Am about to explode or am I being unreasonable?

[LizzygotDizzy]

Absolutely fuming, my son spent Xmas with his daddy and fiance, I have never had a problem, been bad to or even spoken in a derogatory way to her,in fact I have gone out of my way to be polite to her whenever we have ever bumped into one another, which has only been twice, I encouraged my son to go laden with gifts for my ex husband's new family, her kids and his daddy, but my son forgot his mobile, I have never phoned their home number but have always had the number, and his dad was at work today, my son was due home last night but I received a text message from his dad to say coming home Sunday, which was fine with me, having not spoken for a few days I telephoned their home number, was extremely polite, friendly on the phone to girlfriend, and asked could I speak with my son which seemed fine with her, lo and behold an hour later I get a text message from my ex hubby that his girlfriend does not want me ringing the house! I said my son was staying there and I hadn't spoken to him for a few days and missed hearing his voice, my son being 9, I got a really nasty text from my ex hubby saying basically that his girlfriend does not want me ringing her home, I have NEVER done anything to upset her and was pleased that my kids got on so well with her, i'm absolutely fuming so now want to find out if he is in fact "allowed" to phone me from there when he wants to or forgets to take his mobile with him, I am still livid and feel like driving up there and demanding his return straight away if I am not allowed to contact him, his dad works during the day so phoning him via his dad's mobile was not an option.

Woah, feel so much better now got that off my chest!! Sorry guys for that! Just venting....

[MadWorld74]

....I'd give the b*tch a piece of my mind. He's your son. Go round there and punch her lights out.

[TillieTrotter]

That is totally unreasonable. You need to talk to your ex and tell him how hurt you feel and lay down some laws (ground rules). Unfortunately, the seconds feel rather vulnerable and can be spiteful. You must assert your rights here. Good Luck Lizzy.

[LizzygotDizzy]

Lol, if only I could, am not really a violent person, my bark is worse than my bite! But have texted (if that is the right terminology) his dad to say if I am unable to have contact or phone their home number (in the extremely rare occasions that I need to, they have been living together for a year now, and this was the first time I've ever phoned their home), then I will have to re-think my decision to let him stay over at all, drastic I know, but I don't think I'm being really unreasonable, its not like I'm constantly on the phone to him/her or bothering them, but then again, the only person who really suffers if this does happen will be my son who loves the time he spends with his dad.

[LizzygotDizzy]

Thanks Tillie, thought I was going mad.

[lilolil]

It would have been nice if his Dad had let him ring home to let you know all was OK. Perhaps your son could bring home some toenail clippings and some hair and we will help you make a voodoo doll!!!LOL

Getting upset and angry, although VERY justified , is playing into their hands, and hard as it may be, you have to grit your teeth and let your ex know, firmly, that in future you would like to hear from your son to know he has arrived safely.

You are doing the right thing by not saying anything negative to your son re his father and the new "set up". Given time he will make his own mind up. Good luck and hold your head HIGH.

(Scream into a cushion! It helps)

[LizzygotDizzy]

Yup Lilolil, the voodoo doll concept is definitely appealing to me right at this moment in time! Lol!!!

[boosboss]

If you were ringing the home number at any other time then I'd understand the girlfriends position, but while your son is staying there she should be more understanding. I think you need to tell your ex that that will be the case and if either of them don't like it, tough. There's no point getting into a row about it, just tell them that's the way it's going to be.

[ChavWivaLawDegree]

I had loads of crap with my ex at one point. He was being ok one day then another time would start arguments for no reason and I couldn't work out what was going on, until I realsied the only time he started was when I was outside his house dropping off or picking up my kids, cos his missus was watching!

I have no interest in going anywhere near him, but he tries to make her think I still want him in order to keep her feeling insecure (tried the same on me when we were married) so everytime he started, I just drove off so he started ringing and I hung up, then he even wrote me a really nasty letter, so I threatened him with a non-mol order. Peace of a sort has reigned ever since, although his woman does try to stir shit between him and the kids.

Anyway, my advice, is ignore him. A person can only make you angry if you allow them to. You have the power not to listen. You have a right to make sure your son is ok, after plans have been changed. If he or his GF get pissy, ignore them and keep any evidence for court, incase it ever gets that far.

[Keef]

LizzygotDizzy Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> then I will have to re-think my decision to let him stay over at all,

Saying you can't ring their home is petty and out of order. However, threatening your ex with not being able to have HIS som stay over is f**king out of order!

His new lady might be an arse, but he is obviously trying to keep her happy, as well he should as he's with her. You can't use your child as a threat!

I'm sorry, but that sort of thing really makes me angry.

I think bossboss has given the best advise here, and I'd suggest following that.

[Azul]

ignore all those polite and civilized comments posted before.

go there and punch her nose, or tell us where she lives and we'll do it for you.

[LizzygotDizzy]

"but then again, the only person who really suffers if this does happen will be my son who loves the time he spends with his dad"

Keef, I didn't actually say I was going to do that, I said I felt like doing it or the way he behaved towards my trying to contact MY son was unreasonable, I would not for one moment use my child as a pawn, and he has as much contact with his father as he wants to, there are no limits or boundaries, its a matter of whatever HE wants, I have never ever badmouthed my ex to my son either, and left that all up to my ex who did his utmost to run me down to my own child to absolutely no end at all other than to upset my son. But I do reserve the right to speak to my son whenever I want to, within reason, when he is not home and staying for long a period of time with his father.

[LizzygotDizzy]

*Chav*

Are you actually a qualified solicitor with an LPC cert and registered Chav or do you just have your law degree? Am asking coz may need your services/advice in the future, ha! which area of law?

God thats awful when the exes get involved and try and stir up shit between fathers and their children, do they see their father at all? or stay over at all with him?

[ChavWivaLawDegree]

I finished my degree in the summer, and am training as an immigration & asylum caseworker. I wasn't into family law, but know a little bit from working as an outdoor clerk for various solicitors in the past. I was more interested in human rights and international public law, which is all about governments obligations to people and other states. I did environmental law too, so not that useful, sorry!

My ex still takes my youngest every 2 weeks, if he can find the time, and part of the Christmas holidays, but I've only just managed to get ?21 per week off him from the CSA after 6 years of trying - he's a self-employed painter & decorator so reckons he earns ?160 per week net!

I'll wait till he misses a payment and get them to check his bank accounts, cos they have to take his word for it at present and can only make further investigations if he doesn't pay. But I think even he isn't that stupid!

Ex-partners are often a nightmare, so there is no point in getting too stressed!

[Keef]

I wasn't suggesting that you had tried to stop your child seeing his father, that would be stupid of me considering he was there yesterday. However, I stand by the opinion that to consider that option because your ex's bird is being a knob would be unreasonable.

[LizzygotDizzy]

Well it wasn't only his gf being a knob it was him aswell to say that I was out of order for telephoning her home number on the one occasion I did to speak to my son who has been with them for a week now, and especially since the original plans had changed, (apparently gf's b'day today),I have yet to ask him if he is "allowed" to call me when he needs to/wants to from her house or would that be upsetting gf too much.

[LizzygotDizzy]

ChavWivaLawDegree Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

>

> My ex still takes my youngest every 2 weeks, if he

> can find the time, and part of the Christmas

> holidays, but I've only just managed to get ?21

> per week off him from the CSA after 6 years of

> trying - he's a self-employed painter & decorator

> so reckons he earns ?160 per week net!

>

>

Painters & Decorators can usually pull in around ?300-?500 a week clear, well the few I know, but have many ways of spiriting their moneys away and out of reach.

[EDOldie]

LGD sounds awful and I hope you can get a satisfactory solution. But is there some hidden agenda from the other side? Is there some question of control or simply some oneupmanship from them/her? I have to say I'd be slightly smug that I'd managed (albeit unintentionally) to piss them off so much. Stay cool.

[LizzygotDizzy]

Can anyone recommend a good solicitors in either the Dulwich, Camberwell, Peckham or Elephant & Castle areas? Don't think I will qualify for Legal Aid so may need to go privately paying as I earn too much, I need to get some information and advice on some other child and contact issues, many thanks for any help

[ChavWivaLawDegree]

I know Galzer Delmar are very good in immigration and asylum law and I have heard they are very professional and good in other areas of law too, so you might want to try them. They are based at the top of Rye Lane.

Here is their website http://www.glazerdelmar.com/