Recommendation for sleep advice

[mumof3girlies]

So we are at the end of our tether - our youngest, who is 22 months old still wakes up most nights and has done since her birth- I can count on one hand how many times she's slept through in her life...and to complicate matters as soon as she could stand up in her cot (about 8 months) she bangs her head hard on the sides of her cot, so of course we have always gone to her and got her out.

We have tried padding up the sides of the cot with endless layers of cot bumpers, blankets etc. but she still manages a good thump regardless, it also seems she does the head banging as a form of self soothing as often she starts head banging before she starts crying!

After just wishing and hoping she will just suddenly start sleeping, we now realise it is a really terrible sleep disorder and having a impact on all our lives, so we have decided to get professional help - private or NHS and wondered if anybody else has had a good and effective sleep disorder help. Please be kind - 22 months of sleep deprivation renders you very sensitive to any criticism or 'unhelpful' advice.

Thank you

[nunheadmum]

I would recommend Night Nannies www.night-nannies.com. After 2 years of trouble with no 1, we used them with no 2 when she was young to try and stop us developing all the same issues. The nanny we used Maya, was French and had studied childcare at degree level (as apparently you need to do in France) so had covered things like child psychology - may be helpful for dealing with an older child. (While dealing with our younger one, she gave us lots of pointers on our 2 year old too.) She really did help us and gave us a lot more confidence to deal with problems ourselves afterwards.

Not cheap but sooooo worth it once you get a decent night's sleep and feel part way normal again! Sleep deprivation is horrible.

PM me if you want any more details.

[melbourne groover]

Good grief I could have written your post mumof3 our youngest also is a non sleep througher and at 22 months I am with you at the end of that tether.

We have had some success recently with:

My husband being the one to get up (this is good on two levels!)

Cutting afternoon nap to no more than 1 hour - think this has been the most instrumental in acheiving the extra sleep

Only shushing and giving his cuddly toy back if we do go in

Leaving to grizzle as long as possible - although he is pretty tenacious and will go on for hours if need be and after nearly two years of hardly any full nights sleep I am weaker willed than I would like....

Good luck and let me know if you hit on any magic remedy!

Amy

[canadianlisa]

We used an agency called sleeping babies who recommended a very experienced nanny. She came to the house and met with me and helped us develop a plan and then provided a lot of follow up support via phone and email. This was 6 months ago and I have gone back to her on a few occasions with questions and she has always responded quickly and sensitively. It isn't cheap but was worth it and made a huge difference to my daughter's sleep and my confidence in dealing with the problem. PM me if you want her details. She was very kind and down to earth and I did not feel judged at all. It is the best money we could have spent as the sleep deprivation was really getting us all down.

I am not sure there is an NHS service for these type of problems unfortunately.

Good luck.

[alieh]

I have heard of the this paediatric sleep clinic, but I don't think they take referrals from GPs so you would have to see a paediatrician first and get them to refer you. But just in case it is helpful: http://www.guysandstthomas.nhs.uk/resources/patientinfo/childrens/sleepclinic.pdf

I have also heard good things about the Millpond Clinic (private): http://www.mill-pond.co.uk/

I really feel for you. My son is a similar age and still not a great sleeper, but we do get decent stretches where he sleeps through when he's well and not teething. Without these I would not have survived.

You might find that even just a couple of sessions with an expert can make a big difference because it's so hard to see the wood for the trees when you're in the middle of it.

[kristymac1]

Oh, how I feel your pain! My little one will be four in February and still struggles to sleep through - although since turning 3 it has been a much more regular occurence than before (I too could count on two hands the number of sleep-throughs she's done before then), we struggled with any kind of 'sleep-training', she used to vomit if left to cry for even short periods of time, and then we entered a sleep walking/talking phase.

I know of friends who have used cranial-osteopathy (sp?) for sleep issues with good results - I think there is someone who operates out of the Therapy Rooms above Health Matters on Lordship Lane. We didn't try it, probably should have, but think during the worst phases we were too tired to consider anything and during the better phases we didn't want to rock the boat!

It's so difficult, and I do really wish you well and hope you get some speedy results whichever route you take. x

[Layla's Mum]

Millpond have written a book which totally saved me. I followed it and got instant results. I'm sure you'll find it if you google it or amazon it. Good luck with getting a good night's sleep. I truly truly feel your pain. You are totally doing the right thing getting it sorted. The answers are out there for you, its just so hard to know what to do when you are in it and totally exhausted. All the best.

[Mae]

There is a local NHS sleep clinic for Southwark residents - at Walworth Clinic, Larcom St, SE17 on the first and third Thursday each month. The contact person is Lesley - 0203 049 8615 - its from 2 to 3.30 pm drop in.

Good luck

Mae

[BB100]

My son didn't sleep through the night until he was six so I can truly empathise. I tried many things which didn't work or worked only for a short time, and if I had had the opportunity to go to sleep and dream I would have dreamed for a night nursery far away from home.

I tried leaving him to cry but he would head bang on the cot because he learnt it got him instant attention. I tried not talking, keeping the light off, the warm bath & story, etc, etc but instead he just learnt to jump out the cot head first which led us to take the bars off, which meant he would just run into our room 50-100 times a night (yes I did keep count a few times). He woke up nearly every 20 minutes until he was three. Then when he was potty training he used it as an excuse to keep getting up to go to the toilet throughout the night. Unfortunately sleep-starved hubby told him to go in his nappy but this prolonged things as this led to him later wetting the bed.

Looking back I can see he was suffering from separation anxiety and he was forcing himself to wake up after minimal sleep. I disliked him sleeping with me as it was just too uncomfortable, however I wish now I had tried making up a bed on the floor for him next to my bed. It wouldn't have been ideal but at least I would have got more sleep.

All the suggestions above are worth a try when you're desparate but accepting that it may only better when she goes to school may help with the sanity. I'm sorry I can't give you any good news except that it does get better.

[LauraHW]

I know that 4 months is probably too soon to start getting concerned about poor sleep habits but the truth is that I value my sleep far too much! My 4 month old wakes frequently during the night - about 5 - 6 times between 7pm - 7am. He only wants feeding once and doesn't seem to be able to soothe himself back to sleep and will only drop back off it we put dummy back in and sit with him a while. Do you think this is just a phase or should we try to knock this on the head now by seeking some help? We've just returned from holiday and think this might have unsettled him too. Thanks for your help

[nunheadmum]

LauraHW - After suffering 2+ years with no1, we went to NIght Nannies at 4 months with no2 as we were in the same situation as yourself with 5+ wakes a night and were simply exhausted. It was the best thing we ever did. Within 3 nights she was sleeping through the night!!! I can't say it'd be the same with all kids - some may still need night feeds or have other reasons to wake but, in our case, it clearly was simply waking for comfort. (At 2+ she still wakes at night and comes to us if she thinks she can get a cuddle to help her nod back off!) But having a professional advise you really did help us realise what was real need and what was being manipulated by a 4 month old.

And after a few nights of decent sleep, I felt so much more able to function and actually enjoy my kids.

[LauraHW]

Thanks Nunheadmum. I've contacted the millipond clinic as I've heard good things about them and we've got a consultation next week. Happy to report on progress is anyone's interested!! Although now we've paid up LO will probably fox us by sleeping through (or is that just a distant dream.....)