Fed up with other kids in playground!

[Gussy]

Right I've had 3 days in a row where my little girl has had her face pinched or hit by other kids and I'm getting annoyed. What is it? I watch her very carefully and trail her about so I can see exactly what is happening at each 'incident'. Example, she was following around a 3.5 year old and they were playing nicely together on the slide etc and then she just turned around and grabbed her face really hard until my girl cried (she is only 2.5yrs and can't understand why its happening). It's upsetting for her and me! Yesterday she was grabbed in the face and it broke the skin and she was bleeding. She was only looking through the window in the wooden 'wendy house' thing.

Yes all kids go through phases (mine included - had few months of pushing kids down slides etc). But I made it crystal clear it's a no go and she has stopped doing it now.

I actually can't go to the playground and not be very worried/trailing her about when she comes into contact with other children. It's very very stressful. This makes me sad, especially as she is very sweet and kind and loves other kids. Has it always been like this? My mum doesn't think so and said she never had to worry about us when we were small around other kids, bar the odd one here and there.

Yes she has to learn life lessons that other kids don't always want to be her friend, but hitting and pinching seems to be rife (and yes it's happened lots before these 3 incidents in a row), rather than one offs. Am I really supposed to just accept this is the way it is? Not sure I like it.

[Kimmy1080]

Oh my goodness, that is terrible! Such a hard lesson for such a young child.

You are her mummy and want to protect her. For me, there is absolutely no way you should just accept it. Personally, whenever possible, I would approach the parent/carer of the child straight away and mention what has happened so that the other child continues to learn not to do it. Getting away with it doesn't help the child to learn (in my humble opinion). It is also in the way you approach the adult - no guns blazing type of thing lol....just acknowledge that you understand they are only children but it has to be mentioned.

No help at all I'm sure but my heart went out to you when reading your post as my six year old son was very similar to your daughter and because of their lovely, gentle natures, it makes you want to protect them a zillion times more.

Don't stop going to your local park. Though it's a harsh lesson, your daughter will soon learn that not all children are as gentle as she is. It won't change her, just look at it like an education in life. My son is still gentle very gentle, loves babies and toddlers (like his mummy), treats his younger sister like a Princess (though the feeling isn't mutual) but knows that all children are not like him.

Big hugs.

Kim x

[Ruth_Baldock]

Me and my husband took Seb to the baby play bit at the Tate (with the musical slide, big winner) and he was pushed over twice by older children and then a six year old hit him really hard on the back of his little head, and made him cry his eyes out. I must admit, I cried too, I cannot BEAR to see him hurt or upset. Like your little girl, he just didn't get it- in his mind, he was just playing.

Also like you, I know it's a phase, but I have practically crippled myself telling Seb about being KIND and GENTLE and LOVING and he is more likely to come over to toddlers/babies and give them cuddles or kisses than push them over. He is a kind and gentle boy. Gushing a bit, sorry, it's the hormones.

I always say 'No, that is NOT NICE and you DON'T HIT' or whatever if toddlers/children (not younger babies) hurt Seb and the parents don't say anything (which 9/10, they do).

[ryedalema]

You've had a horrid experience. We've never experienced it in the playground but have in nursery. One 3.5 girl (who isn't there any more) picked up our 1 year old and threw her to the floor. I'm afraid I did shout at her but also told the teachers that I'd shouted at her and to watch out for repeat behaviour.

It must be much worse when you don't know the child/parents. Please don't let it stop your enjoyment. It's them who are at fault - not you xx

[Mellors]

I really, really hate it. I stopped going to Peckham soft play at one point because it always seemed to be full of big kids who would push mine around (not to mention the smell of wee lol).

I am horrified by other kids' behaviour sometimes, and would go nuts if I caught mine doing the same thing. I hope your little girl is ok, and a ray of hope is that they quite quickly become one of the bigger kids themselves and then it stops happening (so I think, my 4.5 year old doesn't seem to get it in the same way now as his little sister).

I also have no problem with telling the other children off anymore, I'm beyond caring. I had proper words with two very naughty school age girls in Ruskin Park the other day who made my little girl cry on the slide.

[Ruth_Baldock]

Mellors: GOOD. Tell it how it is.

We stopped going to Soft Play for the same reason; Seb was only about 9 months old and crawling and older kids used to try and push him over (like cow-tipping). My husband gets proper mardy at the parents, too. Also, eau du urine is grim grim grim.

[snss75]

Well done Mellors! I have to admit that I've done the same (in pretty harsh tone too) with some school kids in Myatt's Fields on two occasions... Also, number of occasions in Soft Play (throwing the balls drives me mad!). I'm pretty strict with my son about hitting, pushing, kicking etc. and luckily he is generally kind and gentle with other kids and I don't see why he would have to put up with that sort of naughty behaviour from other children so I tell everyone off (not in a rude way) if the parent/carer of the other child doesn't notice/care. The way I see it is that I we have to stand up for our own the same way we tell them off if they are in the wrong.

[sanity girl]

I agree with Kimmy that when possible you should approach the parent/carer about the incident. My daughter was kicked in the face by a boy at soft play today and when I identified who his mum was (she was being approached by another parent whose child had just been hit!) I told her what had happened. She took him out of the play area, told him what he did was wrong and later made him come and apologise to both me and the other parent.

[littleEDfamily]

What is wrong with these kids? I consider my daughter a bit of a handful and I can honestly say I have never seen her coming anywhere close to behaving like this. Knocking over babies - I mean really!! I have low low tolerance for bad behaviour and have perfected this very passive aggressive technique of giving very angry stares to children on the brink of feral behaviour. I do detest soft play type places and playgrounds for that matter - seems to bring out the worst in kids and parents (who mostly seem to be doing their best to ignore their kids). On the few occasions I have been, I spent all my time saying 'hey, watch it.. I'm watching you.....'.

I think I would rather another parent told my child off directly - as long as it was a sufficiently serious situation - than coming to tell me. I think it is good for children to know even if their parent doesn't directly see what goes on, there are other adults about who will step in. And a stranger's telling off is often more effective....

[????]

Can I be brave and say is it just possible you and others being a little bit sensitive? Trailling around your kid seeing every slight.

The drawing blood thing is horrid, agreed, but on the whole in my experience - kids do this irrationally from time to time , kids that get it done to them (including mine) soon recover, most parents step in, certainly if they see it (they don't always admittedly), The local playgrounds and Peckham Soft play are really, really not crammed with viscious unpleasant out of control kids.

[littleEDfamily]

Sorry, ????, I disagree. I would expect children of 2 or younger to have moments of violent irrationality, but a 3.5 year old scratching a 2.5 year old's face with no provocation is abnormal and disturbing.

[????]

The drawing blood thing is horrid, agreed,

[????]

...er...did you miss that bit?

[new mother]

You are her mummy and want to protect her. For me, there is absolutely no way you should just accept it.

Kimmy said this and I totally agree.

???? - errr...so we have to watch our children being attacked by little thugs? No thanks. Documneted instances were explained clearly by the OP. She isn't exaggerating or being "overly protective" if such a concept exists.

Ryedalema - you I think mentioned a one year old being hit at nursery by a 3.5 year old. Why ON EARTH are they mixed in the same group? There is a VAST difference in strength between even a one year old who can and cannot walk! (Obviosuly very sorry to hear of the event and becomign angry on your behalf!)

Ruth, I don't know what to say. Seb sounds lovely and I can't bear to hear of the sweet little ones being done down by the thugs. It makes me SICK.

[new mother]

"You've had a horrid experience. We've never experienced it in the playground but have in nursery. One 3.5 girl (who isn't there any more) picked up our 1 year old and threw her to the floor. I'm afraid I did shout at her but also told the teachers that I'd shouted at her and to watch out for repeat behaviour. "

Ryedalema, You are a more tolerant person than I. I read this with incredulity. YOU apologise for shouting at the damn brat. She should NEVER have had the chacne to go near your lo. This is the sort of organsiation that gets nurseries closed down.

[????]

???? - errr...so we have to watch our children being attacked by little thugs? No thanks. Where did I say that? At all

I'm out of this one and will take my views and experience with 3 under 6s that the parks and soft plays of the locality are pretty safe and friendly places with me. Be careful out there.

[cuppa tea]

Oh for goodness sakes....they are CHILDREN!!! This stuff is quite normal, although not pleasant. There's not little thugs, they're just learning how to get on with life. Even at 3.5, particularly boys, don't always have the language to be able to resolve 'disputes'. Getting all hysterical about kids being a bit aggressive with each other is ridiculous! I am sure that the parents of the children who hurt your little ones are also upset about it and do care about your children.

My little boy became a quite aggressive after his baby brother was born, as he took the whole thing badly...he's not a mean kid, but did take this out on younger ones. What I would like from other parents is understanding....remember that? Not taking the moral high-ground because your kids would never do anything like this!

And when you have a tiny baby it is impossible to keep an eye on a 3 year old at all time, especially in soft play. I found it really upsetting seeing him change overnight like this, but he was obviously hurting and very very jealous. I don't have a problem with other people telling him off but you're all acting like these children should be given ASBOs. It's ridiculous!

[Otta]

I'm sorry, but it's hard to take a post seriously, when it calls a 3 year old a thug.

[Gussy]

Cuppa tea - my point was, I'm not convinced this is NORMAL. Yes of course kids hit, push, bash, nick toys and I fully accept that. I have 2 kids and they both 'scrap' A LOT. My annoyance is with the frequency that this is occurring. Three days in a row on top of most visits to the playground and I'd think anyone would have to ask the question, or at least thinks jeez this is a bit excess, no? Maybe we've just been unlucky recently, but the more it happens the less I think so.

I appreciate it is difficult, and actually in all the incidents recently the parent of the other child came over and promptly told them off and removed them, so I don't have an issue there. It's just that this kind of fairly aggressive behaviour seems to be very common. Maybe those that think it's normal aren't helping the situation. With 2 kids, one running riot, the other cruising, I find it extremely difficult to keep an eye on them both, and yes you have to let go, but not just turn a blind eye or let them run off knowing that they sometimes smack other kids because that?s what kids do.

I wonder if it was always like this or it?s on the increase? Are we too lenient these days? I know I've got a fairly high tolerance for toddler behaviour, but I really draw the line if she deliberately pushes another child after being told not to, then it?s home time.

[littleEDfamily]

We too struggled after our baby was born - our elder daughter did definitely show an aggressive side to her sister that she had never previously shown and this was very trying. But that doesn't mean I think it's acceptable and if our child behaved like that to another child I would fully understand the parents going ballistic.

There are some thuggish children. I'm not saying all children who have occasional outbursts of violence are thugs, but I have no doubt that other kids through nature, nurture or both are vicious and spiteful. I don't think people are being hysterical when they complain that they have been unlucky enough to encounter one.

[sillywoman]

Bah - storm in tea cup. Gussy you've, or rather your daughter's, just been very unlucky recently and of course you'd start to question what's going on and tally up every pinch and hit. Most kids are completely normal - sometimes play too rough, sometimes don't depending on day, time, blood sugar level, family stresses etc.etc. A teeny-tiny number of kids are psycho's for whatever reason. It's just the rough and tumble of living in a city with hundreds of thousands of inhabitants. My four have had the odd playground (and swimming pool) incident between them, but over the last 15 years of soft play, playgroung etc.etc. I can't say I've ever had cause to think "has it always been like this". On the evidence presented I don't think the human race is going to hell in a handcart just yet.

[littleEDfamily]

I have noticed fewer shall we say, 'unruly' kids since moving out of London (sticking neck out waiting for abuse!)

Did anyone else see Jamie's Dream School earlier in the week, where one of the teachers made a comment that 'urban anger' is very specific in that it tends to be more paranoid/ irrational (can't remember the exact quote). It did resonate with me, as I certainly feel calmer out here in the middle of nowhere than I ever did in London and I do think the cut and thrust of a big city can impact on children's outlook (disclaimer: I am not saying city kids are all feral!)

[cuppa tea]

Gussy - To be honest I would say that you have been pretty unlucky with it 3 days in a row. I didn't have any problem with your original post, I can imagine it is upsetting. But the following posts referring to children as 'damn brats' and that they totally deserve to be shouted at I do find really OTT. You have no idea what is going on in that small person's life and people need to deal with things in a calm way and sort it out. Dragging a child over kicking and screaming, laying into them verbally and demanding they say sorry is not going to make that kid not do it again. If anything they will copy the aggression that they have just seen from the adult.

You can't always see everything that goes on. Especially at softplay/one o clock club...the kids are too fast and sometimes it's too busy. It's unreasonable to assume that the parent doesn't give a damn and is turning a blind eye. Most parents I have met/seen do care what their kids are up to.

LEDfamily - I struggle to see how a 3.5 year old can be described as 'thuggish'. Sometimes it takes a long time for kids to get over having a sibling, or some other massive life change. A couple of 'no's' don't always work as quickly as you would like. If your child is that compliant then fairplay. Mine is not.

[intexasatthe moment]

It does sound as though LED family have been thoroughly traumatised

I have low low tolerance for bad behaviour and have perfected this very passive aggressive technique of giving very angry stares to children on the brink of feral behaviour. I do detest soft play type places and playgrounds for that matter - seems to bring out the worst in kids and parents (who mostly seem to be doing their best to ignore their kids). On the few occasions I have been, I spent all my time saying 'hey, watch it.. I'm watching you.....'.

which I think is awful ,what a shame to feel you have to avoid playgrounds and soft play .

[Moi23]

I've always assumed that if you have a small one, 2'5 and under, you need to keep an eye on them, particularly if there's older kids around. Their just a bit more vulnerable. There are definitely thuggish kids in the world, but most are just going through phases. I'm quite happy to tell a kid off if they behave badly with mine, and am quick to tell mine off if he's out of order. There are parents who do just look on and say nothing to their kids...

I don't think the world's going to pot, Gussy, I think you've just had a nasty run of luck. Keep going to the playground. Bear in mind that in a few years, unexpectedly and to your mortification, you might find that your little girl suddenly does something awful. She won't be any less of a nice kid and you won't be any less a good mum, these things happen.