Just a little venting......... share if you relate

[helena handbasket]

All true. Fuschia I nearly wept at the idea of sleeping until 9:30. The last time I think was in 2005? But I know newborns are crazy hard.

CitizenEd you are so right. I think when you are considering marriage, the best thing to do is go with him to his mum's for the day. You will learn everything you need to know. For me, the warning signs were there....... every single hour his mom would roll in the tray of tea and biscuits, then roll it back out to tidy. My god, he grew up with an adoring slave! It wasn't even subtle. But of course love is blind........

In an interesting twist, my husband's appalling snoring has now started to resemble a small child crying "mommy mommy". I wish I were kidding. Last night, between hubby going to bed at 1:00 (and waking me) and junior waking at 6:30, I must have mistook those snores for cries about three times. Off I went to comfort the boy, only to discover him fast asleep. The descent into madness is a slow but steady one............

I am now certain they are trying to kill me!

[Moos]

helena handbasket Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> It's good to get a bit of it out though. It's

> that or drink!

>

>

We have to choose!? :)

[carlito]

hmmm as a single mum to a 3.5 yr old and 5 month old (yes testament to how much staying power some men have) some of these posts are almost making me feel glad about my situation.. that said - please don't forget all the good things that your husbands undoubtably bring - even if it is just 'being there' (yes I know that's not always a good thing), making a cup of tea in the morning when you have been up half the night, someone to share your day with (even if it is just tales of what the kids did that day) and someone to walk down Lordship lane with as a family on Saturday afternoons ! That said I do understand the frustrations of having a husband around and there is no longer any seething resentment in my house when one of them wakes in the night as there is no question of anyone else dealing with it but me, no having to pander to anyone else being ill and no need for 'a proper dinner' every night if I don't fancy!

[gwod]

Well said Carlito, moany though my man is, I wouldn't be without him...and perhaps I should be a bit more grateful.....(but I did enjoy the opportunity for a little whinge!)

[Ruth_Baldock]

Carlito, I agree. My Mum was a single parent with me for the first half of my life (Dad died when I was tiny) and I remember her talking to my Aunt, who was having a right old moan about her (frankly, useless) husband. Mum said 'Yes, but theres someone THERE in the house, isn't there?'. She said the lonliness of it just being me and her, particuarly before I could talk, was crushing. I was a good sleeper, but Mum would sometimes wake me up for company(!).

I do love not having to make proper dinners when DH works late/away from home though. Doritos and marmite for tea are a particular favourite of mine. Nom.

Hats off to you, I have said umpteen times over the past year that I have NO idea how single parents do it. I certainly couldn't!

[Moos]

Where are the Family Room dads to defend themselves? Come on, Quids, Keef...

[Ruth_Baldock]

I might get Mr Baldock to defend himself! Although after last night, he hasn't got a leg to stand on (He woke me up to tell me the baby was crying. If you're awake, DARLING, then why don't you go and calm him down? Prat.)

[Keef]

One thing I will say, is that I'm shocked at the amount of people on here saying that "when hubby is away, I don't have to make a proper meal".

I do at least half of the family cooking at home, and if I don't cook, Mrs Keef will sometimes take care of herself & Keefette, whilst I look after myself (I eat meat, Mrs Keef doesn't). I certainly have never expected to come home and have a "proper" dinner on the table for me.

Some of you women seem to have 1950s husbands, like my dad, to be honest.

I am not perfect, but then, nobody is.

[Ruth_Baldock]

I can only speak for myself, but generally Husband is so crap and lazy that if I waited for him to do the cooking, I'd starve within a week. I do actually enjoy cooking (lifelong dream is to go on Come Dine With Me. Am sure I am not alone in this, come clean people!) but sometimes, I am so knackered I just cannot be bothered. It would be nice if Husband made dinner without b*tching about the state of the kitchen every now and then (it's clean, but not spotless. I have a 1 y/o, 2 jobs, am pregnant and a bit a crap. Need I say more?)

However, husband IS a bit 1950s-ish. He never used to be, but since Baby S arrived he's gone a bit...archaic. He bought me a 'good housewife' book as a joke and I went mental. I bought him The Vagina Monologues and a Bev Skeggs book about feminism and motherhood (sort of...social class and gender, but motherhood/marriage was covered a lot) as revenge.

[berryberry]

Its not 1950s husband, its 1950s relationship. You know you could share all these very valid points with your partners and see if you could improve the situation?

I told mr Berry in no uncertain terms how it was going to be after 6 months of baby. Mr Berry gets up every morning with baby so he can spend some time with his creation and does everything asked of him to the point I don't have to ask anymore. He is an amazing dad and we're very lucky as a family to have him. We're grown ups living in the modern world.

[Ruth_Baldock]

I think a lot of us probably HAVE shared these points with our OHs. I have. But I think, in my case, I have accepted that my husband is never going to take over 50% of the childcare, really. It's annoying and less than ideal but really, not the end of the world. He's a good bloke, excellent Dad and lovely to me really despite all his lazy/archiac ways. He's a damn lot better than my Step-Dad, thats for sure, and a lot of my friend's husbands. In an ideal world, he'd do all the cooking/cleaning, not moan about the house being less than spotless, not work 80 hours a week, and not be AS lazy as he is.

But this isn't an ideal world, and truth be told, I knew what he'd be like before I had Baby S. I think the same can be said for a lot of us.

[snowboarder]

I think, also, BB that there is prossibly a hint of irony and touch of dramatic embellishment occasionally on some of these posts...warning do not take this forum TOO seriously. I'm not even touching this thread...for too many reasons!!

[littleEDfamily]

I am so sick of being woken up to be told baby wants feeding that last night I put screaming 6 month old in the bed with him and hot footed off to spend the night with nearly 4 year old. Not sure what he did with her, but baby was asleep around 4am when I got chucked out of big girl's bed

You gotta take a stand with these men. They need to learn.

[Ruth_Baldock]

LEDF: My son doesn't even eat at night anymore! Hasn't had any boob in the early hours since...8 months? So NO IDEA what Husband was doing, if Baby S stirs, it's normally a case of replace dummy, say shhhh night night, replace blanket and he's out like a light. Apparantly my (hard working, allright allright- he did 7am-9pm yesterday. Then cycled home in the snow) wasn;t able to get out of bed. Grumble grumble.

[peckhamboy]

Honestly, you lot don't know you're born. I can't believe you expect your husbands to go out to work every day earning the cash for your grande lattes and babycinos and then come home and do the cleaning, cooking, looking after the baby etc. Surely the least you can do after spending a lovely day frequenting coffee shops and buying tat from Oliver Bonas is make him a decent dinner, mop his tired brow and ensure he gets a proper night's sleep without disturbances from the children.

[Ruth_Baldock]

peckhamboy, I certainly hope that was tongue in cheek...

[snowboarder]

Babychinos are FREE, actually. Huffs.

[peckhamboy]

Sorry snowboarder, I've unfairly maligned you all - please read my last post as if the words "and babycinos" were deleted...

[helena handbasket]

BB, are you kidding me?

"We're grown ups living in a grown up world". Wow, I had never thought of trying to sit hubby down like an adult and explain the issue to him. Thanks for that advice. I'll bet all the weary moms on here will be really relieved to learn that the solution is that simple.

Unless......... your husband really is that out to lunch and no amount of negotiation changes things. You know, there really are people out there who have two choices: like it or lump it. Or leave I guess, not my choice but I certainly understand why someone might have that day where they just realize that nothing will change and they can't live like that. Being taken for granted is a real romance killer.

Pretty easy to judge if it's not a problem for you.

[helena handbasket]

RB you are so funny!

[GinaG3]

Ruth, snap snap snap on all your posts. I'm training my man into the 21st century after growing up in a house where the women does everything. To be fair though his mother likes to have everything just so, like me really! I like things on slant (ie. candles on slant, photo frame on slant) OH comes behind me and straightens everything, that tells you something! Although he is handy with hoover.. Thankfully, I hate hoovering, with a toddler especially (who plays chicken with it)!!

[snss75]

I love this thread, lol! Proud to announce that have today managed a full day in bed ;-) Unfortunately have been feeling so ill that couldn't really do anything else... Luckily I happended to get sick on a weekday and have had my lovely au pair looking after the 5 year old and hence actually managed some sleep. So, no thanks to the husband really but he's has taken over the bath duty tonight so maybe there is hope :)) or could just be his early Christmas present to me? Anyway, I'll take it whichever way I can!

[Smiler]

Sniwboarder, I suspect that there is very little dramatic embelishment going on, that's the sad thing.

Peckham boy -pah!

Berryberry, agree in some ways, but d' you need to be so smug and disparaging? Yes, it's up to us to be assertive / communicate with our partners rather than moaning / being martyrs. But this thread is for venting.

[berryberry]

helena handbasket Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> BB, are you kidding me?

>

> "We're grown ups living in a grown up world".

> Wow, I had never thought of trying to sit hubby

> down like an adult and explain the issue to him.

> Thanks for that advice. I'll bet all the weary

> moms on here will be really relieved to learn that

> the solution is that simple.

>

> Unless......... your husband really is that out to

> lunch and no amount of negotiation changes things.

> You know, there really are people out there who

> have two choices: like it or lump it. Or leave I

> guess, not my choice but I certainly understand

> why someone might have that day where they just

> realize that nothing will change and they can't

> live like that. Being taken for granted is a real

> romance killer.

>

> Pretty easy to judge if it's not a problem for

> you.

Maybe it is not a problem for me because I would rather sort out any problems I have with my partner rather than moaning about him behind his back to a bunch of strangers.

I appreciate that some people find having a moan cathartic.

Also Mrs handbasket - it is bad form to quote people and then change what they actually said in the first place. There are Mums across the world have it so much harder than anyone here, I don't take the follies of "weary moms" too seriously.

[The Nappy Lady]

How sad that this thread can't be taken in the way I am sure it was intended - as a bit of a giggle.

I think most of us said at some point that our partners are generally great....and don't most healthy relationships have their 'moments'?

My hubby works very hard 5 days a week to support us, I consider it my role to 'run the home' in the main, work part time to fit around our childrens needs & do most of the cooking etc.....maybe I shouldn't just 'keep going' when I am ill, but I feel that is sort of part of what I should do too.

Sharing the humour of the moment wasn't a big deal, and frankly I don't think anyone else has the right to judge what people choose to share, whether it be with a 'bunch of strangers' or actually people who have met up on several occasions.

Nothing in my post that wasn't expressed directly to my other half anyway!