nearly 2 and hating any child near her.....help!

[Kalamiphile]

My grandaughter who is a bright, happy girl is going through the usual challenges for this age, but her Mum is at a loss as to how to deal with this and is wondering what she has done that her daughter is turning into a monster! She would like some reassurances from others apart from her Mum. If a child of any age is in front of her or behind her on the slide she whines ( no other word will do) and tries to push them away, even a child coming towards her will sometimes get this reaction. Today whist sitting in her buggy in waitrose, a child in buggy was coming towards her, she started the whining and then !!!!! tried to kick at the child. My daughter was mortified and really does not know what is the best approach. Any one had a similiar problem? Needless to say none of the behaviour is coming from the family. Many thanks for any help xx

[Fuschia]

Does she spend much time with other children, at nursery for eg?

[GCOakley]

Your daughter is very lucky to have an understanding mother, and please reassure her that many of us have gone through similar things. All children become socialised at different speeds, and some find it very difficult. She will get there, perhaps with a lot of patience from all around!

I had a similar issue and was advised by my child's teacher that some shy children turn to hitting as they cannot articulate what they want to say, which is basically go away to the other child. They have to learn that hitting is not acceptable, but they should not be forced to spend time playing with other children if they don't want to as they find it stressful. She suggested just spending time with one other child that we knew well in a really safe environment.

[Kalamiphile]

That was very helpful GCO, she is quite shy and her child minder says she lets the other children take her things and rather than getting it back will just cry.

She has children of same age Fuschia at the minders, and is taken to lots of play sessions etc.

[Fuschia]

Is she feeling a bit overwhelmed at the minders, maybe? I think it's a perfectly normal thing, but if she really does seem to feel that other children are encroaching upon her space, perhaps this behaviour is her way to express that.

So I think I agree with GCO.

Perhaps the way to go is for her to balance her time between socialising with other children and getting to play by herself/be with her mum

[reren]

My nephew went through something similar - is she talking yet? For him it was connected to being a late talker and frustration at having complex thoughts he couldnt articulate. His parents found that limiting the amount of time at nursery helped a lot - they worked out a way to drop off late and pick up early (wasnt easy for them and may not be possible for your daughter). She may be finding it very stressful being atound other children? Perhaps at 2 she just needs a bit more one on one time w adults than time w other children? A lot easier said than done though!

[Saffron]

Definitely agree with others that she could be frustrated in some way. When she kicks/whines, what do you or your daughter say to her? We've rencently found that saying, "Don't kick/etc; use your words," is starting to result in better behaviour. This should help with crying when her toys are taken too. Ask her childminder always to use her words to tell her what happened with the toys (if she isn't doing this already). If your daughter's LO is not very articulate yet, this could take a while. She doesn't sound like a monster at all. Just a normal toddler! xx

[Kalamiphile]

Thank you for all your helpful suggestions, glad to know we are not alone! We have always said to her use your words as she is way ahead of her peers in talking, singing and reading, and this seems to be the only area she does not use her vocabulary! She is happy with the children at child minders. We have wondered if the park is too big for her as she doesnt seem to do it in one of the smaller parks, so maybe she is overwhelmed and as you suggest GCO is saying 'go away'From what you have all said I think I can reassure my daughter that she is doing all the right approaches.

[Saffron]

Kalamiphile Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Thank you for all your helpful suggestions, glad

> to know we are not alone! We have always said to

> her use your words as she is way ahead of her

> peers in talking, singing and reading, and this

> seems to be the only area she does not use her

> vocabulary!

Well that explains it really. No child could be perfect at everything! And it would be expecting too much of any mother to have a perfect child all the time. I'd say it's fairly normal at any age to get frustrated with issues like space and communication. The only difference being that it's acceptable for toddlers to aim the occasional kick at someone. Whereas, that's generally frowned upon in adults. (More's the pity really. I've had a couple of foul-tempered profs who definitely deserved one in the shins. ;-) ) The behaviour might even be an early sign that she's the cusp of another leap in language and vocabulary.

[susyp]

My daughter was a NIGHTMARE at 2 (fine now at nearly 4 and has been for about a year) so I sympathise. I have def noticed that the children who speak earlier and communicate better generally can have social issues when they are young, having often chatted to mums who have kids who are behaving v badly around other kids - because I sympathise!! My daughter used to get children who wouldn't interact with her in a headlock and force them to the ground. Horrendous. Now that all her peers chat quite a lot she is fine. And she is older. But i hated it when she was a little monster. Def noticed throughout her childhood so far that periods of bad behaviour coincide with boredom. So even though she is a July baby I am def sending her full time to school next year - bring on the challenges!

susypx