How to chop an onion

[david_carnell]

Personally, I think turkey is terrible. The legs are ok but the breast is universally dry and tasteless.

So I would choose almost anything over it. Goose, duck, a massive fore-rib of beef, pheasant (one between two) etc etc. Even chicken.

But there are strange people out there who will tell you it is not Xmas without a turkey and won't have it any other way. If Moos fears her family members are of this disposition it would be unwise to be too adventurous. Perhaps in the appertizers or nibbles to compensate.....but let's not over complicate an already stressful situation.

[katie1997]

Moos Wrote:

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> Um.

>

> So.. if someone, just say, who wasn't very good at

> cooking were to be required to host Christmas,

> with all her family, and all her other half's

> family, I mean like EVERYONE, every bleddy person

> who could possibly be involved in Christmas, what

> should they do?

>

> a) Make turkey sandwiches

> b) Run away to Venezuela and start life all over

> again

> c) Sell one of the children and hire a Cordon Bleu

> chef to be concealed in the kitchen on the day

> d) Spend the next 4 months learning how to cook

> and show the b'stards who's the daddy

I hear that Venezuela is very beautiful but d) is the way forward. In fact, even if you do opt for d) you'll still end up doing a) for the week afterwards.

c) may be tempting but it should be your last resort if d) fails.

Which it won't as I agree with others, Delia is your saviour. Her writing style may be bland but her recipes almost always work. With Nigella, her books are entertaining but sometimes I wonder if she's got shares in a Dairy as she uses horrendous amounts of butter in everything. I think that Delia is easy to follow and pretty good for someone who thinks that they can't cook or if it doesn't come instinctively.

A lot of my friends who claim they cannot cook (and it pains me to watch them sloooowly and carefully measuring and weighing things) are actually not as bad as they think. I love cooking but have embarrassingly had my fair share of disasters due to my haphazard approach to measurements and straying from recipes.

I've got copies of 'Nigella Christmas' and 'Delia's Happy Christmas' cookbooks, both with easy step recipes and lovely photographs. Moos, you are more than welcome to borrow them if you'd like to try before you buy and practice cooking in advance.

Personal recommendation here for Delia's 18th century chestnut stuffing and Nigella's chocolate Yule Log :)

[mockney piers]

not much meat on a goose either if there are lots of you.

I've done a goose and two ducks before. It just about stretched and cost a fortune in to the bargain!!

[katie1997]

Just seen BB's post, take up that offer quickly.

Anyone who can make a Christmas Pudding that the Christmas Pudding Haters (moi) will love demands respect!

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Happy to share an idiot-proof sausagemeat stuffing recipe (Fanny Craddock). It's cooked separately from the bird and is delicious served up as a cold collation for the next 43 nights.

[maxxi]

Moos, DC's right - turkey breast is dry no matter what you do to it but St Delia's bread sauce together with the gravy and cranberry will smother it into a festive submission.

I should add that I hate you for being the first person to talk about this year's Christmas and make it all seem so near and so awfully fucking inevitable and unavoidable.

[Annette Curtain]

maxxi Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Moos, DC's right - turkey breast is dry no matter

> what you do to it but St Delia's bread sauce

> together with the gravy and cranberry will smother

> it into a festive submission.

Sorry but that's not strictly true darling maxxi & d_c.

If you pot roast the crown it is utterly devine.

I'll expand later.

But for now, tootle-pip, i'm off to bizarre-o central ( work/hoxton )

NetteX

[david_carnell]

In my mind, if you have to pot roast the thing, or cover it in two sauces to make it edible, then you will have merely won a pyrrhic victory over the bird.

But I get it's traditional and all. And a turkey can feed loads.

[mockney piers]

I agree that sauces are an empty victory, but can't see what's wrong with pot roasting, even if it's to moisten turkey.

That's like saying that slow roasting cheap cuts of meat is wrong because the quality of the meat is poor.

After all lack of moisture is not intrinsic to the nature of a turkey, but to bunging it in an oven for 38 hours to cook the whole damn thing.

Is suppose an interesting barding and tin foil combo (using it on the turkey, not wearing it on your head obviously) might work, I don't know, I've never actually tried cooking a turkey!!

[Jeremy]

Turkey can be moist... a good quality bird, covered while roasting and basted regularly. Lots of butter. You don't need to braise it. It's quite tasty too - much more flavour than chicken (although not as tasty as duck or goose).

[katie1997]

I'm not a fan of turkey much (unless someone else is slaving away doing all the cooking, it suddenly tastes nice). If I spend Christmas in East Anglia, we always have Norfolk black turkey. If its Christmas in Scotland, its beef from my uncle's farm.

If its ever in ED, I can only pray and hope for a Waitrose as it would be all pre-cooked, chopped and packaged :))

Edited to add tip: apparently the way to cook turkey that stays moist, is to cover it with a muslin cloth soaked in butter whilst cooking.

[Moos]

Wowzers, the combined might of the EDF is actually making me feel quite cheerful about the prospect of 95 slavering relatives and inlaws with their judgies all wudgy. You are all lovely, and maxxi I really am most sorry to have brought up the C-word so early in the season, mea maxima culpa.

As you all pointed out, of course d) is the answer. But I'm not going to serve any turkey. Mum and my Aunt P have been doing turkey Christmases since 1886, and though they make a major fuss every year they do it bloody well and there is NO WAY I will be able to match the expected standard.

Therefore I will be ditching the turkey and I think I'll serve a big chunk of beef, and use that as an excuse to do things a little differently, so of course roast spuds but only one or two other vegetables.

And d_c, I would love to have your Christmas pud recipe so I can serve a home-made pud... tradition in clan Moos is to scour the weekend papers in the run-up and find out which supermarket is selling the best pudding this year, and then buy it. So a home-made one is instant points.

So... how best to do a yummy big chunk of beef. Thoughts?

[mockney piers]

Having spent a couple of c-words in the emerald isle, all I ask is that you don't roast it to within an inch of its life and make it so dry that you need a glass of water between every mouthful!!!

[StraferJack]

I'm doing beef this year and plan to do 2 kinds

A nice piece of fore rib for traditional look, and a pot-roasted brisket which gives a variety of texture, but more importantly looks after itself for hours - so timing is less of an issue with so many to feed

[RosieH]

Mistress Moos, one thing I would sternly demand that you do, is enjoy yourself. CHRISTMAS is fricking awesome and I insist that you not get stressed and miss all the fun . DO NOT spend it slaving away in the kitchen on your own - if cooking is something you love, Christmas dinner can be a joy - if not, then it's a hot, steam-obliterating-your-make-up, gravy-down-your-best-dress, high-stress thankless nightmare. While other people are having all the fun.

So make it easy on yourself - do as much as possible in advance (ahh, the freezer - Saint Delia will show you what can be done ahead of time and frozen) and if there's anything you can't be arsed making, but rather fancy, then buy it from M&S. If you've got a massive glorious hunk of aberdeen angus, no one's going to notice anything else that much anyway. Apart from the roast potatoes that is, but they're easy. Gravy's a faff - home made is delicious and worth the effort - but buy some as stand-by just in case you're too squiffy to drain the boiling hot oil off the roasting pan and deglaze with a nice madeira.

Get yourself a pretty pinnie, have a mimosa or two for breakfast, pull a cracker, hide the packets in the bin, and have yourself a wombling merry Christmas.

[david_carnell]

Moos Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Wowzers, the combined might of the EDF is actually

> making me feel quite cheerful about the prospect

> of 95 slavering relatives and inlaws with their

> judgies all wudgy. You are all lovely, and maxxi

> I really am most sorry to have brought up the

> C-word so early in the season, mea maxima culpa.

>

>

> As you all pointed out, of course d) is the

> answer. But I'm not going to serve any turkey.

> Mum and my Aunt P have been doing turkey

> Christmases since 1886, and though they make a

> major fuss every year they do it bloody well and

> there is NO WAY I will be able to match the

> expected standard.

>

> Therefore I will be ditching the turkey and I

> think I'll serve a big chunk of beef, and use that

> as an excuse to do things a little differently, so

> of course roast spuds but only one or two other

> vegetables.

>

> And d_c, I would love to have your Christmas pud

> recipe so I can serve a home-made pud... tradition

> in clan Moos is to scour the weekend papers in the

> run-up and find out which supermarket is selling

> the best pudding this year, and then buy it. So a

> home-made one is instant points.

>

> So... how best to do a yummy big chunk of beef.

> Thoughts?

Darling Moos

I'm not giving my recipe away! An outrageous suggestion. I do not give up my secrets lightly.

I will happily however make you one. I make them in November on "Stir-Up Sunday" along with my own mincemeat. I always make two so you've been earmarked for the spare this year. It'll be dropped off with final cooking instructions long before Xmas day to be hidden in cupboard.

Well done for choosing beef too. A superior choice. Humbly, I suggest a whopping great fore-rib - 4-5 ribs worth. It won't be cheap but it will be delicious. For all meat-related issues, Saint Delia can be relegated and replaced with the Archangel Fernley-Whittingstall and his Meat Bible. If you don't have a copy, I'll lend you mine and it has the full instructions for the whole meal with all the trimmings.

[Moos]

dc, never let it be said that you are not a man of parts. I will gladly take you up on the offer of Hugh Fearnly's book. But I think I will keep looking for a recipe and make my own pudding. The great thing is that it can be made so early that if it all gangs aglay one can have another go.

And Rosie - wise words. Christmas at CCPB will be a low-key affair, and them as thinks there should be fourteen different side dishes or sniff at the ill-polished silver sweetie dishes will be laughed at. xx

[Moos]

P.S. That is a pretty pinny. Mildly saucy in a very sweet way.

[mockney piers]

aaah, HF-W's meat bible *sighs*

[Annette Curtain]

http://www.spam.com/ASSETS/FF2EE51807CE428F885114456959B361/spamOvenroastedturkey.png

[maxxi]

No, we're having sushi this year...

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSH5nk1YpFAjgy1VA5tovrDnm1fskiTqV3kAkKHVjGCThD5nKKV0A

[Foxtn'sinLL]

maxxi Wrote:

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> No, we're having sushi this year...

>

> http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSH5nk1YpF

> Ajgy1VA5tovrDnm1fskiTqV3kAkKHVjGCThD5nKKV0A

I will check out how well you do with sushi but I will be convince only when I see it. I have been here since 2007

and this is the first time you know and only because you have invite here. I did well to find out how you work and the only way to find out was buying the property through you. No one has told me about the ED Forum but I knew I will be here.

[Foxtn'sinLL]

I will be checking how well you do with sushi. But you will convince me only when I see it. I found out about you when I bought the property through you. I knew you will bring me here. Here I am reporting what I discover.

[Salsaboy]

Look more like spamdals to me.

[maxxi]

Salsaboy Wrote:

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> Look more like spamdals to me.

Just because Nette maligned my Spamushi for a footwear-related pun in an adjacent thread there's no need to encourage it...

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTC8eq0H_xBz7Z1oyVlmUN_fkcpXkREiKfeArsDWYGr-aW_flCv4g