Teaching kids sense of urgency

[edanna]

I'm aware that I may be asking the impossible here, but does anyone have any tips on how to get kids to realise that they really do need to get a move on especially in the mornings? Whatever I say they don't seem to feel any sense of urgency at all. This has become a massive issue, not helped by them getting up much later (only on weekdays though!) We lose so much time with refusing to get dressed, playing under the duvet, not coming downstairs, urgently needing to go back upstairs for some essential item etc. Please tell me how you have improved this if you have. They are 6 and 9.

Thank you!

[devsdev]

Things that have helped me and friends:

- wake up earlier and get ready as far as possible yourself. Wake the kids up earlier than you are doing now. This one sucks, but is essential!

- choose clothes the night before and lay them out so all the faffing is done. Similarly gather school essentials, coats, mittens, hats, shoes, scooters etc. in designated places the night before

- no TV/books/phones etc in the morning unless they are dressed, breakfasted, and ready to go already (we have no TV at all)

- brush teeth before coming down for breakfast - not ideal for teeth, but saves time

Still have stressful mornings, but it's getting better...I also have to remind myself to breathe and not lose my shit regularly... Good luck!

[bonaome]

Children that age don't understand time. It means nothing to them whatsoever. Replace attempts to rationalise with routine and clear instruction.

Get organised as above.

Fix a routine.

Proceed with routine. No variation except in the case of nuclear bombardment or planet threatening meteor strike.

Actually, variations only in case of planet threatening meteor strike.

Sat/Sun can have a slightly different - not vastly different - morning timetable. That becomes a weekly sort of rhythm.

No screens until ready to go. No exceptions.

Do not engage with any of the morning 'play' at all. Avoid mixed messages.

Children are very very poor at interpreting negatives (actually, adults aren't great either). Therefore all instructions should be positive. So it's 'Come down stairs for breakfast, please' and not 'Stop playing under the duvet'.

You can be an absolute barrel of laughs with nothing but tickles and cuddle and jokes at tea time. In the mornings however, it's Sgt Major Daddy/Mummy.

You can always try a sticker chart to support / augment the above and possibly introduce an element of competition.

Good luck.

[katgod]

"How to talk so kids can listen and listen so kids will talk" book has a great cartoon of what you say v what they hear. They hear blah blah blah. So the military approach - just the instruction, no faff, assists. The book is good.

Mine only improved when, in Year 5 they could walk to school by themselves. So it was option a) get up, have breakfast, leave early and go to school by yourself or B) carry on as usual, deal with nagging and walk with me and your siblings to school. Miraculous ability to get dressed and out of the door was the result.

No screen pre school is strict rule here too.

[edanna]

Thank you all for your thoughts and suggestions. I have included a bit of everyone's advice in our new morning routine, getting up earlier myself and then waking the kids up (which I have never liked doing), introducing a military routine with no faffing allowed, with a written timetable with set times by which clothes must be on, teeth brushed etc and using very clear instructions. So it's only day one but they were out the door by 7.50! Thanks everyone.

[redjam]

I'm in my forties and still have no sense of urgency in the morning - my kids are always nagging me about being late. (I operate on a 'just in time' principle - as long as they haven't actually shut the school gates, I figure the kids can run up the stairs and catch up with their class.) Can you come and write me a morning timetable, edanna?

[edanna]

Ha, redjam, I don't think you'd like it! My usual style of getting things done is 'just do it' so the military approach is completely alien to me. But it does seem to work for my kids - I'm thinking of getting a whistle like Captain Von Trapp!

[devsdev]

Some brilliant responses here. And fantastic news edanna! It's also amazing how much less stressful it is when you've not spent the morning yelling and running to get to school!

redjam - our school just went militant on us so any drop off after 9:01 goes straight to reception to sign in late. Has certainly made me get out the door earlier with my LO!

[Gooders79]

I have alarms set on my phone for 5 mins before we need to leave, I've always done this and so far it seems to work

[Lula]

Agree that this book is genius: How to talk so kids can listen and listen so kids will talk.

Something also that I read recently talked about kids' play being their 'work' so when we don't validate their 'work', ie say, 'Come on, stop playing with those toys', especially if they are in a make-believe world (as my daughter often is, role-playing in her kitchen as I am making breakfast) they can become difficult. My daughter also hates being rushed, has no sense of urgency and the more we push the more resistant she is. I regularly have to think of new ways to entice her to cooperate.

Things that (sometimes!) work:

a day chart for which day it is (great for younger children who have different childcare arrangements on different days, so that they know what's happening that day).

A race to get dressed, where my older son races my daughter (but he's now the age where he will slow down if she's behind to ensure they always draw!) Avoid at all costs if yours are competitive and you think this will cause fights.

Getting dressed before coming downstairs (although then you inevitably have to sponge breakfast cereal/milk off their school clothes).

[scareyt]

I've sort of handed over the issue to my son age 6. I set an alarm in my phone for teeth brushing time and for getting out of the door time. And told him that if we don't manage those steps when the phone says, he's the one who will get a late card, and I don't really care either way. It saves a few steps of nagging if it's the phone rather than me. We used the alarm for a couple of months and then ditched it when it got too annoying. We're now a long way from perfect but that has definitely helped him feel some of the sense of responsibility for getting out on time, rather than it all being on me. But I guess that approach would completely backfire with a child who genuinely doesn't care about being late for school!

[sanity girl]

The most effective for me is making sure the kids are dressed before we go downstairs for breakfast. Not always possible, but it makes everything else so much easier. Also timers/alarms for the final countdown to getting out of the door.

[Passiflora]

Had no trouble getting my children out the door for school and they were always keen/eager to get there to join in with their friends and join in with the school day. This was pre-internet/mobile day, so no alarms, playing under the duvet, but as a parent I knew it was my responsibility to get them there!

Getting up earlier than them and waking them up was a normal school day for me.

At 6 and 9 children are old enough to learn about getting up and getting ready for the day but they still need an adult to show them the way!