late potty training

[Mrs TP]

My 3rd child is not out of nappies and I am demented with it. She turned 3 early Feb and is just not interested. She is v. smart and 'with it' conversation, play and technology wise (iplayer and DVD etc) but does not give a stuff about the loo or potty. When I have her out of nappies we have endless accidents and she just stands there staring at what's going on and blames me for being too late. From time to time she will shout me in the middle of the night and say she needs the loo even though she has a night nappy on and but I take her to the loo and it is all v. successful. Often if we are out somewhere diff such as a cafe or shop she will ask if they have a loo and will go perfectly properly but at home she does not give a stuff. Probably because she knows I will clear it up. She will sit quite happily in a nappy that is busting at the seams and not tell me if she has done a poo in it either. I have tried days without nappies but I am cracking before her due to the number of accidents.

We did have a bit of a good phase recentlyish but then she was ill with a v. upset tum and we are back to square one. She doesn't care a hoot but I am bothered that she is 3+ and still in nappies. Do I just need to chill a little longer?

My two previous children were latish at approaching 3yrs but all very simple and over and done with in a couple of weeks. But this one is just not interested. She does go to pre-school in the mornings and is mixed between using the loo and her nappy.

I think I just need someone to say she is not the oldest child around still in nappies.

[Fuschia]

My twin 1 was not interested right up to 3y 5m ... When we had to start as he went to school nursery

Took 2 mOnths

So was 3y 7m

[GinaG3]

Your daughter is exactly the same age as mine and we have exactly the same problem. She did it all fine at 23 months but wanted to stay in nappies so I let her as she was still young. It's driving me insane still buying the things, I shouldn't have to. Feel to just confiscate them, they are like her safety blanket. She has lovely new peppa pig knickers in the drawer, hardly worn. If they are worn she poos in them and then gets scared and won't dare put knickers on again for a while. I never, ever tell her off for accidents, I always tell her it's fine we all had to learn at some point and I won't ever be cross at her. I show her I'm wearing knickers, she watches me on the toilet. Everything I can do I do. I've never pushed her, Im one for self independence and feel when she is ready she will just do it herself but she starts preschool in September and I've told her repeatedly she must do it this time as they wont change her nappy when she's there. I tried with her the other day but she just runs into the nappy pile when my backs turned and slips one on. It's really frustrating. Buying a star chart this week (for other issues that also need addressed before preschool) and a toilet ladder. That best do the trick!!

[Helen GV]

My little boy was late-ish too, about 3 1/2 or just after when he seemed to just click and we haven't had many problems since then.

Funnily enough it was after a MAJOR accident where he was being looked after by a friend and kind of surrogate granny where he said he had had an accident (looked like wee) and my friend said to take off his trousers and pants and she would fetch the spares. It was also a poo accident and my little boy took off his clothes and put them on her cream sofa, spreading poo... Anyway my friend just went oh well let's put everything in the wash and get on with the day (i was at my wits end with the potty training so would have gotten over it but probably not been so calm) and I really think her reaction helped because after that he really has been so good.

So if you can, just chill. She'll get there and really, no one is a perfect parent so anyone commenting on her being still in nappies should really just shut it.

[Helen GV]

And I am SURE she is not the oldest child around still in nappies :0)

[Fuschia]

I always subscribed to the view that they used the toilet a few times then you junked the nappies and bingo after a week it was sorted.. Andthatworked for child no 1 and twin 2

But twin 1 just wasn't like that AT ALL and blew my previous theory out of the water. We sort of had the worst case scenario (started Heber nursery and pooed his pants 4 days out of the first 5!!) I couldn't think about anything else

They suggested he stay home till he got I sorted and as he is a twin we ended up sending them both back to magic moments for a week, and meeting with the head and nursery teacher to insist that they couldn't exclude him due to continence issues. honestly, I can't imagine a worst toilet training disaster.

For 2-3 weeks he went to nursery and I was called him to change him most days... And then bingo, he suddenly began to get it. Now it all seems a distant dream. Funny how something is an obsession and you trulybfearbit will never end, and then suddenly it's sorted.

[Fuschia]

Excuse iPad typos

[Ruth_Baldock]

One of my sisters was 5 when she finally got it! She was very verbal and would say to my Mum before she left to take her to school "By the way, I've done a poo, so you'll need to change my clothes I'm afraid". Mum was at her wits end, and it was our Nanny who got the results in the end.

[Mrs TP]

Oh this is all v. supportive and encouraging - many thanks.

I really am trying to keep my anxiety away from her and have never moaned about any accidents but do keep saying she needs to start using the toilet and telling me when she needs to go, to which she responded 'but you keep buying more nappies'! She will do it once in a while just not consistently and sometimes looks so surprised when an accident happens.

I left my older two to what I considered to be late at just before their 3rd birthdays and we were all done and dusted within days and I could see they were ready.

I think I just need to chill a little longer and forget about it.

[Fuschia]

The school did say there is a continence advisor in the borough, but tbh I doubt they would concern themselves with a child much under 5

The ERIC website has good information

I think your approach, keep trying and don't let her know you are stressed, is the right one. Don't let 'peer pressure' get to you and know that prOfessional help will be available at a later stage if it is necessary

[Fuschia]

Though I am sure it won't be!

[Flatforsale]

I read somewhere (or was told by someone) that pull up nappies are a bad idea because it sends out the wrong mixed message (you can have pants but it is OK to poo and wee in them), and to do either proper nappies or straight to cloth pants. I don't know if you are using pull ups, but if you are consider going back full time to one or the other and then start again from scratch so to say?