Sharing Birthstories

[sylviamaria]

Hello Family roomers! This is a difficult one for me, but here goes...

I was just chatting to friend of mine who gave birth a few months ago and she was telling me her birth story. During the discussion I realised that I am still dealing with my daugther's birth (more than 15 months ago now) and that I still don't have closure...

My friend told me that she has slowly managed to get closure herself by talking about the birth to other women, her mum etc. My family live in a different country and I don't actually have any pre-baby friends(if that makes sense...) with babies, so not many people to share my birth story with - other than my NCT group, who have been great, but are probably a little bored of hearing my story by now!

I was wondering if there were any mums out there who would like to meet up and share their stories (good or bad) over a cup of tea and maybe try and get some perspective to what labour and post-natal recovery are like for different people? I m hoping that I can get some closure, but I 'm sure it will actually be really interesting as well...

Thanks for reading. :)

[scareyt]

Have pmd you.

[sylviamaria]

Thank you for your messages and the support! x

[Lindsey<3]

Hey, this sounds very interesting! Is it defo going ahead? I'd love to join! X

[Trish]

Just a quick note to say I was in a similar position to you - I didn't realise how traumatised I was from the first birth experience. It really knocked me for six in a way I hadn't imagined - my confidence was rock bottom for a long time afterwards and I felt invaded and violated really. It impacted on all aspects of my life and still impacts on me physically a little bit even now, 6 years later.

However, what I wanted to say was that I went on to have a second child it couldn't have been more different. For the sake of my first child I wanted to cope with labour without any medication ideally, so that I could get back home to my little girl as quickly as possible. I was worried enough about the impact a sibling would have on her overall, let alone having her mummy disappear for a week or so. I fought my fear so to speak. My second birth experience was really beautiful - it couldn't have been more different. I never at any point felt unable to cope with the pain and I was in control all the time.

If I think about the first time round too much I will still dissolve into tears. But I have such positive feelings about number two. I can't believe two births can be so entirely different. I'd happily do it all over again tomorrow - so don't worry if you opt to have another. It doesn't have to be the same.

[KatsuQueen]

Hi Sylviamaria, I still find it hard to think about the delivery of my first child, who is now 3 - even though I have had another child since then. Like Trish, I didn't realise it at the time but I was really traumatised; I don't think I have "closure" even now.

I really wanted a second child so I tried to put it out of my mind but of course, eventually I had to discuss birth plans with someone. I sat in the consultant midwife's office in Kings crying my eyes out when I was 6 months pregnant, she suggested counselling but frankly I didn't want counselling I just wanted it to be different this time round.

Anyway to cut a long story short, it was better and I (like Trish) have very positive feelings about birth of my daughter. Like Trish I still cry when I think about No 1 (am in tears now! :()and I think it's not unusual, will PM you my contact details if you want to have a chat.

[Fuschia]

Can I suggest for anyone who is still carrying so much grief, that you might think about seeing Christine neillands, who does hypnotherapy? Her method really helped me let go of the fear and sadness I had when I was pregnant (hospital phobia and post traumatic stress over my mother's death) and I think it would really be a safe place to let out a little of the pain. It's not like counselling where you have to talk and talk, it's more like handing yourself over to just let it all go, somehow. I can't thank Christine enough and I recommend her whenever I can.

[Saffron]

When I had my daughter with Oakwook Midwives, I was invited along with a couple of other mums to share my pregnancy and birth experience with a group of expectant mothers. The group was led by one of the midwives. B/c the group is facilitated by a midwife, if there are unanswered medical questions about the birth, the midwife can help discuss this. Might be worth finding out if there is a midwife facilitated group you can attend?

[gwod]

...though if your birth experience has been really traumatic, you are not usually asked to share it with expectant mothers - rightly or wrongly I dont know.

[Saffron]

That was not the case at the session which I attended. I was the "straightforward" birth story, while one of the other women was sharing the story of her prolonged and failed induction which ended in an emergency C-sec. It might depend on which midwife is leading the group, or how long ago the birth occured, as to if they think the experience is appropriate for the group?

I hope women with difficult or traumatic births aren't put off sharing their experiences, and that other women aren't afraid of hearing about them. There's little worse than feeling isolated by a bad experience. My personal experience has also been that hearing about other women's real life experiences, both positive and negative, helped me better prepare for the birth of my own daughter, and better adjust throughout and following the birth. xx

[midivydale]

Deleated

[crystal7]

Hmm yes I was with Oakwood for both of my births and whilst I have only positive things to say about them my experience of their birth story sharing session was that only women with positive birth experiences were invited. I had 2 homebirths, one so fast it was almost missed by the mws and one that ended in me tearing badly and being transferred to hospital for stitches after the birth. I wasn't asked to share either story at their 'Meet the Midwives' session. Perhaps it's not the right place to share more traumatic experiences? Would be good if there was something similar but without all the expectant mums but obviously Midwives are very busy...

[Kes]

I'm not sure I would have wanted to share my (traumantic) birth story with preganat women, it wasn't an option where I was living at the time anyway but I think I would have felt the need to put on a brave face and make a joke of it all for their sake, which really would have done nothing to help me.

It would be great if Mums were offered the opertunity to talk things through in a small group a few months after the event so long as it was facilitated by someone who ensured that it didn't become a competition over who's experience was worse or where those who've had complications/interventions feel others are judging and blaming them for it (both things I've experienced btw)

But then I'd also like to see caseload midwives for everyone who wanted them, not just those planning home births or registered with a certain GP I guess the money (and perhaps the will) just isn't there.