Should we stay or go

[lavender27]

Dear fatcats, perhaps the Clash can help you, please do click on youtube link , best of luck in your decision .

[DaveR]

If you have a family member or someone else close who can have your toddler for a weekend, things might seem a bit better after a night out and a lie in!

More seriously, most of the people I know who have moved out have either gone 'home' i.e. a place they already know well and have connections, or to a commutable town/village (more expensive commute but not always much longer in terms of time), or as a result of a particular job coming up. It's a very big step to move to somewhere essentially unknown, and of the people I know who have done that most have moved again within a few years, either back to London, or further away. What seems to be a theme is that trying to recreate London life somewhere else will never work, though you might find a different life that, for all sorts of reasons, you end up preferring. I know a couple of families who moved to seaside towns who now can't imagine not being near the beach.

I would also say that although there are some things that you can't do with small kids there are lots that you can, and it changes fast as toddlers get older. I can still remember the feeling of freedom when we no longer need to take a pushchair anywhere, or nappies, and when the kids would sit in a cafe and do some drawing, at least for long enough to properly eat lunch. It creeps up on you then suddenly life is different. Then school, then secondary school, GCSEs...

[zenoria65]

I'm tired of life in London.....

malumbu Wrote:

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> London and New York, the greatest cities in the

> world.

>

> Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual,

> who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a

> man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for

> there is in London all that life can afford.

>

> Brighton, lovely to visit, and Bohemian too. Kent

> - some beautiful countryside but can be rabid.

[Elphinstone's Army]

malumbu Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> London and New York, the greatest cities in the

> world.

>

> Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual,

> who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a

> man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for

> there is in London all that life can afford.

>

> Brighton, lovely to visit, and Bohemian too. Kent

> - some beautiful countryside but can be rabid.

Well, that was hundreds of years ago and Dr Johnson would find

his square and Fleet Street rather disagreeable nowadays, however

his house is a temple of tranquility still

What do you mean by ?rabid? ?

[TheCat]

Fatcats....it's nice that you've responded....and since you asked the question, I suppose you should response to those responses. But don't get caught up arguing with the Internet, or justifying yourself to bloggers....we are idiots....

[Loz]

lavender27 Wrote:

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> Dear fatcats, perhaps the Clash can help you,

> please do click on youtube link , best of luck in

> your decision .

Well, quite. "If I go there will be trouble, if I stay there will be double". Not sure why they go on about it for three minutes and 10 seconds when the answer is immediately obvious.

[natty01295]

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[Seabag]

Brighton and Hove are ok, I?ve lived in both

But it?s a different place than you might imagine. Lots of flats, little outside green space that?s locally accessible.

The beaches are ok, but not really great. The city is surprisingly traffic heavy and traffic warden rich, like Islington on steroids.

Brighton seems to have an attitude about it, about not being London mainly. I enjoyed living there without kids, but I?d never go back.

Hove, is nicer but I?d not want to live there.

Both are great to visit, stay a while. Lots of drugs and dogs on string tho.

[Dulwich Born And Bred]

I lived in Sussex for a year when my child was very young, we lived by the coast. Loved it for the first 6 months, because it was so green and pretty but after more time went by I missed the vibrancy of London. It?s just so easy to get around here, so many things to do for next to nothing, there is something for everyone, plus having good hospitals nearby is handy as it was a slog to get to one in Sussex and they weren?t very good.

I go to Sussex a lot to visit family, love getting my fill of fresh air and the natural beauty but I?m appreciative after living there of how much London truly has to offer and I couldn?t live in Sussex again.

Saying that I went to Italy last month and I thought London was so much better, maybe I?m biased, you can take the girl out of London.......

[Captkerk]

You mentioned a few frustrations and disappointments that are compelling you to think about change.

I would ask you to think about this in a few different ways:

First, make a clear list of the all of the problems you are facing (debt, family time, commuting, clean air, job woes, etc. I'm sure there are more. Get them all listed.

Next to each give a number to the level of frustration (1=low 5=very high)

Then think about the various ways to solve them by moving and select 2-3 locations that you feel are within a reasonable grasp to move to.

Pick the best ones and create a future scenario of your new life as if you have been in it for a year and the novelty and romanticism has calmed down.

Re rank the problem list (1-5) and see what has changed and reflect on what it means to you.

Lastly, try to devise solutions to the same initial problem list without moving. Rerank these solutions and reflect on what this means to you.

I'm a professional coach and happy to provide some time (free) for you as I'm in the process of moving out of London too and am away from my new home this week. These are multi-layered issues and very difficult to see your way through. I work with people in a may in which they can put there own wisdom to work delayering issues into rational and emotional components and then taking action that's right for them.

I'm an engineer, learning professional, facilitator and personal coach with 30 + years experience and still coping myself.

If any of the above makes sense and is useful...great! If you want help, I'll give you 90 minutes of free time and nothing more actually as I'm pretty busy here renovating, clearing out and preparing to exit from London.

[astrid83]

Hi fatcats, we moved to Folkestone from East Dulwich last year. I love London and thoroughly enjoyed my years in ED. But house prices pushed us out, and I wanted cleaner air, less people, less traffic, more space.

Come down for the day and see Folkestone. It's a hidden gem but won't stay hidden for very long. So many Londoners are moving here, and bringing certain life style with them. The train to St Pancras is expensive but commute is very doable as its only 53 min.

I still love London and do love visiting which is easy enough to do. I feel we have the best of both worlds here, with the coast and country side as well as London near enough to visit for the day.

[fatcats]

Thank you all so much and sorry for the delay in replying. I hit a bit of a wall a few weeks ago and wanted to avoid the whole topic and clear my head for a while.

Captkerk, thank you so much for your kind offer and I hope your move went well. Apologies that it took so long to reply and thank you for your constructive advice, it has given me a lot to think about.

Astrid, we visited Folkestone at the weekend and it is certainly has a lot going for it. The Harbour Arm on Sunday morning was so beautiful and peaceful.

[malumbu]

Saw a documentary maybe 30 years ago about how many people retired to the SW, particularly from the Midlands as they had enjoyed many happy holidays in Cornwall, Somerset and Devon. At the time they said how miserable it could be during the winter, long nights and so much shut. Fast forward 30 years and it can be even worse, they always feature Minehead, aging population, bored youth and few employment prospects.

Of course Kent/Sussex unlike Somerset are still in the SE bubble, very connected both to London and to the continent and in reasonably full employment. More of a lesson in imagining what the place is like when it is wet and grey.

[Quia Differt]

I KNOW I am missing something but for the life of me I do not what it is ! lol

I used to live near Dulwich and moved 35 years ago to the very edge of South London/North Kent and it has been fantastic though I still miss the vitality and stimulation of living in the heart of London.

I live within 2 miles of 4 main Towns. Shopping is good. There are endless Parks,Fields, Woods and Meadows to enjoy.

I am near The Blackwall Tunnel and The Dartford Tunnel and The M25 and only half-hour from Charing Cross/Trafalgar Square.

The area is so safe that I never lock my car in my road or drive and I am going away right now to Sussex for the weekend and do not even have a lock on my back door. I am 50 yards from a 192 Acre Park voted " Best In London" 4 years ago ( it's nice but it's not! )

As I am less than a mile from a London Postal Code, enjoy the tranquillity of the Family-friendly Suburbs and am 15 minutes from the Beautiful Kent Countryside so what point am I missing ? :)

[Help-Ma-Boab]

West Wickham? So good you just left a Ted Rodgers style set of clues.

Do I win Dusty bin?

Quia Differt Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I KNOW I am missing something but for the life of

> me I do not what it is ! lol

>

> I used to live near Dulwich and moved 35 years ago

> to the very edge of South London/North Kent and it

> has been fantastic though I still miss the

> vitality and stimulation of living in the heart of

> London.

>

> I live within 2 miles of 4 main Towns. Shopping is

> good. There are endless Parks,Fields, Woods and

> Meadows to enjoy.

>

> I am near The Blackwall Tunnel and The Dartford

> Tunnel and The M25 and only half-hour from Charing

> Cross/Trafalgar Square.

>

> The area is so safe that I never lock my car in my

> road or drive and I am going away right now to

> Sussex for the weekend and do not even have a lock

> on my back door. I am 50 yards from a 192 Acre

> Park voted " Best In London" 4 years ago ( it's

> nice but it's not! )

>

> As I am less than a mile from a London Postal

> Code, enjoy the tranquillity of the

> Family-friendly Suburbs and am 15 minutes from the

> Beautiful Kent Countryside so what point am I

> missing ? :)

[Quia Differt]

Help-Ma-Boab Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> West Wickham? So good you just left a Ted Rodgers

> style set of clues.

>

> Do I win Dusty bin?

>

> Quia Differt Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > I KNOW I am missing something but for the life of me I do not what it is ! lol

Close but no cigar. Houses in my area are much cheaper than in West Wickham. Average ?350,000 I would say.

Just arrived back and not intending to be smug but while I was in The Sussex Countryside did not give a thought to the fact that, effectively,I have no back door security.

I am near Bexley.

p.s. On a totally seperate point i.r.o. West Wickham,I saw one of the funniest comments on here that I have ever seen.

One of the regulars had just chosen West Wickham as his new home to bring up his young family with care.Fair Enough. Anyone doing a modicum of research would know that West Wickham is not diverse at all and yet though this guy ,deliberately, chose, that area to bring up his family he said the problem with the area is " its lac of diversity" . Who Knew ? :)

[Quia Differt]

malumbu Wrote:

>

> Of course Kent/Sussex unlike Somerset are still in

> the SE bubble, very connected both to London and

> to the continent and in reasonably full

> employment. More of a lesson in imagining what

> the place is like when it is wet and grey.

I am amazed how little thought some people give to a life-changing decision.

When we moved to Bexley I came on 4 totally different times to our prospective road and we met with our, potential ,next door neighbours for 90 minutes while we, efectively, interviewed each other.

The biggest error many older couples make moving away from all their friends and family to The West Country is what happens when one of them passes and the other is left isolated a long way from home.

[Quia Differt]

Just seen the " wet and grey" comment. North Kent/South London Borders is the same as most other placs then i.e. Dull.

Celebrated 35 years yesterday since my move ON 9/5/83, a sunday as I recall and I returned, which I do every 5 years, to exactly the same spot on a bridge overlooking The A2 motorway which s where in August 1982 we made our decision to move when we looked at the local environs and skyline and I am delighted to say it has barely changed.

The move took 8 months or so though but we perservered and yet..............it STILL feels " weird" crossing Blackheath as my heart will ALWAYS be in South-East London..

[NewWave]

fatcats Wrote:

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> No idea why I am asking a bunch of strangers on a

> forum. Perhaps hoping some of you may have been

> there, done that and have some advice.

>

> Maybe it?s this never-ending winter we?re having

> but I suddenly really want to leave London.

> Working full time, commuting 2+ hours a day,

> looking after a young toddler but being too tired

> at weekends to really do much or make the most of

> our time together. In London also we are paying

> back debts left right and centre from borrowing

> the house deposit, doing up a house, debts accrued

> on mat leave, and although we are managing the

> repayments ok there is nothing left over for fun

> weekends away etc that would make life feel less

> of a slog.

>

> We?ve been thinking a lot about Brighton, well

> Hove, actually. Main attraction is it?s a city by

> the sea so not too much of a culture shock. Both

> myself and my partner work in creative industries

> so we could probably find freelance work at least

> down there. We can potentially get a slightly

> bigger house and a bigger garden (and consolidate

> debts) and although we would both aim to work full

> time we hopefully won?t have to add a 2-hour

> commute on top of that.

>

> It?s like I?ve recently become completely immune

> to London?s charms but I?m not exactly sure why. I

> think it?s this winter but also that it takes so

> long to get anywhere, even for leisure and social

> time in addition to the week day commute. But then

> just as I feel like I?ve made the decision to move

> I think about all the amazing things to do in

> London (despite the crowds and long travel times)

> and realise we couldn?t replicate there in any of

> the places that we?re considering. Oh and we don?t

> have any friends in Brighton or Hove really which

> also makes it a big daunting.

>

> I realise no-one can make the decision for us, it

> would just be good to get some opinions. Hence me

> posting on the East Dulwich Forum. Maybe there?s

> even people who?ve tried it and loved it or tried

> it and came back. It?s probably obvious reading

> this but I?m completely confused, and I just know

> I don?t want to continue with our situation as it

> is the moment.

GO! I am born and bred in Zone 1 so very much a Londoner. But London has changed and its no longer a very nice place to Live.

Hove is beautiful but very expensive-London Houseprices.

Look at Hastings and St Leonards-its 90mins to London Bridge or Victoria and I have several friends who have moved out of London in the last two years to be there.

I dream of doing the same!