Help - my 11m old has started trantruming ALREADY!

[pebbles]

She's a right little madam :)

Basically she's one of these babies that has either been an easy joy or really difficult - there's no in between. She's got a very strong character and definitely knows what she wants.

Anyway over the past few weeks if she doesn't get what she wants or if we take something away from her she has a full on tantrum - falls back on herself so she bangs her head on teh floor and screams and screams. I've tried all the obvious distraction techniques to no avail but i refuse to give in. So basically it's tantrum or bribing with food.

I have a 3 yr old son who has never tantrummed so i'm new to this.

I'm worried that it's here to stay til she's 3ish - agh. But basically need any advice as to how to lessen it and to know that there are other babies out there who tantrum even thought they're not terrible two's yet.

ps - she eats and sleeps well so it's not hunger or tiredness

[melbourne groover]

Ha, I so know what you are going through! My son did the lying on the floor beating with fists when he was around 12 months, however has not continued really, he will shout and object sometimes (often, maybe) but mostly gets on with it (is now 20 months).

I too, never had this trouble with my first but do think maybe the lack of time I have to do things at his speed makes it worse, so really, he just has to get on with it and it seems to be going ok... I do think my tolerance for shouty children has increased though :)

[canadianlisa]

I have no advice but can sympathise as I also have an angry little lady on my hands at the minute. She is also 11 months and has taken to screaming at the top of her lungs, arching her back and refusing to sit anytime I put her on the floor and do not sit with her. It is driving me mad- today we had a joint cry after what felt like a morning of constant screaming. This followed 4 hours of it last night between about 9 and 11 and then 3 and 5. And that followed an atrocious weekend. I think it is a combination of developmental phase and some hard core teething. She has never been a great sleeper but was sleeping through finally and this now seems to go out the window and naps have also gone haywire. I know it will pass in time but it is such hard work right now. To be totally honest at the moment more than anything I am looking forward to going back to work so someone else can deal with her for a while. God I sound like such a sh*t mum.

[pebbles]

Thanks guys, good to know i'm not the only one!!! CanadianLisa - I also feel i'm spending so much time sitting on the floor with her cos everytime i try and do something else i just get screamed at!!!

Oh the joys

[Indiana]

Ha ha...I too have an 11 month old who in the last few weeks has started to develop tantrums. She eats and sleeps well but just like you Pebbles, she arches her back, screams and kicks her legs if something's not going the right way. She is also quite physical - trying to grab my/my husband's eyes, grabbing other babies' hair etc.....am worried it will last a long time

I have noticed that I can distract her from her little 'rages' with a toy or something different but overall she has definitely worked out that she is able to influence her environment.

I don;t have other children so have nothing to compare with!

[nikki73]

Also have an 11 month old drama princess. I've gone back to work and feel a lot better! Terrible thing to say I know but just cannot cope with the tantrums, head banging etc. I hope it passes and quick. In the meantime we are trying to keep to our resolve to be firm but they are times I just give up (and cry).

[Ruth_Baldock]

My 9 month old son does this, screaming bloody murder at any 'annoyance'. My husband said to me 'would you put up with someone screaming and shouting at you in any other circumstance?'. I said No, obviously. I just ignore his tantrums now, and usually plop him out of harms way and let him calm down. Usually works. To get back at me, he bites me when I'm breastfeeding him. Hmm, you win this round Baby Baldock...

[linzkg]

yay! (sorry) I'm not the only one with a temper tantrum little one that hasn't yet even hit the terrible 2s.

My hubby places him as gently as possible onto the floor so he can kick and scream and stands back almost ignoring him and doesn't react but quietly and calmly says 'are you finished' and repeats himself and our son actually responds and stops almost immediately and gets rewarded by having a cuddle - where as I panic and try whatever to stop him generally only making matters worse so he plays on the attention. Just a thought ..

[pebbles]

Hi linzkg - my hubby does exactly the same, i don't see how he can stay so calm but it does work. I think they can see their mums "weaknesses". I'm sitting here with a very large glass of wine praying tomorrow will be an easier day.

Am relieved that it's not only my daughter that strangers will be thinking "oh my, what bad parents she must have!!!!"

[Moos]

I know this isn't going to encourage the people hoping to escape the terrible twos, but has anyone else found 3+ much worse? I think we got off quite lightly aged 2, and now suddently everything's a drama that provokes a crying fit. Weird.

Or maybe the Moosling's just really slow... :)

[candj]

Yes Moos in our home our second child bypassed the terrible twos and went straight to the F*&@ING threes!

[pebbles]

oh sugar - so when i say my no1 didn't go through terrible twos - he's just turned 3 so perhaps that's what i've got to look forward to.

[melbourne groover]

I think the three's seem grim sometimes because all of a sudden you have to justify everything, nothing is simple. I think I may go for a new career as UN negotiator on the back of the experience gained in the year between 3 and 4. (although to my shame, am now quite shouty so probably not a good candidate)

[candj]

Also being the second girl my youngest had a dominating big sister to live with all her life (whilst dd1 had a blissful life for the most part). Youngest was lovely and cuddly with mummy and daddy and sweet with everyone and we thought we got away with the terrible twos until she turned three and it's like living with a terrorist sometimes - being manipulative, tittle tattling on her big sister, trying to get a rise out of big sister, always screaming for things to be her way (her vocabulary is much more advanced when dd1 was her age) and in a way that surprises me.

It won't necessarily happen to everyone, it's just the dynamic for us with three strong female personalities in the home. Poor daddy, hope next baby is a boy!

Sorry for the slight tangent and thread hijack Pebbles!

[Moos]

I'm not sure what it is. The constant 'Why's are a bit trying, but basically the sign of a little person becoming more aware of what's around and wanting to understand - fair enough. Maybe it's to do with the strengthening of personality and a stronger sense of entitlement, combined with a greater understanding which sometimes leads to more insecurity and fears.

Maybe I'm expecting too much, but Gaaawd the nagging that the simplest task requires, whether going to the lavatory or co-operating with tooth-brushing, or putting pyjamas on, or going upstairs. It's so tiring.

Still, I hear that 4 is a huge improvement, as they become more able to reason? (she said, hopefully)

[Pickle]

Oh yes, the 3+ stage, we're in the midst of that with our son (who wasn't too bad through the 2 stage).

He has days where he's lovely (today has been a good one, helped by a morning at creche and an afternoon at a friend's house), and days where he is honestly unbearable. I find everything is so emotional with him, completely random mood swings which are difficult to understand. Common phrases in our house are:

I don't WANT *stamps foot* to do that

Right, I'm not going to be your friend EVER AGAIN Mummy

Oh, it's not FAIR *once again a foot stamp is usually put in for emphasis*

Thankfully he can also have equally sweet moments, and frequently tells me he loves me (bizarrely always when I'm wiping his bottom - I guess it's nice to be appreciated during those glamourous moments of motherhood?!)

[Fuschia]

Moos Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

>

> Still, I hear that 4 is a huge improvement, as

> they become more able to reason? (she said,

> hopefully)

I'm afraid 4 is worse. But luckily full time schooling intervenes!

[The Nappy Lady]

I went through a phase with my then 5 year old where EVERY day when I picked her up from school we'd have tantrums, sulking or shouting, or sitting down on the pavement refusing to move etc. (where I'd keep going and leave her behind if safe to do so!). All this of course in front of all the other parents/friends who were also collecting their children. I'd get to school all pleased to see her and 10 minutes or so later I'd be at home feeling fed up, demoralised, upset with her, and as if I was a bad Mummy. It was awful. It was often because she had 'arranged' after school playdates with friends etc. with no consultation with me that couldn't go ahead of course.

It got better slowly, but then we had a couple of incidents this year when they started back. I had to sit down with her and really talk through how horrible it was, how it made me feel etc. I also said that if it continued all after school play dates would stop for good, and also that all play dates had to be by prior arrangement, not on the spur of the moment. This really has done the trick (phew). I haven't had a single issue since then, and she's clearly making an effort - running to hug me when I pick her up etc.

That's the GOOD thing about this age, at least you can reason with them and explain things more, but we still have some major emotional highs and lows.

Meanwhile, her little sister, 2 this Sunday (yay) is taking it all in and learning fast :-S

[helenat1970]

I would recommend baby signing! she sounds like a girl who's frustrated and can do with being able to communicate? It worked for a friend of mine whose boy went into meltdown with everything.... I think you have a little clever one on your hands - just not able to talk yet!

[pebbles]

Helenat1970 - Would she pick up baby signing quick enough ie before she started talking? I did baby signing with no1 but gave up i think before he reached 1 so never really caught on? Can you recommend any classes? - really can only do Tues or Thurs cos otherwise no1 would have to come along which i think wouldn't work?

Thanks

[helenat1970]

my friend's son picked it up in weeks (biscuit, motorbike, more, milk, please and thank you) and at my daughter's nursery baby signing was in daily use for non speaking babies, so I think she should be able to - not sure where the classes are - will ask and find out and come back to you!

[bumpy]

Here's the Sing & Sign classes, a lot are full already and from memory they won't let you join the class after the first 3 weeks. http://www.singandsign.co.uk/franchisee_details.php?i=22,Southwark_&_Lambeth

helenat1970 - how old was your friends son when he started?

[Fuschia]

Get the sing and sign dvd it's very good, all of mine have lovd dit

[pebbles]

fab, thanks everyone, i'll try and find a class and if not will deffers get the dvd - cross fingers

[Ole]

Oh good, I'm not the only one, I thought my son who is 10.5 months was a bit of an anomaly but glad to find he is just normal! He has tantrums too, he refuses to sleep some naps, he screams, kicks and tries to escape when I change him, trying to dress/undress him leaves me sweating and exhausted from the battle, if I pick him up he cries and wriggles out of my arms, if I sit him down to play he cries, he throws toys and things in a fit of rage, he picks up food and throws it on the floor while looking at me, he pulls my hair and slaps me around the face if I pick him up when he wants to play, he bats food away when I offer it to him, he arches his back and refuses to sit in buggy (or car seat), he follows me around the house crying for my attention but when I then try to read to him or play with him he screams until I let him go, somedays it feels like all I have heard is crying and whining!