fear of the potty

[little h]

hello

Sorry folks, another potty post. day 4 in the potty training house...b is doing well and holding his wee in for ages. We've had a few successes but he's clearly scared of the potty and a number of times has weed everywhere rather than use the potty right next to him! any advice for getting over this? He tells me when he needs a wee but then just refuses to use potty. No no, I don't want to, he says as he pees everywhere. Doesn't want to stand up or use toilet instead either. Its so frustrating as the couple of times he has done it in the potty he's been elated!

what can we do?

Thanks

H

[KBN]

Hi little H,

It may not be what you want to hear, but might he not be ready for it?

We tried with my daughter aged 2 exactly, and she was the same. Wd say when she needed a wee and hold it in, but got very distressed at the idea of using the potty, so we decided to call it a day. I did not want her getting a block about anything. She's now 2 1/2 and we re thinking about trying again, but gradually, rather than going cold turkey on nappies e.g. no nappy for 2 hrs before bedtime, using potty first thing in am, then building up. It might take longer, but hopefully be not at all stressful for her.

Good luck: when it isn't going so well potty training is a horror!

K

[little h]

hmm, he's actually almost 3 and we tried about 8 months ago...it was a disaster last time! He s doing so much better this time and is a bright boy... I actually think we've waited too long and he was too comfortable in and attached to his nappies. I don't think we should go back this time... Incidentally he would happily sit in a soiled nappy for hours and hated having them changed.

Bribery isn't working either...

H

[Fuschia]

Before removing the nappy I think i would have gone for rewarding just sitting on the potty.. make that a happy place.. read some books. sing some songs

The try in pants rather than nappy/actually trying to wee

Could you get one of those floaty things for the loo and try getting him to squirt wee at it, standing up?

[little h]

hi fushja

Yep we tried the sitting thing...think we'll just have to keep trying. we'll get there I'm sure, not sure how tho!

H

[Fuschia]

Just try sitting him briefly on the potty with no expectation to perform, perhaps while he is watching tv or otherwise distracted? Set yourself a target of hourly visits to the potty, forget about the wee.. if he has an accident make no fuss.. if he gets it in the potty, lots of praise

Try that for a few days..?

[little h]

sounds like I'm doing right things...on sat he kept trying voluntarily but got frustrated when nothing happened. Then he did a huge wee on potty and was elated...we gave lots of praise and thought W?'d cracked it but Since then its been more difficult. He'll happily pee himself and then say clean it up mummy! I'm leaving him to feel uncomfortable for a bit too...

now we just can't get him to sit on potty at all!

one step forward two steps back... Hope it will just get better!

H

[KatsuQueen]

Hi little h, we are in the same boat. Minikatsu will be 3 in January but shows no sign of being interested in potty training. We have tried sitting him on the potty and he will sit for a bit, but never does anything in it. He will happily sit in a soiled nappy.:-S

To be honest probably our own fault that we have waited too long (?) but I was working full time till recently and now am on maternity leave waiting for arrival of Tiny Katsu. I've just got no energy at the moment to put him in pants and deal with wee/poo accidents as they happen. It just seems easier to keep him in nappies for now, although I know I am storing up trouble for myself. Arrghhh. Let us know how you get on.

[Fuschia]

Little h, you have probably made rather too big a thing of it and he is enjoying the attention from not getting it right

I would prob just ramp things down a notch and see how it goes

KQ, my second son was terrible, he showed no interest at all and i couldn't get it started.. his twin started TT herself at 2+2 yet he was 3 + 4m and oblivious. I had to start because he was off to school nursery!

I really couldn't believe it would work but I spent several days putting him on the potty endlessly and a little reward each time.. eventually I happened to catch a wee and we were off. Though 5m later he still wets himself if you don't remind him.

Poos were even harder.. he was 3y + 7m before he did the first one in the loo, really! But within a couple of weeks he is pretty much there (if you don't let him get distracted and poo his pants)

[Fuschia]

I tend to think 3-3.5 is not uncommon, esp for boys

[little h]

I know we're supposed to ignore accidents but its so hard to be calm when he knows he needs a wee and just refuses to use the potty.... No I'll do it on the floor he says.... Argh

[Fuschia]

Thing is, to him that attention is prob just as much fun as the praise you gave. for success... Do your best.. remember.. this too shall pass! (Literally, in the case of a misaimed poo)

[SBot]

Try the toilet!!

[little h]

hello

I'm keeping everything v low key today to see what happens. Credit to him though, he has amazing bladder control and is holding it for hours but then gets v distressed when he wees. he's not interested in using the toilet either. Its early days I keep reminding myself! I do feel bad though as he's clearly v upset.

H

[womanofdulwich]

ping pong ball down the loo- for boys -then "FIRE"- wees only..................great fun- maybe have a pair of rubber gloves to retrieve for next time...

[little h]

Ok , its been a week now and no change. My son still just wants to wee in his pants...anyone had a similar experience? He did sit on the toilet seat in his trousers this morning, but no wee...

I feel like I can't do anything right...softly softly not working and strong encouragement leads to more resistance! He gets so upset and his behaviour deteriorates the more desperate for a wee he becomes. He starts dancing around and can't keep still but just won't go near potty or loo. Stickers. Chocolates, all having no influence... He's very bright so I feel like if we abandon this he'll remember and next time we try will know to hold out and we'll stop.

Aaargh!

H

[Pickle]

We found the Gina Ford potty training book really useful with our son (daughter, being a girl, did it by herself!). I know GF isn't for everybody, but this book is excellent, and everyone I know who has used it has had success.

Worth a try? Unfortunately I've long since given our copy away otherwise I would have offered to lend it to you.

[Fuschia]

How about going together to buy a new potty?

[little h]

he did choose this potty...

I'm feeling really awful, and don't want to cause him this amount of distress and upset, its not right... Will see how he goes today and tomorrow then may abandon....

Has anyone abandoned potty training and had a better attempt later? or do u wish you d stuck with it? All feedback gratefully received!!

Thanks

H

[Fuschia]

Yes

Abandoned it with both my boys on first try

[little h]

hello

We've stopped, it was just too upsetting for all of us we'll try again another time!

h

[Fuschia]

It will happen

Don't despair

[KatsuQueen]

Hi little h, sorry no advice as I have put off any serious potty training till after TinyKatsu has arrived and things have settled down. But just wanted to send you good vibes and let you know you are not alone. MiniKatsu will be going strating nursery in January and I am hoping (all fingers crossed) that once he sees older children using the loo etc, peer pressure will kick in and he will want to be like the "big boys". (I can only hope!)

Fuschia- thanks so much for your earlier post. MiniK will be be 3 in a few weeks and some days it seems like he will be in nappies forever. Soon I will have 2 sets of pooey nappies to deal with - what joy!