What is it really like after having a baby

[womanofdulwich]

Karter I actually think an answerphone where you can screen your calls and a hands free phone are essential.The former particularly around your due date - if you are late- some people insist on calling you all the timeand it can drive you nuts.Secondly you cant breast feed and lots of other things while holding a phone and sometimes you need helpand to have both hands free. Good luck.

[Belle]

Ooh - I've got it. A cleaner. If you don't already have one.

[edanna]

I'd really recommend the book Life after Birth, possibly out of print and can't remember the author now. But it prepares you about as much as you can be.

[Fuschia]

Also What mothers do - naomi stadlen

science of parenting - margot sunderland

and

the wonder weeks, dutch authors

library has all 3

[Ruth_Baldock]

Seconding the Naomi Staden book; re-reading it atm, in fact!

[Keef]

From a bloke?s perspective, I think it's about realising that you're not particularly important for a while. I felt like I was just the helper for a while, and at times, probably felt a bit sorry for myself, poor unloved me, she's got her baby now, and doesn't need me anymore. Or you spend ages making a nice meal, and the wife will be so tired, she'll go to bed without eating it.

But you just have to grow up, and get on with it.

With regards, what to buy, my advise would be not to spend a fortune on stuff, because you will hardly use most of it, and you'll get given loads of it too! We had the really nice Moses basket, with the nice dark wooden stand, and all that jazz. It took about 2 nights, before we realised that baby would wake up and cry when Mrs Keef tried to put her back in it after a feed, so she very quickly came in to the bed full time, and the basket was never used at night again (although still handy to pop baby in during the day, when it goes to sleep.

Funnily enough, we had this conversation with some friends the other day, and came to the conclusion that the single most important things to have in the early days, are plenty of baby grows, and plenty of muslins! You won't believe how useful a square of material can be!

[Keef]

When is the baby due Karter?

RE Prams / buggies, it really does depend what you're after. McLarens are indeed the best, if you want light weight, easy to fold up, good "run around". However, when the baby is small, you might want something bigger, with more room underneith for all the crap that comes with kids, and maybe a "travel system" where you can clip the carry cot / car seat straight on to the top of the buggy.

[karter]

Thanks Belle and WoD for your recommendations and for the book ideas too. Mclaren looking likely. Keef baby due in April. Thanks for the muslin and baby grow tip. Is a mattress size standard for cribs and moses baskets? Is it true to only use a new mattress to avoid baby complications?

[Moos]

Karter, if you like the MacLaren consider the XLR, for which you can get a bassinet-style thing which goes on top, turning it temporarily into a pram. Basket also useful as a carrycot.

[littleEDfamily]

on mattresses, personally I think as long as the mattress is in good condition (give it a good hoover and put in the sun if we ever get any) you're prob better off with a second hand one than a new one, which unless made of organic materials is prob going to be giving off some fumes due to chemicals used in manufacturing initially anyway. just my opinion... and nope you will get some variation of mattress sizes among the different brands. Take the secong hand offerings!

But I disagree on tha maclaren - I have one as the back up to my bugaboo cameleon, and there's just no comparison! I'd buy a second hand bugaboo over pretty much any other buggy.

[The Nappy Lady]

I'd say second hand mattress OK provided you know it's history - not used with a baby that was prone to be sick a lot, and not stored unwrapped in a loft etc.

Ideally you want one that has a removable washable top cover.

The danger with a relatively new but used mattress is if it's had milk etc go into it & mould spores have then grown within the mattress itself. Or if it's got damp and musty or dusty in a loft.

I used the same matress for both children after doing some reading. Reckon you're better off with a really top quality second hand mattress than a cheaper new one.

[melbourne groover]

On the subject of baby grow's definately get at least 10 but buy cheap - the Sainsburys 5 (or possibly 7) packs are great, wash really well and you can chuck them in the dryer if necessary.

Better to have cheap ones so if you decide to abandon one (have been known to occasionally cut child out of truly horrendous explosions rather than negotiate the poo/head situ. Although, obviously, this is less than ideal and probably ethically reprehensible but was weak willed and very very tired...)

[Smiler]

Am sorry to be snippy, but this thread has derailed from what it's really like to have a baby to what to buy for a new baby!

[Smiler]

Sorry, no offence meant karter

( am postnatal in case you can't tell!)

[Family Room Moderator]

Please try to keep this thread on topic (thanks Smiler!). By all means start another one (or resurrect an old one) regarding the confusing world of what to buy.

Thanks,

FRM

Oh, and what's it really like after having a baby? Bl**dy hard work for seemingly not much reward in the first few weeks. And then they start to smile, and life, while still bl**dy hard work, starts to make sense.

[karter]

No problem Smiler, sorry about that all, will come back to this thread once we have the kid if my nerves are still intact.:-S

edited for typo

[sparkle]

It is tiring and a massive life change and at times exhausting and stressful having a baby. However, it is also fantastic (someone who will call you mum, will smile and giggle, grab your leg for security in public etc). Also all the physical symptoms described here may not apply to you, they didn't to me. I'm just concerned that telling people horrific things that happen to you, especially on a public forum can be really scary, and if you've not had a baby put you off, or if you're pregnant give you false expectations.

[Saffron]

Maybe that's a natural reason people don't say so much in our culture about what it's really like. It's a very different experience for everyone. What works great for one is rubbish for another. The reality of the postpartum experience can even be very different from one baby to another for the same person. But if people want to share their eperiences or read about the experiences of others, it's probably not a bad thing. It's important to know that there is a wide spectrum of what is 'normal' after a baby. And if you think you're alone going through the hardest time of your life, you're not! There is light at the end of the tunnel after having a baby.

xx

[karter]

Having support of family and friends should make a big difference too, as long as they don't get too bossy and know it all right?

[helena handbasket]

I remember thinking at the time : "I'm the absolute worst version of new mother I've ever seen". Ouch.

After reading these I feel like I was a normal version of a new mother, with false expectations. The people who have an easy go of it don't need the same support, but wow those who are having a hard time really really need to know that's it's normal.

In my experience, the mothers who are having a hard time are often the ones who vanish into thin air for six months, when they are really the ones who need the companionship and support. But when you feel like you are falling apart it's not much fun to be around those who are not. I remember once confessing to a friend with a five month old that I was feeling pretty overwhelmed by my colicky baby and sleep deprivation and all the rest and she said, no joke, "Really? I haven't had a bad day yet". Which is great for her but seriously why would you ever say that to someone? It's like bragging about your good health to someone who is terminally ill.

As with everything in life, if it's been good, count your blessings. If it seems crazy hard, reach out because there's always someone out there who understands.

[Jasmina]

Wow!! This is a really useful thread!

Can anyone give me advice on which midwife service to use? What is the difference between the Brierly and the Lanes? I apparently need to make a choice and I've got no idea which one is best and why? Feedback and thoughts welcomed.

Thanks, x

[Belle]

HH, completely agree. Sounds awful but having friends who are having a bad time of it too, if you are, (or just very honest about not loving every minute, if that's how you are reacting) is invaluable. Solidarity etc. I too, early on in fact, encountered some people who not only were sailing through, but also seemed insensitive to the fact that blithely opining on how easy it all was might not be what i needed to hear...I also remember someone saying 'this is SO much easier than work!' - not in my experience!

Karter - you're right, the right support is invaluable. People place a lot of emphasis on making new mummy friends with kids the same age etc, and yes that has its place - but I found great comfort in old friends too, who knew the 'pre baby' me, and those who had trodden the same path gave me so much practical and emotional support.

[mrs f]

Hi jasmina, you can only become a Lanes patient if you are registered already at Dulwich medical centre... Not sure about Birely.

[Jasmina]

Already at DMC. Had my first midwife appointment last week, she suggested Lanes and Brierly.

Brierly have just called. I've heard great things about The Lanes, but nothing about the Brierly. I do need to spend time researching. I'm sure both are great. I just like to know as much as poss, before I say yes.

Can you give feedback on The Lanes?

[Fuschia]

I found baby no 1 quite hard, twins MUCH easier and the aftermath of the birth of number 4 was the hardest of all ... I had high blood pressure and other birth complications, baby wouldn't feed (later diagnosed with tongue tie)

So it's not all about US and how well we cope or anything like that... there are objective factors to do with the birth and baby feeding which decide how difficult it all is