Babies sleeping through the night - an exercise in frustration

[supergolden88]

Had very little sleep last night so this post is really to vent...

Baby (no2) is now three months and I think instead of working to sleep through the night he is doing the exact opposite and waking more and more each night. Last night it was bedtime 8.30 and then up at 10.50, 1,3.50,6 and possibly more I lost count. I started keeping a log so naturally baby thought he would give me something to write about. I don't know if it's hunger (growth spurt?) or his slightly blocked nose or his gassy tummy. The list is endless.

My daughter who is now in school was a terror her entire first year waking at least 2-4 times a night until we sleep trained her at 13 months.

Every time I talk to friends they ask "so is he sleeping through now?". These are childless friends I hasten to add.

I am starting to think that a breastfed baby sleeping through the night without the aid of formula top ups is a complete myth.

So if you have a young baby (or even an older one) that sleeps well count your blessings and please don't tell me about it!

[Ruth_Baldock]

When my son was about 6 months old, I went to see my bank manager. I had to take Baby along with me and after commenting on how cute he was (obviously) he said 'And he is sleeping through, I assume?'. When I said No (Ha ha ha. Aha. HA!) he tutted and told me to see my GP as something was 'obviously wrong' and that all 4 of his kids were sleeping through from 2 months!

Load of bollocks. I feel your pain. Babyless friends very rarely get it, I'm afraid. My son was BF for a year and had formula top ups at 10.30 and was still waking up multiple times until we sleep trained. Different strokes and all that.

[anna_r]

My breastfed first daughter baby didn't sleep through til 10 months and my second is now 6 months and did it twice, by fluke I am sure, a few weeks ago but now we are back to 2-3 wake up average. I just consider it a good night if she goes back to sleep easily and isn't awake for several hours :) Second time around I am finding it a little easier as I know we will get there in the end, but I hate hearing about babies who sleep through from 6 weeks too. If you have a baby who is a good sleeper I think life as a new mum must be a pretty different experience...although then of course you might have a bad eater...or a grumpy non smiler...or a bad burper...babies are all so different! You have my sympathy though. I hate it when it feels like the sleep is getting worse when it should be getting better. And for the first couple of months you can survive partly on adrenaline and get good day naps since newborns tend to sleep more (if yours is a good day sleeper - my first was not, second is ok) but as time passes with no improvement it can be quite discouraging I know.

[catjo13]

You are not alone. My 12 week old refuses to sleep in his cot for the 7-11 stretch so we have to take it in turns with the sling. When he finally does comply he is still waking up at least twice. Last night was 2am and 5am. He was breastfed until last week - have seen no difference in sleep by giving formula. In contrast my other one happily did 7-7 (with a dream feed) by 10 weeks....I don't think I've done anything differently, they are just different children and I know this time that it doesn't last forever :))

[candj]

You're not alone Supergolden!!! I'm up every 3 hours in the night (and day) breastfeeding my 7 week old. Sometimes I get lucky and get a four hour stint of sleep, but rarely. In a few weeks, I'm going to start expressing and have husband top up the little lad with a bottle at 10.30 and see how we get on. I don't really mind as he's my third AND LAST child so I'm enjoying the newborn phase, plus I find the wee hours of the morning an absolutely superb time to catch up reading the forum on my iphone (but it is ruining my eyes!). I just don't like it when I hear the planes starting to come in as I know I'll need to be up soon to get other children ready for school!

[kam1]

I feel your pain too, my 3 month old exclusively breastfed baby has got worse at night over the past month waking up several times. He was very good the first couple of months and only waking up once or twice but now he is more alert things have gone downhill. When my other son was around 4 months we had to resort to controlled crying (with great success) but he was mostly bottle-fed by then so we knew he wasn't hungry and had the confidence to let him cry out a bit. This one as I mentioned on another thread refuses to take a bottle so I dont know if he is genuinely hungry or not, I suspect a lot of it is for comfort but I am not ready to go down the controlled crying route yet, we are also co-sleeping which doesn't help. I am a lot more relaxed this time round and not so worried about establishing a routine as I guess I know it will happen at some stage however the sleep deprevation is finally getting to me and I need more energy to deal with toddler and baby during the day.

[Smiler]

3/4 months is tiny.

[Ruth_Baldock]

Ladies; the day's are long, but the years are short (Saffron [off this forum innit], 2011)

For all you first time Mums, I know this is INFURIATING and exhausting and seems like it will never end; but it will. Things will improve, you WILL sleep again. It took almost 10 months to get Baby B sleeping 'well', and at the time this was excruciating but it was only a small part of what I hope will be a full and happy life for us both, as Mother and Baby (don't care if he ends up King of England- he will ALWAYS be my baby). It sucks, no denying it, but it won't last forever, I absolutely promise. And for us second time Mums (I am soon to be joining your club), you can do this. You've done it before, you know the story. Commisertations for all, I do really feel your pain. If Baby B didn't nap during the day, I would go a bit mad...his sleep hasn't been fab recently but the naptime save my sanity. Sleep for baby, sleep for Mum, phones turned off, any people ringing the doorbell decapitated...

[Saffron]

Little Saff was a snacker, b/fing every 1.5 hrs. She was a night-nurser and a cluster feeder. It was so difficult. She's only just started sleeping though with any regularity at 1 year old. I'm sure my sanity has been permanently tweaked. SG88, you have all my sympathy! Of course it doesn't sell baby formula or sleep guides to acknowledge that breastfed babies can take a loooong time to start sleeping through the night, and that this is totally normal.

xx

[helena handbasket]

I think it's a bit of a myth that it's only breast fed babies who are night wakers though. I had to throw in the BF towel around three months and my then exclusively formula fed baby was up similar hours to yours Supergolden. It actually got worse and worse until I nearly lost my mind and sleep trained at 10 mos.. I sat down at one point and counted out how many ounces of formula he was actually getting at night, and let's just say, it wasn't hunger waking him up.

That said, I mostly ignored my insensitive childless friends and their comments because they don't know what they're talking about. It was the other mothers with the good sleepers I reserve a special place in hell for. Why why why would you gloat to someone who is clearly having such a hard time? Shame on them I say. I have actually changed my opinion of some previously good friends over their lack of grace.

[radnrach]

My babe is 5 months old and still wakes up at least 3 times a night for breastmilk. Every three hours, almost on the dot. It's actually a huge improvement because it used to be more like 1 - 1 1/2 hours. He's just a big boy. and he loves his food. I thought for a while that maybe I was doing something wrong, adn that he wasn't actually hungry and I was just feeding him to get him back to sleep.. But then realised if I left him for 10-15 mins he would go crazy with his hand signals for food.. like, crazy. And he always eats a full feed (both breasts) before falling back to sleep.

It annoys me so much when people assume what their children did was 'the right way'. ugh!

[Sanne Panne]

Agree with Helena Handbasket, our first didn't change her sleeping/waking patterns at all after we moved her onto formula at 4 months (I quit breastfeeding for other reasons than sleep but we thought it would be a nice extra). Sleep still pretty awful at 6-7 months and we ended up using all kinds of methods-from-books. Second baby did great by just going with the flow. It had nothing to do with our parenting experience because we didn't do anything differently regarding sleep, never had to apply any of the "methods", it was just LUCK.

Those who claim they hold the truth on how to make any baby sleep better without full-blown crying it out which is just not an option for most parents will have to come up with a very good explanation if they are to convince me!

[Saffron]

We started adding some formula for Little Saff around 7mo... also didn't help with the sleep. And sometimes she would refuse a bottle at night and just want to b/f. Even though she was eating LOADS of solids, that didn't help her sleep either. Some babies are just wakeful. It's really though! I know sometimes she was just waking for comfort too. And even though I hate dragging myself out of bed in the middle of the night, I have always loved that I'm able to give her what she needs, whether food or comfort or both.

Good sleep is such a milestone that Hubby and I marked it on our calendar the first time Little Saff ever slept through the night. We plan to celebrate it every year as a very special kind of anniversary. We're going to leave Little Saff with friends overnight and book ourselves into the Zetter Hotel Clerkenwell for some much deserved pampering!