my 4 year old wants to know where babies come from - how much do I tell her?

[supergolden88]

I am due to have my second baby at the end of the month and naturally my nearly 4 1/2y daughter has been asking lots of questions... She really wants to know how babies get OUT of your belly (thankfully she has not asked how they get in there in the first place yet!). When she first asked me I flippantly said something like "they press the bellybutton and a door opens" which she accepted. But then I guess they talked about it at nursery because she told me "babies come out of your bottom!". I corrected her at the time using proper terminology but I guess that was either too advanced or did not stick because she is asking questions again. I was showing her pictures of how the baby develops in a pregnancy book but she really wanted to see the "baby coming out" photo!

How much do I tell her at this point and how detailed should I be? I don't want to get her worried...

[helenat1970]

I would say that you tell them as much as they are interested to hear, and always truthful. My daughter was about 3 1/2 when her brother was born and she asked how babies are made - to which I replied that babies need a mummy and a daddy to be made.... That seemed to be enough at the time. She also asked 'how will the baby come out' and again I gave a truthful, albeit non elaborate answer... I don't think she'll worry - but she'll pick up your emotional queues.

I would perhaps engage in some imaginary play - so that she starts getting the idea that one day there is a bump but the next you'll come home with a new baby - I think that will help without needing to give huge emphasis on the biology of it all!

xx

[Gubodge]

Answer her questions as simply, straighforwardly and truthfully as you can. The likelyhood is that, as with Helenat's daughter, that will satisfy her for now, or it may spark off another question, such as how did the baby get there, in which case answer that as well.

Far better to let it be a gradual learning process when she is too young to feel squeamish or embarrassed about it than your having to sit her down for 'The Chat' when she's older and more uncomfortable about it. And there's always extra kudos for the kid in the playground who actually knows how it works!

[chantelle]

my parents told me all the details at around the age of 4. It was great because I just "always knew" and never had any moments of shock. I'm sure it seemed a bit strange at the time but it is "a fact of life" after all!

[The Nappy Lady]

Yep - same here. Having 2nd baby when her big sister was just over 4 years old prompted a lot of questions! She wasn't here when C was born (sleepover across the road), but saw the pool go up, and the photographs - not graphic, just showing me in pool holding C, with cord still attached etc. She took it all in her stride (though didn't like the umbilical stump at all - was all keen to change nappies initially, then didn't want to do it 'til the cord had dropped off)!

This is a FANTASTIC book I can highly recommend;

http://www.ciao.co.uk/Mummy_Laid_an_Egg_Babette_Cole__5291997

You're welcome to borrow my copy if you like to see how you find it.

It explains it all in a funny, gentle way. I found little ones seem to take in just as much as they need to, and the rest kind of bypasses them until they are ready for it. I'm so with Chantelle on this - if you simply grow up 'knowing' it is never a big deal really.

Good luck!

[The Nappy Lady]

Just found the entire book on line as a slide show....check it out...sooo funny....especially the page "some ways that Mummies & Daddies fit together"....

http://www.authorstream.com/Presentation/kidsqueen-117992-mummy-laid-egg-book-teaching-education-ppt-powerpoint/

[melbourne groover]

I read something somewhere that the woman had said to her daughter where it comes out of (insert your particular word) and that it stretched for the baby and then went back to normal. I went with this explaination when the question arose and it seemed to be fine. I also said that it only happened when you were old enough to have babies - not something little girls had to worry about (in case of anxiety). Am now on the look out for a good explaination for how they get into your tummy so may have a look at the book Molly suggested...

[sanity girl]

My daughter also asked and I just told her that I had to push the baby out of my "fifi" (our name for it!) and she was quite happy with that. When she queried whether fifis were not a bit small for that I explained that they could stretch, and again she happily absorbed that information. She did recently ask how the baby actually got in to my tummy and I'm afraid I chickened out of that one and just said that mamma and papa magicked the baby in there, but perhaps I will investigate the book mentioned above if the question persists...

[The Nappy Lady]

sanity girl - we started out saying Mum & Dad had to have a 'big cuddle' and have taken it gently from there if that helps!

Two more books I've got that are good;

There's a House Inside my Mummy (more as a discussion point to get siblings into the mindset for having a new baby in the house)

Usborne Flip-Flaps Book - How are babies made? This is a more grown up book, but fine for a 5/6 year old. You could read it to a younger child and just pick out the bits you wanted to. It has lift up flaps with things like a picture of a Mum with a bump, and you lift the flap to see the bump much bigger...or baby in the womb at 6 weeks, lift the flap to see baby at 8 weeks etc. ISBN for that one is 978-0-7460-2502-4

Whilst on the subject - though this is a slightly different thing, this Babette Cole book is also great (though we still skip a couple of bits at the moment) - all about growing up, and what happens at puberty etc;

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hair-Funny-Places-Babette-Cole/dp/0099266261

Molly

[Fuschia]

I think once you have explained about the coming out, you can just say mummy and daddy have a special cuddle and daddy squirts a special seed from his willy to mummy's fifi (or whatever) and it swims inside where it finds a tiny egg and starts to grow into a tiny baby

and if that seems a bit much you can say the baby starts to grow in mummy's tummy from an egg from mummy and a seed from daddy... and go into the mechanics a bit more when asked, only

[malleymoo]

The Nappy Lady Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Just found the entire book on line as a slide

> show....check it out...sooo funny....especially

> the page "some ways that Mummies & Daddies fit

> together"....

>

> http://www.authorstream.com/Presentation/kidsqueen

> -117992-mummy-laid-egg-book-teaching-education-ppt

> -powerpoint/

I agree we loved this book. I clearly remeber having a laugh about how mummies and daddies fit together, although I remember my daughter demanding to know which one I liked best !I was slightly lost for words then.

[EmilyE]

We too have loved this book. My favourite game for a while was to get unsuspecting friends/relatives to read it and see what they did when it got to 'ways mummies and daddies fit together'...!

Though more generally I really believe in honest answers but only to the questions they ask. That way they are leading the discussion and don't get more info than they want/can deal with.

My not-quite 3 year old was very happy with 'and then mummy will get into the pool and the baby will come out' though that did lead to a bit of confusion when I got into the paddling pool with them, and the baby didn't come out.

[craigy]

my son asked me so i told him that i would push the baby out etc etc and he took it to mean that the baby would burst out of my tummy and that is what he told and still tells people... i picked him up from preschool one day and walked in on a conversation with the nursery nurse telling them all pretty much the same thing as there were lots of them with pregnant mums- i was quite happy with this..

he never asked how the baby got there but did spend most of my later pregnancy pretending he had a baby in his belly that moved too and would breath in and out to demonstrate....