oh dear- my 20 month old will not put any clothes on without a huge tantrum

[echo]

any ideas? putting on clothes on triggers a full scale tantrum:(

[Pickle]

A girl? My son was (and still would be if I let him) happy to be dressed, whereas daughter from a very early age was very much of the "I WILL DO IT!" mindset. Nightmare if we had somewhere to go and needed to be out of the house on time!

I ended up going with it. She chose the clothes (from a small selection I offered) and she put them on. In the beginning it meant having to allow lots of time, but by 2 she was very confident and able to dress herself well.

[Helen GV]

I have the exact same problem with my 20 month old. Hadn't thought maybe she wants to do it herself, will see if that helps. she seems to just not want clothes! Or pjs or socks or shoes or a coat... Or to go in the pram for that matter, and sleep? Puh, for babies...

[Saffron]

We have a lot of pyjamas that can double as daywear, eg cotton jersey knit tops and bottoms. If we need to leave the house quickly in the morning, then I don't bother with a fullscale change if it looks like a tantrum will follow. I'll just pop a pinafore-type dress over the pyjamas, then a coat. For a boy you could use a wooly vest or a nice shirt instead of a dress. If we're going out later in the day, then I change Little Saff an article of clothing here and there throughout the morning. She doesn't seem to mind that as much as fussing with everything all in one go.

I'm not sure what you can do to avoid tantrums with your LO, b/c it's not clear why they occur. One thing that's common to all tantrums though, is an element of anger. This is often caused by frustration or tiredness. If you can resolve or divert this, then you can avoid the tantrum. Otherwise, once you've passed the "point of no return" and a tantrum is imminent, it's often quickest to let the child's anger pass without excessively interfering. Once the anger has passed and the sad phase of the tantrum starts, you can swoop in with cuddles and a bit a bargaining to speed a happy recovery.

Could your LO be on the cusp of a big developmental leap in speech? One main source of frustration for toddlers is language. In this case, learning a few key sign language words could ease the transition and lessen your LO's frustration.

Some children just don't transition well from one activity to another. If your effort in dressing your LO is interrupting another activity, that interruption might be causing the tantrums. Look for natural breaks between activities to dress your toddler, or dress him/her first thing in the morning before you're out of the nursery.

My daughter is now 27 mo and doesn't mind getting dressed so much. She likes to help more with her clothes too. Maybe it all gets easier with age (probably until they are teenagers at least!). xx

[cuppa tea]

I've had this with both my sons. The youngest is 2 now. The 'natural break' idea that Saffron suggested works well for us. Or I try and put something on the telly to distract him while I am dressing. It has helped a little if I hold up a couple of things to choose from for him to wear. Sometimes if we have to be somewhere in the morning I dress him in comfy clothes to sleep in that he can wear the next day....reduces the number of tantrums. It has also been helping to have some kind of incentive to do afterwards and explain this to him, eg 'do you want to go swimming?' he says 'yes', 'then we need to get dressed'. That seems to help. They can still understand a good deal at 20 months. Saying this my first son used to have MAJOR tantrums at every nappy change and not much worked until he was potty trained!! So it does depend on their personality. Here it was the transition that they both struggle with.

[Fuschia]

Took no 1 child out in his pyjamas once with no shoes or coat (bad mother!)

By the time we got to the minders he was frozen

He never argued again

The twins have been dressing themselves since they were 2 and a bit ...never had a stand off I recall

[echo]

Thank a lot for everyone feed back. It is really helpful, I'm trying to give her some choices.

However she is very determined to be naked. Last night she went to sleep naked, after taking off her bed clothes and nappy. This morning still running around naked.

Oh well her sister needs to be dropped off at nursery soon!

[echo]

She was bare legged at the weekend. If you do see a naked toddler, refusing to sit in a push chair, please don't think I've just forgotten to dress her or strap her in!

[cuppa tea]

My son spent the WHOLE of last summer naked including all the nights! And why not?! Even all through the winter, no pyjamas...then suddenly wanted to wear them and is back in clothes. Still won't wear pants or socks, so we're going with it.

[minder]

I wouldn't give a 20 month old a choice about what they're going to wear or to get themselves dressed. I would have been waiting half an hour otherwise to get out! It's good for them to be independent but not to the extent that it's making your life harder. Plenty of time for that in a year or two.

Couldn't you get your daughter dressed as soon as she wakes up, not saying anything about getting dressed and putting clothes on, maybe talking about where you are going, i.e. nursery, toddler group?

[echo]

Thanks for you 'no-nonsense' approach Minder. Thats what my mum would say.

I will say I have tried most approaches including pin down and telling her she will get dressed NOW!!

NOT worked.

Yesterday we went to the park bared legged. I then asked another Mum to dress her, she allowed it but then had a complete fit of tantrum. Bless, she took her leggings off but nappy stayed on- Result:)

Pleased to hear more toddlers are like this. I don't think most are, but my second daughter is.

[cuppa tea]

Minder...have you ever tried to dress a child that point blank REFUSES to get dressed?!! Has a huge, screaming, punching, kicking, rolling on the floor type of tantrum?! If i had tried to talk to my son about where we were going that day he would not have been able to hear me for all the screaming...

[minder]

No I have not - but then again my three always WANTED to get dressed, it was a normal start of the day, same as brushing your hair, brushing your teeth, so it's never been a problem.

The OP was asking about her 20 month old and screaming, punching, kicking sounds a bit severe.

[Sol]

It was the same with my oldest daughter, she was very determined to dress herself from a very early age. What a nightmare! 20 months seems to be the peak for tantrums, distraction and give her a choice seemed to work sometimes; otherwise just relax and wait until they get over that stage. The positive side is that She is now a very independant girl and very helpful, which helps a lot now that we have a second one (who will be 20 months soon. Awrrrrrrrrrr!.