Is mummy a dummy?

[karter]

Baby K is solely breast fed and has bottle feeds from me ( with breast milk) to get her used to me/it and she does great with it. I have noticed how she is falling asleep more so whilst bottle feeding though and it feels like it's because she uses mummy as a dummy after she cries. There have been a few discussions between mummy and daddy about the use of dummys. I have used the dummy several times for our 5 week old with success on each occasion whilst being caught out in transit to calm her down (dummy has been sterilised each time readers). We have ceased to have our discussions (ok or arguments more like) about the use of dummys. So every time baby cries should she mummy as a dummy? Do you give your baby a dummy and what are the downsides to it if you have found any? Mummy does not want to use a dummy.

Thanks

[Fuschia]

I am not sure I exactly understand

You would like to introduce a plastic dummy but your partner prefers to breastfeed a little for comfort?

Babies do like to suck, and I have S

always preferred to offer a bit of milk when comfort is required

It's very much preference I think, some people swear by them while others really dislike them

There are some advantages in bf rTher than dummy, for jaw formation, teeth positiOning etc

I doubt it's worth falling out over ... Your partner is probably not up for a big debate, only 5 weeks after giving birth

If child no 1 had a dummy, have you and your partner drawn different conclusions from the experience?

[mrs f]

The problem with using mummy as dummy is your baby with snack feed & will probably not get "full" meals & therefore not get to the hind milk which contains all the fats etc which your baby needs, the fore milk also has a lot of lactose in it & can upset your baby's tummy if that is all they get... Also your baby will naturally associate food with soothing/comfort

The problem with a dummy is that they get reliant on it to soothe... But they can be very useful.

Try having several different methods of soothing then your baby won't be reliant on any one thing in particular such as a dummy which can lead to problems...

Good luck!

[Ruth_Baldock]

It's a real swings and roundabouts situation. Both and I Mr B were sure we would NOT use a dummy when Cheeky S was little. We lasted two weeks and then the constant screaming when I wasn't feeding him got too much, and we gave him a dummy. It co-incided with Mr B buggering off back to work (moan groan, I guess we have to pay the mortgage somehow...) and without using it, I wouldn't have been able to shower/get dressed/eat on my own with the baby. I kind of regret giving him one because he still has one now, although not that much, at 18mo. It falls out when he sleeps and although he can put it back himself, often he'll shout 'Mama, Dada! I did it! DOOOMSSSS!' (dummy) and will screech frantically until one of us stumbles into his room to replace it for him.

Mini Karter may find her thumb and use that if she is a sucky baby and gains lots of comfort from that. If Mrs K is happy to comfort baby with boob then more power to her, and I'd follow her lead. Like Fuschia said, it's certainly not worth falling out over, especially 5wks PP.

[jennyh]

We introduced a dummy around 6 weeks old as our girl had a v strong sucking reflex and instantly found it the perfect comforter. I wasn't able to breastfeed so I do wonder whether her need to suckle was more intense as she didn't get this comfort elsewhere. Anyway...found the dummy very useful in early weeks to he'll settle her to sleep, to stop the tears after bathtime and during changing. However gradually bit by bit she started beginning modify dependent, whereas in the beginning we said she only has it to settle in the evening, then it suddenly became every naptime, then on the pushchair etc etc, she would cry until she got it. We decided to remove it about 10 days ago aged 15 weeks because she started screaming during the night when it fell out every half hour!!!! and when she seemed to always want it all hours of the day yet spat it out and then whinged! I have to say the nights are much better but the daytime naps are a nightmare and I'm not looking forward to her next set of jabs without the dummy!

That said...she is now a big sucker/chewer of everything as I think it's her stage, toys, hands, muslins etc. She is very happy without it and I have to say that I do quite like having to work our what she needs/comfort her myself, it

was getting a bit too easy to just pop it in!!! Whilst I dont think it was working for us recently I def appreciate having used it when she was tiny because she needed it and I wouldn't change it. You'll know when it feels like the right time to give/get rid and as long as it brings comfort I don't see an issue with it. Our girl was just making it impossible to keep it!

[redjam]

I've never really understood why people are anti dummies. I even asked my dentist about it and she said they're fine if you wean your kids off them before they turn two (which both my kids did independently; they just seemed to need them less as they got older, so I quietly 'lost' the dummies and they never even noticed). Obviously it's not great when you see older kids with them jammed in, or if you see kids sucking on them constantly so that they don't get a chance to develop their speech properly - but if you're just using them when kids need a bit of extra comfort, to drop off to sleep or calm down if they're upset, then why not? As far as negative experiences go, I can honestly say I didn't have any. Perhaps I was lucky but my kids never seemed to get addicted to them - they would use them to get off to sleep but didn't seem to want them at other times.

But I'd agree that at five weeks post-partum, your partner is probably feeling a bit hormonal and frankly, if she wants to breastfeed constantly in a big loved-up new baby bliss bubble, then I'd let her get on with it as it's lovely for both of them. There is plenty of time to give your baby a dummy further down the line if she changes her mind.

[Saffron]

We used a soother with Little Saff occasionally, mostly for car rides and sometimes for settling in the evening. Around 5 months old, she refused to take it any more.

I've always done both full feeds and comfort feeds when breastfeeding. I'm not aware of any scientific evidence to suggest that comfort suckling leads to "snacking", or that foremilk causes digestive problems. Insufficient intake of hindmilk is probalby more to blame. Indeed some of what appears to be comfort sucking at the end of a feed at this age may in fact be the last few fatty slurps of milk just trickling down a sleepy baby's throat. Also remember that your Baby's digestive system is still maturing, and can sometime appear upset for no reason whatsoever.

In general breastfed babies probably do better being offered the breast little and often. When it is actually a feed, rather than comfort sucking, try to make sure Baby stays on long enough to stimulate a good milk letdown, and try offering the second breast immediately if Baby is still very "sucky" after the first feed.

Using a soother sometimes is fine too. But if Mummy feels like she'd like to comfort feed Baby when she's around, it's only natural and it's also just fine. Definitely not worth stressing over.

xx

[anna75]

hmmm interesting. Our ch were bottle fed from day 1 and fell almost immediately into a 3 or 4 hourly pattern, with slightly longer stretches at night. At the end of a feed, they would be asleep (when tiny this is), I would change the nappy, put the baby down and do some small pathetic task before it all started again. However, it sounds as if that is unnatural compared with the breast fed babies who seem to be comfort feeding in between. I wonder why this is.... why don;t they sleep immediatrely post feeding?

[Saffron]

Formula milk is more difficult to digest, takes longer to digest. Babies tend to sleep more deeply afterwards because of this, although all babies are different of course.

If breastfed babies don't sleep immediately after feeding, then there will be an adaptive, physiological reason for this, even if it is not immediately apparent.

There is a tendency for some breastfed babies not to want soothers, while formula fed babies seem to take to them more. (Although, as I said above, all babies are different!) For infants, having a soother can help stimulate saliva production and so aid digestion (the same is true of comfort sucking on Mummy, the 'original soother'). So in this sense a soother doesn't have to be a bad thing, but then again neither does comfort sucking on Mummy. :)

[littleEDfamily]

If mummy wants to be a human dummy, then good for her (it'll drive her to the point of extreme exhaustion, however, as it has done me - our second won't take a dummy, and for whatever bizarre reason, I quite like that even it it means I am the dummy, but much less more so nowadays). However, I firmly believe that some babies more than others need to suck a lot - especially when they are very little. If you are going to be expected to have baby quite a bit on your own and you have no facility to help your baby soothe herself (ie no boobs), I think it's a little unfair that you won't have the aid of a dummy.

Unless dummies are grossly overused, I am totally unconvinced that they harm baby's speech or general jaw development in any way. The biggest downside to a dummy, I found (with our first child, who loved hers and would have happily sucked on all day - we were quite strict though and only used it when desperate while travelling and for sleep time - she was a great sleeper and a pretty good commuter) is the frantic search for the dummy when it falls out and always having to make sure you have one, that it's clean, that you can get it back in their mouths in the car when they fling it on the floor.

So, Karter, I do feel for you, as I can totally understand you wanting to use the dummy for some babies it seems like a 'magic bullet'! But try to remember mum is probably coming to grips with all sorts of preconceptions she had about the kind of mum she wanted to be (I think most of us hoped we wouldn't use dummies, until we realised that there is only one goal in parenthood: the preservation of sanity!), and it will probably take her time to work through all of those (for want of a better word) 'issues'. Try to be patient if you can, but equally Dads should have some say in the matter, as a boob is not always to hand!!

[gwod]

Its an interseting point you raise Karter, I know that my husband, though fully supportive of my breastfeeding, found it a bit exculding and did not like the feeling that he could not really be in sole charge of our children for any length of time and I can quite understand why you want to have tools for feeding and soothing as you deem the necessary. But I also understand that some people feel strongly anti dummy - especially when establishing b/feeding (not me though!) Its great that you want to so inolved, and I know a lot of parents where they felt that b/feeding set a precedent for mummy-heavy baby care, which in the end both parents may have wanted to avoid. Time for a straight chat with her - find out what her reservations are. If its that your babe may get dependant you can offer to get up in the night to deal with waking up and spitting out issues late on, if its to do with nipple confusion, you could offer to wait a while till B/f is established, If its do do with a deep seated irrational hatred of dummies ou may be better to just back down This will be the first in many compromises you will have to make together!

[Saffron]

Five weeks postpartum might be a little early to get a 'straight chat' out of your partner (mother OR father), so don't be surprised if it takes a bit more time to work through everything. Patience is the key to preserving sanity.

[Otta]

Our daughter has never had a dummy, and I am pleased about that. However, there were times when she was very small, when I was alone with her, and couldn't calm her. At these times, a dummy probably would've been a good thing.

I wouldn't like to be in my friend's shoes though, constantly fighting to get a 2.5 year old to stop using the dummy.

[karter]

Thank you ladies and gent.

Apologies to Fuschia if the OP is confusing. The baby is doing well in breastfeeding and in taking the bottle. We are not falling out over this.:))

Mummy is ok with me using the dummy out and about in short bursts but am stepping back from this now. As some have said it is a useful tool as long as it does not get reliant upon and i would not want this either, but i am looking out for mummy too. It is a tricky subject and with friends and family it has mixed views as on here. Using my little finger has been useful but almost impossible when in transit and when the babe is screaming her head off (and you cant sterilise your finger right?)

I have found this subject to be full of confliction and vanity. One friend in the park shouted to her partner "quick hide the dummy".

Well, ffs, let mummy be the dummy......for now..