Questions about alcohol

[maxxi]

There is no science that can help unless it is psychology.

This information comes from the "Advice to Carer Volunteers" (responsible for looking after students who get drunk and need help to get home) at St John's College, Cambridge.

The kind of drunk you get depends on the kind of mood they are in before getting there.

The kind of mood they are in will determine their chosen means of transport.

e.g.

1. If they are feeling wildly celebratory then a pint of mild or a brown and bitter may not cut it. They will have champagne and, because they are celebrating, drink too much of it without eating or drinking water to help rehydration. They will be 'gaily' drunk and have a grand headache in the a.m. which they will decide was worth it.

2. If they are angry/fed up they may hit the top shelf and drink with a vehemence that means they end up at the same destination but with more spite/vindictiveness to the fore than philanthropy. They will end up with a headache for the same reasons as 1. but it will be accompanied by shame at the memory of their misanthropic demeanour and worry about what it might have led them to.

3. If they are in a normal 'wanting-a-drink-or-two-with-the-lads' frame of mind they will choose beer/lager which - by dint of the volume of liquid (and the company they are in) - will take longer for them to reach their destination (with more pit stops) and the transition will be more manageable and one they are well used to, so much so that they may even vary their choice of ill-advised take-away from kebab to curry to chinese to pizza etc.

4. Wine is drunk to try and convince the people their OH has invited to dinner that they are civilised and is rarely of sufficient quality for them to truly enjoy so is rather gulped down like slightly off-tasting Ribena. This leads to a feeling of resentment that it isn't a cold beer and, because of its dryness, causes them to drink more to assuage their thirst and, of course, to eat a lot of funny looking/smelling cheeses. This means they often arrive at their destination without knowing how or when they got there, just that they are there now and wish everyone else would fuck off home so they could go to bed.

Oh, and the bottle/can thing is all in the mind.

[mockney piers]

very funny :D