Newborn - only sleeps when held

[Otta]

Co sleeping is cool, and don't worry, I am convinced that a sixth sense kicks in and tells you not to squash them whilst you sleep.

[Polly D]

Many congrats to you both, had been wondering!

I read your post and it brought back memories of my astonishment when my son was born that I couldn't just put him down, I had absolutely no idea!

It's such early days. I remember our midwife advising us to try and emulate the womb...easier said than done but try to keep the moses basket as cosy as possible: try warming it up with a hot water bottle while you're feeding (tho MUST remember to take it out before you put the baby back in, something I would worry about in my sleep deproved state), and swaddling worked v well tho I struggled to perfect the actual swaddling but that's where my husband could help. Co-sleeping never worked for us but if you can do it, it sounds great.

First days and weeks are a struggle, there's no denying it, but it *does* get easier. I wanted to scream at people 'make it easy now!' when they said that, and now I find myself saying the same thing but really, it does. And in the middle of the night when you've been up for hours and you're clock watching, don't feel alone.

Good luck with it all.

[Strawbs]

Thanks everyone.. Well things are still up and down a little.. Sorry for the delay bit things have been a little hectic..

In short my milk is finally in yay!! Midwife dropped in and we worked on technique and using a nipple guard as otherwise he wasn't latching on but now he definitely is.. I'm waking him to feed every 3 hours (if he has t already woken) and we are attempting after every feed to put him in his Moses basket.. Sometimes he lasts literally 3 mins, others 40 and tonight he shocked me with 2 hours but this feed I am back to being in the Lounge with him on my cheat and that is where he has decided he will stay.. I figure he is only 6 days old today and is doing very well, it's just managing the lack of sleep but Jaws has been fab and we are working as a team and taking shifts.. I am concerned about when jaws goes back to work and I can't really exPect any night time help but I'll panic in a couple of weeks when that time comes.. Went to a sleep seminar the other day (not all that helpful but we thought we would try it)..

We purchased a miracl blanket which we are using, he doesn't seem to love it and also a White noise slumber bear so we are pulling out all the stops to make sure we give him every opportunity to get a good nights sleep..

Just wanted to say thanks so much for your responses

Xx

[Fuschia]

Hi Strawbs

Hang in there

Try not to worry ahead of your partner going back to work

Can you get any help in the day at least, when that time comes?

[Belle]

Agree with F - two weeks is a long time in the life of a newborn! A lot cd have changed by then.

[Fuschia]

Not least that you become more used to the whole thing!

I do think the first day alone snd the first trip

Out alone get a bit built up in your mind but you will surprise yourself!

[Moos]

Good luck Strawbs and well done for getting the hang of latching on. You'll do great.

[hellosailor]

Strawbs it sounds as if you and Jaws are doing brilliantly, working in shifts is a good idea, and don't worry, shift work doesn't continue forever (vividly remember missing my partner acutely the first few weeks and wondering if we were ever going to be 'on the same shift' as each other again!)

Ty not to worry about your partner going back to work as Fuschia and Belle say..I remember a while ago there was a thread on here talking about how, instead of people having baby showers etc before the baby, that a better twist on that idea would be if people actually came to your house in a group on the day your partner went back to work, as that is when you really appreciate it!

Some people like to know that they've arranged a visitor or something to do for practically every day in the period immediately after their partner goes back to work, while I would have found that too much pressure to be up and dressed and preferred to see how I felt on the day, whether I wanted to see people etc,

But as you know there are lots of us on here that are out and about every day with babies, so you needn't feel like you're on your own when your partner goes back, I'm sure you've already made local mum friends is ante natal classes or one of the meet up thread on here, and you will soon meet lots of others too so it is much less daunting when you're doing the days at home without partner, than you worry it will be before it happens.

Lots and lots of people have it that their baby might spend part of the night in their moses basket, but at a certain point, maybe after one of the feeds, the baby is happier not going back into the basket so switches into your bed for the rest of the night. Most mums I know had this sort of set up for the first few weeks, while the baby got more used to spending longer periods in the basket. Hope you're enjoying those snuggles!

[apenn]

Hi Strawbs,

Just wanted to chime in to say you really needn't wake him or yourself for feeds. Your baby will let you know if they're hungry and they don't need to feed at regular intervals. When I had my first my midwife advised me that newborns can sometimes sleep up to 6 hours at a go - no need to wake them for a feed. If they are regularly sleeping more than 6 hrs at a time, then it's something to speak to your midwife about. Breastfed on demand babies will get what they need, so don't worry! My first fed in 45 min stretches, my newborn is totally different. She seems to be a grazer and just snacks when she's not sleeping. She often doesn't settle unless someone is holding her, but once she's in a deep sleep I can put her down snuggled up in a U-shapped breastfeeding pillow and she'll happily stay like that for a while.

See! All babies are different and lots of differnet behaviours are normal. You just need to get to know yours. Different things will work for different people, so while it's good to get advice from lots of different experiences, trust that you will ulitmately know what works best for you and your little one. The best advice I got before having my first, which I didn't really understand until after having him was, "Listen to everybody, then ignore everybody!" This is of course said with all due respect to all the good advice given on this forum - including yours truly!

Good luck and enjoy the special newborn time!

PS Fuschia - Not sure what you meant by newborns not feeding while lying down? Both of mine did/are if you mean while lying on your side. In fact, my first born's first feed was this way. Am ever-grateful to the midwife for that!

[sunbob]

Hi. You said you won't expect night time help after dp return to work. I know this is the arrangement many families have, but my dp and I find that unreasonable for us. Having 1 partner 24 hrs on call and responsible for the safety/life of our child, whilst the other enjoys uninterrupted sleep in order to work office hours seems unsafe aswell as unfair. We shared the night duties in the year it took to get her sleeping through and still share the getting up duties now. Your being alert and rested ready for your job is just as important as his.

[jollybaby]

Seconding what sunbob said - I don't think it's unreasonable for the partner to help out at night after they've returned to work (well maybe unless they work in heathrow air traffic control). Having recently returned to work myself I'm even more of that opinion - i have quite a demanding job but it's still far less stressful than being at home with a young baby. How we worked it in the early days was that Mr JB did the shift between 7pm and midnight or 1am (admittedly miss JB was taking a bottle by then) and so whatever happened I knew I'd get a stretch of 4 hours sleep.

Glad to hear things are going better.

[Strawbs]

Sorry didn't mean to give the imPression I would get no help whatsoever I just meant that jaws can't dO as much in the night as what is haPpening now..

[Fuschia]

Apenn I meant many newborns need help latching and feeding lying down is a skill that comes later(But you can still maximise sleep by cosleeping and the feeding position is the safe one

[Yak]

Yep it's tough for partners because they want to help yet in the very early days you're the milk machine! But there is tons they can do to support you - even very little things like bringing the baby to you at night (if he's not already in your bed)can help. And if you go down the expressing route in a week or two you can get a decentish stretch of uninterrupted sleep at the beginning of the night.

Each mouthful of milk = baby growing = bigger stomach = baby fuller for longer = longer between feeds :-)

[Fuschia]

even if you're not expressing you can still go to bed at 8pm and have partner watch/settle baby till midnight, bringing him/her just for the milk... and then in the morning bring you tea in bed and get baby changed etc while you shower and have breakfast

[StFaiths]

Just remember your baby has never know being on their own. For 9 months your baby has been held, comforted, fed and had every need met immediately. It will take your baby weeks to feel confident enough to realise they are their own little person and that it is ok for them to sleep somewhere where they can't hear your heart beat or feel the warmth of your body. Make the most of these precious times it won't last and all too soon they want to push you away and become more independent. Enjoy these lovely moments of warmth and comfort and lovely cuddles it won't last. Take your time and cherish it.