Baby wont eat at nursery - tell me it will be ok

[shaunag]

My lo has just started at nursery and its going about as badly as it can go. She has just turned one, and owing to her various food intolerances I had been breastfeeding her up until the beginning of December to prepare her for going to nursery. I stopped day time feeds but have kept up her night feeds (she still feeds through the night but I have a lot less milk so I think its for comfort more than anything else). Her feeding then started to go badly and I got her to eat fish fingers and scrambled egg and the odd tuna/sweetcorn mayonnaise, as well as ellas organics and bread, but that was pretty much it. She started settling in at nursery on 3 January, and as she was so hysterically upset I have had to take 2 weeks off work to try to settle her gradually (upping her hours little by little). However, we have only managed to build it up to 5 and a 1/2 hours, during which time she refuses to eat anything for them and drinks only tiny sips of water. I really need to get back to work next week, but obviously I cant if she is still not eating for them. She then eats ok at home, but she is missing out as I can only get so much into her before nursery and in the few hours after she gets home but before bed. To make things worse her molars have been coming since early December, though they have not yet appeared, but Im sure this is not helping her eating. She is having a nap after lunch time with all of the other babies but is not having her morning nap at nursery as the other babies dont nap then. Has anyone else been through this? Im starting to panic massively and it would really help to hear if anyone else has come out the other side of this...

[jennyh]

Hey

Not been through exactly the same but mine wouldnt eat at first. She was younger (around 8 months) when she started and we had been settling with a childminder prior to that so she was quite used to being left for a few hours here and there but wasnt happy about it at all. I can't remember how long she refused to eat/take her milk for but now it seems like it wasnt very long so I think at the time it felt much worse as it comes with the tears and the exhaustion they get from not sleeping and being upset etc. We also struggled a bit with the sleeping and the nursery would prefer if she didn't sleep in the morning but sometimes I really enforce it as a requirement if she has a cold or had a particularly bad night. I would suggest that you ask the nursery manager if you can sit down to discuss it and see whether there is anything they can do to help, perhaps you can ask whether you could go in at lunchtime and feed her in the environment to see if it would settle her, then when she is used to the surroundings you stop going? Or perhaps you could provide food for her that you think she would stand a better chance of eating so that she becomes accustomed to eating there?

Is there one person that she likes there in particular, has she shown more of an interest with a keyworker etc? Perhaps they could agree to take her solely for a few sessions to help the settling? If you feel strongly that she needs a morning nap and that its not working her missing out then do speak up, I get the feeling at our nursery that they would rather sail on through the morning without thinking about it, if the babies aren't crying then surely they aren't tired...wrong! :) I think that the group feeding is very good for them and I would imagine that seeing the others eating will eventually encourage her to try a bit more.

From what I have heard from our nursery - there is rarely a child who doesn't settle, they all will after a while but obviously your daughter has a very strong bond with you and the change is unsettling and could take time. Coupled with the teeting etc she is shouting loudly that she doesn't like it one bit.

Keep going though, I know it must be very worrying but it will get better but sadly its something you just have to persevere with. If you are worried about her diet then you could always consider giving her some dioralyte in water to replace some of the stuff that she's not getting from her food - my daughter didnt eat or drink milk for nearly 6 days when she was ill before Xmas and this really made me feel that at least she was getting something even if she was losing weight.

how many days is she supposed to do there?

[Monkey]

Can't give advice on the feeding side of things but regarding naps, for little ones under 18 months, i should think the nursery would go with your requirements. My daughter went to two nurseries before she turned 1 and both nurseries put her to bed at the times I requested. Now it did not always work (actually it hardly ever did!) because she was too excited and wanted to be with the other kids but the nursery did try. Trying to get a whole bunch of one-year-olds to have the same routine seems mad!

Happy to give you the names of the nurseries via PM.

Good luck with the settling in.

[crystal7]

Shaunag you have my sympathies. I went back to work when my daughter was 11 months and not a great eater and it took her a while to eat much whilst with her childminder. She was terribly upset when I left her each morning which was just awful and sometimes she would eat only a piece of apple all day. I would usually find she'd eat a bit with me in the evenings but not a lot. I was still breastfeeding too 1st thing last thing and twice in the night. I think I underestimated how many calories she was getting from my milk though as she was fine and thriving throughout. I too felt there wasn't much left but was probably a bit paranoid about it. My childminder was very supportive and would try different things at different times such as when E was a bit distracted. I'd bring Ella's Kitchen pouches for back ups too. It slowly got better and after 3 months or so she was eating better there than at home. Looking back as well as separation anxiety teething probably had a lot to do with it...I think you should definitely go in and discuss it with the nursery staff and maybe provide something you know she'll eat? Really hope it improves for you soon.

[shaunag]

Thanks everyone - its really helpful to get some other perspectives on it as Im definately not being objective. Jennyh she is due to be a fulltimer - Im still wrangling with whether I can go back 4 days or not. LO drank a few ounces of milk today and refused her lunch but had a soldier of two of bread and a little banana at tea time so Im hoping its baby steps towards getting into eating there. I brought her lunch home and to my surprise she had 7 spoons at dinner time, and ate all around her for me! I cant fault the nursery - they have been trying incredibly hard with her, all the staff from all the rooms (and the cooks) know her and make massive efforts with her. They have tried to get her down for a morning nap, but as you say Monkey, if there is anything going on she just will not sleep. I spoke with her key person and the manager today and they are both confident that she is improving every day, with less crying and more smiles so I suppose we just need to persevere and fingers crossed I havent done any long-term psychological damage by sending her to nursery (always knew Mums felt guilty about things but never appreciated quite how stomach twistingly much). I never in a million years would have thought that I would want to be a stay at home mum, but reality means I need to work. Maybe in a few years if Im very lucky...

[DaisyDoo]

Hi,

So so familiar; my daughter started a nursery at age 9 months & stayed there for 3 months. Nothing passed her lips drink or food wise in those 3 months WHILST at nursery & she had HUGE milk bottle minute she saw me whilst still at the nursery (she was breastfed till the week before she started nursery) & huge dinner & dessert after. For us, we changed her nursery, NOT due the feeding but due my concerns re that nursery. She ate from word go in the second nursery we put her in, staff were just so so amazing & supportive. I don't in any way mean that your daughter's feeding issue at unrsery is due to the staff there at all, just stating our circumstances at that time. Anyway, my daughter has gone on to become a FANTASTIC eater & surprises all at the range of foods she will eagerly eat.

No matter how hard it seems presently, I feel sure your situation will imporove for much much better.

Best wishes