A sobering read about overuse of our phones and missing childhood...

[bluesuperted]

I read this first thing this morning and it has REAlLY made me think. I know I'm guilty of this, I multitask and I 'check' on and off all day.

http://www.handsfreemama.com/

This has inspired be to be less available to the worldwide web and more present to my LO. My iPhone addiction should stay in naptime where it belongs!

[Pickle]

Eek, so true. Signing off until after 7pm :-$

[Gidget]

Great article. That should also apply to interactions with grown-ups in your life.

[nunheadmum]

After snapping at my youngest the other week after reading an annoying work email at the dinner table on my day off, I realised how unfair it was and resolved to really be 'off' when not at work. Don't think anyone at work has noticed my new policy.....which is telling in itself!

[pebbles]

What a great article and I'm sooooo at fault

I've started turning my phone onto silent so that I'm not even tempted to answer. My problem also lies when they are watching tv i don't sit and watch with them, i turn on my computer.... and here i am!!!

Question - do many of you sit and watch tv with your children or do u use it for a babysitter? I definitely use it more for the latter and must do more of the former - especially when their programs do bore me after the 100th watching!!!

I must do better :)

[charlottep]

i think the article is a bit provocative. as much as we are in the social media generation i still think that on the whole we do far more than previous generations did with their children - in terms of playgroups, swimming lessons, reading, crafts, organic this and that, etc (my kids have a busier social calendar than i do). i realise this is a bit of a generalisation but i still believe there is a lot of truth in it. i think we are entitled to a bit of downtime between all the organic cooking, running to this play-date and that class surely?

[cuppa tea]

Oh good, just what mum's need - more guilt! Why is it blaming mothers and not fathers? You can do both things. Through the day you can be attentive to your child AND answer the phone/check messages. Personally I think technology is GREAT! My child can talk to their dad whereever we are, they can skype their grandparents, I can connect with other mum's so I don't feel so isolated, we can arrange to meet up with other children....I can still be there for my children, pick them up and kiss their injuries, read them stories, tuck them in bed. Wouldn't we be better mum's without all this bloody guilt that keeps getting dumped at our feet?! I don't think being distracted within the adult world is a modern phenomenon.

[Pickle]

Here I am, kids in bed, technology back on :)

I don't feel too guilty. Sure, I have my iPhone with me at all times, but I work hard during the day ensuring the kids are fed, watered, dressed, entertained etc etc so its not like I ignore them all day. As a child my parents had a newspaper delivered every morning and I remember them sitting reading it while we ate breakfast - so not really any different to me checking my sources of news online.

And I agree Charlottep, generally as a generation we do a lot more with children than before. My Mum said it was very uncommon to go to groups with kids before the age of 3 when I was a child growing up in NZ. She admits there was a large element of us entertaining ourselves while she got on with housework etc. I'm lucky to have a cleaner, which frees up a number of hours a week I otherwise wouldn't have to spend with the kids.

I didn't have a smart phone when my first two babies arrived, and have been so thankful for it with #3, middle of the night feeds are more bearable if you can read, or in my case online chat with friends in NZ who are in the middle of their day.

[redjam]

Cuppatea, you're so right. Drives me nuts the amount of guilt that gets dumped at mothers' feet. Yes, of course, if you're glued to a phone constantly while your neglected kids tug sadly at your hem then you're a Very Bad Mummy, but really, I imagine it's only a small percentage of parents who are guilty of truly excessive phone use. Most of us are a mix of good, bad and average parent throughout the course of a day, and in general I'd agree with Pickle and CharlotteP and say that most kids have never had it so good (in fact I'd say that - to generalise wildly - children today have more attention heaped on them now than at any point in history). These kinds of articles just seem designed to make us feel bad about ourselves. Enough already!

[bluesuperted]

I absolutely read it as parents not mums alone (that would be outrageous) despite the refs to her/mum etc. In my family I am definitely the more active in terms of the online world/smartphone usage but I have seen plenty of Dads (especially at Peckham soft play!) ignoring their kids whilst surfing on the phones. I know I never ignore my son and he is the absolute focus of my days, but I liked this reminder to be more present in the here and now. I took him out twice today (in the sun, whoop) for a total of 4 hours and didn't look at my phone once apart from to arrange where hubby was picking us up from. It was fantastic, I felt we both benefited, and not just because the weather was much improved.

Very much agree with Gidget re adult interactions, I am guilty of watching television with half an eye online - becomes really apparent if watching anything with subtitles, I realise how little I am concentrating.

And re charlottep's point - of course we definitely deserve downtime. However, I don't know about you but my online time does not generally chill me out, I think it makes me more wired and I'm sure my rubbish ability to get to sleep at night has a lot to do with too much screen time. Especially in the evenings. That'll be now then... I really think (and do not follow this advice at all) that reading/knitting/chatting are much better ways of relaxing. Shame the twittersphere et al are all so addictive!

Ah well, I'm going to work on my daytime addiction and worry about the nighttime one at a later date. On that note, night night!

[Ondine]

There is a whole element of what goes around comes around on this one. I gave my work blackberry back a few years ago when I noticed one of my kids starting to comment on it - constantly checking in on work was creeping up on me. And now they are 11 and 14 and I am so glad I gave it back as I was not a hypocrite when I needed to overrule the big one's wish to listen to her iPod at family meals! We are technology mad as a family but it's the point about how thinly you spread your attention. So now we all have kindles and we discuss whether we sometimes want a "reading dinner" when we're all a bit frazzled. Or we might have an iPad on the table and be sharing music or a film, but I csn't tell the teenager to keep her attention in the family if I am sitting there working.

[Belle]

Good point Ondine.

BST - totally agree with everything you said above. I read the blog and it jolted me not just in terms of how I behave around my children, but as someone else alluded to above, with adults and when doing anything else. One of the reasons I enjoy The Killing and all the other Scandinavian crime progs around is that we do have to totally focus on it - makes you realise how much of the time is spent with divided attention, scanning things online with half an eye on your food/tv/friend/or yes, child. The other night on a rare meal out with friends I realised I was opening Facebook to 'check in' whilst chatting with a good friend who I've only seen 3 times this year. Really shameful!

I totally agree we don't need more guilt, but I don't think the blog should be interpreted that way. After all, the blogger is writing online! And I agree that e.g. iphones, the forum, facebook have helped keep me sane during parenthood. Like you Pebbles, I certainly use the laptop whilst the kids are watching TV, but I feel that as I'm still interacting when appropriate and sitting in the room with him, that's fine - it's more akin to Pickle's reference to parents reading morning papers. I guess the difference though between browsing online and reading a paper is that the latter is finite.

I also think it's true that we spend more quality time with our kids doing activities. It also occurred to me when reading the post that I just as often find myself having to ignore/put off my kids' request when I'm doing housework, or attending to one whilst having to leave the other. I hear myself saying 'i'm busy' when I'm cleaning the kitchen or whatever, and do feel bad, but then surely it's a much smaller proportion of distracted time than previous generations.

[Pasta]

Phones and computers are def addictive and a distraction in our lives today but so useful and entertaining! Couldn't live without them. Having said that a while ago my computer was hacked so was without emails/Fb etc for about a week. The first day I felt lost and kept thinking about important emails i may be receiving and couldn't deal with or what was going on that i couldn't see or share with my friends! Ridiculous i know. It did make me realise how much it dominated my life even though I thought it was only a few times a day. I spent much more time with the kids that week and didn't feel the technology pressure, so it was more relaxing and fun. When i got my account back I kind of didn't want it anymore (in a weird way) but now am hooked once again!

I also find that when my husband gets home I can't go on as he often makes comments about me being obsessed with surfing the web and wants me to spend time with him and I feel guilty as haven't seen or spoken to him all day.

I did read that it's good for kids to see you reading so we try to have saturday or sunday mornings where we read papers and they read their books(with a bit of jazz on :-). And it is such a nice chilled out way to start the day.

[The Nappy Lady]

BUT, BUT, BUT....I've discovered a wonderful thing - if I get you tube up and put on something like a song clip from Gnomeo and Juliet whilst brushing my 3 year olds hair she doesn't even notice I'm doing it. This is the first time we've had peaceful hair brushing and plaiting etc. in over a year - so there is a GOOD side to all this LOL!!!!

Overall, I agree with others regarding how much time we now devote to our children. My Mum (now in her 80's as she had me at the age of 40 - back then 'late in life') is always commenting on how much more interactive babies are now, almost from birth because we, as parents spend so much time with them, almost fast tracking their development, rather than having to leave them in a pram whilst we get on with all the chores. I was her 5th baby, and with quite an age gap, and life was very different back when she was raising her first 4 babies, and even me. So, whilst it wasn't internet and iphones, there was plenty of stuff parents had to do which kept them away from playing / interacting with their children. BUT, some of the article did strike a chord for me, and I am trying to think about how and when I tend to check my phone now. It is terribly easy to get caught doing email when I'm supposedly having quality time at playgroup or the park with the children etc. :-$

[Otta]

I think most of us are probably a bit guilty of these things. What worries me more though, is how attracted my older daughter (3), and even her little sister (9m) are to my phone. At first I thought it was great having preschool apps, that I thought were good for her learning, but she has become obsessed. I see other kids out and about using parent's phones / tablets. They are a good distraction when necessary, but in our house, it is in danger of being an "issue".

[El Pibe]

"Not dada's ipad, pibi?os ipad"

2 and 3 months and this is a stock phrase.

Yipes!!!

[cuppa tea]

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