Things that annoy the North about the South

[Brendan]

Yes, started. Admin and towns is what they did.

[????]

and the Roads, don't forget the roads

[Ridgley]

So the Romans did not go to Elephant & Castle Then?

[Brendan]

Why in the names of all the gods would they want to?

[Ridgley]

Brendan I was being flippent and why wouldn?t they what are trying to say?

[Brendan]

Well I was making a very serious point about the suitability of the area South of the Thames as a Roman military encampment prior to human settlement around the river especially considering that they would have known that the local timber was unsuitable for the type of Castra they would have needed.

It?s really not my fault if people have a rubbish knowledge of the cartographical advancements made by the Roman military in the 5 or so decades after Caesar?s conquest of Gaul.

I ask you.

[????]

And Law and Order

[mockney piers]

dont forget about the viticulture

[????]

there's no need to wine

[Brendan]

Yes! Shit television and wine.

[Jeremy]

Brendan Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Why in the names of all the gods would they want to?

Maybe to go to the Ministry Of Sound?

(they had crap taste in those days, and punk rock hadn't been invented yet)

[Brendan]

No.

No you see.

Now you?re just being silly.

[camberwell70]

Kent

[camberwell70]

...and gardens.

[Brendan]

ucky

[camberwell70]

;-)

[dullified]

I have to admit as a Northerner I have on occasion stumbled across the odd Southern counterpart who sadly displays all those southern stereotypical behaviours or personality traits I rather hoped were just myths namely:

They take themselves rather too seriously (no irreverent or self deprecating sense of humour).

They aren?t terribly good at abandoning themselves to completely hedonistic pleasures (?ooh could never get wasted on a school night!?).

Are outrageously materialistic (in particular property obsessed).

Also have rather pedantic natures and depressingly provincial, reactionary and parochial attitudes to life.

[Brendan]

True the South is full of cunts.

[Brendan]

But then again the North is full of Northerners.

[Keef]

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I have to admit as a Northerner I have on occasion stumbled across the odd Southern counterpart who sadly displays all those southern stereotypical behaviours or personality traits I rather hoped were just myths namely:

Stereotypes exist for a reason, and that is because there are plenty of people on which they're based.

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Are outrageously materialistic

See, that's a stereotype I'd link more to young Irish people, but I'm sure not all young Irish people are materialistic.

[Narnia]

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Where do you get that opinion from Keef?

[Scribe]

Sorry, dummies. But I'm going to have to mark you all down for general ignorance.

Historians can't be certain, but the majority of Plautius' triremes landed at Rutupi? (modern day Richborough), although a second, smaller force, is believed to have landed at Noviomagus (modern day Chichester).

Rutupi? was the first administractive hub for the invasion force, in that it was Plautius' main supply depot. After the Battle of the Medway, where King Caratucus' brother, Tugodumnus was killed, the Romans marched on the Catuvellaunian capital, Camulodunum (modern day Colchester). The Romans did not use war elephants to capture what we now know as Colchester. They were unleashed with devestating effect on the Britons during the Battle of the Medway. The Romans walked into Colchester unopposed and at the head of the column rode the emperor Claudius himself. It was at Colchester that the eleven tribes of the south-east of Britain surrendered. It was here that Plautius' four legions went in seperate directions. Hosidius Geta was ordered to take his legion into the Iceni homelands (modern day Norfolk) to construct Glenblocker forts and establish peace. Vespasian, who would later become emperor, was sent to the south-west where he was tasked with overwhelming the numerous hill forts and the infamous Ninth legion, who are remembered in history for disappearing without trace, were sent north. The second legion remained in Colchester.

Although, class, the lesson doesn't end there.

General Plautius was replaced by Ostorius Scapula. Scapula had had enough of the fugitive king Caratacus, who was leading a campaign of guerrilla warfare wherever he found support. Scapula eventually located Caratacus and forced him into open warfare at the Battle of Caer Caradoc. Caratacus was soundly defeated and was sent, along with his family, in chains back to Rome to be strangled in the forum before Claudius. But there's more. Many of the Roman commmanders have developed a great deal of respect for Caratacus, in that he was an astute tactician and had proved himself as a worthy adersary to the otherwise mighty legions. Some even suggested that he be spared in exchange for his knowledge in defeating the other unconquered tribes of Britain. Caratacus faced Claudius in the forum and berated him as well as praising his legions. He even claimed that if it weren't for his resistance, Claudius' victory would not have been so memorable. Claudius waited for Caratacus to finish, and then stunned the crowd by ordering that Caratacus' bonds to be cut and he and his family awarded Roman citzenship and set free. Caratacus and his family were reported to have experienced what most outsiders experienced - total enchantment with Rome. They lived-out the rest of their lives just outside Rome.

The last full-scale battle in Roman occupied Britain was the Battle of Mons Grapius, and a battle in which native British auxilaries fought for the Romans under Agricola against the Caledonians. The battle ended in a tactical defeat for the Caledonians, but the majority of their force managed to escape the Romans in a nearby forest.

The last point I'm going to bore you all with in this admittedly egotistical lecture, is that there was, contrary to popular belief, a Roman presence in Ireland. Roman remains have been found in the south-east of modern day Leinster. They were reported to be trading with a very war-like tribe called the Scoti. They were also reported to have been scouting for viable locations to land an invasion force. This theory is given credibility by the construction or expansion of Deva Victrix (modern day Chester). This fortress was the largest fortress in the entire empire, and archeologists have unearthed huge caches of weapons and wax tablets confirming the huge number of troops that were stationed there, evidently preparing for something. And seeing as most of Britain had been conquered, Ireland is the only realistic target of such an amassed number of troops and equipment. But for some unknown reason, it never happened.

Sorry for that rather long-winded history of Romano-British history,class. But I was so struck by your lack of knowledge on the subject that I felt compelled to educate you all on a subject that I hold much more than a passing interest in. Next Friday we'll be discussing how to find your arse with a map. Good day, class.

[Keef]

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Where do you get that opinion from Keef?

What, that not all young Irish people are materialistic? I was just trying to be kind Narnia.

[mockney piers]

Didn't Badvoc rule Chelmsford?

[mockney piers]

or was it Aulus Paulinus?