Stopping breastfeeding

[bobby's bear]

There is so much advice and support out there for starting breast feeding, but very little information about the best way to finish!

I am still demand feeding my 12 month old 3-4 bf a day, a morning and night feed and then 1-2 feeds during the day or sometimes a few more comfort feeds when teething etc. I have loved feeding him right from the beginning but feel it is time to stop, mainly because my periods still haven't come back we we are thinking about siblings for him! I am also going back to work next month.

He is a great eater and fairly chunky so I am not worried about the nutritional side of it and he happily drinks from a cup.

I am looking for a bit of advice about the best way to stop, drop feeds (though they are variable from day to day)or go cold turkey? and what do you do instead? The boob is such a curer of all ills that I am worrying about what replaces it when upset/ in pain / tired etc etc and how do you cope with the shirt pulling / back arching etc that is usually a request for a feed?!

Any suggestions gratefully received, I am feeling a bit emotional about the whole thing!

[anna_r]

I will be following this thread with interest as I'm in a very similar boat (although not trying for siblings, just feel now is the time to stop as for us brestfeeding is strongly linked to sleeping. Since I've stopped going in to feed during the night and my husband has been settling instead daughter has started sleeping through).

Anyway, my daughter is also 12 months, feeding twice a day (morning and night). Today was the first day I didn't feed her in the morning and I got a bit emotional too. She is so used to it and she usually follows me around until she has been fed! However today we just took her straight down for breakfast and gave her that instead and she ate a huge breakfast and immediately forgot about milk. So I guess distraction and alternative food is one technique?

I cut out the daytime feeds first, very gradually. I was pumping at work so I could tell I was gradually pumping less and then stopped one day. I have no idea how we're going to drop the bedtime feed (she won't take a cup or bottle) although like your baby mine is a good size and eats a huge dinner. She's goes down for a nap with no milk now so I think we're just going to have to bite the bullet and try the same at bedtime. It will probably be my husband though the first week or so as she will not understand why I'm not feeding her and will scream :( I'm looking forward to getting to do bedtime books with my eldest again sometimes though :)

Any other tips?

[GinaG3]

Hi,

You obviously love breastfeeding, its a difficult decision, a lot harder for us as parents I think than the child. We always see it as a massive decision, yet more often than not babies and toddlers aren't too fussed and don't necessarily notice the transition. You could always drop feeds during the day gradually using distraction and getting out and about so as to 'forget' about it. You could carry on a morning and night feed whilst still working if its what you want and your happy with that. Some women choose to go cold turkey, or when starting work just take that step. Baby is normally fine at home, especially if drinking from a cup etc. They always want whats right in front of them when it comes to breastmilk, but you do find a lot, if separate from the option they will just get on with their day.

I fed my daughter for 2 years, even toward the end I was still feeding/comforting at the breast up to 20-25 times a day. Always on demand. Until the night before her 2nd birthday she was obsessed with boob. Quite literally. Then on her birthday so much other stuff was going on she didn't even notice she hadn't fed all day. And that was the end of that, she still asked everyday for months on end, but rarely caused a scene about it. She was bought a new 'special' cup to replace the boob and took to it more and more as time went by. It was such an emotional time for me, and I really missed it for 3-4 months after, and ended up regretting she stopped. She was a baby and toddler in fact, that NEVER slept without the breast, and wouldn't nap without the breast, it smoothed every cry, every pain, it was just a beautiful thing. I spent ages thinking, I'm never going to get her to sleep, I'm never going to be able to release the pain and tears without it, but we did, it was nothing like I expected it to be!!

Many women find a way to do it differently, I suppose its up to the way you handle it, want it to go, and the need to actually do it. Wish I could give more advice. But it will be fine, and you will find a way thats right for you and your baby. Best of luck with your decision. X

[jollybaby]

I stopped a couple of weeks ago when miss Jb was 10 1/2 months. It was strange - I felt very emotional initially but after 48 hours or so I felt fine. Miss jb doesn't seem to have really noticed either.

I too was worried about the comfort aspect. I hadn't realised how much I was still settling her with the boob until I stopped. The night settling does take longer but she does settle after a little back rub and in a way it's given me more confidence knowing that she will go back to sleep without a feed.

My breasts were painful for 3 or 4 days - I didn't need to resort to cabbage leaves or anything. Almost as soon as I had posted a thread on here about this did the engorgement subside!

Good luck and hope it all goes well. For me it really feels like we have moved onto a new chapter. Just need to survive my return to work on Thursday.

[LI]

Gina, I'm really interested in your story. Do you mean that you stopped altogether on the second birthday? How long did it take before your daughter would sleep?

[laurac]

I stopped breastfeeding my 13 month old daughter yesterday, we were feeding sporadically in the day (normally before a morning nap and sometimes in the middle of the afternoon) but before bed in the evening and then a lot in the night; generally she would be waking every hour and a half/two hours for a quick feed and I just reached my limit feeling so tired and ratty all the time. Ideally I would have cut down the day feeding and then the evening feed before tackling the night feeds but it just didn't work out that way and it hasn't been as bad as I feared so far - I actually got the best night sleep I've had in ages last night, she woke at midnight and half five and only took about 40 minutes to settle initially and has gone down quicker tonight. We co-sleep which possibly makes it easier but she seems to be suffering no ill effects - she has been on very good form today and no clingier than normal. It worked out exactly the same when I stopped night feeding my elder daughter at 14 months, within 3 nights she was sleeping through having previously been waking 3 or 4 times a night. I think the main problem with stopping so suddenly is how painful it is - I could hardly cuddle my daughter today without wincing..

[KatharineM]

I would never say on front of my kids. I could never cuddle them without wincing.

That is the most painful thing that a child could hear from their parents.

But we seam that we all got the message for plastic parents and posh parents.

Nothing was true until we saw the train leaving becouse it never arrived.

The idea of becoming very close with our children seemed strange an unusual

as they never were there when I need them. I felt very uncomfortable

with his company on my PC as I was ugly and a servant. Which I thought that wouldn't make

my children too proud I'll be wasting my time and this is only a game.

But I decide to walk away from the pain of embarrassing my children as I always

wanted them to feel very proud of me.

I read many threads about easy, pink, teen...r, strawberry,proud,juicy etc.

I felt very weak and was very painful to read

the wishes of my children and telling me, I love you mummy.Couldn't believe it

my time I have wasted here for somebody who never existed.

So please lets be honest with our kids what we do or say

nothing existed until the the day of explosion. We all hear different histories from

parents but mine was the most painful thing I could ever experience.

I love my kids but my only wish was, if they were more honest with mummy.:-S

[GinaG3]

LI. From the day she stopped breastfeeding I never had problems getting her to sleep. I still keep the rocking motion I always used when feeding, and we now sing a select choice of songs, including one I made up about her (she loves that one!). Since breastfeeding she dropped naps, now only napping once every 3 months or so.

I had extreme sleep problems with her, we co-slept for 16 months at which point she was still waking for feeds up to 5 times a night, but at around 13-14 months she became extremely violent whilst waking for night feeds. I was waking bruised, bitten and scratched. I carried on with that until she was 16 months, where I then moved her into her own bed next to ours. The violence stopped immediately and she began learning to sleep through. By the time she was 20 months we moved her into her own room and from that day on she NEVER woke up once in the night. Feeding during the night was my main worry but considering she had been sleeping through for 4 months before stopping it became less and less of an issue. In the rare event she does wake in the night, I just carry her into our bed and she falls asleep with us both.

Its such a relief for me, I honestly thought the sleep issues would carry on until she was 5, easily and stopping breastfeeding was going to be the time all hell broke loose. I still miss it very much now, I was happy to continue for another year but it all fell into place by itself. And I was happy with that.

[scareyt]

Hi we stopped daytime feeds first, starting at about 13 months. My little boy is 16 months now and we now have one feed a day first thing in the morning which I love and am planning to carry on with until he's bored of it. And I also still feed during the night if he wakes up but that's rare now.

I had been feeding on demand (& often co-sleeping for part of the night as he usually woke at least twice a night for feeds which I did lying down) so I just stopped feeding him between certain times of day, first from breakfast to lunch, then quite quickly we went to nothing between the early morning feed and around 3pm, then nothing from early morning to bedtime. If we were at home and he was whining for it or needed a nap I relented quite a few times, always feeling guilty about not being consistent but it never seemed to make any difference to him - the following day if we were busy he wouldn't ask and would be perfectly happy. We then dropped the first morning feed, just going straight down for breakfast instead which was fine. And around this time he started sleeping through consistently for the first time ever! Conincidence? Who knows - there is no control experiment! But it meant I never had to do any grim nighttime battles over not feeding when he wakes up at night which was my biggest worry.

We dropped the bedtime feed last which was harder as I'd been feeding him to sleep all along. But we used some ideas in the "No Cry Sleep Solution" book and changed our routine first to bath, feed, teeth, stories, songs, into the cot awake. Getting that established was the hard part but once we had after maybe three weeks or so, dropping the evening feed wasn't a big deal to him.

And then, 24 hours after a very emotional (for me!) bedtime feed a couple of weeks ago which I was fairly sure would be the last one ever, he got really sick, threw up 6 times in the first night and once a day for the next few days and was utterly miserable and ate nothing for a week and lost losts of weight, so I went back to feeding on demand all day long, feeling like all that effort of weaning gradually was wasted! But also so relieved that I could still get some calories into him and make him feel better when nothing else could. And as soon as he was better to my huge relief he had no interest in it again during the day. But I've now ended up feeding him first thing every morning which was never the plan but is a lovely snuggly time & I like knowing it's still there if he gets ill again. Occasionally he pulls at my top during the day but I can easily distract him with a snack or a tickle or something and it's not really a problem.

Bedtime is much better now and I can finally go out for a whole evening which is wonderful. I was also really worried about stopping, I couldn't imagine how I would manage him without the magic boobs to help me but it's been much easier than I expected. And if anything he's more cuddly and affectionate and better company now that he's relating to me rather than my boobs!

[Saffron]

Every mother-baby dyad is different when feeding, so it stands to reason that every mother-baby dyad is different when weaning off the breast. 'Cold turkey' is ok for some babies it seems. Some babies naturally lose interest ealier than others. 'Don't offer, don't refuse' is a popular strategy too. Distraction is great, and works well if you combine it with other cues to replace the comfort of the breast. For Little Saff, I've been looking at all these strategies and applying them differently to feeds. Stopping can be difficult/complex for some people. Perhaps there's so little advice because of that very complexity?

At nearly 20 months old, we've just stopped breastfeeding my daughter to sleep in the evening, and stopped breastfeeding at night. It hasn't been all-or-nothing though, and we've been gradually adding additional sleep cues and shortening the night feed so that it's just a short comfort suckle now. If we spend the night away from home, I'll still feed her to sleep if she needs it.

In my mind, I'm seeing us using this method for her other two main feeds too. Plus, Little Saff is a baby who loves to comfort suck. I think when the main feeds are gone, the comfort sucking will go. Or vice versa perhaps. Her two main feeds are midmorning and/or pre-nap, and early morning on waking. We sometimes go without the nap feeds but she never misses the early morning feed. I'm thinking over the next year to get my husband up to scratch on the new non-boobie bedtime routine, so I can go away for a few days when she's around 3 years old. At that point the separation should naturally end the breastfeeding. At least that's what I tell myself. I'm open to the possibility that she might lose interest before then... not gonna hold my breath for that though. xx

[Moos]

Well, I've stopped now. Yay! Boo! Weep. Cheer.

I dropped each feed one at a time, but since my baby was fed on an approximate schedule I'm not sure I can give good advice on how to give up if you feed completely on demand and at lots of different times of day.

I was discussing with a friend the other day how much people's experiences of breastfeeding vary. I've always found it quite hard work, just something that had to be done rather than any great pleasure on my part. So what with biting, concerns about supply and just sheer tiredness, I was perfectly ready to stop at six months but Twosling felt quite differently, so on we went. He's ten months now, and I'm about to go back to work, so it just felt like time and to my surprise he accepted it quite readily, and now enjoys extra cuddles and singing at bedtime while he scarfs down a bottle.

And yet, and yet. When I said there was no great pleasure in breastfeeding for me, I didn't mean there was none. If there's anything much nicer in the world than taking a tired, crotchety, end-of-the-day baby, and settling down to feed to see him relax, go all pink and glowy and num num num himself to a happy sleep, I don't know what it is. It's only been a few days, but I really miss that. It's not that I regret stopping. It was the right decision for me. It's just... I'm a bit sad.

[kmoon249]

hi - I am also trying to cut down on breastfeeds for my 13 month old. If anyone would like to share whether or how they replaced the boob with bottles or cups of milk? My daughter isn't impressed by cow's milk thus far. I'm wondering if i should warm it or try some other tricks? We just went cold turkey on the night feed which has been a week of slow progress. She still wakes up at least once expecting milk, but has gotten easier to settle with out it. (i never thought i would be so happy to get 5 hrs straight sleep). she still feeds at least 2x a day and just before bed, i would like her to start drinking milk in general so i can have a bit more freedom.

Any advice would be appreciated.

cheers,

[hellosailor]

Moos I know exactly what you mean about the conflicting feelings, just stopped a week ago, baby will be 7 months in a few days and breast feeding has been, well, a struggle - she has reflux, tongue tie and wouldn't feed in public (got too distressed if I tried) so I've been pretty housebound for the last 7 months as could only ever go out for about 2 hours max - basically only in ED!

Plus she always refused a bottle until a month ago so there wasn't the option of someone else giving a bottle when I was in tears of frustration after she refused/cried her way through the third feed of the day because of her various feeding probs, add into that worries about supply due to her falling several centiles and the questions from the hvs about why, and I thought that I would feel just pure relief when we stopped, but instead, spent several days last week bursting into tears at the drop of a hat because we had stopped.

I guess the hormones must also go haywire when you stop which must have contributed, but I also felt / feel an overwhelming sense of sadness that it's over, and I think a sense of grief that it didn't 'go better'.

I would see friends or strangers feeding their baby in a cafe, or even just on their own sofa, with the little one latched on no probs and just comfortably suckling away and feel such pangs that breast feeding felt such a difficult and stressful thing for us from the beginning,and would say to my partner regularly in the first couple of months that the daily struggle to feed her was inhibiting our bonding, rather than strengthening it, which of course was not what I dreamt of when I was pregnant and looking forward to breast feeding.

But She doesn't seem to mind half as much as I do that we've stopped - she barely seems to have registered it! She's probably relieved about the ease with which she can drain a bottle having struggled to feed with her tongue tie for all these months too! But I still feel very wobbly about it...like you we're doing extra cuddles and singing at bedtime though which is lovely :)