Have you given your child a mobile phone?

[bodsier]

At what age did you give it? What effect did this have, if any on your child's social life, family life, positive /negative

What was their reason for asking for one..

What was your reason for giving it to them?

Your views would be very much appreciated. Thanks in advance.

[hpsaucey]

Question back. Are you asking as research for somerhing or because you're weighing up the pros and cons for ypur child?

Hp

[Saffron]

Have given this some thought... My daughter is in KS2 and doesn't have a mobile. I wouldn't give her one until she's routinely coming home on her own, ie not being picked up by a parent. And then I'd only be happy with her having a relatively basic phone.

Would be interested to know what age people are letting their children have smart phones, and how you monitor them? xx

[Pugwash]

Secondary school age and only a basic phone with pay as you go as they are easily lost. Also less chance of being stolen as thieves want Smart phones etc.

[Growlybear]

I gave my daughter a mobile phone when she started secondary school and was travelling to and from Orpington on her own. Mobile phones were banned from her primary school anyway, and I can't think of any reason why a primary aged child would need a mobile phone. At my daughter's secondary school, anyone caught using their phone during lessons, or whose phone rang or beeped, had it confiscated, and it was only returned when their parents went into school to collect it. As the school had a very wide catchment area, this involved a long journey for a significant proportion of parents!

[barrybarry]

So my son isn't the ONLY child in the country not to have a smart phone, after all! We bought our 12 year old a brick when he started secondary school. It cost ?10, charges up in about 10 minutes and stays charged for literally about 3 weeks. He REALLY wants a smart phone - all of his friends have them - but we have stuck to our guns for now. I know he looks at stuff on everyone else's devices, but I'm keen to keep him off social media for as long as possible. He's easily distracted as it is and a smart phone would make it worse. Having said that, I do sometimes worry that I've made him a social leper. We have said we'll upgrade his old school Nokia when he turns 13 but tbh I'm dreading it.

[nunheadmum]

Just given my daughter her first mobile for starting secondary school. It's an old handset of mine so is a smart phone but about 3-4 years old. She's only allowed to use data at home on WiFi. But already I can see that we'll need to make sure she doesn't get addicted to social media. It's hard as she really wants to keep in touch with her old classmates who are all at different schools and her best friend has just emigrated. But I'd rather have those arguments now when she still takes heed of what we say than wait and give her a smart phone when she's a few years older and try to influence her then!

[Norfolkvillas]

My sister in law just gave her daughter a smartphone for starting secondary school and just this evening sent me a picture of the whole family lined up on the sofa, staring into their own little screens. As a self-confessed screen addict myself, this is categorically what I want to avoid for my kids, and the growing body of research on how smartphones affect teenage brains has just made me more resolute. When my son goes to secondary school, we may consider getting him either an old school phone-only phone, or something like this: http://tinitell.com/

I plan on holding off smartphones for my kids for as long as humanly possible - ideally until 16, which I know is ambitious, but I reckon I have time (my son is not yet 8 - I'm forward planning!)to see if I can recruit other parents of my son's friends to the cause; Then the cries of "I'm the only one without a Smartphone / I'm a social pariah" won't stand.

This may be entirely unrealistic, but until something presents itself as an insurmountable obstacle, this is my plan, I feel very strongly about it, and I'm going to give it my best shot.

[yeknomyeknom]

I'm the only person I know who has never had a mobile phone. I'm genuinely not passing judgement, and all the above sound sensible if you do decide to go for one, i.e. A brick and at secondary school. Also if it's pay as you go and you only agree to top it up once a month etc it could curb usage.

But if you are still unsure, just ask yourself how you coped when you were at secondary school without one? That's all of you right? What did you do to cope? Can't your kids do the same? Having said that we don't want our kids to be stigmatised for being the odd one out or unable to join in group discussions remotely.

Alternatively, I've heard of houses having a box beside the front door and as you come in you all drop your phones in there and the house is phone free. I think that's a great idea too. This one is good for modelling the true purpose of a phone and the true purpose of a family home. I.e. Stay in Touch when you are out of touch and communicate better when you are together. I suppose an inventive teen would then decide to leave the house to use their phone but an extra walk around the block might do some good anyway.

[HannahSE23]

I may get vilified for this but we gave our son a phone (an old brick of mine!) in year 6 as he was going to various after school activities by himself and sometimes coming home as late as 6pm.

I found it helped us have all those discussions and be able to set boundaries before secondary school when I knew I'd have less control - i.e. no social media until 13, no devices of any sort (ipads, mobiles, laptops) upstairs, calls/texts only if he really needs to contact me.

He's in year 7 now and the novelty of it all has worn off for him while some of his friends with phones are on them all the time! He's accepted the boundaries and, while he does use the phone for basic games, that's only allowed at weekends up to a maximum of an hour a day.

Unfortunately phones/social media/games etc are a part of life now, so I sort of think it's important to create a balance by setting rules and expectations early on and teaching them how to use their phones and other devices sensibly.

[Frenchy]

Wrestled with this also; came to the conclusion it would seem odd to hold back the one solitary item which is, let's face it (whether you like it or not) THE modern bedrock of social and (later) professional interaction.

If 'not' I think you have to ask yourself - honestly - are you holding back a smartphone because you think it's good for them, or are you holding it back 'for you' for some reason?

Yes of course at first they spend 96% of time send silly pictures, texts, WhatsApp etc but it won't be long before - with a bit of guidance, they'll also be setting alarms, reminders (you can set reminders for them as well, remotely, which is quite useful) using the calendar, checking bus times if necessary, organising things to do with school, Facetiming grandparents - and of course - be contactable by you and vice versa.

An old second hand smartphone is good because it does all those things but is slightly too antiquated to run 'must have' games or apps. So, say, an iPhone 4.. which I'm sure you could get for ?30 on eBay if you or someone you know doesn't have one in a drawer somewhere, you'd be surprised, ask around! Set the parental controls to limit what they can access. Tell them you will be monitoring what they send / receive on it for the time being and do so until you have trust.

It also gets them used to 'not' losing something which they perceive as valuable. Good training so they don't use the thing which 'is' valuable when they do get it. And if they do lose it, well, you get to say 'this is why you're not getting a really expensive new phone..'

[yeknomyeknom]

No one seems to mention the health risks of mobile phones anymore, so I thought worth a quick mention if you are busy researching your choices. The World Health Organisation has made the following conclusions:

http://www.who.int/features/qa/30/en/

So all seems potentially harmless enough. But the lack of info on long term usage concerns me as a parent. Not so much for adults who make informed choices and have old addled brains, but for younger children who's brains and bodies are still growing and developing. Just another thing to consider.

[bodsier]

Norfolkvillas Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

>

> I plan on holding off smartphones for my kids for

> as long as humanly possible - ideally until 16,

> which I know is ambitious, but I reckon I have

> time (my son is not yet 8 - I'm forward

> planning!)to see if I can recruit other parents of

> my son's friends to the cause; Then the cries of

> "I'm the only one without a Smartphone / I'm a

> social pariah" won't stand.

>

> This may be entirely unrealistic, but until

> something presents itself as an insurmountable

> obstacle, this is my plan, I feel very strongly

> about it, and I'm going to give it my best shot.

My sentiments exactly! Though I pushed it to when he is 18.. Really really ambitious I know...however the main argument for them, seems to be with regard to social pressure and knowing where your child is....at the moment he tells me where he is going and I tell him when to come back.

At a safety awareness course when I mentioned that one way of keeping our kids safer from muggings, inappropriate exposure via the Internet, cyber bullying, radiation exposure etc, could perhaps be to stand together and not give them phones, and she replied that she wants to know where her kids are, and finds the tracking device handy. I just wonder if the cons outweigh the pros, and if we are reluctantly giving them phones because we are bowing down to peer pressure. A bit of a vicious circle. I imagine they read less once they have one and it can affect their studying.

Some would say it's a way of building their social life, I can't understand why they can't talk to each other at school and organise their social life..,,what happened to good old social skills...like conversation?

[Peachpie]

Do public telephones still exist? I don't think so, in the old days you could always ring home. I am interested in this topic and I'm not sure on the answers. But certainly at home, with phones and general screen time, I think it's really important to have engaging alternatives and organise lots of social activities. Then when you use a phone it is for genuine moments when they enhance the situation. I don't ban computer games, though I would love to, but keep strict times to a minimum as my children have no capacity to police it. I feel really happy when the topic isn't brought up for 3 or 4 days, that's quite rare though.

[batgirl]

Hello everyone, I'm a thirteen year old girl who has never had a phone, let alone a smart phone and I am not allowed to have one until I am old enough to sign my own contract and pay for it my self. Even though all my friends have a phone I am not a social outcast. I personally don't believe I need a phone, if I want my friends to come over I give then my mothers phone number and my address. The process is repeated over and over, even in the summer holidays. I am happy without a phone.

[bodsier]

What's interesting is how kids talk to each other via mirrors if they are not on their phones. Has anyone else noticed that some would prefer to stand in front of a mirror than look at each other? I came across this article today....

http://bigthink.com/21st-century-spirituality/smartphones-could-be-leading-to-a-mental-health-crisis?tun_campaign=Echobox&utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Facebook#link_time=1505252869

[bodsier]

Just read the last two posts, yes maybe public phone boxes strategically placed near schools might be a good idea, and thank you Batgirl for your post. Having read the statistics re mental health I think you are on the right tracks. It's the argument my child uses but it proves that a social life without a phone is possible.

A follow up post, how many of you have given your children phones, and have then regretted it?

[yeknomyeknom]

When you don't have a mobile phone you come quite familiar with the local pay phones. There aren't a lot but they do exist. There is often a phone in the door of supermarkets, some traditional pubs, some libraries. You get to know them when you need to.

[bodsier]

Do you mean there is often a pay phone in those places?

[flocker spotter]

My oh my! I find this whole thread rather bizarre, especially the post about having a bit of a screen addiction and not wanting this for his/her child. Surely you should lead by example! Perhaps you should try living for a month without your phone/tablet/laptop and see the kind of world you would be forcing your child into. Today's kids live differently to how we do. Their streaks on Snapchat are part of their socialising and play an important role in their feeling of belonging - which is vital for teenage girls especially. I am aware of the times when I have asked my daughter if a particular friend is joining her shopping excursion and she replies, no she's not in our chat group (because no snapchat).

I am glad my kids have phones. I am glad that they can use Citymapper so they can always get home even with train cancellations or an after-school excursion. I am glad I can contact them whenever I need to, so I know where they are and what they are up to. I am glad that their smart phones give them an independence which I would not feel comfortable about if they did not have this technology. Their phones are a source of information as well as a social network - through buzzfeed and google, they learn what they wish from how to make a fisherman's braid to how to insert a tampon.

Of course it's all about parental choice, but smart phones are a part of young people's lives.

[bodsier]

It's not bizarre to weigh up the pros and cons of mobile phones for your child. Particularly In View of the increased rates of brain tumours and depression amongst teenagers. It's true that kids can feel isolated if All of their friends communicate by texting, but it's also socially isolating to communicate predominantly by these means, and it seems as though it is very hard to manage. You can out things in place to control/restrict it, but kids are skilled at bypassing them, they know more about technology than most adults. Do you think it bizarre, that Bill Gates didn't allow them for his kids?

https://nextshark.com/why-steve-jobs-didnt-let-his-kids-use-ipads-and-why-you-shouldnt-either/

[batgirl]

My daughter posted via my name previously.

I decided to not give either of my children a phone, as I work in secondary schools and see the things most parents do not.This generation of digital natives know how to bypass parental restrictions and cover their tracks.

They do not have any issues with feeling they do not belong. My eldest is actually glad she does not have a phone she says she feels she has more freedom and never gets involved in all the fallouts over who said what on WhatsApp ect.

[DenmotherSmith]

My two eldest kids had smart phones, but they did not take them to school. I think they are too much of a distraction at school and not remotely necessary . I managed to get to school and home safely for my entire secondary school life without a phone and see no reason why my kids can't do the same.In the couple of times they needed to get hold of me the school office has been happy to help.

[Earl Aelfheah]

I don't understand why they are they allowed in schools?

[Houseoflego]

They need a phone from secondary school for contact/ safety BUT they need a phone not the whole world of everything at their fingertips. Get them a phone that is not internet enabled. Job done!