP and the HV twice (EACH) whether tongue tie was an issue - they said no, can't be, as he's putting on weight...yep, you've guessed it...HE HAS TONGUE TIE. Checked and confirmed by the lovely lady at Peckham's breast feeding cafe. Thanjfully she can do the referral to the clinic, which we're doing when we get back in the UK (currently with grandparents, getting some of that grandparent au pair action - thank God), and I don't have to go near the GP - might punch him on the nose. Yes, he did put on weight - at the expense of my sanity and my physical health I think = because I made sure he was fed round the clock and expressed constantly so I could bottle feed him. Grrr.

It's a real relief to know that there is a root to his sleep problems - not eating effectively, therefore never full enough to sleep properly. Hopefully the procedure will sort it out, otherwise I might have to consider switching to formula. He is sleeping better, as with the bottle feeding (and other tips frmo the NCT helpline) I'm managing to get more into him...but it's still hard work, which could have been lessened if this issue was spotted and sorted sooner.

Anyway, it was really lovely to read all the very insightful and supportive comments on this thread - they always cheered me up. So apologies for not getting back to everyone personally and saying how much you all made the difference.

[Fuschia]

I am glad you found so much better! Tongue tie ... Very interesting. Sounded so much like my no 4, who couldn't latch effectively until 6w despite an early snip (be warned that even after the snip, you will both have to learn by technique)

Expressing for my little one, virtue feeding and trying to reach him how to bf was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Well done to you!

What a shame the gp and hv couldn't just admit they are not experts and refer you right away to a proper bf specialist?

I would encourage anyone else with ongoing bf problems to go straight to kings or one if their out reach clinics (Clare kedves)

Diagnosis you can really trust

Anyway, you have done amazingly by the sound of it

Please come back and update again x

[Fuschia]

Excuse typos

Learn bf technique I meant

[midivydale]

Ellie i have been thinking about you so nice to hear your update and to hear you have a diagnosis as well as some grandparental support.

I would second claire kedeves at kings. I hope your lo gets seen quickly. We used claire at kings but then opted to go privately with mr patel/kate fisher (who both do the tounge tie clinic at kings) at their thornton heath clinic as the ref process was long on our case. There are details on the forum, but i can pm them if you need.

In the end it was decided not to snip my ds as we by that point had too many other issues such as severe cmpi and reflux, milk production issues, mastits and other health issues so i was advised to put ds on neocate.As such we never went through with procedure but i can truly recommend the services of kate fisher and claire kedeves.

The offer of help still stands of course, hang in there and hope you get it solved quickly.

C x

[tomo]

Hi Ellie,

Sorry to hear it's taken you so long to get a diagnoses of Tongue tie. We had the same problem, apparent good latch, weight gain etc, but similarly I was feeding him round the clock and had continued discomfort/pain on one side when feeding. It took me going to the Peckham BF cafe too to get it confirmed.

We also we down the private route and had excellent care from Kate Fisher and Mr Patel at their private clinic in Croydon. Most importantly we were able to be seen very quickly. It did take time for us both to relearn how to feed together afterwards, but he did feed more effectively and the discomfort stopped. I'm very glad we had the procedure done and I'm still breastfeeding him now (he'll be 7 months next week) The sleeping took longer to get better, but we're now down to one or 2 wake ups a night- which is so much more manageable.

You're doing a great job and glad that you've had the support of grandparents- my folks we're invaluable! PM me if you have any specific questions about the tongue tie procedure (if you decide to go down that route). Best of luck x

[Bouncy]

Ellie - I hope it's okay to post so late and add on here. I'm so glad that things are improving a bit for you. I was nearly crying, reading all your posts, because it felt so similar to what I went through with my now two-year-old. He's now a reliable sleeper and a happy little boy, and it got easier bit by bit by bit. It feels so hard at the time though, and as others have said - if you are loving and caring for your baby, you're doing brilliantly.

I'm really interested to read that you've had the tongue-tie diagnosis as someone mentioned to me recently that might have been the issue with mine...who knows? - but I wonder if it generally more common than in picked up on.

Anyway, be kind to yourself - it really does slowly get easier and easier, and then they're a toddler. Sorry if that sounds patronising - people said it to me in the midst of my despair and I didn't believe it, but it really is true. You will survive, and it will be so worth it, even if it doesn't yet feel like it.

x