ED Barber - homophobia? racism? and a bad haircut

[Jim1234]

Hi,

I want to warn others about this place.

I went to get my hair cut at Mem's (near Dulwich Library) this morning. The guy who cut my hair at first didn't say much, but then started chatting to his colleague in Turkish. I didn't understand they were saying. Afterward he laughed and told me and his other colleague, 'I just asked him if he spoke Turkish, he said he did but then I asked him if he likes it up the batty and he said he does'. I was offended by this and consider it homophobic. I also felt intimidated.

A few minutes later he started talking about how he got some pills which made him 'at least an inch larger'. I found this intimidating, awkward and embarrassing, as well as crude but, you know, I'll live. However he then made the comment that these particular pills we're, 'much better than what you get from Pakis on the street.' At this point, hugely offended, I didn't say anything because he was almost finished and I felt so intimidated.

I went to pay and after I'd got my coat I said to all the staff, 'By the way guys, next time you make insulting remarks about gay people and Pakistanis you may want to check your customers aren't either of those things. I won't be coming back here again.' note that I am neither gay nor Pakistani, so I'm not really sure why I challenged them that way, but I didn't want to leave without saying anything.

To boot, my hair cut isn't very good either.

I wanted to warn everyone on here about this in case they are considering going. I also hope this will lose them some business. I would also welcome anyone's advice as to whether I can go to the police about this, considering I wasn't actually a 'victim'.

Jim

[DulwichFox]

I will have to pop in for a chat.. I speak enough Turkish to make him feel very stupid.

I have done so in Turkey when insults have been aimed in my direction and I have made some comments which

lets them know that I speak some Turkish..

I would of said. 'şaka yapıyor musun / musunuz?.. It means Lit.' Are you making a joke ?'

Musun is casual.. Musunuz is more serious. Like 'Are you taking the piss'

It is not offensive but shuts them up.

I can do offensive..

[Charl70]

Good man Jim , there's no where in society for all this,give you big respect for giving them some back we live in an equal society where we are all equal

[edcam]

Well done Jim. Clearly a place to be avoided, thanks very much for the warning.

[steveo]

Sounds hilarious

[steveo]

Be careful Fox, those men are carrying SCISSORS

[DulwichFox]

I was looking for a new barber having had a couple of duff haircuts recently...

Think I may give this one a miss..

Foxy

[P.O.U.S.theWonderCat]

Good on you Jim - and Foxy too.

[the_gamechanger]

Did he say where he got the pills from?

[Guest]

DulwichFox Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I will have to pop in for a chat.. I speak enough

> Turkish to make him feel very stupid.

>

> I have done so in Turkey when insults have been

> aimed in my direction and I have made some

> comments which

> lets them know that I speak some Turkish..

>

> I would of said. 'şaka yapıyor musun /

> musunuz?.. It means Lit.' Are you making a joke ?'

>

> Musun is casual.. Musunuz is more serious. Like

> 'Are you taking the piss'

>

> It is not offensive but shuts them up.

>

> I can do offensive..

Really?

[Jim1234]

Hi all,

Thank you for the messages of support. I was rather upset after this incident and I found comfort in some of the responses on here.

Don't know about the trolling though...

Can I request that if anyone has any advice as to whether I should involve the police I would appreciate your feedback

Can I also request that this is moved back to the main part of the forum (how do I do this?) This post is not a review of Mem's, it's a warning and a discussion on an incident that took place in ED. Mentioning the fact that the haircut was bad was an attempt to add a bit of lightheartedness to a bleak post.

[Administrator]

I've moved it back to the ED issues section however I have added ?'s to the title as you are questioning the validity of your statements i.e. if they were definitely racist and homophobic you would go to the police (I hope).

[Louisa]

There is no place for 'locker room banter' (as it has recently and famously been referred to), in this day and age. There's a massive difference between laughing with someone and laughing at someone. Racism, sexism, homophobia, personal remarks about weight, image and disability, why would you want to do that to someone? Why would you want to make someone feel beneath you in some way? I don't understand how someone can bully another person for something they can't change about themselves. It makes me sick to the stomach that someone could be so personal and horrible about someone else. Much like this social media shaming that's become popular. People taking sneaky photos of strangers and posting them on social media to demean that person for a 'joke'. Disgusting.

I don't know the specific details about this particular incident, but I can assure you it would be enough for me to recommend Mr Louisa and others not to use their services.

Louisa.

[uncleglen]

And don't forget these morons may have children that grow up in this kind of atmosphere.

[rendelharris]

uncleglen Wrote:

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> And don't forget these morons may have children

> that grow up in this kind of atmosphere.

And this week's Golden Shoehorn goes to Uncle...

[drewd]

I had my haircut at Mems once and also felt less comfortable there than at other barbers in ED. There was definitely a very blokey macho banter going on between the barbers. Most barbers are smart enough to read people and know what to say and not to say to customers or in front of customers. Those two in Mems - not so much.

[pork chop]

Ditto. I've had two haircuts in there. For the first the general atmosphere wasn't too bad, but the second had different staff and was pretty horrible, and very much as Jim describes. Best avoided.

[tomskip]

Thanks for the heads up, OP.

[DuncanW]

I went there a while back and the atmosphere was a bit odd, but I don't recall anything racist or homophobic being said. The haircut also wasn't that great and I haven't returned.

I don't think what you described is a police matter though, what law is it you think may have been broken?

[wonderwoman]

Is it worth telling the manager unless of course he is one of the men involved! I must say although we've not encountered any such horrid remarks but don't think they're that good either like you say. My son went there once and didnt like it at all. And I definitely would not take the kids there if this is whats happening. He much preferred going to old fashioned barbers down in Peckham and they give the kids lollies after!

[matthew1]

I have going regularly and the last few times felt less and less comfortable but thought I was being a bit sensitive. I have overhead some odd conversations too and whilst I'm always up for some banter this was just a little odd - don't think I'll be going back anymore.

Interesting to know it wasn't just me though.

[Jah Lush]

I stopped using Mems about eight or nine months sgo. I'd soon tired of their inane blokey banter and thought they were a couple of tosspots. Since then I've found a very nice chap at bottom of Melbourne Grove near the station who I now use regularly and highly recommend.

[adonirum]

P.O.U.S.theWonderCat Wrote:

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> Good on you Jim - and Foxy too.

Ditto....and if I had any hair to cut, then I would boycott it as well.

[tutorse22]

Kudos to Jim for saying something. It's not always easy to speak up in these situations, even when you v much want to.

I've been reading recently on another thread elsewhere about similar types of "micro aggressions", and one commentator I very much respect has suggested that these moments, uncomfortable as they may be, should be seen as opportunities to engage . We're entering difficult times here, and courage to engage with the "other" side is increasingly important?

[Willard]

I can recommend Jazz's barbers and Rocket on Rye lane. Nice bunch and good haircut.