went back to work after 1 year off (maternity leave) but want to resign

[bouhbouh]

Hi everybody,

I just went back to work after 1 year off due to maternity leave.

My boy is 10 months old, he is going to the nursery and has no problem there. The only problem is with me, I am not comfortable at work , I regret being there, even thought I am working part time. I feel really emotional, and don't have any interest in what I am doing. I am thinking of resigning.

I would like to know if something similar has happened to you, I mean, You took you maternity leave-you went back to work- and then you did regret it and resigned.

[littleEDfamily]

Hi! What you are describing is so common, its almost the norm. Almost every one of my friends felt it and many women I have dealt with professionally felt it too. At this time, you have no way to know whether this feeling is temporary or permanent, so you may need to give things more time before making any decisions (in my case I left after 18 months or so and it was the best thing I ever did!)

You may want to enquire about taking a period of parental leave to sort yourself out a bit. This is unpaid leave to which you are entitled provided the business would not suffer too much from your absence. Consult your company's HR policies for more info and good luck!

[Bumpkin]

Hi bouhbouh, sorry to hear you're having a rough time. It's not easy and although work can be a 'break' in a way it is very tiring commuting, working and then doing the whole bedtime routine thing over and over.. I went back to work when my son was 13 months and it was almost a relief for me as all my NCT mums had gone back and I found it quite hard coping with a 13 month old on my own full time. Also I had a nannyshare which made my life really easy in terms of no worry at all about my son and barely ever having to drop off or pick up. However, J's 3 now and I would love to not be working, I think as they get older you can interact so much more and you realise how fast time flies and how precious this time off with them is. The main thing is can you afford not to work? Once you have a child you realise how much less money you need. I used to look back at my mum's generation of non working mums and feel sorry for her, but sometimes now I almost wish that was the norm again. I do regret not having had more time off to cement local friendships for him; being able to have a much shorter day for him at nursery and getting to know the mums there and feel more part of the local community rather than what feels sometimes like a compromise on all fronts. Don't know if ths helps at all, but I wish you all the best in your decision.

[duchessofdulwich]

can you afford to leave? are you financially better off after taking nursery fees into account?

[kemurf]

I went back to work when P was 9 months and had a horrendous time; I had lost my confidence, the business had changed, the volume of work had increased and I was using my 'old' way of of working in an environment which had moved on. Horrible time, my boss was less than understanding and I had huge guilt about not being with P....BUT, I got through it and I actually have become more confident, assertive and knowledgeable about my job; I began enjoying it all over again. It was like I had to hit the bottom to rise up. It probably took about 6 months though to settle into it, but after a while I realised I was in control again, people noticed me and I rocked!! (well, I like to think...!)

Again, as someone said earlier, most mums have a huge guilt and confidence issue when going back to work. I'm sure your boss will have noticed how unhappy you are - can you come clean and tell them how you feel? Maybe you could work on a strategy to get you 'engaged' at work and give it a go.

Another option is to speak to a counsellor (does your work offer a confidential advice line? - if not PM me as we do and I can pass the details on to you for some free counselling).

I'm on maternity leave again and have had the benefit of fully using the company's maternity pay provision again (ha!). I know I face another bout of losing confidence when I go back to work, but this time I know that the kids will be fine at nursery, I'll be fine eventually. But as I'm not sure if this will be the best option for the family, I'm looking at our finances and other job opportunities to try and make the best informed decision.

All I'm saying is come clean at work if you can, give it a go and give yourself time. All the best.

[bouhbouh]

Thank you all for your comments.

Yes the main thing is that I completely lost my confidence. So I don't know if resigning will help me.

I am not happy with the job I am doing, but it might be me and not the job.

I don't know how to have my confidence back .

I don't think I could afford not to work as my little one has just started nursery and is doing really well. So I have no concern about him.

In fact I feel lost, exactly like kemurf when she went back to work.

Any advice to become more confident.

[sb]

.

[womanofdulwich]

this is so true. i am guessing when you were on maternity leave you cut off from the office completely so now you have a year of office politics/technical changes to catch up with too. try and talk to HR if you have one and your line manager. try and arange to have a"buddy" at work for at least a few months you can turn to for all those silly little things that make you lose your confidence. this is a difficult period and you simply cant afford to panic in to leaving when you have not given it a chance- there are so few jobs out there this is your best chance to try and negotiate what suits you best. some companies just do not realise what you need and if you just ask , if they appreciate you they will come some way to help you. try and go out with work colleagues occasionally to " catch up" . Good luck.

[Trish]

Going back to work is definitely what restored my self confidence - it was hard to do, and I missed my baby girl enormously but it got rid of my baby brain finally! I now have baby brain back and am on maternity leave with second. I don't fear returning to work as much this time round and I recognise the positives that are gained from it. I am, however, treasuring every single moment with both my little ones before I hit the relentlessly fast pace of life again.

I'd recommend giving it a little longer and see how you feel.

[bouhbouh]

Thanks again,

I think I am going to wait a bit longer and see how I feel.

It 'll all be better in time (hopefully)