Exclusive breastfeeding for first 6 months unrealistic?

[espelli]

I have been reading this thread and I think much of my difficulty with the original post and subsequent discussion is how it is framed and who is asking the question. I am assuming (and I am deeply sorry if I am wrong) that the OP successfully fed her child/children past the magic 6 months, so the question comes across as "I have managed to do this so why can't others?" I am sure this is unintentional but it has the effect of making people feel they have to defend their choices and decisions. As Helena Handbasket has pointed out, several women have now posted their stories and they should illustrate how it is not always a decision that is easily taken. I am mixed feeding my baby, he is 14 weeks old. I am currently very happy with the way we are doing things, but it has taken a while for me to accept it.

When I was pregnant I had full intention to exclusively breastfeed until 6 months and had even planned to express once I went back to work beyond the 6 months. I had read threads on here about breastfeeding vs formula and of all the difficulties women had had in trying to feed their babies so I was expecting to have problems but could see that there was support out there that others had accessed. I was determined that not a drop of formula would pass my child's lips.

Towards the end of my pregnancy I read a comment from someone - I can't remember who - who said something along the lines of after all formula isn't poison. That stuck with me because I realised that in my determination to become a good mother and do my best for my child-to-be I was demonising formula and if formula was so bad then what was I thinking about those women who chose to give it to their children? I am so glad now that I read that because it brought me peace when my baby was born at 32 weeks by emergency cs and spent 3 weeks in hospital. I stayed in hospital all the time he was in SCBU and then in the last week, had him up on the postnatal ward with me. I had been transferred from Kings to Tunbridge Wells as there were no SCBU cots in London, and he was delivered there. I was given wonderful support for breastfeeding from the midwives on the postnatal ward and the nurses in SCBU, I was shown how to express and encouraged every step of the way. Sadly it wasn't enough. Even though I was expressing almost all the time, I wouldn't get enough to feed him. I was prescribed medication to boost my supply but it made no difference. In many ways the amount of support and the number of strategies that were suggested to me made me feel more of a failure when they didn't make a difference. I was desperate to make it work, but whether it was due to the stress I was under, or whether it was expressing that was just something I couldn't do I don't know, but without formula I couldn't feed my baby enough and it broke my heart.

Sopiechristophy you have asked a question about an emotive issue, several women have told you of their struggle to feed which took an emotional toll on them and yet you suggest to the very people who are trying to give you an inkling into what those statistics really mean that they may be too emotional to comment. Read these stories - they give you the reasons why women struggle to breastfeed and stop before 6 months, but you somehow sympathise with the individual but do not see that they make up the statistic that you quote. There are women who choose not to breastfeed at all and there are those who try but don't succeed, there are also those lucky ones who breeze through it. In many ways I think the pressure to breastfeed is counter-productive, and perhaps a better way of looking at the issue would be to ask what would have reduced stress around feeding in the early days. I think hellosailor's example of a woman refusing cancer treatment shows that in many ways we have got the balance wrong.

Sorry this has been such a long post - it didn't start out as one! But just as a last point, I found the comparison with Rwanda deeply unhelpful in the debate - because if I had been in Rwanda my baby would have been on the wrong side of the infant mortality statistics, along with far too many other babies who if they had had the access to medical care, clean water and affordable formula that we have, may not have died.

[chantelle]

I think anyone interested in this topic should be sure to read Hanna Rosin's controversial Atlantic Monthly article - http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/7311/

if you haven't already.

Also, 75% of women do initiate breastfeeding in this country, so it is "the norm." In London, 72% of women are still breastfeeding at their 6-8 week check. (DoH data)

I think it's right for health authorities to promote and support breastfeeding. However I think the sense of bullying and guilt some women feel about it is an unwelcome byproduct. Babies' health can also be put at risk when health professionals are trained to support breastfeeding at all costs. So women don't want to be undermined and told to top up with bottles, but at the same time some babies may need additional milk to survive (my daughter seemed content with breastfeeding but lost 17% of her body weight in 10 days and had to be admitted to hospital.)

I was a fervent breastfeeder with my son but in retrospect it was SUCH hard work, so physically painful for the first 10 weeks, so nerve wracking when he dropped down the centiles and cried all the time from hunger despite feeding every hour or two, and so difficult to do anything on my own since I couldn't be away from him for more than a couple of hours. I hung in there but it never really got easier until he was on solids and less reliant on milk.

With my daughter, now 3.5 months, I mix feed so she is still getting 4 or 5 brief breastfeeds a day yet most of her calories come from formula. I don't feel guilty at all, this works for us and I am so much happier this time around, having just that much more freedom to do something like go to the cinema. Maybe biologically we are meant to breastfeed on demand, but we're also "meant" to have 10 or 12 children in our reproductive years and all sorts of other things.

[Otta]

And that NCT survey is pointless.

Much like everything else the NCT do. (sorry, couldn't resist)

[Pickle]

I've both breastfed and mixed fed my children. I've been through the emotional struggles associated with both and drove myself to the point of exhaustion trying to express full time for my tongue tied 1st child. Breastfeeding is lovely when it works, and I've been lucky with both daughters in that they were easy to feed and don't feed constantly all day. If #3 had been difficult to feed I would have given her formula with no hesitation, as the needs of other children must be considered.

It's such an emotive issue, but it struck me as I dropped the older two at school this morning that a couple of years down the track it becomes fairly irrelevant. Once they're older it's just not an issue, I doubt whether it's ever a topic of playground discussion amongst 5 year olds. You can't look at a group of children and determine how they were fed 4+ years ago.

Live and let live :)

[katgod]

have bf and mixed fed mine, and the circumstances of each child within the family change things too. No1 was bf til 12 weeks then mixed fed then went onto solids at 16 weeks - because that was the guidance at the time and I then stopped bf because I did not want to bfeed and do solids. That was my choice. Not because it was hard or it made me unhappy but because I thought that was the best thing. No2 was bfeed for 8 weeks then mixed fed for a few weeks then bottle fed. Because bfeeding with a toddler is hard work and it suited me and my family to do formula. No3 was excusively bfed for longer beacause that was what suited me then.

And on the subject of marketing etc, when i choose to give formula I asked my mum and so my children has SMA which is what i was fed exclusively from the first drop. Because in 197* that was how it was.

And 'every feed counts' is a great slogan.

And for new mums reading this, truly, with my youngest about to turn 2, this debate seems increasingly less importantas time goes by. Tales of dark cupboards and tubes are horrendous. I tried expressing. It made me feel miserable - so I stopped.

[KatsuQueen]

Espelli - I said "after all formula is not poison" and I'm glad it helped you. I have been following this thread but couldn;t bring myself to post (until now) because of the OP's comparison with Rwanda, which frankly made me think, are you serious or is this a wind-up? (Sorry SophieChristophy, I know this is a serious thread and you feel strongly about this topic.)

I've now decided that discussing breastfeeding is like religion: there are "true believers", "unbelievers" and the rest of us, who are just doing our best.

[Otta]

"Live and let live" (Pickle)

Amen!

[sillywoman]

Otta Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> And that NCT survey is pointless.

>

> Much like everything else the NCT do. (sorry,

> couldn't resist)

Every flipping time Otta - what's your beef? Really - give us a break now & again will you? Or, fess up as to what it was that the NCT did to you that made you feel so truly bitter toward them.

I suspect you'd get pretty hacked off too if you spent 4 years training, did the job you love that aimed to be as factual and as helpful as possible to new Mums & Dads at an often difficult time in their lives and had someone making perpetual snide & unpleasant digs at your chosen career path at any and every opportunity. Come on now, play nice make some effort to resist. It's not fun any more. Pretty please.

P.s. Katgod - I could have written your post - are you me?

[Otta]

Sorry SW, it was nothing more than mischief making, I knew you'd comment. I'll stop it now. Although I will say that IMO the NCT is not a very inclusive organisation, but that's another thread.

[sillywoman]

OK, my hackles are down now Otta, Thanks for the apology. I do know what you're saying about inclusivity, but to stand up for them a bit they are trying very hard to remedy that with a lot of teachers running 'teen pregnancy' classes and being encouraged to bid for contracts teaching a lot of the hospital classes. Unfortunately for the NCT - though fortunately for us - we have excellent hospital parenting Ed from Kings and our teen pregnancies are well served by a specialist Midwife team (Bessemer). They are trying though Otta, really they are.

[Curmudgeon]

I exclusively breastfed to 6 months - and beyond mainly because I had no issues, pain (beyond first few days) or need to return immediately to work and it was easier than faffing with bottles and sterilising. If any of these factors had affected me I would have had no qualms (or minimal ones) swapping to formula.

There can be no judgement in how you choose to feed your children - the people I judge are those who don't bother with their children not those who agonise over every decision.

I think, in the main, if you love your children and want to do your best for them - then that's good enough!

[Belle]

I think, in the main, if you love your children and want to do your best for them - then that's good enough!

Well said Curmudgeon. Think we should all drink to that!

[Otta]

Think we should all drink to that!

Erm, breast or formula?

[Sanne Panne]

I almost don't want to share my BF/FF story because it shouldn't make a difference. But since it's good to have as wide a range of experiences possible here I will add mine too.

I had no struggle with BF at all for the first 3-4 months. Around that age my first got a very nasty cold and couldn't drink from the breast as well as she could from the bottle. Tiny feeds meant bad sleep and slow recovery. So we mixed-fed her for a while. Expressed milk and formula. After the cold passed she refused the breast. No big surprise. I fought the change for a while taking all kinds of supplements to get my supply up (fenugreek, oatmeal, motilium) and letting her get a bit hungry and when that didn't help I settled for a few sips from the breast and then the bottle (classical "mistake" I know) and that was the beginning of the end.

Long story short: I'm sure I would have pulled it off if formula hadn't existed but instead I had a good think and decided that 3-4 months of breastmilk is fantastic (and I would have hopefully felt the same if this issue had occurred at any other point in time). I didn't decide that because I was so egoistic and uninformed. I did because I looked at my own individual chunky beaming child and remembered that statistics show an average and I was confident that OUR child had got what she needed. Similar story with baby 2 but with much less stress and doubt.

I personally believe that a stressed baby that gets breastmilk is generally not better off than a content baby that gets formula. Not saying breastfeeding equals stress, not at all, my first months were easy. But emotional health is extremely important. For the long term happiness and confidence of the child as well as for its physical health. This is my personal belief, but maybe the "emotional health aids physical health" instinct plays a bigger role in many mothers' decisions than we think.

And we should also not forget that many scientists and data analysts etc will happily only wave the numbers in your face that suit them. Seen to much of this. Failing to share as complete as possible a picture and claiming authority based on profession if you're not being professional is not cool, people. I don't think it's happened in this thread but I have seen it here and there. Sorry if this sounds off topic and patronising :-$

[Pasta]

I have been following this thread with interest. Like many others I struggled in the beginning to the point of despair and even have scars on my nipples (still 7 years later!) but i got through it by finding support and stuck with it for a year for both of my children. It was a difficult time but after the 3 month stage things got easier and i was so much happier. A lot has to do with support. Support from your husband, from your family, from your friends. All my friends breastfed, which also helps i think.

I think a good comparison to be made is with Norway which has very high breastfeeding rates. I found this article from british journal of midwifery:

"It is well recognized that breast-feeding declined in most European countries during the 1960s. How some countries, such as Norway subsequently increased the breast-feeding rates is less known. This comparative paper between Scotland and Norway, analyses the historical, social and cultural factors that influence the prevalence of breast-feeding. It is argued that the choice of feeding method is based on the dominant cultural norms which exist in each society. In comparison to Scotland, there is a strong cultural norm to breast-feed in Norway. This is partly because of a more relaxed attitude towards the naked human body, a healthier lifestyle in general and that the practical barriers that deter women from breast-feeding have been removed. In addition, strategies to reverse the effects of commercial promotion of formula milk, and inconsistent advice by health professionals were implemented at an early stage of the declining trends."

Have to agree with the relaxed attitude to the naked human body, we could take a leaf out of their book. We have to buy scarves and other accessories to cover ourselves, otherwise it's like oh gosh she's got her boobs out whereas it should be look at that wonderful act of feeding her baby. If society were less uptight, we wouldn't be trying to find dingy rooms,toilets or cover ourselves to breastfeed. It should be part of the social culture. I know things are changing and shops have more facilities but people are still embarassed about seeing women's breasts ! And only when breastfeeding !