Father's responsibility...

[Fuschia]

Threads on this board and others I am on

Makes me wonder how other families divide up duties re childcare

Ever since baby no 1 was born and the midwife said mr f was responsible for nappies as I was feeding, we gave stuck to that

This did mean I did all

Night times with twins!

[Fuschia]

Also we used to take it in turns to get ip first by weekends but since our new bSby came mr f gets up first and we swap at 630 or 7...

[Fuschia]

What role does the dad play in your family ... Or if you are a single patent what do you think you miss?

Or if you have two mums do you share things equally, or have some division of roles?

[Pickle]

I am very lucky, Mr Pickle is a very involved Dad.

He juggles his work so that 9 times out of 10 he's home by 6:30pm to do bath/bedtime. Weekends he takes the lead, preparing meals, doing the childcare (although whereever possible we do things as a family in the weekends), and on days where I have rehearsals/concerts he has them by himself.

When they were tiny he did as many nappies as he could, baby #1 would happily take a bottle of EBM so he always did the dreamfeed, and in the weekends he used to get up with the kids so that I could relax. These days they're older, so weekend mornings are pretty easy, as the kids as a "treat" get to watch some TV downstairs by themselves, and we are able to stay in bed till around 8:30am, which is LOVELY!

[sillywoman]

When they were little & sleep was a big issue - I did the nights & anything after 6.30am was his. Those two hours between 6.30-8.30am when he left for work were some of the deepest & best sleep I remember getting (this when son 1 was at his horrendous worst). He was very good at nappies too.

Also nail cutting has always been MrS's job, only now 15 years on are the boundaries beginning to blur and he's made plain that I also could cut finger nails - something I've reluctantly admitted he's right about.

MrS is also King of 'lets go to the Park' something I've never been so good at. Now we only have 1 son left who actually wants to go to the Park - and not even that always - poor MrS is feeling a little left behind I think :(

[Fuschia]

Mr f does nails! plus medicine administration, present buying and Xmas wrapping

casual shopping, gardening, flower arranging (!) putting out if rubbish, toy cupboard organisation and spring cleaning plus hairdresser trips

I do finances, driving, car stuff, dr and hospital trips, washing, meal planning , online shopping, most cooking, birthday cards, party and event organisation, days out and play dates, extra curricular activities, school letters, packed lunches, picnics

[snowboarder]

One of the things mr snowboarder does that pretty much makes or breaks my day is take our 2 yr old and baby down for breakfast every morning and I get 20mins to have a shower and get dressed ON MY OWN. Sounds ridiculous, but my heart sinks when he has early morning meetings. He struggles to get home for bath/bed (but has tried over last couple of months with new baby arrival) so this morning stint means he gets to spend some time with them too.

Otherwise we're not that organised - apart from I do the night wakings (but b/f, so have to anyway). Mr S has recently taken the ocado order on (think he could see it wasn't getting done in new baby haze!) and does the rubbish. I do ironing (again, not recently really though!!).

[Mellors]

I am being done over! I do pretty much everything - Mr Mellors is away to work v early and not home till after bedtime (I swear he waits round the corner until everything goes quiet - its uncanny), so weekdays I am on my own. I am in charge of all childcare (inc many, many night time feeds at the moment, and a lot of nappies), shopping, housework, present buying, admin etc.

He did have all three for them for three hours yesterday afternoon though whilst I went to work, and managed splendidly, and grafts his b@lls off to keep a roof over our head, so I'm not complaining (much).

[Ruth_Baldock]

My husband went almost six months without doing a singl nappy change, meal prep, or feeding cheeky s. Or dressing him. Or bathing him. Or getting up in the night with him or waking up early with him and sorting him out. He just did his own thing, and slept slept slept. Torture. It was awful and co-incided with s' worst period of sleep and

e going back to work. I was at breaking point, and genuinely almost left him. Sorry to be so dramatic.

Nowadays he's much much better, he doesn't do nappies etc but he will take s off my hands whilst I sort out meals etc, does his bath and bed routine, gets up in the night if s wakes and if I'm up early; so is he. He still sees weekends as "his" free time though (4 day stag weekend coming up when out newest baby will be approx 3-6wks old...)

not nearly as bad as a friend's husband who in the entire 28mo of their sons life has never once bathed, changed, fed or dressed him!!!!!!!!

Also Mr B works like a mad person to support us now were on one income, does all the driving, and lays for everything baby related. Also just took s away for a week and did everything whilst I slept 15 hours a day back in the uk. Nice!

[akc74]

Me too Mellors! But I get more help during the school holidays so I realise I'm very lucky in that regard.

But during term time, he's out the door by about 6.45am and back just after bedtime (and works most nights after dinner - after he's washed up!). He does the baths at the weekend and lots of nappies, and I do all the food prep (for us and the small one), shopping, admin etc.

[Belle]

We work out pretty much 50/50, not that we calculated it to be thus. We did initially have me doing all nights and early starts when husband went back to work, but at six months or so he spontaneously* offered to rectify this, with the result that as with snowboarder's hubbie, he gets up with son on weekdays and does breakfast, then gives me a shout so I can get my shower etc in. He does 80% of the cooking as he enjoys it, so in return I do iron his shirts as I don't mind ironing whilst he loathes it (and that's the only ironing that ever gets done here!). I'm pretty sure other stuff is half and half. He does a lot of the house admin, I do most child-related admin and laundry, and shopping. We take it in turns for a proper lie in at weekends. with new baby I do plan to get more help with weeknight feeds, though in fairness he always did the 11pm one. I was just about to say I feel lucky - but isn't this quite right and how it should be? I have always felt very simply that we both work, as it happens I don't get paid for mine, but there are two parents and thus if we were to have it so I did all the parenting and house-associated chores, and he did his job, that would not be a 50/50 split.

However I recognise we are very lucky in that his working hours are not prohibitive, whereas I can see that's often the case with one or both parents.

*he did afterwards note a positive ch ange in my mood, so maybe he did this for self-preservation...

[Fuschia]

I feel blessed mr f is always home by 6

However on my work days my day is longer than his with a 75/90 min commute ...

[Belle]

Actually I should have said, I am lucky that there are two of us to do the various things, I know from friends how hard it is to do it all on your own.

[Norfolkvillas]

Like Snowboarder, my husband does all the mornings with our 19 month old, and for me to be able to get up, get showered and dressed in peace, is a lovely stress-free start to my working day. I happily do bath and bedtime every night. Childcare on weekends are meant to be split 50 / 50 but my 50% is definitely bigger than his, although he would say otherwise. When does the bickering about who does what end? It's sooooo boring!

[Saffron]

We generally try to split tasks equally, then spend equal amounts of time accusing the other of not holding up his/her end!

;-)

[cuppa tea]

"When does the bickering about who does what end? It's sooooo boring!"

I think it ends when it starts to get boring...

My husband and I have stopped bickering now, as since having the child no.2 we both seem to be working flat out and neither of us get any real leisure time. It's kind of evened it up! I do sometimes class his going to work as leisure time, as he gets a lunch hour, but I then get a grip and bite my tongue!

[Ruth_Baldock]

Reading back over what I wrote yesterday, and having a think, I'm worried I've given my husband a bad press :/ We cycled to my ILs yesterday, but at 39w pregnant, this was probably a stupid idea. I left my bike at their house, and my husband cycled home with S whilst I got the bus home. All the way home I thought 'oh crap, he'll be in bed late and I'll have to get in, put all the toys away, run the bath, bathe the baby, warm up his beaker of milk, tidy his room, put up blackout blinds, put him to bed etc then clear up the inevitable bathroom chaos...however, I got home and the house was pristine- bikes away, baby bathed and milked up and in bed. Bathroom was also sorted. It made me realise my husband has come a long way, but he definitely says that if he hadn't have gone away to Lisbon on his own with S, he wouldn't have even thought to do any of it; when he was away he realised how much organising stuff needs to be done for all off S' mealtimes and various nap/bed routines. So that was good. Also he changed every single vile toddler nappy this weekend. I think the trip away also re-inforced how important a routine is to S; his went to pot on holiday and Husband said it was impossible, whereas he used to think I was being boring and rigid. Hmm. Very interesting to think about, all this.

[Mellors]

It is interesting. On the one hand I sometimes feel put upon that I do everything in the home/admin/child department, but on the other hand I am a control freak, and wouldn't feel comfortable with him doing shopping/paying bills/organising holidays etc - I would always be asking if he had done it anyway (c/f the example of the thankyou cards for baby presents that I refuse to write and have now been there for 7 weeks). Rod for my own back!

I do think that leaving the children with their Dad (if they don't normally spend much solo time with them) is a good thing. DH had all three of ours on Saturday afternoon over the "crunch time" (dinner, bath, bed) for the first time ever. He was fine, but said afterwards how hard it was, and how on earth did I manage every day, and he would start trying to either get back earlier some nights or we should get in some help. Result! I don't think its that they don't care, just that they don't realise whats involved.

[Pickle]

Agree with Mellors - I too am a bit of a control freak when it comes to household related things. I arrange paying the bills, all the shopping, cooking, admin etc., but don't begrudge that at all as I'm at home to do it while hubby is at work.

His one "job" every week is to iron our bed linen, which I insist on having done but loathe doing myself. He's happy to do it as long as there's sport on TV for him to watch at the same time.

I do appreciate just how flexible he is able to be with regards to getting home early (allows me to go to my rehearsals in the evenings), and going in late as the need arises, like this morning when I had a hospital appointment. He doesn't bat an eyelid, he sees it as his job as a father, and that is brilliant.

A couple of years ago he had 2 months off between jobs, and I think it really opened his eyes to how difficult being at home all day with children can be, so I benefit from that now!

[mockney piers]

"We generally try to split tasks equally, then spend equal amounts of time accusing the other of not holding up his/her end!"

Ha ha, spot on Saffron, that's our house too!! :-D