Rude man

[Dorothy]

Crikey! Is it wrong that I now find this completely hilarious?

[Fuschia]

No, that's fine

I didn't post the thread ( or man on the bus thread) out of some deep emotional trauma

It's just girly chat really... Chewed it over a bit at work too

I try not to let other people get to me too much, tbh

[buggie]

Maybe it is through working with children and families and being in a situation where there often isn't chance to find the parents (who should be supervising their children) before asking children to stop behaviour which could be dangerous to others in the area.

I think that if there isn't a parent/carer around to speak to regarding the behaviour of the child, then a polite word to the child pointing out that deliberately spraying a baby full in the face with a water cannon is appropriate... I mean, we're all agreed that that isn't acceptable behaviour aren't we?? Something more minor obv wouldn't need such urgent attention, but think this situation justified it.

Obviously if the parent/carer is around then yes, they should be approached first, but am sure that a "Stop that" or similar would escape my lips (and possibly get the parents attention).

I'm surprised that no one so far has considered the affect that this father having a go at Fuschia could have on the child and how this could lead to them not caring about the effect their behaviour could have on others as if anyone complains their dad would have a go at them back thus allowing the child to (possibly) get away with anything they like.

[new mother]

Cuppatea, my very next post stated that walloping was clearly not acceptable. My phone screen does weird things and halved the original post. And, yes, drenching the baby certainly was an assault for your info.

Otta, the chance of SW really agreeing with me is very low. I am reading heavy irony into her post.

SW, are you genuinely agreeing with me? I might fall off my chair, if so.

It boils down to basics. I am fundamentally traditional in my views about bringing up children and I expect adults to discipline them and control them as part of nurturing them and loving them to the ends of the earth. I see the "consistently saying no" thing as an unpleasant parent duty. I would much much rather eg supply them with an extra piece of cake for example and see their smiles. But parents haveto set boundaries and say no, in my view. If parents are failing in this - errrr see every stratum of British society for more details - then other parents have to step in to protect their children.

That's where Im coming from.

Incidentally a child who takes pleasure in drenching a baby is a completely different and much nastier child than one who drenches his or her older sister, for example.

[new mother]

Otta, I thought about your post. I see where you are coming from but I guess my starting point is that there is a victim and a perpetrator here and I don't entirely see why the "victim" should be further inconvenienced by you preferred way of dealing with the "perpetrator". Can you see what I mean?

It is equally possible that, in some cases, the mother of a child who is hit will have a preferred way of telling off the "hitter" to reinforce what she has been teaching her children about the unacceptability of violence.

So, on balance, if your child transgreses, it is starting to look very precious, at the very least,to complain about how other parents reprimand your child.

[Otta]

I take your point, but I guess the whole problem with this is that we are talking about each individual's own children.

I can see the value in doing things both ways, but unless you know a parent is from the same school of thought as you, you always run the risk of upsetting a stranger, and possibly getting a piece if their mind, if they have an aggressive disposition.

At the end of the day, I just can't believe a little girl actually thought to herself "that woman just glared at me, I'll show hee, I'll aim right at the small baby's head, because that will do the most damage".

[Fuschia]

Otta, I doubt she did

But at the age of 7 or so I think she would realise it was an unkind thing to do

But my main point really was about the father ... Surely it's instinctive to apologise on behalf of your child if they hurt or uOset a much smaller child

[Otta]

Well yes, on that I totally agree.

Even of he wasn't happy with you speaking to his daughter, he should never have sworn at you, but rather said "sorry she sprayed your baby, but I'll deal with it".

[srisky]

Fuschia Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> But my main point really was about the father ...

> Surely it's instinctive to apologise on behalf of

> your child if they hurt or uOset a much smaller

> child

Maybe he would have if he was approached first. I'm not saying what you did was wrong but it's not uncommon for people to instinctively defend their child/family to strangers, although it doesn't mean they are not reprimanded in private. The father swearing at you, esp in front of children, is not acceptable.

[sillywoman]

I am new mother.No irony at all.

please place a cushion before your fall.

[cuppa tea]

Fuschia Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Otta, I doubt she did

>

> But at the age of 7 or so I think she would

> realise it was an unkind thing to do

>

> But my main point really was about the father ...

> Surely it's instinctive to apologise on behalf of

> your child if they hurt or uOset a much smaller

> child

I just suppose with human nature as it is, we could all act more appropriately with hindsight.

Yesterday, after a long stressful day, I threw a plate of food onto the floor in a temper. Now I am 37!

And hypocritically I often expect my children to be able to contain their rage.....it's unreasonable when I am incapable of keeping a lid on my own. At age 7 she probably knew afterwards it was an unkind thing to do, but it is also possible that it was spontaneous, inappropriate behaviour. The pre-meditated angle on it is from an adult perspective and not a child's. For example, could you really have controlled your initial glare? I very much doubt it, for the same reasons - emotions often come first, particularly when it's our own child who has been wronged.

New Mother: "It boils down to basics. I am fundamentally traditional in my views about bringing up children and I expect adults to discipline them and control them as part of nurturing them and loving them to the ends of the earth. I see the "consistently saying no" thing as an unpleasant parent duty. I would much much rather eg supply them with an extra piece of cake for example and see their smiles. But parents haveto set boundaries and say no, in my view. If parents are failing in this - errrr see every stratum of British society for more details - then other parents have to step in to protect their children."

What proof do you have the everything wrong about "British Society" is down to parents' lack of boundaries. From what I can see around authoritarian style parenting is the norm. Personally I think that discipline and control are sure ways of teaching kids to become self-centred and angry. It doesn't necessarily create kind, happy people. In my experience (which, granted, is limited to my own challenging kids and how I was parented)'working with' approach is more effective than a 'doing to' one. I don't imagine for one minute I am going to convince you, but personally I would rather not believe the hype and panic about raising 'disaffected youths'. Controlling people makes them controlling too.

[new mother]

SW, have only sprained my wrist as a result of being forewarned.