Going back to work after baby: your thoughts appreciated!

[radnrach]

Hi all,

I was hoping to acquire some wisdom from any people on here who have been in my shoes. My first baby is 6 months old, and I'm having real troubles dealing with the idea of going back to work. I've decided I will most likely go back at 9 months, but am even thinking of holding out until he's 1 years old (the only reason I wouldn't would be due to lack of funds).

Before he was born I was very gung-ho about having the baby and going back to work no problem. Little did I realise how strong my emotions would be at this stage. At the moment, I can't bear to even think about leaving for a day. I thought the feeling would lessen, but 6 months on and it's still pretty strong. My job is 9:30-5:30 in central London, so I would basically be gone from 8:30 till 6:30. This means all of the time he is awake, I would be gone. Just the idea of this is enough to bring me to tears.

My husband is self-employed, therefore the money coming in from him can be unstable at times. My job is the main money-earner, so it's not really an option for me to stay at home.

My questions are, for people who have been in this situation before:

1. If you have gone back to work, how did you feel? Did you actually enjoy going back to being 'you', rather than mainly a mother?

2. If you went back to work, did you work some days from home? Did you work flexitime, say - going in at 8, leaving at 4? And did this help?

3. If you decided to work some days from home, could you get anything done? How did you balance looking after a young child and working at the same time? Is it actually impossible?

4. I have entertained the idea of changing jobs to something with different hours. It would take a couple of years, but since we're planning on having more children, perhaps in the longrun this would be better. It would involve a huge life-change, but maybe even training as a teacher and working as a nursery teacher. Has anybody else done this, or have any thoughts on this? I am also slightly devastated about the idea of changing my life so completely. And I wonder if I would be able to go back to what I'm doing now once my kids are in school full time.

5. Should I just get over it, go back to work and get on with life?

I know that these are difficult questions, and everyone is different. But your experience would be so immensely helpful to hear about. I'm going through a kind of scared, helpless, don't-know-what-to-do phase, and thought it would really be good to hear what other people have been through.

Thank you!

[Lochie]

Hi radnrach,

I think every mother who is considering returning to work whilst on maternity leave has felt the way you have at some point. I know that I did and think it is totally normal.

I have answered your points below from my own experience:

1. I LOVE being back at work. Even though I was unsure that it would pan out I went back just to see. I felt a bit emotional the first day I went back but honestly, as soon as I shut the door and realised that I had the whole day to myself I loved it! You will be surprised how much you can do from a multi-tasking point of view if you do go back to work as well. For example, any shopping I need to do in central London is now done during my lunch hour on the days that I work. I would not be able to do this if I didn't work (at least I wouldn't be able to do it easily) as my son is a really bad shopping partner!

2. My boss is extremely accommodating and I am very lucky that I can tweak my hours and go in earlier say on some days and later on others. Legally you are entitled to request flexible working and your employer legally has to consider it. Have you discussed this with your company? You might be surprised by how flexible they are.

3. No - this is really difficult. For example I am meant to be working from home tomorrow afternoon and will be looking after my son as well and don't really think I'll be able to get anymore done than answering a few emails (no doubt with him trying to take a swipe at my laptop with his mucky hands). I did have a bit of a childcare conumdrum a few months ago (now resolved), and my boss actually said I could make up one of my working days by working a few hours each evening over the week. From this point of view then yes, you could potentially work at home. But not sure you'd want to give your evenings up and depends how flexible your job is.

4. A few weeks before I had my son I changed career (albeit within same employer) with a view to studying and working part time after my maternity leave. This has worked out for me. I work 3 days a week and study every Saturday when my husband looks after my son. My course takes 2 years and it is hard work balancing the three things, in fact it is often chaotic. I only manage it because I have great childcare support from husband and my mum. Without that I think it would be very difficult - so you need to ask how you would balance everything if you did change career and costs of childcare if earning less etc.

5. Only you can answer this question but I don't think there is any harm in going back to work for a few months or trying a new job for a few months and seeing how it goes. You mention that you would not see your child whilst he is awake, but as they get older, only in a few months, their awake time increases so much. My 17 month old is awake from 6am to 7.30pm and one of the loveliest feelings I have is getting off the train at 6pm and going home to do the bedtime routine with him. He is so pleased to see me and I don't really begrudge spending the day away from him if it means we have such a lovely few hours together before bedtime.

I think for any key carer getting the work/life balance right is so very hard, and if you want to be a stay at home mum that is fantastic and at least takes the 'juggling' aspect out of the picture. I like the contrast that comes from working 3 days a week (adult time) and looking after my son the rest of the time. However, I never take for granted that I have a very accommodating employer and great childcare and I think that is the difference between it working and it not working....

[CFM]

I don't generally comment on the forum, but your post illustrated pretty much how I felt after my first and now after my second. I am returning to work full time in a month, leaving my 2.5 year old and 8 month old.

There is no magic answer to whether you should go back, for how long, etc. It is very hard. Hard to leave them, hard to respond to all the needs and demands of work etc. But my answers to your questions are

1. I went back when my first was 10 months and felt very guilty. I suspect this is the experience of every working mother. But i also enjoyed being me, doing something for myself and earning money ( yes, that old chestnut).

2. I went back four days but will now do full time. I also do pick ups and drop offs, leaving the children at 730, returning at 6. This is very very hard. This timw i will work a day from home.

3. It is impossible to work from home with a small child. I had one call with my then one year old removing every single item from my purse and wallet and then removing every book and ornament from shelves. Stressful, you can not concentrate on either work or the child.

4. Better working hours are the holy grail. If you find the solution, let me know, I have been dreaming of retraining for three years now!!

Good luck, its really tough and no decision is perfect. Do what feels right for you.

[pebbles]

Just a quick response about your question about working from home.

I think people can only successfully work from home if their children are in childcare and the benefits that you get on that day is that you don't have to commute so you have an extra say 2 hours with your child/ren in the morning and evevning. I've been a stay at home mum for 3 1/2 years and in Nov started doing some part time work from home while youngest slept and when kids were playing nicely around me etc. Luckily it was for my brother so was very flexible. However i've just had to stop as I've totally found that working from hoome while kids are at home with no childcare just isn't possible.

I wish you well in your decision

[helsbells]

I am going back to work next month after having my first baby 9 months ago so I totally relate to your worries. When my baby was 6 months old I was very upset about the thought of going back - I was regularly teary and generally miserable about the idea. However, 3 months on and with my return to work round the corner I am feeling much more ready to go back and I'm almost looking forward to the challenge of being a working mum (wierd I know!).

I also think it will be good for both me and my increasingly mobile daughter to be apart a bit and I am quite looking forward to having some time to myself on the communte. What has made it all a bit easier is that I'll go back 4 days a week and my partner will also compress his hours to 4 days so my baby will only be in childcare for 3 days a week. My partner will do the morning drop off at nursery and I will be adjusting my hours to 8-4 or 8.30 - 4.30 so that I'll do pick up and get more time with her in the evening. Once I get settled back into my job I will also ask to work from home once a fortnight so that I can do a later drop off and earlier pick up every now and then. Perhaps these are all options you could consider? To be honest I can't imagine trying to have a constructive days work at home if my daughter is there too. Once they start crawling /standing it gets much harder to get on with anything else!

When I start to have a wobble about going back I just remind myself of all the lovely things we'll be able to do with my daughter with a bit more money coming in and how much fun she'll have at nursery on the 3 days she will be there.

good luck!

[ratty]

My advice would be to stay off for as long as money allows. They are not babies for long!

[littleEDfamily]

Firstly, I really feel for you. There is just nothing that can prepare you for how you will feel about everything (work, family, etc) when you have a baby. And, although I consider myself a feminist, I do believe there are biological reasons for women feeling so bereft at the prospect of having to leave their young child, so it's especially tough on you being the main financial contributor.

Personally, I wouldn't think now is not a great time to go for a career change - too many other changes to adjust to. Is it possible for you to go back part-time; as few hours as you can afford? If you are working from home, this can help with being able to see more of your child, but you need to have proper childcare on those days too - childcare and a proper job definitely cannot be combined.

Also, I would try not to think too far in the future - you will tie yourself up in knots, as for so many of us what we thought might be our futures doesn't materialise. Instead focus on figuring out what is the bare minimum you can do with financially, try to negotiate the optimum flexible work arrangement and getting the best childcare. Then, just put one foot in front of the other. If you would like more children, it will be an 'all change' scenario in the not too distant future and you'll have a new set of options to consider.

Good luck and enjoy that baby!

[littleEDfamily]

PS and to answer your original question, when I went back to work after no.1 initially, I really did enjoy (most of) the time away from baby and it was nice to just be 'me' (and not covered in vomit!). There will be enojyable aspects about going back to work and if you do so as close to 'your terms' as possible you'll minimise the trauma. But I think a bit of trauma is to be expected...

[Smiler]

This stuff is so hard.

Am having similar issues (second daughter now six months, eldest nearly 3, am at home at the moment on mat leave).

Went back to work part-time (3 days) when our first daughter was one, was v lucky to have that option. Hated hated hated it, not the job which was fine, but was sleep-deprived (she didn't sleep through til she was 2), v unhappy with childcare arrangements and she kept getting ill. Pick-up nights were awful as toddler was always exhausted and grumpy, as were we! It was v good to have the non-working days and I lived for these.

Find being a full-time Mum difficult and frustrating at times - my 3-year-old is lovely but much harder work than the baby (must start another thread on that!) Despite this would really love to become a stay-at-home-mum now until the youngest goes to school. But doing this would probably mean losing my job and having to take a massive paycut when returning to (different?) work in X years time and am not willing to do this.

Am dreading the return to work with all the same issues but for 2 kids. This time, will try to get different childcare and more back-up for when kids are ill. Will not even attempt to have a social life or any time in the week with partner / for self, will decline all weekend invitations involving travel and well-meaning invitations from childless friends for late nights out in the week as a "break" - argh! Will also not even attempt exercise-regimes / home improvements / anything other than work / kids / washing and sleep!

And as others say, expect the trauma!

I may get shot down for saying this, but I think breastfeeding makes it harder to contemplate returning to work - the hormones / practical difficulties being away from the baby / physical and emotional effects of feeding and being the one up in the night.

Sorry, this sounds so negative.....

Think helsbels' solution with both partners doing a day's childcare sounds really good.

And there are lots of ladies in ED doing similar (or not!) who can sympathise/give tips like people have here (I am failing in that regard, sorry!).

[SarahLP]

I am in almost exactly same situation as you, Radnrach. My son is now 7.5 months old and I am going back to work in 5 weeks' time and dreading it. I imagined by this stage I would be crawling up the walls with boredom and desperate to get back to work, but am loving being a mum!

My husband is also self-employed and I am the main earner. We can't afford for me to go part-time. However, don't forget you accrue holiday while on mat leave. My boss has agreed I can use the accrued leave to take off one day a week for the first 4 months, which I think will help a lot.

I would also recommend a discussion with your husband regarding what he might be able to take on. I tried suggesting mine did a day of childcare a week, but he has a big project on at the moment, so it didn't go down very well! However, he will be doing all the pick-ups from the childminder (I will do drop-offs as it's on the way to the station anyway), and has also agreed that if there are problems with childminder/baby being sick he will step in, since he can be flexible. His project should finish around the time my one day off a week arrangement ends, so am planning on revisiting the discussion in a couple of months' time.

All my friends who've gone back to work have managed eventually to find the right balance, so hopefully we will too. Good luck!

[mightyroar]

Hi there

Balance is a tricky thing to get right and requires some trial and error.

I would say if possible keep your options open if you have a previous employer as you have much stronger rights and

the ability to negotiate than if you go into a brand new role after having kids.

1. I did go back to work and certainly enjoyed the return to independence and conversations not about kids

2. Flexibility is great. I had some. Push for as much as you can from your employer. Remember it's in their interest to keep you as you know the business, have experience and are valuable to them.

3. Working from home good, but not whilst looking after the child unless you can really break it into nap sized chunks or evenings and rely on your partner.

4. It maybe a good time for a career change but hang onto the job you have whilst researching this if possible.

5. I would say, go back to work but get as much flexibility as you can and then see if you still want a change. It can be good to go back somewhere where you know everyone and you know what you are doing.

Also I am going to plug women like us which is a social enterprise that helps mums get back to work after children. (I also work for them sometimes)

They offer workshops, one to one advice on all the issues on this thread but currently their funding for this free support only lasts til the end of March, so go to:

http://www.womenlikeus.org.uk/home.aspx

to register to see if you qualify for their support. If not they have a great jobs board with part time and flexible roles.

[crystal7]

Radnrach I really feel for you, I was exactly the same for the last few months of my maternity leave. Felt sick at the thought of leaving LO, lost sleep etc. Like you I'd never left her for more than an hour or so, was still breastfeeding 4 times a day too.

1. If you have gone back to work, how did you feel? Did you actually enjoy going back to being 'you', rather than mainly a mother?

It took a while but I do actually enjoy my work days now. Initially I was sobbing all the way to work after dropping daughter off but that did wear off and I found that I was so busy during the day that I didn't think about LO too much. I'm a teacher so while a lot of my friends say that they see their days at work as a break from their toddler -I don't! My working day would be vastly improved if i didn't have drop off and pick up to do but that's for another thread...

2. If you went back to work, did you work some days from home? Did you work flexitime, say - going in at 8, leaving at 4? And did this help?

I was lucky enough to go back 3 days per week as I'm not the main wage earner and it works quite well, I'm strict about not working at home on my days off too.

4. I have entertained the idea of changing jobs to something with different hours. It would take a couple of years, but since we're planning on having more children, perhaps in the longrun this would be better. It would involve a huge life-change, but maybe even training as a teacher and working as a nursery teacher. Has anybody else done this, or have any thoughts on this? I am also slightly devastated about the idea of changing my life so completely. And I wonder if I would be able to go back to what I'm doing now once my kids are in school full time.

Something to note about teaching is that yes the holidays are great but the hours are often not much different from other jobs. I drop off my daughter at 7.50 and pick her up at 5. There are meetings and endless preparation that make if difficult to leave before 5 (although I manage 4.30 most days) also once she starts school if I work full time I'll never be able to take her or drop her off as I'll be in class myself...food for thought

5. Should I just get over it, go back to work and get on with life?

It's so hard and I've got so much sympathy...good luck!

[Lochie]

just another thought - have you considered using your 'return to work' days to try out whether you like being at work, before you actually commit? Can't remember what these exactly entail but know they involve you getting paid for full days work, whilst receiving maternity leave, without actually going back to work fully. They are useful to integrate the mother back into the workplace slowly. That way at least you'd get a taste for going back without actually commiting....

[canadianlisa]

I think what you are feeling is totally normal and that I felt the same thing at the same time.

I went back to work on a 3 day a week basis when my daughter was about 13 months old. I dreaded it at first, which was partly about leaving her and a lot about my own anxieties about going back to work, feeling incompetent and deskilled after being away from work for over a year. Also being really nervous about childcare. I made a deal with my employers that I could do 3 days a week for 9 months and then would go to 4. I would prefer to keep doing 3 but felt like it was a give and take situation. The night before my first day back I ground my teeth so much I could barely speak at work (don't think anyone noticed :))

Now 3 months in I can say that I feel much better about myself and my decision. I have really enjoyed going back to work and using my brain in a different way than I do at home and using all of the skills, training etc that I worked to obtain prior to having a baby. My daughter enjoys her nursery and has settled relatively well. I prefer not to work from home and to keep work at work and home at home.

Unexpected benefits for me include; the house not being a tip everyday, free time at lunch, having more in common /more to talk to with my partner, having my own money again and feeling more like myself again rather and than someone's Mum all the time. Of course these are all very individual.

I think that once your baby is fully weaned (in the 3 meals a day plus snacks way) you feel a lot more confident about leaivng then, or at least I did. Also getting regular full nights sleep helps. Agree that doing shared pick up and drop offs helps a lot.

I guess though as with lots of things in life you could give it a try see how you feel and re-evaluate if you hate it or your baby is miserable. Good luck, it will work out.

[KatsuQueen]

radnrach, good luck with whatever you decide. These decisions are really tough and I am only echoing what others have already said.

We did a similar thing to Helsbells suggestion i.e. 3 days childcare; me doing 4 days at work and my husband did 4 days. Psychologically, it helped me to think that he was spending more time with us (i.e. 4 days a week) than the childminder (3 days).

Feeling guilty is inevitable it seems. Bad mother because I am rushing off to work, bad colleague because I am rushing off to pick up my son.

Good luck whatever you do, but an older colleague told me: (her kids are 11 and 8, I think)she went back to work part time when her kids were very little. Many of her friends, NCT mates etc, who had children the same time as her stayed at home for 5 or 6 years until their kids were in primary school. When they went back to work, their options were limited - now she earns the same working 3 days as they do working full-time. It's not just about the money. She loves working part-time and who is to say that your children need you less when they are 8 or 11? (I will probably get shot down for saying this, please be gentle!)

[helenat1970]

lots of responses - definitely an emotive subject!

so here's my tuppence too - answering your questions

1. IF YOU HAVE GONE BACK TO WORK, HOW DID YOU FEEL? DID YOU ACTUALLY ENJOY GOING BACK TO BEING 'YOU', RATHER THAN MAINLY A MOTHER?

After no. 1 - going back was very very emotionally loaded. I wanted to work - but I didn't want to leave her. The angst I went through seemed endless. And I felt judged for wanting to work. It seemed to me that everyone thought badly of me for choosing to go back to work. And when I did go back to work - I loved it and hated not being with her. I could never understand how I could experience such conflicting emotions. I eventually decided that I would have to live with the unresolved conflict.

After no.2 - I was made redundant the day I went back to work from maternity leave. Although I had absolutely loved being on maternity leave, the minute I became a permanent stay at home mum, I became resentful and an unhappy stay at home mum.I felt trapped - and I felt the need to apologise for not working....being JUST a mum did not seem enough.

I'm back to work now and I know that it's the right thing for me. I am happy to be a professional parent. I am such a better parent, now that it's not constant. And I have finally learnt that they gain too from having a working mum - not least that my girl child has ambitions for herself to be a professional person!

2. IF YOU WENT BACK TO WORK, DID YOU WORK SOME DAYS FROM HOME? DID YOU WORK FLEXITIME, SAY - GOING IN AT 8, LEAVING AT 4? AND DID THIS HELP?

I know work flexi time and 1.5 days per week from home. I am BLESSED with amazing employers (architecture is not known for its female friendly environment. It does help - I have a nanny and it's lovely to see no. 2 going about his day - and I'm sure it's helped him feel settled - and I can pick no. 1 up from school, be a playground mum, arrange the playdates etc etc

3. IF YOU DECIDED TO WORK SOME DAYS FROM HOME, COULD YOU GET ANYTHING DONE? HOW DID YOU BALANCE LOOKING AFTER A YOUNG CHILD AND WORKING AT THE SAME TIME? IS IT ACTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE? Yes, it's impossible to work and look after a child. Especially as they get older and need your input and don't sleep as much. It only works if someone else is looking after them whilst you are working. The plus is that you don't have to spend time travelling, and the minute you finish work, you are ready to give a cuddle. You have to be disciplined - but you learn that as a returning to the workplace parent you must be disciplined and organised - you can't work late to make up for slacking, your performance is judged that bit more harshly - you learn to be super good!

4. I HAVE ENTERTAINED THE IDEA OF CHANGING JOBS TO SOMETHING WITH DIFFERENT HOURS. IT WOULD TAKE A COUPLE OF YEARS, BUT SINCE WE'RE PLANNING ON HAVING MORE CHILDREN, PERHAPS IN THE LONGRUN THIS WOULD BE BETTER. IT WOULD INVOLVE A HUGE LIFE-CHANGE, BUT MAYBE EVEN TRAINING AS A TEACHER AND WORKING AS A NURSERY TEACHER. HAS ANYBODY ELSE DONE THIS, OR HAVE ANY THOUGHTS ON THIS? I AM ALSO SLIGHTLY DEVASTATED ABOUT THE IDEA OF CHANGING MY LIFE SO COMPLETELY. AND I WONDER IF I WOULD BE ABLE TO GO BACK TO WHAT I'M DOING NOW ONCE MY KIDS ARE IN SCHOOL FULL TIME. Tough one. My profession is vocational - and so retraining never occured to me (it took me 7 years to train as an architect! not throwing that away...)But - if you are questioning your career choice, now's the time to do it and if you decide to do something else, go for it. Being a working mum IS tough - you better be doing it for something you enjoy! And yes, I know lots who went into childcare/teaching. But does it suit you? Would you want to be choosing a job on the basis of whether it works for the childcare, or would you want to consider all the pieces of your puzzle? Teaching/childcare are difficult professions - only go there if you really really want to!

5. SHOULD I JUST GET OVER IT, GO BACK TO WORK AND GET ON WITH LIFE? No! Think it through. And if you are not sure, make a 6 month plan - go back to work and re-evaluate. Things change all the time. Your feelings might change. You may love being back. You may hate it. It's OK! Most of all, enjoy parenthood! It's a beautiful thing - tiring, frustrating, difficult - but wonderful, lovely.

[littleEDfamily]

Helenat1970 - very well put.

[The Nappy Lady]

Eugh, 6.5 years on I can still totally empathise and clearly remember sitting outside my childminders, gripping the steering wheel and sobbing on the first day I left my daughter to return to work....

For me, I found it did get easier....and having time to read your book on the train, go to the gym in your lunch hour (or to the shops, whatever)....are all things that your really appreciate in an entirely new way.

But I was never entirely happy working 9-5 Monday to Friday once I was a Mum, the balance felt all wrong. I went back when my first was 9 months old, and the reason I braved full time was that we intended to have a second child very quickly so I would then get full maternity leave all over again. However...best laid plans and all that...in the end nature had other ideas and it was over 3 years before I was pregnant again.

In the meantime, when my eldest had turned 2 I decided enough was enough and I stopped working in the City, went self employed and started working from home, or for businesses locally 3 or 4 days per week. This has suited me much better, although I must say it took a while to adjust to the drop in salary. I am lucky in that my hubby is the main breadwinner and his job is pretty high pressure so actually the fact I have so much flexibility to look after the children, take time off as necessary etc. works really well, and he has picked up any financial shortfall (bless him).

I have at times worked from home with the children around but would not recommend it at all. It is always stressful, and as a rule the minute you pick up your laptop, or the telephone they will stop whatever they have been doing and start demanding your attention. I think it is fine once they are older - probably at least 6, but ideally 8 years plus but before that they just don't understand, and everyone ends up fraught or frustrated. When I have work to do from home I almost always end up packing it in to nap times, or evenings - and that in itself is a nightmare because it means other stuff doesn't get done, plus you miss out on 'down time' and also time with your other half - and they can get resentful too. So.....all in all....definitely a big NO from me!

I agree with what others have said about there being no right or wrong answer. You may be surprised once you are back at work by how much you enjoy it. I think the thought of going back is much worse than the reality....BUT....for me the perfect balance is more of a 50/50 split of my time with 3 to 4 working days per week, and I feel very lucky to be in this position.

Good luck, I really hope things work out well for you.

xx

[sbain]

Hi,

I'm only a few months ahead of you - my son is now 10 months old and I returned to work when he was 9 months old. I work long hours generally leave the house at 7:30AM and struggle to get back for 7PM however I now do a 4-day week so have 3 full days of being a Mummy every week.

1. I do enjoy work, I quite like feeling involved with the world again (I need to follow markets and news as part of my job). I also feel like I am a more interesting person now - I was begining to only ever talk about my son and how he was doing - I now seem to have regained an interest in things other than motherhood\babies.

I do not get to do things like shopping\gym at lunch hour - I don't really take lunch because I leave the office at 6PM which is a lot earlier than I used to.

However I really miss my son and on the occasions that he sleeps past 6:30AM (pretty rare tbh) feel like waking him so that I get to see and play with him before I leave for work.

Finally the guilt - the feel guilty about leaving my son, guilty about not working as hard as I used to, guilty about leaving the office "early" every day etc. etc.

2./3. As I mentioned I do a 4 day week - although obviosuly I only get 80% of my previous salary. As others have said I couldn't work at home while looking after my son (it's a full time job) however I do plan to see if I can work a day a fortnight from home - the nanny will still be there to look after my son but it will cut out my commute time and I could have breakfast, lunch and supper with him.

4. Retraining isn't really something I looked into - for me (just a personal choice) going back to something I knew where I was in my comfort zone was helpful. For a new role\career I would want to able to focus on that - at the moment my focus is really on ensuring that my son is happy with his nanny and is getting used to the idea of me not being there 4 days a week.

5. I really wouldn't say get over it and go back to work - I think the thing that I have kept in mind is that there is always a choice. I would say go back and give yourself a couple of months before making any big decisions.

sbain

[radnrach]

Thank you all so, so much for your input. Just reading what other people have experienced has helped tremendously. I wish I could answer each one of your posts specifically, but I don't have the time right now! (what, with a 6 month old and all...) For those of you in the same position, I hope you find the right balance, too. It's going to be a tough few decision-making months ahead (and 18 or so years to follow...).

Thanks again to everybody!