Melting down at playgroups

[Monkey]

Anyone else out there with two-year-olds melting down each time they take them to music, football or dance classes? My litte one's at nursery full-time and the staff only have gOod things to say about her (though they all stress the fact that she is strong-minded) Yet if I take her somewhere at the weekend, she is by far the worst behaved child, screams the place down and refuses to participate. I have tried a few groups now, only one at a time with time off in-between, but it's always the same story. Help, please!

[cuppa tea]

Sounds very familiar. Perhaps as she is spending a fair bit of time in the company of other children at nursery she is wanting you to herself. Being at nursery/school is a child's version of 'going to work' and most people wouldn't want to go to work on weekend days as well. Maybe she needs a break from being around other chilren? I often think that toddler groups are more for the parents than the children anyway. My eldest wasn't interested in other kids until he was about 3ish, before that it was more about the toys than the kids/people.

[Monkey]

That's what I thought in which case it's fine. But yesterday I saw 14 impeccably behaved little girls whose parents also work (but they might go to childminders for all I know) and my tearaway one. Every child is different I guess. I am just hoping there's not a problem there. Time will tell. Thank you.

[snowboarder]

Hmm I don't know - I don't work and my 2yr 9m old is a complete pain at organised classes. He goes to preschool 3 mornings a week and seems to love it and the staff haven't ever complained he's unruly, but at football/music/tumbletots etc he just runs around like a maniac and won't wait his turn/stand in line etc. He's fine when we go to playgroups and he can do what he likes and just play.

I've actually upped his days at preschool and ditched tumbletots as it was becoming so stressful (esp with his younger brother in tow). Football is next to go I think as my husband takes him and says he just doesn't participate. It's such a shame as he's a really active boy and loves football and running around and I honestly thought he'd love the classes. Hoping it's just a maturity thing!

[cuppa tea]

Sorry i didn't read the original post properly. Yes more structured classes are tricky at age 2 aren't they? I actually never did any because it would have been a total waste of money and my son would never have wanted to do them. The less formal stuff is much, much easier. At 2 my little one is not mature enough, and my eldest wouldn't have been able to follow instruction. I figure they have the rest of their lives to work out how to do that.

For other people, at nursery, at school, children are always much better behaved than for their parents. Still working out why this is!

[Monkey]

Thank you both for your advice. Very reassuring to know that all kids are not as well behaved as yesterday's lot! I think, from playing with her, observing her and chatting with her key workers, that my daughter is able to follow instructions but just reacts badly to any form of authority. Oh well I was the same and I did ok:)) dear oh dear, I am not looking forward to her teens.

[Goodliz]

Hi Monkey, Just saw your post and it made me think of my youngest.

My 2 were totally different.

Number 1 son - Loved organised activities and groups from what I can remember.

Number 2 son - Hated them. I tried a few and won't mention the names as that would be unfair to them. In the end I stopped bothering and to be honest it saved money. He just did not want to get involved at all and would just cling to me or sit on my knee.

Things he did (and still does) like were playgrounds, going to the park and having friends round.

Both boys were very well behaved a nursery etc.

Could be down to child's personality. And of course kids always seem to behave better when not with their parents :)

Liz

[bluesuperted]

I only have an almost 17 month old but I know that structured classes are unlikely to be for him in his toddler years. I think it's totally normal behaviour and a reason why I believe that our education system is too structured too soon for most (although not all) little ones. Free play and running around are order of the day for my boy too, he loved baby sensory but only until he was crawling (6.5 months) after that I spent most of the remaining sessions scampering around after him and playing in the free play area! Today is a case in point, we took him to the science museum and he adored the interactive, choose for yourself exhibits. Not in the slightest bit ready or interested in the (I'm sure excellent) bubbles show - we didn't push it and I don't see his wriggling as bad behaviour, just his way of demonstrating to us he couldn't access what was going on. IMO 2 is still young for structured classes and while I don't have experience of nurseries as a parent (I do as a professional) I imagine most of the activities are very very unstructured and child-led for pre-3 year olds. When I did speech therapy sessions with 2-3 yr olds, 10 mins was a long activity and 30 mins was long session (group or one-to-one); a lot of paid for classes found here are a lot longer and while this works for some, it is very challenging for other littlies.

I think while there are some excellent baby activities locally, there are some I've seen that just aim too high for the level of attention toddlers have at a given developmental age; I took my boy when he was 1 to a class (for walking babies) and he was repeatedly reminded to pay attention to the instructor rather than the curtain he wanted to run behind; I think some classes are structured to look that way (and justify cost) for the sake of parents without taking in the developmental needs of the curious toddler. Needless to say we didn't go back and I save my cash for hummy mummies (free play plus singing for me, perfect) and spent much of the week in the park, the woods and various soft play and free play groups!

Wow I've ranted on a bit but repeat what others have said - normal and nothing to worry about as far as I can see!

[Belle]

yes, totally agree BST and others. Have had similar experiences. We found a couple of classes that worked for us because paying attention/joining in was optional, so my son drifted in and out. Sing and sign was a good example - he didn't ever really do the signing but loved the singing and the teacher really 'got' him and let him be himself (without disrupting others). We went to that from 8mths - 2 years. but def struggled with others. it is hard in winter when it's a bit cold to be just in the park etc, roll on the warmer weather! One o clock club could be a good one given is free play but plenty to do?

[snowboarder]

But what is with these really lovely angelic obedient children at these classes?!? I kind of wouldn't mind if everyone was running round like a loony.

Am thinking/hoping my little boy will be better when a bit older and you actually leave them at the classes. As much as anything I think it's me he plays up for...

[bluesuperted]

Well the sample at any given structured class is probably not a representative one - it's likely to be skewed towards regulars for whom the class (and other similar activities) is a good toddler fit, with those who it doesn't work so well for, trying it once and then not going again. If my LO loved sitting and listening quietly and attentively I'm sure I'd be lapping up all the classes I could get my hands on, as it is, I'm getting to know several

soft play layouts intimately!

[snowboarder]

Gah I am really stupid then for determinedly going back again and again and being harassed stressed mum with baby on one arm and giggling runaway on the other....

[bluesuperted]

SB: Maybe your dedication will pay off though, you never know :) My new years resolution (after I took my toddler to a craft-focused baby shower that I should NEVER have taken him too, and he broke, by climbing onto the delicate wooden lid, a lovely sewing basket) is to not do things that make me harassed or toddler unable to meet required standards of comportment! So far it's helping stress levels on my part (think toddler was oblivious).

[Ruth_Baldock]

Seb just cannot do anything structured, and has a penchant for massive tantrums anyway. It used to stress me out until i realised "erm, he's TWO", and relaxed. I don't take him to anything structered, and the only groups we go to that have song time, are the ones that are relaxed about him dancing about and not sitting nicely.

(hence why i lurve the all saints playgroup).

You are not alone with an "unruly" toddler; if people stare, its probably because they know exactly how it feels!!!