Halloween - does anyone NOT let their kids trick or treat?

[newcomer]

Baby Newcomer is too young for trick-or-treating but, I've got to admit, I've always disliked the concept of it. Perhaps this is because I didn't trick-or-treat as a child (it wasn't common where I lived but I doubt my parents would've let me anyway) or perhaps it's because I can't help but think of it as a form of begging!

What do other parents do? Do you all let your kids trick or treat? Am I a killjoy if I don't go along with it?

PS I'm not a total spoilsport and I have bought sweets and chocolate to give out in case any kids come round!

[Saffron]

So 'begging' is not ok for your child, but it's alright to hand out candy to other children? Uh-oh, massive double-standard ahead! You'll have a lot of trouble justifying this double-standard to your child when s/he is old enough to question it in a few of years. I think you either have to let your child go tick-or-treating (maybe with limits, like only to houses of neighbours you know?), or keep them in and not hand out candy at all.

Why not use it as an opportunity to meet your neighbours and their children, if you don't already know them? Or, if you want to go down the no trick-or-treating / no giving candy route, you could have a small party on halloween for your child and a few friends instead. xx

[gwod]

I know where you're coming from Newcomer - but I guarentee you'll change your mind when baby newcomer is older! Also, there is a unspoken rule that you only knock on decorated houses, a signal that they are joining in, which rather takes the notion of "begging" I think.

Happy Halloween!

[newcomer]

Saffron, I see your point but I guess my belief is that what other parents let their kids do is none of my business, so on balance I think it would be worse to make a big deal out of it by refusing to give some 5-year-old sweets if they happen to stop by. I don't plan to leave out a pumpkin or decorations so I'm not exactly inviting the trick or treaters to come and call. Of course, I also admit that part of the reason is self-preservation - I really don't fancy having my windows pelted with eggs or other nasty tricks being played on me!

Gwod, yeah, I figure I might have to reluctantly relent if 'all his friends are doing it' and I'm the only stick-in-the-mud parent muttering on about 'institutionalised extortion' but I'm going to try to stand firm as long as I can! At the moment, my (probably naive) plan is to explain my views to my son if he asks, but give him some sweets and chocolate on All Saints Day instead (i.e., the next day) so he doesn't feel too hard done by.

My dad did a similar thing when I was growing up. He hated the idea of lying to me about anything, so instead of saying the tooth fairy would give me money for a tooth, he simply gave me the money upfront and explained that I probably shouldn't 'spoil it' for the other kids by telling them that the tooth fairy didn't exist. I never felt it was unfair - I was just happy to get the money!

[Otta]

For what it's worth, I'm totally with you on this. My eldest is only 2.5, but when she's bigger, I'll do my best to avoid her going T&T.

People call me a kill joy, and say they only go to agreed houses, or houses with pumpkins, but I've never had a pumpkin, and my doorbell always rings loads!

I too have sweets at the ready, and I think it's harsh to call that double standards.

I loved Halloween as a kid, and I want my kids to have great times at parties and stuff, but T&T is just a rubbish Americanism that should have stayed in America!

[gwod]

I want to reserect this thread in a few years time and see how your priniciples have fared!! Ive ended up doing alot of things with my kids that I swore I never would!

[Pickle]

I'm not a fan either, and we don't put a pumpkin outside. Growing up it wasn't something that happened at all (same country as you I think newcomer) so I guess because I wasn't brought up with it I don't feel my kids need to do it either.

Nothing against it, just not part of my culture I guess.

[jollybaby]

I'm not a fan either. I couldn't believe the number of children out on court lane last year. I've always been a bit anti hallowe'en though - I think it's because my birthday is on the 2nd Nov and too many of my parties were taken over by the hallowe'en theme as a child!

I had to stop myself buying a tub of hallowe'en treat sweets today - decided they can make do with what's in the cupboard.

[Belle]

I probably said this same time last year, but in Scotland we had (still have?) a tradition of 'guising' instead of Trick or Treating. This involved dressing up and each kid performing a 'turn' - rhyme/song/telling a joke - and we'd collect treats in 'reward'. If nobody answered there was no 'trick' played, we just moved onto the next house. We did it for years and always made a massive effort with costumes etc. And yep definitely only called on houses of people we knew, and were chaperoned by adults/teenagers. But I've no idea if that still happens in my home town - must ask my mum!

In all the years I've lived in London I don't think I've ever had trick or treaters at my door. I did once have kids asking for a penny for the guy several months before bonfire night though...

[sunbob]

This will be a dilemma for us when the time comes in a couple of years too. I need to find out more about any conflict between haloweem and our Christian beliefs. I've seen church youth groups doing an alternative All Saints Day party, which seems like a good idea. Like someone said, it will be interesting to resurect this thread in a few years and see where our principles have ended up.

[Otta]

I know there is every chance I'll end up caving in to a daughter doing it, but I won't change my feelings about it.

[onefifty]

Belle--I grew up in the US and in my area halloween was very similar to what you described. Never any nastiness to it and you always gave a little something (IE performance) to get the treat. It seems that now in the US and in my last 5 years in London kids just knock on your door and shove an open bag in your face to fill with treats. Like so many things the sweetness of childhood seems to have been stripped away and replaced with a gimme gimme attitude. Sad.

[Moos]

My son hasn't trick-or-treated but now he's 4, we're thinking it might be fun this year.

Maybe I'm naive, but our experiences of Hallowe'en in ED have been enormous fun. We do put pumpkins out and dress up, and it's so sweet to see the little ones dressed as witches and wizards giggling at the gate. I don't see kids greedy and grasping, just excited and loving being dressed up and out and about.

I completely respect what people are saying about not finding it their thing and it must be really annoying to have kids knocking when you haven't decorated your house, but again my experience has been when we 'retired' our pumpkins and left a note on the gate with the last of the sweets explaining that we now had kids in bed and would prefer no more visitors, we were left alone.

[BB100]

I don't let my children go out trick or treating and they are now teenagers, so, no I haven't caved in. I don't give out sweets so I do not have any double standards but if very small children come to the door I will comment on their costumes so they are not too disappointed.

The one thing in particular I don't like is how some elderly people have been harassed by constant and persistent knocking. One year an elderly relative had flour and eggs thrown at her door which she then slipped on and badly hurt herself. I appreciate that users of this forum would not condone such behaviour but encouraging such an activity has some rather serious and unavoidable effects.

I also don't think we give enough consideration to how very young children feel about the event. When my children were very young they were terrified of the ugly faces so I didn't open the door to the next set of callers but they persistently banged on the door which made my children even more upset. I've also had children come to play at my home after a week of trick or treating and tell me they feel safe at my house because "there is no ghosts here".

[nunheadmum]

I'm with Belle - 'The sky is blue, the grass is green, may we have our Halloween' and a party piece to boot. A much nicer approach I think than trick or treat. But I think even up home it's dying out....probably depends how much of a community feel & trust there is nowadays.

Not sure about letting my LO's out or not. It's nice for them to do something with friends but I dread a bucket full of sweets that I'll feel guilty about then trying to ration out (but guilty too if I let them binge)!

[The Nappy Lady]

Very sad to hear of egg throwing etc. We always put out pumpkins & decorations & welcome callers, but the year we had a 3 week old baby we simply put out a sign saying 'sorry new baby means no treats this year' & we had no trouble at all - heard people approach then saying "shhhhsh & walking away".

We have huge fun with it in our house & do go calling at certain pre agreed houses. I'm happy my girls will grow up understanding what is acceptable behaviour. I love seeing how much effort some people go to with costumes.

I also totally respect that it isn't for everyone.

If you really don't want callers I'd def. Put a polite note up to that effect.

[Pugwash]

My daughters tricked and treated only once - youngest about 3 and with her sister 16, they went with a group of friends

with similiar aged siblings and only called on houses of people that they knew. The older ones dressed up the younger kids- I think it was the novelty of dressing up which made it for the kids. They only did it once and that was enough for them.

A former neighbour always encouraged her 4 kids to T & T as it was a cheap way of getting their weekly sweets and saved her money!

[hellosailor]

My mum is frail and lives near us in East D and I have taken to inviting her round to ours on Halloween in recent times as there were way too many groups of teenagers wearing scream masks (prob 13 - 15 ish) trick or treating her and asking for money, not sweets. Trouble is, you only know if it's groups like that, rather than little kids with parents asking for chocs when it's too late and you've gone to the door. And my mum was finding that if she turned back without answering because she was intimidated the teenage groups could see her in the hall cos there are glass panels in her front door, and played 'tricks' because she hadn't come and given them stuff. Tricks being eggs thrown against windows etc. I do worry about vulnerable people living on their own being quite intimidated on Halloween. Definitely seems best to only go to houses that have pumpkins or friends houses, that's what we did when we were little, just went to a couple of friends houses, and we were totally chuffed with that, still got to dress up, eat chocolates etc.

[Otta]

You've just summed up my main issue with it.

[hellosailor]

It might be quite a nice thing if people know there is someone older, or frailer, on their street who might feel intimidated by door knocking / potential for tricks, to invite them round that evening so they're not home alone, whether that's for a Halloween-less evening or to have a slice of pumpkin pie if you're making something fun of it! I know my mum isn't alone in feeling quite anxious that night, my gran used to be scared s*itless when people rang her bell on Halloween, even if it is all harmless fun outside, I think sometimes it's hard for people who feel vulnerable to differentiate between the sounds of high jinks and something that sounds more threatening. And actually, something like egging the windows, or coming up through the bushes in the front garden with masks on and pressing faces against her windows, has really scared my mum before..

don't want to sound like a killjoy! Certainly not saying that people shouldn't have fun on Halloween! Just that trick or treating strangers houses unless they have a pumpkin out, maybe isn't such a great thing..

[yummumbums]

I never let my kids out to trick or treat, i was called a big meanie by the kids and adults alike. A good alternative if you don't like the idea of trick or treating is to hold your own halloween party. I almost hate to admit it but i enjoy it more and more every year a tea of witches worms draculas blood punch and eyeball jellies always goes down a treat with the kids. If you hate halloween give it a go you never know you maybe like me and be converted!

[Saffron]

Otta Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I too have sweets at the ready, and I think it's

> harsh to call that double standards.

It's not harsh, just an observation of the illogical juxtapose of the two. I was not at all making a judgement, and I totally respect that different people observe different traditions. But if you have one sentiment for yourself (no trick-or-treating) and another for everyone else (still handing out candy), there is an illogical disunion between the two sentiments. That is why I said it was a double-standard. It was not meant to be offensive. I was merely observing that parents need to think ahead about how they would explain this contradiction to children.

>

> I loved Halloween as a kid, and I want my kids to

> have great times at parties and stuff, but T&T is

> just a rubbish Americanism that should have stayed

> in America!

This statement, however, is offensive. Do you feel so strongly about it b/c you have been trick-or-treating in the US or Canada and had a bad experience with it? I say this b/c trick-or-treating in America is actually different than what many British people believe it to be. It's not what you see on the tele or in films. From what I have observed, it's a holiday with a strong sense of community.

If you had a bad experience of trick-or-treating in America, I'm truly sorry. A bad experience can be very off-putting. But there's no need to "rubbish" other people's traditions just b/c of it.

On the other hand, if you have had bad experiences with Halloween/T&Ting in Britain, then it's more of an issue as to how the modern holiday has been adapted here, and nothing to do with "American" or "Americanisms". If you don't want to celebrate Halloween or trick-or-treating, b/c it's not your cuppa, that's absolutely fine, w/o having to blame it on some jingoistic nonsense.

[helena handbasket]

I grew up trick or treating (not in the States!) and it was and a really fun night for the whole neighborhood. Costumes don't have to be scary so are actually really creative and fun, seniors enjoy having a stream of children come to the door and show off their costumes, and the whole neighborhood would be lit up with pumpkins and busy with happy children. Teenagers are generally thought to be too old, although some put some great costumes together and are welcomed if in the spirit of the fun. Nobody asks for money, although we used to carry small Unicef boxes to collect spare change as well as treats. And the trick part never really materialized (that I've ever known of) so there was little threat. Sometimes people make you sing for your candy though!

But it does seem to have become quite sinister in London, it kind of sounds like the worst parts have been oddly interpreted (give us money or we'll egg or house? WTH?) And I can see how it's not the best place to have strangers in masks banging down your door at night demanding candy and money. Sounds like a distinctively London twist on things!;-)

[candj]

I'm a Yank so obviously grew up trick or treating. We spend the day carving pumpkins and putting up decorations in the front of our house. Starting from about 3 years of age, we allowed our kids to go out with their friends (and adult) trick or treating and they were absolutely delighted. They also only knock on houses with pumpkins/halloween decorations. Over the years I've noticed more and more houses on our street participating and it's great for the kids. Think our road had the best carved pumpkins last year!

I have never ever heard of people getting eggs pelted at their windows or property damaged until I moved to London and am very surprised. But in the States you did read about the the odd nutter who contaminated the candy in some way so my parents used to go through my loot and throw away anything that looked dodgy (but here my kids only ever went to the houses on our street and we know everyone so it felt safer).

Sorry to some that the rubbish americanism has invaded your borders, but then you don't have to partake!

[kristymac1]

My daughter is four and hasn't been trick or treat-ing yet, for the last two years she's dressed up and handed out sweets to (early evening) callers - that way she feels involved and enjoys the anticipation of someone knocking the door. This year, as she's just started school we're taking advatage of an INSET day and having a Halloween tea at the house for a handful of new school friends - lots of decorations, 'scary' games and no doubt some revolting coloured food.......