teenagers mugged - how to make them feel safe again?

[DiD]

My almost 16 yo son and his friend were mugged last night coming home from a party, near Alleyn's, by a gang of about 8 youths all wearing masks. Thankfully only their bikes and their phones were taken, though my son's friend was punched (he's physically OK). They were threatened with knives, though they didn't see any. Needless to say, they're pretty shaken up.

We don't want to wrap our son in cotton wool, but how can we make him feel secure? Anyone else experienced this in the area? Police have been informed, etc....

[Penguin68]

Mugging of school children around the fee paying schools locally has a long history, certainly as long as my 30 years living around here. It comes in waves. It's awful when it happens to you or yours, but it is not a new phenomenon, and certainly not one which might lead you to think that 'things' are suddenly going downhill from some former halcyon era.

[JohnL]

It takes a while to recover from that sort of experience whatever your age and the law process sometimes makes it feel worse. Maybe Self defense type classes won't allow you to take on anybody but maybe help confidence and how to behave in a way that deters muggers.

Don't forget to log the phones/bikes as stolen on something like on www.immobilise.com (and any replacements).

[singalto]

That?s awful. What time was this?

[DiD]

It was quite late, around 11 ish.

[Angelina]

That's just awful. I hope he's ok. What a nasty bunch of bullies.

No, Penguin, we don't all reminisce about happy crime-free good old days, we all care and are livid this is happening now - to us and to our children.

[lavender27]

Perhaps Victim support can give you some advice on feeling safe after this kind of attack. All the best.

[Monkey]

I?m sorry DiD. This is an awful thing to happen.

[Ann]

I have raised a son in this area and can relate somewhat to your experience. It's not nice, i'm not sure there are knives pesent but there's enough knife crime around to intimidate as such.

Teenage boys are targetted i beleive as i've had no such concerns with my daughter.

I'm sorry i don't have any real advice but to say that they will learn from this.

[DiD]

Thanks for comments and suggestions -- I do appreciate its horrifically common around here, esp. for teenage boys. But that doesn't make the experience any less terrifying for the kids concerned.

Its worth noting that they were on a main road and clearly surrounded by kids in balaclavas -- several cars drove past, and nobody stopped. (afterwards someone who recognised the boys did happen to stop and take them home). Possibly that would have scared the gang away? Though I appreciate that's scary for drivers too.

Maybe people can have a look out for odd behaviour, even if its just making note of things or even calling the police. Many, it happens, were in the area at the time.

[sasmasgen]

DiD, really sorry this happened to your son and his friends, how absolutely terrifying.

A few years ago when I was at uni, I chased down a gang intent on kicking the sh*t out of a young boy and put myself between him & them while he was cowering on the floor. It was probably only because I'm a girl (and was screaming like a crazy person) that they backed off.

Afterwards I realised how stupid it could have been, but I'd do it again in the same situation. (That being said, this was Canterbury, not South London, and the boys probably weren't carrying knives.)

We really need to look out for each other, and it's incredibly sad that none of the drivers stopped.

So no, Penguin, it's nothing new and no one is suggesting it's the area going downhill, but we can all do more.

As others have said, DiD, police victim support can be really great (they've helped me and those I know hugely in the past, even for some quite minor things) and self defence or boxing classes are not a bad shout to help them regain some confidence.

I hope they recover soon x

[binkylilyput]

Penguin68- your comment may be fairly correct but has little relevance to the OP who said nothing about the area going downhill.....simply asked advice about how to support her traumatised teenager. So get off and be kind won't you?!

DiD- I'm really sorry. I agree you might take advice from victim support. Maybe also kit him out with an alarm? Having been mugged myself I'd say time helped me to settle down and feel more comfortable in my home surroundings

Penguin68 Wrote:

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> Mugging of school children around the fee paying

> schools locally has a long history, certainly as

> long as my 30 years living around here. It comes

> in waves. It's awful when it happens to you or

> yours, but it is not a new phenomenon, and

> certainly not one which might lead you to think

> that 'things' are suddenly going downhill from

> some former halcyon era.

[bloodoranges]

my younger brother was mugged for his watch in my hometown by a gang who got out the car and beat the crap out of him - he started going to boxing classes, not as a form of self defence as such but I guess it made him feel a bit stronger and perhaps more confident? He's certainly gotten over it since then.

[Nicholas]

Sorry to hear that. Trouble is with all the money seen around the Dulwich area,they seem to pick on the kids they assume who go to the private schools are an easy target. I?m glad there okay I feel for you! Most of us carry an iPhone these days worth a lot of money we all have to very vigalant!

[Angelina]

That's exactly what it is - easy pickings.

The question is - what is happening to protect ourselves and get this stopped?

Unacceptable and deafening silence from our counsellors and mayor....(other than 'Call 999').

[robbin]

I imagine Mr Khan probably takes the view that it's just part and parcel of living in a big city.

[Angelina]

it will be his downfall.

[alice]

So remind me of the days when cities were crime free.

[robbin]

That's a disingenuous wind-up remark, Alice - please remind me of where/when anybody on this thread said cities were crime free?

[rendelharris]

robbin Wrote:

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> I imagine Mr Khan probably takes the view that

> it's just part and parcel of living in a big city.

A) Can we stop using that quote as a stick to beat him with, what he actually said was "being prepared for terrorist attacks is part and parcel of living in a big city" - what do you want him to do, not prepare for the worst?

B) Khan has introduced many initiatives and campaigns to reduce crime, but any action he can initiate will most likely have minimal effect as long as the government continues to slash police budgets. The Met budget has been cut by ?700M since 2010 and they have been told to find another ?400M in cuts by 2020.

If anyone has any substantive proof that Mr.Khan has taken any actions that have increased crime, let's see it, please.

(Before anyone quotes "I would do anything in my power to cut stop and search" that's another mangled quote, what he actually said was "I would do anything in my power to cut the overuse of stop and search.")

[Earl Aelfheah]

Well said Rendel.

[robbin]

I agree RH with your (A) - my comment was somewhat tongue in cheek (although I confess I do not like the incumbent Mayor). It was The Donald that was first (or one of the first) to mischaracterise his quote on good old Twitter.

I do think he has failed properly to engage with what is plainly an increasing violent crime rate in London. The prevalence of acid attacks, mopeds and/or bikes being used as a launching pad for street robbery and the horrendous levels of gang murders/stabbings, seem to me not to have drawn a firm enough or coordinated response from him. I appreciate, of course, that he is not the only person with responsibility for tackling crime and quality of life in the capital, but it is clearly within his remit and he does have responsibility for it. I bet you a pound to a penny that if the violent crime rate was falling, he would be putting out press releases taking at least some of the credit!

Out of interest, where did you get that stop and search quote from? If you are referring to his interview in The Evening Standard in 2015 (which I accept you might not be), you appear to have misquoted what appears there (the words you put in bold type don't appear in that sentence). Clearly it was his opinion that stop and search was being overused, but the fact remains that he wanted to cut stop and search. Given that there is no absolute definition of 'overuse' (it is an opinion, not a fact) in any event I'm not sure it is any defence of his position to say he was just wanting to cut down on it's overuse, because whether it is overused or not is just his opinion.

He has more recently announced (in 2018) that he wants stop and search to be substantially increased (in response to the huge number of gang murders by stabbings) but that change belies the folly in his original approach. He was originally saying it should be curtailed as it was racially discriminatory. As I understand it, he now says it should be 'geographically targeted'. Well, I'm afraid I can't see how that approach is not also going to discriminate in the same way, given the profile of most of the geographic areas in question.

[robbin]

I should add that personally I blame the incumbent Prime Minister more than Mr Khan for all this - she was IMHO even more hopeless as a Home Secretary than as PM and while in that earlier position hardly shone when it came to reducing violent crime.

[rendelharris]

robbin Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Out of interest, where did you get that stop and

> search quote from? If you are referring to his

> interview in The Evening Standard in 2015 (which I

> accept you might not be), you appear to have

> misquoted what appears there (the words you put in

> bold type don't appear in that sentence).

I was quoting, slightly inaccurately, from memory. The full passage reads:

?The last few years have shown what can be achieved when there?s a concerted effort to reduce the overuse of stop and search.

?But there?s still much more to be done, and if I?m Mayor I?ll do all in my power to further cut its use. Overuse of stop and search can have a dramatic effect on communities. It undermines public confidence in our police if Londoners are being stopped and searched for no good reason.?

I think that makes it quite clear that he is/was not against stop and search per se, but against its overuse.

[robbin]

But back to the subject of how to make the young victim of a robbery feel more secure...

It is difficult - I suppose to talk it through (how he feels about it all, so you can understand his concerns and just generally to let him talk - which might be upsetting, but might also help in the long run). At the same time try not to dwell on it excessively, but to ensure he understands that although these things can happen, they do not happen all the time and there are some scumbags out there, but the vast majority of people are decent and kind. Try to get him to be aware of his surroundings and spot warning signs and react appropriately if there looks like a risk of robbery (like crossing the street, knocking on a door, going into a shop or pub/restaurant, getting near more people, etc) but try not to make too big a deal of it or feed any sense of paranoia.

Easier said than done, because he will probably feel nervous and paranoid sometimes - that's human nature after something like this. I know from experience the paranoia will return sometimes (at first frequently), but will pass/reduce over time as the memory of the event fades over the years.

I know this sounds a bit naff (and hopefully not too weird), but in an odd way it helped me ease my anger to tell myself that the perpetrators were the losers living a sh*** and sad life of violence, hooked on drugs (probably) and with no joy in their lives and so I was having the last laugh. I hope that confession doesn't make me sound too unpleasant, but after this sort of thing you look for reasons, you get angry, resentful etc. and I suppose everyone deals with things in their own way. Anyway, I do hope your son forgets about this and moves on as soon as possible. I'm sure he will. All the best.

Edited to add: Also, reinforce that he did the right thing - he handed over stuff - but it's only stuff and that's not worth getting hurt for. Even the best trained self defence experts would tell you that in a 4 to 1 situation their only real options are (1) to run away if that's possible or (2) to hand over your stuff. Fending off or counter attacking 8 hands with 2 is just not really possible without risking getting hurt - that only happens in films, not real life.