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The happiest demographic is a part-time working mum apparently


Makes sense - sort of best of both worlds


You still have an identity, the kids aren't bored by you and you have your own money etc and a welcomed break !


I went back to work early in the end, and love it. I find the w/es the hardest in terms of exhaustion and I definitely get more ratty then!


Also, I think you are an important role model for you kids and going to work is setting a good example.


Obviously the above relies on you enjoying your job!


Good luck


X

  • 2 weeks later...
Thanks forumites, am having serious collywobbles (had to shut myself in bedroom for a while today to get a grip) so it helps a lot to read your supportive words. Plus it's good to read Fidgetsmum's updates. If she can do it & it's all ok then I can too . . .

Oh goodness SW, while I understand the "shakes", simply as a function of something "new", my prediction is that you will arrive early and slightly nervous on day one and be absolutely excited, enthralled and exhilarated by morning coffee. Your problem on day 2 will be massive guilt at enjoying it so much and anger that you didn't do it sooner. By end of week, you will observe that your little one is loving his/ her minimal ration of freedom and the other ch stepping up to their new responsibilities in a way that makes you proud of them.


So effectively how exciting! A new chapter begins!


Ps could you do the route and go to your day 1 place a few days in advance in order to nail the journey at least? Also the reception would be familiar.

Sillywoman, it'll be fine!


I was a latchkey kid for many years, was great, my brother and I enjoyed having some space and our friends often came round etc.


Mum got us each to plan, shop for (or add to the week's shopping list) and cook one family weeknight meal from around 14, meant she didn't have to do it every day and we got good at it well before leaving home. Some of the worst meals are still remembered, and sometimes standards slipped (my brother once served bread and jam for tea, to much complaint from me, mum was too knackered to care), We also had hoovering, dusting etc chores, this went less well! Ww had a cleaner sometimes, when money allowed. Mum served many "instant" meals too, and never cooked on saturdays. Guess what am saying is don't try to do everything you did before in addition to working!


Mum worked in the nhs too, with children, and we always understood that what she was doing was important, that's not to say we didn't slack off the chores/homework (my brother) or get up to mischief while the house was empty (me), but no kids are perfect!

  • 4 weeks later...
I am a mum trying to get back to work and have just started a blog about what it's like (I can only spend so much time scanning websites for work!) and it's been great reading other people's stories on here. I have worked in HR for a while so am also hoping to share some tips and where possible get some recruiters, agenies etc to do the same. Would love it if people would leave comments on the blog http://goingbacktoworkmum.blogspot.co.uk/
Has anyone just gone back to work after having their 2nd child? And Finding it a total nightmare?! I've done 3 weeks and I'm spending every waking moment thinking about resigning! Feeling very stretched with 11 month old and 3 year old in different childcare so x 2 drop offs and pick ups. How on earth do people manage cooking dinner, cleaning, washing, spending quality time with each child?! Feeling a bit shell shocked and I am lucky enough to work 3 days per week. Might be easier if baby slept past 5am...Words of wisdom please! Am I just moaning?!
Wow, I'm finding it difficult with just one child to drop off at nursery! Hubbie knows that he's supposed to be taking up some of the domestic load, but in practice I'm still doing the lion's share. It's an uphill struggle. Can your other half not do one of the drop offs/pick ups? Could you hire some extra help with cleaning, or have a ready-made dinner a couple of times a week? (Anyone used Mrs Tinks for dinners recently?) You sound like you're on the road to a burn-out already! :( xx
Just gone back to work for the first time in 3.5 yrs leaving 2 at home and I think it's working because we have a nanny who arrives at our house at 7.30am and I relieve her at 6.30pm. There is no way I could manage even 1 drop off!! For the 2 of them it actually works out cheaper I think too...worth looking into? Seems the most streamlined childcare solution most definitely helps...(not amazing as a term time only solution though I suppose...)

I have to agree with snowboarder. For us, our nanny is an essential part of coping with working and having 2 children. It is also more cost effective than two places in a nursery in our neck of the woods.


The other thing that I rely on is that my husband gets home from work earlier than me, so I'm not under pressure to leave on the dot of 5pm to get home.

LIke snowboarder, I'm shortly going to return to work for the first time in 3.5 yrs, apart from a stint of freelance I did in between kids. we are going with childminder who we have an existing relationship with, with my older son doing afternoons at school nursery sandwiched in, and whilst it'll mean the drop off/pick up situation in the morning and evening, this will hopefully work out as we are going to take it in turns, i.e husband does drop off and I do pick up on day 1, and vice versa on day 2. I am quite nervous though as although the last few years have been seriously hard work, I have never had to worry about being anywhere on time, and know I'm going to have to get super organised. And still somehow pull meals out of my hat etc. Argh...suppose it's back to trying to menu plan then...
This thread is so helpful - thanks! I'm returning to work in a few weeks and am excited and apprehensive in equal measures. Re coping strategies - I'm planning to buy 3 outfits (only going back 3 days) and wear them on rotation. They will be of the non-iron wrap dress/smart jacket look. The commute is my other stress, so I have decided to drive in for the first 6 weeks and pay the parking - just to take the stress out of initially going back. I think cleaner is a must and I love the idea of doing online shop at lunchtime. We also have a nanny share which should make leaving the house easier. Any other tips gratefully received! I just hope I find my brain again!!

I second a nanny making all the difference. I went back to work in Feb after 2 1/2 years off, our nanny started at 730 am and finished at 6 (my partner works from home).


It really did make what would have been a stressful time very easy.


I had a 15 mth age gap between my two, even with tax and NI, in ED a nanny was cheaper than 2x nursery.


Good luck, it isn't an easy time but does get better x

Any of the new back to work gang struggling with leaving sobbing children?!? Mine were good at first (well, 18m old cried but he cries when I leave him with his dad!!) but I think it has dawned on 3.5 yr old that this is for keeps and the novelty has well and truly worn off!! Today I had to peel them both off me and it doesn't make for a relaxing morning, and stresses me out all day (I know they are fine once I have left but still!!). Also my older son's nursery has said he's been a bit unsettled - argh!! It improves, right?!? Any tips on how to deal with him? I have stressed I only work on 2 days (daddy works 5 days!), thought I might do a chart for the week which tells him what happens every day, hmm...what else?

I'm due to start on Thursday but am doing the nursery drop off this week (this is his 3rd week).. I just got back from Australia (family member passed away) so given I was away from mini strawbs for two weeks I'm finding the separation part easy as nothing is harder than two weeks without him but he sobbed when I dropped him off today and that was really hard to see.. I was told by my partner he didn't cry once whilst I was away when being dropped off so I'm a bit confused but as of Thursday I'm doing pick up not drop off so maybe he will go back to not crying (?!)..


Hope it gets better for you x

Strawbs I think they behave differently for their mums!! Maybe he thinks you are off for a while again - they don't understand do they. My youngest has started to scream when I put him down for naps and to bed at night this week - he used to go down with a smile - can only think it's a kind of seperation anxiety? It's all very traumatic!!

I can sympathise: dropped little one (20month) off this morning and had to peel him off me - his dad usually does the drop off and apparently he is happy as larry then, bouncing into the childminder's house! Not with me: even though I tell him while we get ready and he seems quite excited about seeing his "wohoo" (name & sign for childminder), the tears started outside her door... It does upset me enormously and I need to remind myself that he is fine in less than 5min of me leaving...

hope it does get easier!

mx

I think it goes in fits and starts. Admittedly mine went to nursery from 10months old, so at the start he was just blissfully ignorant that my leaving meant I was gone for the day. Now it's much more of an issue so we try and involve him in it, like make sure he's peeking out of a bedroom window to waive goodbye down the street, helping to get my shoes for me, etc, etc, so involving him in the process. And talking about what we'll do at the end of the day together...


And definitely they behave differently depending on who they are with. Massive screaming fit when I tried to do drop off one morning!

A few posts up, someone mentioned my Mrs Tinks meals. Unfortunatly I am not producing them at the moment but have just started a blog were you can find some easy family recipes - as planning meals is one of a long list of things to do when back at work (and not back at work!), I hope they help x


http://mrstinks.blogspot.co.uk/


If you follow my facebook page there are also some extra recipes there.


http://www.facebook.com/pages/Mrs-Tinks/117296928314034

I went back to work when my first was three months and then when no 2 came along I went back when she was five months (16 months between them). I was full time and the only way I survived was by having a fantastic nanny 4 days per week and my mum on a Friday. I wasn't left with much money, but was promoted at work over the next couple of years so could afford it more easily. Kids LOVED their nanny and she did loads of things with them that I wouldn't have. When they went to school (ages 4/5) my husband changed career and took on the prime parenting role. They are both at Uni now and are super young people, well adjusted, adaptable, well-mannered etc. I am sure much of this is down to their early start with a great nanny. I never felt guilty because I knew they were happy, well-cared for and loved. It was a crazy and exhausting period, but time passes and it all gets easier.


Good luck everyone who is grappling with these issues now.

Hi all


Just to update you, 3rd day back and work and Im thoroughly enjoying myself.. I know its early days but Im really enjoying adult conversation, eating, drinking hot drinks and going to the loo at my leisure!! I hadnt realised how 'out of the loop' I had been feeling til I came back. Mini strawbs is happily at nursery 3 days a week and with my SIL two days a week.. We are still finding our feet re routine wise with getting us all up, dressed and out of the house and my journey home is mega stressful trying to get to the nursery by 6 (I fly in there at 5.55) but the nursery have been great and are now giving him dinner that I send in so literally all that needs to be done when we get home is bath and some cuddles watching in the night garden.. On the days my SIL has him he is fed and bathed by the time I get home..


All in all its been nowhere near as difficult as what I thought it was going to be and I am really enjoying it..


Hope that helps anyone who is feeling upset by going back, I spent three months on the verge of tears and now I know i neednt have..


xxx

I, on the other hand, am struggling terribly (is it OK to admit that?). I've been back at University for three weeks now. I'm out every day, Mon thru Fri, from anywhere between 8.30am-6pm (though usually a bit less tbh) and I'm spinning like a top trying to make sure everyone is where they're supposed to be, has what they're supposed to have, and that the right person is collecting youngest son from school. I'm finding it very tough. Not helped by the shocker that is University/NHS admin (or lack of) and the even bigger shock of the sheer inefficiencies that are simply accepted as part of the Uni/NHS deal - I feel my Dulwich Mother persona rising - I know that the rest of the Uni cohort are sick of me sticking up my hand and saying "excuse me but ..." but I just can't help myself. It's been the most stressful 3 weeks since I had my first baby, and that's saying something!


I wonder if it's harder because I've been out of the 'world' for a long time? Or is it because we're trying to manage without childcare? or both?


I have to say my teenage daughter has been an absolute stalwart. She's wiped my tears of despair, frustration and fury, encouraged me endlessly and made herself available to help out whenever asked. I'd be a quivering blob on the floor if it wasn't for her support these last three weeks. Thanks Sillygirl - you know who you are (and I know that you're reading this, get off the internet & go & do some homework!)

Thank you so, so much for the update Strawbs. I plan to re-read it to myself on a regular basis, I am also regularly on the verge of tears at the idea of going back to work in three months time...( I know, its ages away)

...though, I am totally a shadow of my former working self (crushed daily by total exhaustion) and will no doubt love reacquainting myself with who I was once back at work properly.. ..

Vanessa - someone said to me today 'my god you must be exhausted being back at work' I literally almost spat my coffee out in laughter and proceeded to tell them it's the most rested I have felt or a year!!! Using my brain again is giving me a real thrill.. Having great (IMO) childcare has really helped as I know he is happy too.. I know right now it seems unimaginable to be happy back at work but I really hope (and I'm sure it will be the case) that you feel ok when you are back too x


Silly woman - sounds very rough on you, thank goodness for silly girl and wine!

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