Absent from nursery - what's the worst that could happen?

[bee74]

Hello everyone

I have a question for those more experienced in these matters.

My son has been offered a place at a nursery from January after his 3rd birthday mid December. The place is full time 9.15-3.15 and it would be free - new Southwark policy apparently.

I am delighted but also concerned. I feel he is too young to go every day 6 hours a day to nursery. I know many children do that at 6 months, but that's how I feel so please go along with this.

This is also because in December he will have a sibling. And I feel he will need time with the new baby to bond and time with me so that he doesn't feel pushed away and replaced within a month of the new arrival.

So I have suggested to the nursery that I keep him at home one day a week, but they said I can't because he would figure as absent.

I am personally shocked. Nursery is not compulsory and certainly it is my choice how often I want him to go. Plus, as a mother, if i want to spend time with my son, surely i should be able to?

So I am asking what could be a solution and what's the worst that could happen if he is absent one day a week?

Thank you

[littleEDfamily]

A friend of mine was in a similar situation and she just took her 3 year old out whenever she fancied it, and they didn't do anything about it. That said, this was Tower Hamlets and she was only in that nursery temporarily as the family was not based permanently in London.

Personally, I think it is ridiculous that you are asked to commit to full time or get in 'trouble' Surely it has to be about what the parents feel is best for the child and the family (not to mention fewer days free up space for others).

On a practical note, perhaps you can 'invent' a compelling reason why your child will not be able to attend on a particular day.

[Moos]

Is it to do with the fact that it's a free place that would not be available to another child?

[mrs.lotte]

Is this a nursery attached to a school? There is certainly a big demand for spaces and so most of the local schools offer half day sessions so that they can have morning children and afternoon children although they are 5 days per week perhaps that would suit better than the longer day?

[Monkey]

Those free nursery places are about education not childcare. The activities being planned over the course of the week, children must attend everyday to get the most out of what the school has to offer.

A lot of people would love to get five full days a week for free. My local school only offers 5 mornings or afternoons a week which is completely impractical.

You should consider private nurseries which offer free places for 15 hours a week after a child turns three.

[new mother]

I have never heard about all day free places. How does it work? Most people would bite the Council's hand off for one!

[Helen GV]

Any chance you could start him earlier and pay for the first two or three months? That way he would be settled before sibling arrives.

Or start him later?

Or perhaps find another nursery that offers fewer hours?

[bee74]

To clarify:

1. this is the nursery he has been attending since he has been 2 1/2 for 2 days a week, which i paid for - although initially he only did half day. So I am keen to keep him in the same place as he has developed friendships and is familiar with both staff and the place.

2. it is not attached to the school

3. it doesn't offer half days anymore. Apparently Southwark has some extra money this year and has asked some nurseries to offer full time places.

I appreciate that some mums would die for a f/t place, but I wouldn't and have no choice. This is not school, so there isn't an educational programme. And surely spending time with mum and sibling also has intrisic value...

thank you for your comments.

[Polly D]

It sounds like an amazing opportunity but I can totally see why it feels a bit much now.

However, keeping him at the same nursery he's used to will help enormously when coping with a new sibling so that's a massive reason to keep him there, not to mention the fact the place is free.

I know 6 hours a day, 5 days a week sounds like a lot now but let's face it - we are all up pretty early anyway with our kids, and heaven knows, sometimes the days are pretty long so he will still have a couple of hours at least with you and the baby in the morning, and then a good 4 at least after nursery in the evening.

It will give you a lovely amount of time in the day to enjoy the new baby - good for everyone.

And it could well be that once you've accepted the place and are in the system, as it were, you can choose not to send him for a day here and there as opposed to a regular 4 day arrangement. In my experience (of one child only!) toddlers just live day by day. He won't think 'oh well, it's only 4 days, not 5'.

It will all be great practice for school which is not far off.

Go for it!

[bee74]

Polly (hi, btw have not seen you in ages) and everyone else.

Thank you so much for your comments. Very sweet of you to try and make me feel better about it and see the positive side. I know it's a great offer. And I will accept because I don't want him to change nursery, as there will already be a big change in his life (new baby) and we will move out of the country at some stage in the next couple of years. I actually don't find the days too long (well, of course i do sometime) But he is with me alone only Mon/Tue/Wed and we have a lot of fun on those days. I know things will change when the baby comes and i will be grateful for the time when he is at nursery. But at the moment, I still simply don't want him to go every day.

So I wonder if anyone actually knows what the consequences of him staying at home that one day a week are?

Any nursery nurse out there maybe?

Thank you

[crystal7]

Hi Bee74

Sorry I don't know what the consequences of keeping him away from nursery 1 day per week. Just wanted to say that I would feel the same were E offered a full time place at 3. For me too it seems very full on at such a young age (even though as you know she has been with a CM 3 days per week since she was 11 months). I know of another parent whose nursery is offering the same thing and she has similar misgivings. The only thing you can do is try I suppose, I'm sure he'll love it and adapt really well. Speak soon!

[Cora]

Southwark will be subsidising the place that you are being offered. If you do not use that full allocation then the subsidy is being wasted - basically the nursery is taking money from the council but not using it for the child.

I would think you would be at risk of losing your place if you didn't attend the hours agreed. Not blaming you for not wanting your child to be full-time at this stage - It sounds like the nursery is the one that is being inflexible in this and lazy not offering part-time places. I guess it's easier administration wise to get the full allocation for one child rather than twice the paperwork and juggling for a 'place-share'. An unfair system in my opinion - would make me question the nursery's priorities.

[reneet]

My daughter goes to Nursery f/t 5 days a week. I pay for it. Because of various reason maternity and stuff I cannot change the hours she goes until after my maternity leave, but like you I am now keen for her to go 3 times a week so as to bond with a new sibling and since I will be home I would like her home with me. I have enrolled her in swimming lessons on one day and explained to the nursery that although its a place that another child could take, that is what I want. SO stick to your guns. Nursery is not compulsory and it is your child so keep her home, ask them what happens if she gets absence maybe nothing. Also ask for a timetable so that you know what activities they do on what dates and pick days when they do ot do much, or when they do things that you can do with her at home.