Advice needed, the dummy debate.

[jennyh]

Hi

So as I've previously posted, I am not able to breastfeed my daughter who is nearly 4 weeks old. The last couple of days she has been unsettled at night and has spent hours getting upset between feeds. Having checked all options we have come to the conclusion that she just needs some comfort!!! So we have this evening given her a dummy as she was sucking hard on my finger and desperately trying to find her fingers. She went straight off to sleep but whenever we've tried to take it out she wakes up and cries. So...another thing for me to feel bad about! I'm just wondering what peoples experiences of dummies are, when they've used them, what age, tips and advice on moderating the use etc. We dont want to get her hooked on it but at the same time if it comforts her when I am unable to soothe her with the breast then I just want her to be happy!!!

Oh also...if she has a dummy, will she still know to wake to feed??

Please help as you all did so kindly before!

Jennyx

[sanity girl]

Hi there, my daughter had a dummy from very early on (about 3 weeks) until the age of 3. I didn't beat myself up about it too much as it she wasn't good at sleeping/getting to sleep and it was the only thing that helped other than having her attached to me (not a viable option most of the time!). I would say, if it works for you and your daughter go for it and don't worry too much. x

[Polly D]

Don't worry. Use it, it's clearly working. And will give you all some much needed rest. You and she will know when it's time for milk, or when the dummy does the job.

Had exactly the same worries as you 2 years ago and husband had to send me out of the room when we first gave him one as I was worried about so-called nipple confusion. But it worked. And now he's 2 and absolutely understands dummy is for sleep only.

Definitely personal choice, and there will be many who disagree with me, but it seems you've found something she likes.

[littleEDfamily]

Oh please don't feel quilty. A dummy for sleep is a wonderful thing. In fact it's recommended from a cot death prevention perspective. Our first daughter loved her dummy, which she had only for sleeping and was a dream sleeper. Second daughter refuses the dummy and we are permanently in sleep hell with me boobing her to comfort her - nightmare! Give her the dummy only for sleeping, and try to get rid of it before the age of 3 or earlier if you can and sleep easy....babies need to suck..

[buggie]

Something someone posted on here ages back (think it might have been Fuschia) that everything is just a phase and think it's really important to keep that in mind (know v difficult when everything feels upside down and sleep/hormones are all over the shop).

If using a dummy is helping your lovely girl sleep/wake up ready for a good feed and helping you get a bit of rest then go with it - I promise not considering how you'll wean her off it within a day of first giving it to her definitely doesn't make you a bad mum, and neither does it mean she'll have a life of bad teeth and reliance on it to ever sleep again (although it feels like it at the moment) I felt similarly that swaddling might have to continue until my daughter was at least 5yrs when by 13wks she'd kick it off and we swapped to gro-bags (happy these will be phased out, but at 6mths happy for her to continue with them at the mo!).

It's even suggested that in the first few months, using a dummy can help reduced the risk of cot death nhs evidence r/v of study

If you search the site for "dummy fairy" you'll see lots of posts other parents have posted how when the time came, they helped stop their children using them.

Sending you a big hug xx

[charlottep]

To echo others, really don't worry about it. My son had a dummy from about four weeks and it was great. He used it for all sleeps. Thought it would be impossible to get him to give it up, but the dummy fairy came at 2.5 years and it took about ten minutes of crying and then he was over it. So many other things to worry about so give yourself a break! Re feeds, my son continued to wake for his feeds.

[candj]

Just to echo everyone's sentiment dummies are really useful. My two girls had them only for sleeping and it was very easy to get them to settle. Nothing to feel guilty about and certainly much easier to take away than a thumb!

[Saila]

>>Just to echo everyone's sentiment dummies are really useful. My two girls had them only for sleeping and it was very easy to get them to settle. Nothing to feel guilty about and certainly much easier to take away than a thumb!

ditto to above

i too use dummy for sleep only

i think the key to get honest opinions from mums is to ask them wht they'd do with their next child and i wouldn't think twice about using a dummy next time round

it means they just go *straight to sleep* no cries or even gurgles - a stress free life! :)

we are very lucky and my son rarely wakes in the night, but if youre prone to that, one downside is you may find yourself up in the middle of the night to put a dummy in. I do this if i want my son to sleep in longer in the morning which i dont find difficult as it's not middle of night. However a friend of mine (whose kid wakes up at 1/2am) bought 10 dummies and puts them all around the cot! hilarious but it works apparenlty. Now her daughter just wakes up and settles herself upon finding a dummy.

My son (15mnths) has started to throw his dummy out of his cot sometime during the night... so it' slike he's dropping it naturally maybe?

[trinity]

It's absolutely fine. Some little babies need dummies to help them sleep or just soothe them. You are doing the right thing by giving her one. Many babies just grow out of them and if she doesn't then deal with that later.

[mrs.lotte]

I resisted giving my son a dummy because I didnt like the way it looked and feared withdrawal symptoms, then I caved in and he was happy so I felt guilty for sacrificing his comfort for my sensibilities. I took a dummy into hospital when I had my second but she never needed it. Some babies are sucky and that's how they get their comfort. We just scaled down use then when he was 2 threw them away and took the grief for a couple of days.

[Saffron]

A lactation consultant told me that sucking a dummy can help stimulate Baby's degestive system - a good thing! I think the reason dummies have a bad name is that it doesn't look great to see a 4 yo with a dummy in one hand and a packet of crisps in the other. Eek.

Right now your baby is so new and tiny and just wants comfort. There's absolutely no reason not to give her a dummy. If you want to take it away while she sleeps, try experimenting with letting her fall asleep a little deeper first. Have a look at E. Pantley's sugestions for gentle removal techniques:

http://www.pregnancy.org/article/when-your-baby-wakes-frequently-feed-pantley-pull

xx

[jennyh]

Thanks! We had a relatively good night with her naturally settling off to sleep after each feed but she definitely responds well to the soothing when she is perhaps tired but can't drop off which seems fairly common. I'll not be afraid to use it when necessary and continue to get better at ignoring what others think!

Jennyx

[LeilahB]

We used one with our daughter (now 4.5 months old) but ditched them a coouple of weeks ago as she was waking every hour and needing the dummy to settle herself. We're trying to teach her to self-settle instead and the night wakenings are definitely less frequent since we ditched the dummy (fingers crossed!)

[laurac]

Hi Jenny

I didn't use a dummy with my first daughter but ended up feeding her to sleep every time she needed a nap or woke in the night. With my second daughter I introduced a dummy at about five/six weeks because she was finding it hard to settle in the day and I really didn't want to get into the same patterns as I had first time round. I'm so glad I did; my daughter goes down for her naps and to sleep in her cot (with dummy) with no fuss which is a complete revelation to me - even six/seven months on! Completely agree with all the posts above - really don't feel bad about using it to settle your baby x

[Link]

I used dummy to settle my first daughter from early age so she got hooked. She is 4+ now and still takes dummy to sleep. Seeing how much dummy can get addictive, I determined not to give my second daughter dummy and mentally prepared myself for endless crying. At two weeks, I got daughter 2 a soft teddy bear, she loves it and will always settle cuddling her teddy. At 18months I decided to get another teddy of the same make as it is always difficult to wash the only one she has, unfortunately she would not take the new one as it is not as worn as the old one!

Now I am not bothered about number 2 cuddling her teddy as I get to wash it at least once a week. And if she likes can go to university with it. To be honest, dummy bothers me endlessly now even though number 1 only takes it at bedtime. I have bought lots of presents to get her off dummy but to no avail, now we all agreed that on the night of her 5th BD, she will have to say goodbye...partner thinks I am being unfair!

I still do not feel bad about introducing dummy to number 1 as I have exams to write 2 months after she was born so anything that could help calm her was a life saver. If I have to do it over, I will not give in to dummy.

[sandy_rose]

We used a dummy to comfort our little one when she was on a drip in hospital and not allowed to feed. After that she was hooked (!) but I only ever gave it to her when it was time for her to sleep, not to keep her quiet if she was fussing for any other reason than tiredness. I found it fab, as I'd just pop it in her mouth and she'd drift off to sleep. She rejected it herself around 6 months when her first teeth came through. It never affected my milk supply or her willingness to take a bottle etc.

The only problem we did have was having to get up sometimes to put it back in if it fell out during the night, but that was only occasionally. I think they say if you remove it just before they actually fall asleep at night you can stop them from waking looking for the dummy but we never got to try out that theory.

[EmmaDoran]

Hi Jenny

I had similar problems (couldn't breastfeed my son but was losing a finger in the process of trying to calm him at night). We have used a dummy since he was about 1 month (he's now nearly 5 months) and just use it for sleep times. I wasn't keen initally but then one of my friends said to me - 'you can take away a dummy but not a thumb'...

[mima08]

IMO it's better to find a way to soothe a distressed crying baby than to leave her/him cry. I offer my LO a dummy when he gets very upset - sometimes he wants it, sometimes he doesn't. He still goes on the breast ok as well....(although I do top up with bottles too).

There are also theories that the sucking reflex is very important to be "lived through" as a child as it could reduce likelihood of additions (e.g. smoking) later in life. Of course, the sucking reflex can be satisfied by any means - fingers/thumbs, dummy, breast, bottle, piece of cloth etc - guess those theories really compare to the very old fashioned view of not sucking anything....

[Moos]

Has anyone used the Pantley technique to break the sucking to sleep association for dummies?

[MGolden]

'Now I am not bothered about number 2 cuddling her teddy as I get to wash it at least once a week. And if she likes can go to university with it. To be honest, dummy bothers me endlessly now even though number 1 only takes it at bedtime. I have bought lots of presents to get her off dummy but to no avail, now we all agreed that on the night of her 5th BD, she will have to say goodbye...partner thinks I am being unfair!' Link - get the Dummy Fairy to come the night after your little one's birthday or his birthday will be ruined knowing that the dummy is going that night.

We used a dummy with our first son (for sleeping only) until the night after his 4th birthday. Took him a few nights to get to sleep without it once it was gone but worth the effort. Son number 2 refused a dummy, liked sucking his finger and playing with his belly button! Much harder to get that one stopped!

[Link]

Thanks, MGolden. We will try the Dummy Fairy. Although, she once told me Fairy doesn't suck dummy! Harder when she thinks she 'knows' all.

[MGolden]

Sorry, you've got a daughter not a son. Boys may not be as astute as girls, we told him the DF takes them to a recycling centre where they get made into new dummies for new babies - he swallowed it - story that is not the dummy!!

[Selma]

Some children have a much greater sucking need then others, and for those dummies are brilliant. If you don?t give him/ her a dummy they will eventually find something else to suck on (usually a finger), but the great advantage with dummy?s is that once they don?t need it anymore you can always remove it. If a child is sucking a finger, that habit is very hard to break.

[Bobbaz]

Don't give in to pressure to this that or the other. If it works for you then go with it I say. I used dummies for my 2 and quite frankly if they're happy then so am I. I did start weaning off it though from 1 yr (if you can around teething!) Personally I think it's only really a problem when you still see 3-4 yr olds stick with them, which can surely only be a means of keeping your kids from talking as opposed to soothing them.