Parenting and self esteem; thoughts?

[Gussy]

Keef don't be a hob-nob ;-)

I'm up for badge or ribbon. Agree, not really into some large gleaming 'look at me I've only got internet friends number', but a small badge with a logo or it or something...I also like the ribbon idea....or we could put something on our prams if we didn't want it on us? :)

[Vickster]

This is such a great idea, would be happy to get involved and help out in any way.

[Ruth_Baldock]

Like gussy's idea! And Keef, we only have top quality biccies at bumps and babes (Jammu dodgers I'll have you know!) badge or no badge x

[Keef]

Just for the record, I was only having a joke.

PS. Jaffa Cakes, it has to be jaffa cakes! (especially the ones Lidls sell, they are awesome!

[The Nappy Lady]

My thoughts on this;

If the badge/ribbon or whatever is on a buggy, but you are inside at a playgroup without buggy then that doesn't really work.

I love the ribbon idea, but I think it would have to be something unique - if it were the breast cancer badge I wouldn't go up to another girl and say 'Hello, are you wearing that because of the ED Forum Mum's thread', but if I saw someone wearing something that was subtle, but distinctive enough to be pretty sure it was 'our sign' I would definitely approach them.

So, not sure where that leaves us?

I'm thinking either we buy a roll or distinctive ribbon (blue/red/purple with white dots or whatever) and a pack of little gold safety pins and make our own, OR we go for a badge that is distinctive but unique. I would wear one that said "I like biscuits" or "Do you like biscuits?" as I think all this says is that I've read the thread and am happy to be approached, not that I am a sad loser (???!!!), but equally it could just be a badge with a cartoon baby on it, or a smiley face, or anything....a secret sign....the letters FEDM (Friendly East Dulwich Mum)....oooh, getting flashbacks to my days of wishing I was in the Secret Seven now.

LOL. :))

[The Nappy Lady]

....oh and one that says FEDD just for Keef and Iain Easy of course......

[dullified]

Hmmm I see one flaw in this plan? what about the low self-esteem mums who don't use this forum and know nothing about the secret badge/ribbon/code word. How are they are going to feel when they finally dredge up the courage to attend a local play group? Who will speak to them? I'm a bit worried this discussion has come full circle from something positive admitting how nerve wracking it is attending baby groups with their little cliques to hey why don't we create our own super clique! Maybe just try and say hello to anyone who appears on their own.

Edited to say was skim reading the post and just realised Keef made similar point more succintly If someone has no badge, will they be ignored, and forced to eat the sainsbury's basics digestives?

[sillywoman]

I don't think anyone's suggesting ignoring anyone who isn't wearing a badge, that way madness lies. Rather that if you see someone wearing a badge you know they will be happy to be approached for a chat. I don't really see it's full circle and it's certainly not cliquey - just trying to make it easier for Mums to find a friend in the scary world of 'other Mums'. SUrely better than doing nothing in case some non-specific future person might feel left out?

[Mellors]

I might get a badge, then wear it upside down on the days I am too tired to chat as a sign which says "keep away, may attack and pelt you with biscuits at any moment!".

[The Nappy Lady]

Snigger....Mellors, that's hilarious....yes, I have days like that too, though usually feel better post 10am & a strong coffee >:D<

Edited to add, maybe we need some other badges that say "I'm a Mummy on the edge"?

[Keef]

Just a suggestion here, so don't bite my head off.

This thread shows that basically everyone feels the same, so why not forget badges, and just try talking to anyone, as they will probably end up being grateful.

You could have an "opt out" badge if you're a miserable person.

[Ruth_Baldock]

I see your point keef (and agree that lidl Jaffa cakes ar yum!) but I think the idea behind th badges isfor those who litrally don't have the confidence to even smile at another mum- I even have diffiulty with making eye contact sometimes...

[Keef]

Fair point, I shouldn't be so blase about it, as I'm crap at talking to strangers!

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Oh tush, Keef. You saved my life once at a do! You are brilliantly empathetic and very encouraging.

[Jo]

Judging by the number of views this thread has had I'm not the only one who has read it, nodded in agreement, and then felt far too self conscious to actually post a reply.

The alternative to a badge is to carry around an open packet of biscuits at all times. The slight flaw being that I'd be far too nervous and end up scoffing the lot before we get to the swings...failing that my vote goes to 'I like biscuits', which currently doubles as a lifestyle statement.

I'm glad you started the thread Ruth, even if I'm still far too shy to go to a meet up or anything, but I'll be much more confident about just saying hello, or even smiling at other mums when I'm out.

[pebbles]

So.....where do we go from here. We can talk around in circles but we need someone "strong" to make the decision - bagsy not me :)

ps - to any cricket fans out there - come on England

[Belle]

Hah Pebbles - I'm expecting to have a very tired husband for the next few weeks. Wish I'd timed it so the Ashes were on when my little one was a newborn, might have been a good way persuading him to get up in the night...

[pebbles]

I know i thought i might go to bed early and then set the alarm but somehow i'm still up so think i'm going to crack on til i can cope no longer - whether that be cos i'm too tired or cos we're playing too badly i'm not sure :)

[Saffron]

pebbles Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> hysterical, i have just chuckled out loud and gone

> quite red (hubby looked very baffled) at the

> thought of all of us walking around ed wearing

> badges. love it, want to do it, but still feeling

> a little red about it - if that makes sense!!

>

> ok, maybe a bit more expensive but how's about a

> crocheted flower brooch??? - however seeing as i

> live in tracky bums and fleeces i think a badge

> would actually suit me a lot better??

>

> or what about a badge but something smaller than

> that??

>

> i'll do a bit of searching now

Little sterling silver charm pins??? ...could ask Lisa Moss (the silver smith on Nx Rd) to design something classy and wearable?

(Alternatively, I'm up for wearing a badge on my track suit. xx)

[Pickle]

I'm off to NZ today, otherwise I would have been happy to arrange this. If nothing's been done by the time I get back (5th Jan) I'll put my hand up.

P x

[busymum]

Hi I love this thread, definitely a laugh out loud. I'm a working Mum but have felt less confident since having children, but more happy (and knackered) than at any other time in my life. I find my job gives me confidence but also makes me question myself/ my ability, I often feel like a fraudster at work eg someone might actually find out I don't know what I'm taking about half the time! Comparing myself unfavorably against my male counterparts. As I'm only at home with my kids 1 day a week I have managed to avoid those feelings of loneliness at toddler groups and down the park, most of the time, as in my 1 day I have to cram in seeing everyone I know plus whiz round Sainsbury's, but I can recall feeling lonely whilst on maternity leave and investing a lot of time in attending tea groups etc and building up Mum friend contacts, only to find that so many of my lovely mum friends are moving out to the country (don't go) I am always up for chatting and making new friends, you all sound so great and very funny, I'd love a Mums nite out (we could call it our office Christmas do!)

[helibell]

I vote for orange ribbon (easy to get & not used by any of the better known campaigns?) attached to self or buggy somehow.

[Ruth_Baldock]

I'd love to organise this all, but I am currently:

-Working two jobs, one of which is lecturing so requires planning and marking and looking like I know what I'm on about.

-Battling with a very picky eater

-Trying to organise a one-year-old's birthday party

-Trying to organise Xmas in our households

-Co-ordinating Bumps+Babes

-Dealing with what I and DH suspect is either a stomach bug or morning sickness.

Fingers, pies...etc.

However, would love to get Bumps+Babes involved in this, and I could e-mail Abigail Paskin from the NCT to enquire about getting other groups in and around SE22 etc involved if that helps.

[sillywoman]

I'm happy to order say 50 or 100 cheap badges to start with, just to get the ball rolling. We can continue the debate on the merits of badges & ribbons and change to ribbons if that's the way it falls. I can get them in orange if that works or just get a bag of mixed colours.

What do you/we want on them; "Do you like biscuits". "I like biscuits", or something else entirely?

Once I've got them if you just PM me I can drop/post it to you or arrange collection, or maybe have some available at places like bumps&babes if the hosts are willing?

Does this sound like a plan?

[Ruth_Baldock]

Good plan, SW. 'I like biscuits' sounds like the best idea, because then even if you're not aware of this thread, it can be a conversation starter too.

Really fancy some biccies now, though...