Toddler scared of public toilets

[Mook]

My two year old gets very scared whenever I need to use a public toilet. It's making it quite difficult for me to go for a call of nature. When I tell him that I need to go he starts to cry and sometimes shake. I think it is down to the acoustics and the noise of the hand dryers (a couple of months ago he got hysterical at the sound of the dryer that someone else was using, whilst I was changing his nappy)

At home he is very at ease going in and out of our bathroom, which made me think it was just public toilets. But today at my SIL's he refused to come into their bathroom with me to use his potty, (dipping our toe into potty training and it's going well at home) we had to do it outside in the hallway. The only thing I can think of was bathroom door had been closed until we needed to use it therefore he hadn't had time to go in and investigate the environment.

Obviously I don't want him to be frightened whenever myself or his dad need to use a public toilet but also I am getting a bit concerned that once his is potty trained he won't use public toilets himself. I am happy to take potty out with me but I do not think it appropriate for him to do his calls of nature in the hallway of a building especially if we are in a restaurant or something.

Just wandering if anyone can offer me any advice on how to deal with this?

Thanks in advance.

[Fuschia]

Hmm

Perhaps make a book uP for him or do a little set of pics on your Phone tO talk about ( dOnt get arrested taking them!)

Toilet

Hand washing

Drier

Sort of narrative

And maybe find a Particularly nice public loo to Prsctce in, if there is such a thing

[Fidgetsmum]

My daughter hated public loos ever since she by mistake stood right underneath a dryer and set it off on her head. 30 minutes later and I was still trying to calm her down. After that, each visit to any loo out and about took a lot of persuasion. However, I never gave up at each time. I learned to plan ahead - 30 minutes before I needed it, or she would need it, I would say 'let's go!'. I always reassured her that I would never set off the dryer and I would promise her that we would spot where they were on the walls as soon as we entered a loo so that we couldn't by mistake set it off. Also, whenever anyone else in the loos set one off, we would hold hands as tight as we could and say a special secret saying (actually my mum used to say it to me when I was little). Somehow, that distracted her enough and over time, there were less and less tears. And now, she waltzes in to a public loo, and tells everyone they're not allowed to use the dryers whilst she's there!!(she's 3.5yrs old!).

She still, however, flatly refuses to use one herself. But given time, I can see that will change too.

I hope that experience helps.

[supergolden88]

It could be that he's afraid of being locked in the bathroom. My daughter who is 5 and has been going to the loo without any issues for a long time (although she too gets scared of hand dryers) suddenly started saying she did not want to close the door all the way - afraid she can't get out again!

Check to see whether it's being in an enclosed space he hates.

My daughter got over the fear of dryers when she saw her slightly older friend use it. And she loved going to the 'family' loos they had in Canada - big toilet for the parents and little one for the children in same room with two sinks and two dryers. I think they have one of those in Peter Jones in Chelsea.

[Mook]

Thanks Ladies for your input.

I hadn't thought about the fear of being locked in but now you mention it he has also (quite recently) started to refuse to have his bedroom door closed when he goes to bed, it's got to be left ajar quite a bit with the landing light on. Having said that we went swimming today and he was fine with cubicle door closed and locked, but then we've been swimming weekly since he was 4mths old so he's very used to those changing rooms. Now I'm very confused.

We did also use the toilets at the swimming baths and although he was upset he wasn't as hysterical as I have seen him, so maybe, hopefully, it's just a phase that will pass. I think we're just going to have to give him lots of reassurance and distractions.

I'm going to have a look online to see if there are any children books that might be good for us to read to him - Great idea Fuschia.

Thanks again Ladies

[anna75]

Very sensible child. they are mostly quite disgusting.

My daughters hate public loos and will try out several before pronoucing any fit for use. I wodner if it is becuase their senses are so much sharper than ours that all the noises etc are quite terrifying. Not to mention the dirt and yuck.

[Saffron]

Yes public toilets are generally not nice. I hated them as a child and still hate them as an adult. I have London mapped out inside my head as to where the best and worst toilets can be found.

Is it just the shared toilets that your LO dislikes? Is it any better if you go in one of the large single toilets for the disabled? The Gardens Cafe (old electrical shop on Peckham Rye) has particularly good toilets. They were very clean last time I was there, and you can even do a 360 with a Bugaboo pram in them! ...plus the promise of cake afterwards, very tempting for any toddler.

xx

[Fuschia]

That's a good idea

Fun mummy and child time at the gardens cafe Inc bonding toilet visit and snap a little photo story on your phone then you can relive it later

[Fuschia]

Looks quite a nice book

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0764127675/ref=redir_mdp_mobile/279-2870089-2638066

[Fuschia]

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0316542377/ref=redir_mdp_mobile/279-2870089-2638066

[Fuschia]

And

' Liam Goes Poo in the Toilet

by Jane Whelan Banks

(Jessica Kingsley Publishers)

This small square picture book is one of six titles in ?The Lovable Liam series? each of which looks at learning a basic social skill. Subtitled ?A Story about Trouble with Toilet Training? this straightforward book, essentially an instruction guide, takes us and Liam through the processes of eating and excreting, showing the relationship between the two. The child-like nature of the line drawings and the simplicity of the brief narrative provide just enough information for sharing with those children who, for whatever reason, find learning to use the toilet a particular challenge.'

[Fuschia]

And there's even an iPhone app and video!

http://www.pottytrainingtoddlers.co.uk/potty-training-advice/i-love-potty-training-iphone-ipad-app-e-book-video-by-joy-berry

Right ... Night!

[sillywoman]

Alongside all the great suggestions above Mook you might also consider a 'toilet campaign' for a while to get him used to seeing loos as a normal thing - i.e. every-time you go somewhere, be it a friends house for tea/play a shopping trip, a cafe or playground, make a point of saying something along the lines of "lets just check where the loos are so we know where to go if we need them", then go and 'look' at the loos before you do anything else. That way there's no pressure on him to use the loo (unless he happens to need to at the point where you're checking them out) - you're just looking, & if/when he does need to he'll already have seen them & know what to expect. It might just help 'normalise' them for him.

Don't you sometimes wish you could just see what's going on in their little heads?

[Mook]

I would love to know what's going on his little head!

I just find it strange how even the toilets/baby changing rooms that he is used to going in - the ones at the swimming pool, at toddler group, even the one in Cafe Nerro, he's suddenly started to get frightened in them. Sometimes he is in his buggy and other times he is on his feet and it had never been a problem until the incident with the hand dryer.

Like I say we've only just started to become interested in the potty, I've never attempted to lift onto our toilet let alone a public one so I don't think it is a fear of the toilet itself.

Thanks Fuschia for the links on Amazon.

[damzel]

Fuschia Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> And there's even an iPhone app and video!

>

> http://www.pottytrainingtoddlers.co.uk/potty-train

> ing-advice/i-love-potty-training-iphone-ipad-app-e

> -book-video-by-joy-berry

>

>

> Right ... Night!

I downloaded that app a few months ago and played it to my potty training kid, who then suddenly became scared about falling in the loo! Which was the ONLY thing she wasn't worried about before.... oh my

She's no longer afraid of the dryer now though. Absolutely loves it. Fickle aren't they..!