Advice needed re fussy eater

[omagem]

Just wondering whether anyone can offer some advice. I have a 2.5yr old v fussy eater. He's always been funny with food, doesn't like anything soft (like sandwiches) or wet like shepherds pie, porridge, pasta etc. Survived on a limited diet which included sausages, pizza, toast, chicken nuggets, dry cereal, Ella's fruit pouches etc (yes I know how awful that sounds).

Last Oct I started following the 3 day nanny approach to eating - offering X for dinner followed by yoghurt (which he likes) no matter what he ate and making no fuss, it seemed to be helping he actually tried fish fingers, ate a bit if sweet corn, licked the spoon with lasagne on etc (though he didn't seem to actually enjoy the new tastes). Was feeling hopeful then he got a bad bout of tonsillitis and would only eat bacon and dry cereal. Even when he was better he wouldn't try anything again. He's since had tonsillitis (and been on antibiotics) 4 times in 6 months and barely wants to eat anything. Won't even touch chicken nuggets or sasuages. Mostly just the awful cheap pizzas from co-op, yoghurt and toast. I'm letting him have the bear claws with hidden veg and Ella's pouches to get fruit into him and putting courgette and beetroot in cakes.

I'm kinda at my wits end with it all. Just hoping someone can say 'I've been there he'll grow out of it' or offer any other pearls of wisdom!

Oh for the record my 3.5yr old eats a very varied diet. But while he sits and enjoys the shepherds pie, fish cakes etc the younger one just cries for 'food' (toast).

[Jules-and-Boo]

to be honest, there are some things my kids have NEVER wanted to eat and still don't (eggs, mushrooms) - I just stopped trying.

Your boy is young so I would say persistence and patience pays off.

If he says he doesn't want carrots and you stop giving them to him - he'll never eat them.

While it's tiresome - present different food to him to play with, touch and also to watch you eat. Do you eat together? That might help.

I wouldn't personally give in to demands for toast and pizza and chicken nuggets - that's really setting yourself up as they are full of additives and a really bad habit.

Just get good food into him and wean him off the pizzas. You could make mini pizzas out of muffin-halves instead (or pitta bread) and try different toppings. Then you know it's good for him. Maybe he could get involved with you making things?

[omagem]

Thanks, yeah I keep offering and I've tried the mini pizzas, homemade sauce etc and getting him to help and again he was trying these before he started getting I'll all the time now he just cries and doesn't eat it. So 5 nights out of 7 he'll go without dinner (and I'll let him have pizza the other 2 nights so I feel like dinner isn't always fraught).

Thanks we'll persevere!!

[redjam]

Hang in there. It's really hard but it does get better. My youngest was very fussy and I've lost count of the number of mealtimes where we've battled. I've read all the advice about how you must remain calm and keep the dinner table a happy, relaxed place, but all I can say is that the people who dole out that advice must be much more Zen than me.

That said, over the years I have made a HUGE effort not to lose my temper when she refuses to try something that all her friends are happily tucking into, or made a fuss when e.g. the tomato sauce for the pasta isn't exactly the same as the one she's used to. And I have persevered with trying new foods on her occasionally, and closing my ears to her protests. I try to present new foods without a fuss, preferably distracting her with jolly conversation about something else, and if she attempts a bite or two then that's great, job done, she can have some healthy snacks like wholemeal bread and butter/cheese/nuts/fruit to fill up if she's still hungry. I do praise her if she's tried something new but try not to overdo it as it makes it even more of a big deal.

It has paid off, and now - miracle of miracles - she will occasionally try new things of her own accord and the big battles seem to be receding into the distance, but it has taken a long time (she is nine now). And I can't pretend we still don't have a pretty limited repertoire of daily meals - though I admit that's partly down to me taking the easy option; it's so much easier doling out some pasta knowing that she'll eat it rather than going to the trouble of making a chicken casserole that I know she'll pick at and moan about.

If you feel your son's diet is affecting his health then maybe consider seeing a doctor who might be able to refer you to a nutritionist or at least offer some advice about how the tonsillitis might be affecting his tastebuds. But kids are pretty resilient and if he's growing well he's probably fine and it might be better not to turn it into an even bigger deal. I do think (in my daughter's case) she very quickly figured out that she gets a lot of attention if she kicks up a fuss at mealtimes, so for us downplaying the whole thing has helped. Also, over the years she has overheard my husband and I moaning about her being a 'fussy eater' (which I now realise was really stupid of us) and she has absolutely internalised that label; she practically wears it as a badge of honour. So try to avoid doing that as it is taking us years to unpick that.

Good luck! And don't beat yourself up - you're doing your best, and it will get better.

[omagem]

Thanks redjam I must admit to losing my rag over this probably more than I should, it's bloody hard when he spends all day talking about food and asking for food, for such a fussy eater he's obsessed with the stuff. Thats a really good suggestion re not labelling him as the fussy one though (which tbh we've already done) I'll make a conscious effort to amend that!

Thanks for giving me some hope!!

[Crokes]

It's so frustrating but hang in there (agree hugely with redjam about trying not to show frustrations, easier said than done though).

There's been some academic studies into it which have led to this website being produced to help carers and parents:

http://www.childfeedingguide.co.uk/home

This website has complied some of the previous links into a handy list too.

http://www.srnutrition.co.uk/2015/04/a-parents-guide-to-child-feeding

Obviously every child is different, but it can work - I spent a year at a time regularly 'exposing' my son to specific vegetables by putting one on/next to his plate initially (with other food I knew he'd eat) but telling him he didn't have to eat it, making it look extra appealing and slowly getting him to try it by getting him to lick it/bite but not eat it/pop it etc. He now eats a few different veggies without any issues/complaints, some veggies need some encouragement still but I see it as a looooong road with him! Having school dinners seems to have helped, maybe through peer pressure and enjoying independence.

Best of luck but try not to worry!

[omagem]

Thanks Crokes I'll check out those links, good to know things are improving for you too! Gives me hope! X

[carebear]

I work in this area and agree with all the pps - exposure, no fuss etc are all shown to help with fussy eating.

I think this link summarises some helpful tips that are all evidence based:

http://www.parentingscience.com/picky-eater.html

On a personal note I also have a second child of similar age who is much fussier than his older brother. We take the approach that you don't need to eat it but it stays on your plate. Bit by bit I'm noticing that he's trying new things (often when he thinks I'm not looking!).

It can be so stressful, but really normal at this age. Well done for persevering! Xx

[Tanza]

My son was also an extremely fussy eater and by following the same route as Redjam things have improved - the repertoire he eats has grown but he's still very fussy compared to most kids. He's now 13.

What I found helped was removing the stress over meals by just serving what we knew he would eat (stopped attempting new food for a long time) and ordering those same few things in cafes when we were out so they'd be a little different and we were having a nice time out.

He's now 13 and there's enough things he's added to his list - mostly introduced at school through school meals and sometimes just by trying new things of his own accord - that we just leave him be and he manages. He's still not keen on branching out - still doesn't like any sandwiches (made me smile when I read your post) but yes it does get better so do take heart.

[omagem]

Thanks for your replies Tanza and carebear, really appreciated!

[chellbirdse15]

Hi Omagem

The is a new service for southwark residence only that has been set up to assist parents with these types of problems.

If you go onto the Ivydale school website, go to the children centres and it will have all the information on there about how to access this service, if you are around the One Oclock club in the peckham rye park has information there too. The timings are on Hoop!

Hope that helps

chel