Advice from those with younger babies at nursery

[jennyh]

HI

My nearly 8 month old is starting nursery for 2 days a week and I am having a real panic over the sleep situation. As we all know the napping during the day is so important to how the day and night goes, how successful meals are etc. She currently has around an hour in the morning (9ish) and then perhaps 60-90mins at lunchtime (1pm ish). I fell into the trap of creating a very particular nap environment for her because in the early days when we were establishing a routine it helped her to learn when to switch off...so she is used to a quiet, darkish room, a book beforehand, lullabies on the monitor and then her usual comforters. I wont be doing this again! Wish someone had told me to make sure we varied things rather than focussing on routines!:)

She is now expected to have her morning nap in room where the remaining children play and she cannot be separated so the environment is going to be hugely different. Lots of light, noise, music, stimulation etc. Her lunchtime nap will be in a communal sleep room at the same time as all the other babies. I have stopped using the lullabies for the daytime nap and have left the blackout blind up so that the room is a bit lighter...that in itself has made it harder for her to get to sleep and that is at home!

Just wondering if anyone else has been here and if they have words of wisdom/encouragement/success stories. I know I am just going to have to crack on with it and hope for the best and I know that she will eventually drop that morning nap but its obviously very hard seeing her so upset because she is so tired and the knock on effect for her feeding etc is so dramatic! Sadly she is a very alert baby and so really finds it very hard to switch off. I tried really hard to teach her to go to sleep on her own etc so the nursery staff are a little powerless in a way as she isn't used to being rocked, patted to sleep etc.

Aaarghhh!!

[Fuschia]

Yes, i suppose if you are going to introduce a specific routine, best make it one that is easy for others to replicate, if you aren't planning on being a SAHM.

She will adapt to a new routine in time, though

[jennyh]

I guess I kind of thought it would be easy for people to replicate because she just goes to sleep in a cot on her own with her comfort toys and I guess it didn't occur to me all that time ago that we would be here now. We tried a childminder but that had its own share of issues and actually she still didn't get the sleep because she was being taken from place to place all morning.

hey ho, sure it will all work out! (Keeping fingers tightly crossed!)

[Lochie]

Hi Jenny,

I am a month into settling my 24 month old son into nursery. Though he is older, he is so SO particular about his daytime nap. Prior to nursery it had to be in his cot, after lunch and after Balamory only (not before!), blind down, silent, cuddling teddy. He would not sleep in the day away from the cot, I have been completely housebound in the afternoons for the past year because he won?t sleep in his pram or at friend?s houses so haven?t been able to ?put him down? for a nap away from home. I have gone out with childless friends in the afternoon and warned them that he will not sleep in the pram and he will have a meltdown and its only when they see it with their own eyes that they understand why I can?t really go out in the afternoon!

I was very sceptical about nursery and how they would handle his particular napping needs, however, it has all gone fine. Someone told me before he started that even the fussiest napper will likely fall asleep at nursery as they see their ?comrades? nap too and for whatever reason, respond, and replicate, despite the different environment.

Though my son doesn?t sleep as long at nursery (maybe an hour rather than 2 hours at home), he apparently sleeps fine, his carer at nursery today said they just rub his back and he starts to nod off with all the others after 10 or 20 minutes.

I would share your concerns with the nursery in advance but I am sure they will have encountered this problem many times and will know how to deal with it. Also as your baby will be away from you she may well respond better without having mummy as a distraction.

Good luck

[nunheadmum]

Your daughter won't be the first in this situation that the nursery has had to deal with. They will have their ways of helping the babies to adapt. You'll be amazed at what kids do at nursery that you'd NEVER be able to get them to do at home. Yes, it may be that she ends up with a slightly different routine on nursery days and it may have a knock on effect in the early days. But talk through it with her carers at nursery as she adapts and before you know it, it will have settled down.

I found at the start that I always worried about what the nursery were doing differently from myself at home. I don't think we ever did things exactly the same. But my 5 year old who even now continuously wants to cuddle her comforter and suck her thumb at home, had jetisoned both habits at nursery within a few months. She'd happily go back there any day so fitting in with their ways has certainly had no ill effects.

[jennyh]

Thank you that is good to hear, just nice to hear from people who have been there! I am going to speak to them about it next week and just try and keep the communication open so that there are no shocks or surprises. She will have to adapt I know and perhaps she will surprise me by being completely fine but the going back to work is an emotional thing anyway so it is only expected to have these fears as well I guess. Sadly being a SAHM isnt an option for us so we will just take it and see what happens. Then again, I hate to admit it but the nursery seem able to give her 10 hours of fun a day whilst I sneakily try and get some TV time in for myself and of course check the forum whilst she is looking for fun mummy!!

[Smiler]

My daughter was not great with naps but always slept fine at nursery, as others say they just do what the others do. She is older now and when popping in and out of her new nursery at different times in the day to collect her there were often babies sleeping soundly.

Nursery didn't help with sleep at night much though, maybe cos she was overstimulated and exhausted, and sometimes got too much sleep in the day.

[Oxalis]

Hello, my 8mo started nursery about a month ago. She is there three days a week for 8-10 hours/day. I was really worried about how well she would sleep with the other kids around and in an unfamiliar environment. She is used to going to sleep on her own although I don't use much of a pre-nap routine during the day.

I tried to get her used to sleeping at the times the nursery use before she started. She has a soft toy she usually sleeps with so we got another similar one which she has at nursery (and cursed Jellycats for changing their range so often). It took a couple of weeks but she gradually slept for longer each day. I think this was also linked to her eating better as she got used to the nursery. She now sleeps for about 30mins in the morning and about an hour in the afternoon, sometimes more. The staff were great at helping her settle for naps. They often rub her tummy to settle her which I don't usually do. However, it works for them. I guess she learned that things are different at nursery. She doesn't sleep as long at nursery as she does at home but is still very happy. She sometimes sleeps a bit longer at home to make up the time.

As she was young the nursery asked that she started there two weeks before I returned to work. I was really glad we did this. It gave us both time to adjust - I think my separation anxiety was worse than hers though!

I hope it goes smoothly for you both.

[buggie]

Have just settled Bugglet this week at nursery & got myself in a big stressy heap about her nap (was awake till 1am worrying on Wed night!) as their (IMO outdated) sleep policy doesn't allow gro-bags which we've always used both for naps but see as a naptime cue. I headed over to collect her at 4pm nervously to find she'd slept for nearly 2hrs (not far short of what she'd do at home!). Am really annoyed that I allowed myself to worry so much as it made a tiring week more so. However, being out the other side am feeling far more positive about the nursery and the lovely team working in her room and can instead work out if I remember how to do my job! :)

[jennyh]

Ah that is a good, nice stories all round! I really hope I am worrying about nothing and that she adapts easily! just what I needed to hear. To be honest I think we had a really rough start to childcare so I am a bit more nervous than I would have been if it had been smooth but will just crack on through it. And yes eventually I hope to get my head into work brain, although they have kindly told me that they dont anticipate I will be a huge help for some time! :)

[fabian's ma]

Hi there,

Coming slightly late to this thread but all this strikes a real chord with me too as I have just started back at work and have been settling my baby at nursery. He's eleven months (nearly twelve) so not quite as young as some of the other babies here - but we're still finding it a difficult transition. Major separation anxiety going on - especially at my end! As Jennyh says - starting back at work and leaving your baby for the first time is such a hugely emotional thing. I think it's only natural that as mums we're worried about how and if they will sleep and eat whilst they're at nursery (the food issue was mentioned in another similar thread I think). When you've been used to giving them every meal and putting them down for every nap it's such a concern. It's early days for us but he's not settling quite as easily as I'd hoped. However the staff at the nursery do all seem very kind and caring so I'm sure we'll get there in the end.

Oxalis: I think I gleaned from a previous thread that your baby has started at Gumboots? That's where my little boy is too so maybe you wouldn't mind if I PMed you for a brief chat about how your little girl has settled and just to swap notes? Thanks so much.

And as Jennyh says - very hard to get your brain back into work mode when you're fretting about your precious baby. Hence sitting here writing this and not cracking on with things. Back to work :)

[jennyh]

I was supposed to be back at work this week but thanks to the germy nursery by baby picked up a stomach bug and hasnt been well enough to go back! Just another one of those things to deal with, I keep reminding myself that the more bugs they get now the better in the long run...apparently!

Just an update on mine - she is now being rocked to sleep by the nursery staff which gave me a small heart attack but I have since relaxed. I am hoping that she makes the distinction that she goes to sleep like that at nursery and on her own at home! I feel better that she is being soothed in their arms than being left upset of course. It does also mean that they are rocking her back to sleep if she wakes during her nap and still seems tired which is good. I think I had imagined that they would just get her up and crack on with the day even if she needed more sleep but so far she gets every opportunity to nap throughout the day as and when she needs which is great. Have had good days and bad days with feeding but she does seem happy to take bottles and food from them.

I am not sure if it is because she is younger but her separation from me isnt so horrendous at the moment. Started badly with tears etc but she seemingly loves the nursery staff and is often happy to go to them and occasionally when I spy on her through the crack in the door she is happily playing with the others, I can tell there have been tears during the day though when I pick her up thanks to the puffy eyes! I miss her terribly when we are apart and hating the horrendously rushed hour from picking up to bedtime.

Fabian's ma - what sort of issues are you facing with the settling in and have they suggested anything in particular to help? I remember when I asked my nursery how they would deal with a permanently crying baby who wouldnt settle and they said that they work with the parents to find the most enjoyable things to stimulate and distract, go outside, be taken away from the the group if too stressful etc or they would simply carry the baby around for however long it took, smother with kindness and hope for the best!

[JulieW]

Hi,

My baby girl who is 13 months has just started at Gumboots and is settling in quite well.Fabian's ma: PM if you want to sawp notes as we might bump into each other at some point!

[fabian's ma]

Hi Julie,

Thank you - I'll PM you tomorrow. Would be great to swap notes and catch up.