Bath and bedtime with toddler and baby - how?!?!?

[amydown]

Flying solo after weeks of help from family now that the baby is 5 weeks old. Everything else is going ok but tonight's bath/ bedtime routine was horrid for our 2yr old. He normally has a bath, 3 stories and then "night night" but recently, he has wanted me to come to bed with him, etc etc. Understandable given the big change he is going through with the arrival of his baby brother but this made bath/ bedtime horrid tonight (and hubby was home early today to help - don't want to imagine how I would cope on my own!)

What do people generally do in terms of routine, timing, when do you cook dinner, etc etc?

Many thanks in advance.

[EmmaG]

No help from me - my baby is 10 months old and toddler 2 years, and I find it a complete nightmare. The big one can hold her own bottle but muscles in on my knee while I'm feeding the baby and she snatches the book from us when we're having our story. I have help, but on the one or two occasions when I've been on my own I read a story to both from the same book with a child on each knee, take the baby to bed (as she settles more quickly), leaving the toddler to jump around trying to climb my legs/baby's cot, then go and do a couple more stories with the toddler before spending ages settling her to sleep.

If anyone has a good answer to Amydown's question I'd be most interested.

Emma

[Pickle]

I remember the feeling of terror when I was first left to deal with bedtime by myself... at the time I had a newborn and a 17 month old who couldn't walk, so it was scary!

For me the key was being super organised. When I had a spare moment during the day I would prepare dinner, sometimes that would be early in the morning. During the afternoon I would go upstairs and get all the bath stuff laid out ready, pj's out etc. While giving my toddler his dinner I would start feeding the baby (breastfed), and basically try to get as much milk into her as I could at that point.

Baby was then generally quite happy to lie on a changing mat in the bathroom while I did toddlers bath, and sometimes she would get plonked in the bath too if I was feeling ambitious. While toddler was in the bath I would often give baby a bit more milk so that she was happy while I got my older boy dried/dressed.

Sometimes I was then able to put her in her cot/moses basket while I did my son's stories etc., other times she would need to be with us - but I would try to feed her with as little fuss as possible so that my son didn't feel like she was taking his attention. Once he was settled into bed I would then finish off the baby's feed and put her to bed too. Then pour a BIG glass of wine.

I think the key to coping with that time of day with more than one child is to stay as relaxed as possible, and don't expect it to go the same way twice!

I'm now dealing with a newborn, 3.5 year old and 5 year old at bedtime and thought it would be hard - but actually it's a whole lot easier as the big kids are able to get dressed by themselves which is a huge help!

[snowboarder]

Tea/bath/bed is the hardest time I found with newborn and toddler. My extra pair of hands were in the form of a sling that could get baby in and out of quickly/easily, and having bouncy chairs/swings in every room in the house! I also found that if I gave baby a little snack feed around 5pm we got through bedtime with fewer tears. My husband is generally not back for bathtime so we had to suss this out pretty early.

This is how I did (kind of still do but they bath together happily now at 11m and 2 yr 10m) it: Tea at 5 for toddler, manage best you can with sling/chair in the kitchen. TV to drown out the noise. Back through to living room for wind down cbeebies and a feed for the baby. All upstairs at 6.15/30. Bath for toddler, baby either in chair watching in the bathroom or had a quick dunk too, then change and dress on the floor in the bathroom while toddler plays in bath. Back into toddlers room - baby in (another) chair, dress and stories and plonk toddler in bed with book and nightlight on, saying I'll be back to give you a kiss in a bit. Take baby to bedroom and feed and settle (this sometimes took 2 hrs!). Hope that toddler has passed out in this time. Have a large glass of wine.....

I know some manage to feed the baby whilst doing stories etc - I couldn't do this - toddler generally not keen on me feeding the baby when he was around apart form anything else! There was a LOT of crying, but it gradually gets easier and now the boys play in the bath together. As with everything it gets easier/you adapt and manage...Good luck!

[Pickle]

Also, when son got a little bit older (2ish onwards) if I felt that the baby was getting too tired and needed settling first I used to put a DVD on for him on a little portable DVD player in his cot while I sat in his room feeding the baby. It meant everyone was nice and calm and my son thought it was a brilliant treat!

[Pickle]

Ha ha Snowboarder, we cross posted. Different methods, but love the fact that we both specify a glass of wine at the end ;-)

[snowboarder]

Essential! Sometimes (was summer so still light) I would go upstairs at 6.30 and emerge back down to devastated house at about 9.....amazing how quickly you forget and now it's all done in 45mins/hr. I actually (shhh dont tell him) sometimes find it easier doing it on my own these days - it's far quicker and quieter and less excitable than the weekend hullabuloo when daddy 'helps'.....

[Pickle]

Oh yes, definitely. When Daddy is home it's chaos as they're all so excited to see him (well, maybe not baby, but certainly the other two). When it's just me I think they're as sick of me as I am of them and are pleased to get to bed ;-)

[amydown]

Helpful tips. Thank you everyone and the posts also made me smile which is an added bonus!!!

[mrsbee]

When number 2 arrived this was the thing that I was most worried about and I tried a number of different of ways until I found what worked for us. The key thing (which is what Pickle has also said) is to be organised.

I get everything ready for bed sometime during the day. Then give baby a feed at toddler's teatime and have them in the bath by 6pm - I put both in the bath together and after a short while got the baby out and get them dressed in the bathroom while the older one played in the bath. Then I'd get the other out and get him ready for bed. Once the eldest was about 22 months I'd put him in front of Night Garden (we live in a flat so I'm never too far away) and he would never move from in front of the box. I would then feed baby and put him down and usually he would settle by the time Cbeebies was finished and then I could concentrate on the elder one.

Now I have three I do exactly the same - I don't know how I'd do it without the tv though!

Also I rarely have help at bedtime and agree with both you that daddy can be more of a help than a hindrance - I have actually asked him not to arrive home at 6.50 as it causes too much excitement with the 2 and 4 year old and undoes all of my good work!

[katgod]

Don't recall precise details, never had help, but baby basically carried from room to room as toddler put in bath, stories, bed. Tbh the new baby is happy provided full up, it is harder when the new baby is mobile too. And you have to have different expectations. Does toddler have to have a bath every day? If it makes life easier do it, if not, don't. Feeding baby before cooking toddler tea seems familiar too, so baby sleeps through tea, bed, bath and you are serenely feeding when hubby comes home to pour that wine.

[sillywoman]

OK, I'm thinking back a bot now, but I seem to recall that until they were old enough to bath together the routine was something like this:

After tea run shallow bath for baby & bath baby while toddler 'helps'.

Get baby out and put on warm towel on floor in warm bathroom while I run more water in for a deeper bath for toddler.

Toddler has bath while I dress baby then sit on the loo & feed baby.

Baby (fed & clean) either comes with us into toddler bedroom for a story etc etc or (better still) is put in cot & drifts off or plays while toddler has bedtime story - only one or two - & nighttime kisses.

Deal with baby if baby still awake.

Pour large glass of wine.

The last step of the routine is in capital letters in my mind, but I didn't want to 'shout' on the forum. :))

[Belle]

I still don't bath baby every night, and if I'm on my own I'm less likely to - though sometimes it's easier to dunk him in than not as it distracts him at that classic grizzly hour. i have a bouncy seat in the bathroom he sits in, and i set up the changemat just outside bathroom door with his bed clothes, clean nappy etc. 3 yr oldgoes in first, then baby, then dry baby and dress him quickly on mat, chatting to 3 yo so he doesn't get bored and attempt to climb out. Then baby goes back in bouncy chair while finish and dry toddler. Then all downstairs - milk and tv for 3 yr old, baby finishes feed that was hopefully started earlier during 3yo teatime, or if not then has full feed then. if i'm on my own the next bit depends how calm baby is...if i think i've a good chance of getting him down easily i nip up and do it whilst 3 year old engrossed in tv. more likely htough, have to go up with both, then my preference is to get toddler to 'help' me put baby to bed, then go and do stories - if baby cries i leave toddler to 'read' his books or choose next story whilst i calm him. This has a 50/50 success rate as sometimes 3 year old just really wants my attention, but he's often really good. And in truth i am v lucky in that husband is often back for bedtime, if not bathtime.

my preferred tipple after is g&t :)-D

i would say: go easy on yourself. skip one or both baths when it's been a tough day. if you know your husband is on his way home and you're knackered, hold on for a bit - late bedtime won't kill them. My view is to prioritise toddler as he 'knows' if he's being shortchanged, but obviously if baby is crying e.g. with wind, then you have to go to them. You will get into your own swing of things, don't worry!

[littlemoo]

I'm reading this with interest as I sit beside the cot of my 21mo son, having just attempted bath/ bed routine with him and his 3.5wo little sister. My niece is here helping but I wanted to try this more or less on my own, to see if I could do it. The fact that I'm still in toddlers room suggests it didn't go that well, but at least the baby is asleep next door.

I managed supper ok, then the had a brief bath together, then I dressed and fed baby while son in bath playing. Moved to sons bedroom, he read his books until baby was ready to be put down (I.e fell asleep on boob) then I came back to tell him his one story (turned into three) he went into cot, I left the room and he started to scream!!!

The screaming as I leave the room has been happening on and off since his sister arrived ...

I guess we'll figure it out.

Just waiting for that glass of wine!!

[Saila]

my sister has four kids under 5

she was told a tip that saved her life... apparenlty there are a lot of nannies/extra helpers out there who are looking for a little extra cash

she hires someone to come in every day for 1.5 hours during 'rush hour' (6pm-730pm) to be that extra pair of hands

when you're paying ?8/hour or whatever, it's a small price to pay for the short term relief it gives

good advice i thought

[jenc]

Thanks so much for starting this thread amydown, I've been puzzling about it since number 2 arrived in November. So far, as far as I can tell, the only definite is the glass of wine when it's all over! I've found its success or otherwise depends on how tired the baby is, and mine seems to be tired a lot - despite being almost three months old she seems to only want to be awake 1-1.5hrs before she wants to be asleep again. Anyway, I digress, at the moment I'm putting them both in the bath (son is 27m) about 6/6.15 then getting the baby out and drying her while toddler still in bath, then dry and dress him while baby kicks on floor, sometimes crying, on a good day not. Then into our room to feed the baby while toddler reads books with us, then put baby down while I take toddler into his room, give him his milk and put him to bed. Usually the baby is crying at this point but the toddler is quick to put to bed so I rush back into her then and sort her out. Stressful. I was hoping that number 2 would be one of those babies who just drifted off to sleep by themselves but sadly not. Great to hear other people's strategies.

[amydown]

Thank you for all the tips. Went semi-solo for the first time today. Had everything ready upstairs whilst older one's watching tv, he then didn't want a bath so we put down the baby in his cotbed with the older one "helping" me by reading stories to baby. Baby eventually dropped off and the older one then wanted a bath.

Bath and stories all went smoothly and I'm thinking "I can do this!!!". Oh boy. How wrong was I. After 4 stories, I say "night night" and all hell breaks loose. He got hysterical, not wanting me to leave. I sat by his bed for ages trying to calm him down, threaten, cuddles, bribes, you name it. Eventually, husband gets home and took over (he is more strong willed then me and our toddler totally knows it!). Still not easy with husband either and eventually, with husband sitting outside the room with door open, he fell asleep. I think that was around 10pm. Baby had been woken up by toddler crying too...

Toddler had been a terrible sleeper until he was 18m - i went on a work trip for a couple of nights and weaned him off breast milk at the same time. This is when he started sleeping through the night and we thought we had cracked it. Since then, he had been happy to go to bed and I used get my evening back by 8pm ish, 8.30 at the latest. Obviously the baby's arrival has unsettled him and I have been giving him extra cuddles. So confused as to what to do. Don't want to be too strict with him as I think he needs the emotional cuddles right now but don't want to form bad habits either! Oh, and he has started waking up again during the night which he hadn't done for a long time.

Give me strength!!!

Edited to add, by the time I had come downstairs at 10pm, I was famished!!! Baby had has two big feeds by then, I was gasping for water and food (and wine).....

[Fuschia]

Can't help because mr f is home for bedtime so even when I had twin babies to settle, we played tag

However, always worth having food yourself before you start (and sounds likd stashing bottles of water around will help

Sounds like son no 1 does need reassurance, but pref not at bed time

Are you getting plenty of cuddles and 1:1 other times?

This will all

Pass x

[Pickle]

Yes, I agree with Fuschia, try to eat before you start the bedtime process if you're on your own. Since my kids were young I've cooked one meal that we all eat, so I have mine at 5:30ish with the children. At least that way you're not starving on top of the stress of bedtime.

Would a reward chart or similar work with your toddler?

P x

[Belle]

poor you, this sounds really tough - though as can see from littlemoo's post, not uncommon - and though my son was older when his little brother was born (32 months), I do remember a few unsettled nights at the start. He also was quite clingy and upset that I wasn't around so much - wnated me to do everything, which of course I couldn't. Think Fuschia makes a good point - maybe try to get some time with him during the day, though lord knows it's hard with a newborn around! say when the baby is sleeping? or do special things at the weekend just with him, nothing major but e.g. I took my son for a haircut just me and him...i found he settled down pretty quickly though he was older as I say.

Also was thinking: i don't think my younger son gave us an 'evening' until he was about 7 weeks old, so when he wouldn't settle in the early days i just brought him back down - it does take them a while to get the hang of the whole 'sleep in the evening' thing after all. So maybe just bring baby back down so you can have a drink/bite to eat/time with husband? There's plenty time to instil a routine...

x

[crystal7]

I'm stil no good at this 4 months in! Am very lucky that OH is home for bedtime most nights (he leaves super early though so breakfast is chaos!). I feed baby while toddler eats then put him in his chair while I eat (if possible). I get everything ready in the bathroom then bath both together (always bath them both each night, not much of a routine person but feel I have to end the day like this...they love it too) baby only gets a quick dip and toddler is happy to play in there while I get baby dried and dressed. Then toddler out dried and dressed, she then goes to her room to read while I feed and settle baby. I then go back to her room and read to her put her in bed and collaspe with chocolate and wine! Sometimes toddler is clingy (especially when tired) so she comes with me and I read to her quietly while feeding baby then we go to her room and read one more story. It's a bit hit or miss! Agree with Belle though in the early days definitely don't feel bad about having baby downstairs with you, it's so hard and the last thing you want to do in the evening is sit in the dark shushing/ feeding etc...

[radhabee]

Hey Amy,

When I am on my own best case scenario is for lastborn (3.5months) to have had a nap around 4pm so that he can make it through firstborn's (2.5 yrs) supper fairly happily. Either he naps in his cot or (in dire circs) we go for a little drive. So, routine is then this: both children relatively cheerful during toddler tea. I sometimes feed newborn while firstborn is eating, or like Sillywoman above feed baby on loo at bathtime. Both upstairs for bath. Baby kicks about while toddler is in bath. Bath baby quickly and dress. More kicking about. Toddler out of bath and dressed then both to toddler's bedroom. Baby on floor, kicking about. Toddler on knee for one story (we've always done just one story at bedtime and I'm glad because baby is nearing end of tether by this time), kiss goodnight, leave room. baby last feed in bedroom, put down. ESCAPE! Obviously it varies a bit depending on the day we've all had, but I think they key is to enable baby to cope during the witching hours of 5-7/7.30pm. That might be a feed or a sleep or both. Whatever gets you through...

But it is daunting. First time I had both on my own everyone's supper was late, baby was overtired, yelling his head off in bathroom while I tried to rock him calm. Toddler was fully dressed, not yet bathed, running away from me and thought it would be excellent fun to turn the bathroom light on and off. Imagine. Pitch black, yelling, lights full on, yelling, toddler giggling, pitch black, yelling etc etc

Good luck!

R x